Age Differences

[I_Love_Simming]

How do you feel about people in relationships/affairs with quite a large age difference? Like, say, 24 years difference? Do you feel its sick, wrong, perverted? Or do you think as long as your an adult and the guy itsn't going for a girl underage, that its ok and you carnt help who you fall for/have the hots for? Like those in the UK, If you watch eastenders, how did you feel of the whole stacey and max thing?

Share you opinions! :D

[Ghanima Atreides]

I myself being in a relationship with someone 17 years older than me, all I can say is: age is but numbers. If the two people involved get along and love eachother, that's all that matters.
Only if they're both of age, though. I do *not* agree with relationships between, say a 30 something year old and a 15 year old, because of 1) the difference in maturity. One's an adult, the other is barely more than a child. Even if the teen were willing the adult should know better and not begin such a relationship. and 2) a difference in authority and rights available in society; someone underage would not be equal to their partner.

[kimussims]

Age differences do not bother me in any way, but then I have a thing for older guys.

The whole underage thing is a more complicated matter though. I do believe guys have to be cautious when it comes to dating younger/underage girls as it is so easy for these girls to cry wolf when/if they realise they made a mistake. Personally relationships between an of age person and an underage person make me feel all icky.

I completely agree with Ghanima, if both parties in the relationship are of age, then why not?

[I_Love_Simming]

What about a 18 year old and say..a 42 yr old? As the 18 year old is an adult, would you say that that difference is ok?

[Ghanima Atreides]

Technically, yes. Although often ill advised. Even though they are both adults, they're going through completely different stages of their lives, which in many cases would put strain on the relationship, because the two would have little in common and their lifestyles would clash. But that's not to say that it isn't possible...it's really hard to generalize, as people are very different. There are very mature 18 year olds and 40 year olds still "young at heart".

[davious]

hmmm...there is nothing morally wrong, I suppose...however I would be concerned with how strong can a relationship with an age difference of 15+ years can be due to the differences in life experience. I am not saying its bad in every case, I can just see potential problems that might occur. How much would a 25 year old woman really have in common with a 50 year old man?

[Black_Barook!]

I find it stupid that when I was 16 I couldn't date someone 20 or 30 years old. Who the F made that rule?

[Delphy]

I thought the "unwritten rule" was something like Age / 2 + 7. 18 going out with a 42 year old... hrm, sure there are exceptions, but how often does that actually work?

[daltonism]

As long as someone is of age, I think they have the right to love/have a relationship with who they want, as long as the older person's motives and reasons are right.

[innoscenteyes]

I agrre what most people say. Age is numbers. As long as they are of age then is is ok. Its is just their states of minds being differnt. 18 years olds are more for partying and 42 year olds are more settled down. It would be hard for the relationship to last very long. I guess if they gave it a good go it would be a good learnign exspreanace but I dont really dont see it lasting.

[Jacki_SC]

From my own personal experience, I've never known relationships to last very long if the age different is more than 10 or 15 years. Several of my uni friends - myself included - have dated people in their mid to late thirties, and I'm tellin' ya its hard. More often than not the lifestyles clash, wants and needs change as you get older, and there are many more complications when dating an older person. The oldest partner I've ever dated was 36 years of age (I am almost 21 years old) and eventually he just grew tired of our relationship because he was wanting to settle down and start a family but my god, there's no way in h.ell I would even consider doing that now! I know it may work for some people but, sometimes two people can be living two very different lives, and this often happens the bigger the age gap. However, if two people can make it work, then more power to them I say.

But then, what about if the roles were reversed. What if a woman who was 30 wanted to date a 19 year old? Most people consider that to be wrong and down right freaky. But whats to say that it is wrong? Its all well and good if the man is older, but I dont really understand how people can see that as being 'OK' when if a female does it, she's a monster, a whore, a sleeze or hussy... or whatever.

[nekochanpurr_SC]

I'm fine with it, as long as the younger person is at least 18. They might not be full mature, but at that point, they are legally taking care of their own skin. Now, i had a friend who JUST turned 16 (he went to her b-day party) and he was like.. 23. THAT, i had a problem with.

[I_Love_Simming]

I dont know if this is true, but it seem to me that the UK is more prone to age differences then the US. I live in the UK and i see plenty of people around that look entirley different in age. I read in magazineS that a 16 yr old is with a 70 year old. Now thats wrong.

At 42, its likely they'll have kids, right? Maybe married, too. So what if the 18 and the 42 yr old werent having a relationship as such, but more of a.. fling? Obviously the him being married thing is wrong but, a man in his forties having a fling with a girl in her teens? Bound to end in disaster, or plain just wrong?

[Ghanima Atreides]

Having a "fling" while being married is wrong, period, no matter the fling's age.
Also, even though plenty of men in their 40s are married and have kids, there are many who don't (or women - why is it always the older man/younger woman scenario brought up? or more "accepted" heh). Obviously kids would make a relationship between a 30+ and someone in their late teens/early twenties even LESS likely to last...but well I have only myself as an example: I was 18 when I met my current boyfriend and he was 36. more than 3 years later we're still together, very much in love and happier than ever. Of course, it hasn't been easy, especially with one of us (me) leaving their former life behind and starting over in another country, and mostly everyone's predictions were against us, but we've proved them wrong. But I entirely agree this is not the norm; in most cases, I wouldn't advise it. If two such people were thinking about a relationship, they'd have to consider all the pros and cons very very carefully. If it's just one of those younger/older man or woman attraction flings, I'd not advise it, really...

[nostalgicpaty]

How much would a 25 year old woman really have in common with a 50 year old man?
music for instance. i am in love with 60's music and im only 16. also films i have seen many old films that i love. im not dating though, but i can see that 25 yr olds can have alot of stuff in common.

[WooHoo]

I'm kinda pessimistic when it comes to this... because even if you can get over the age difference and the differences that come with it, eventually the woman will be taking care of an old man when she's only in her forties. Not too many people stay happy at that point. (using older man/younger woman just because it's easier, it would work the same reversed.)

Myself, I'd not date anyone two years younger than I am. If a 19 year old approached me, I'd say something like, "You're too young little boy." But I wouldn't have as much of a problem with someone older. I could see myself with, say, a 26 year old... What can I say, I find the reduced car insurance rates appealing. :P

[babicatz05]

I think as long as one isn't old enough to be the other person's parent then it's perfectly fine. My husband is 15 years older than me. I couldn't help myself...he's so hot! Lol

[Cassadaga]

I don't think age matters at all when it comes to loving someone. Maybe there won't be as much in common, but when there's attraction there, who can say that it's wrong?

I also think that people older than 18 should be allowed to date people under 18. You suddently don't become a responsible, mature adult when you're 18. And a few years does not decide how mature they are or how capable they are to make decisions. It bothers me how a 21 year old could be considered a pedophile for dating someone who's 16.

[lockshockbarrel]

I think it's fine. People with large age differences are perfectly capable of falling in love. Charlie Chaplin didn't find true love until he was... 53, I believe, and Oona O'Neil was 18. But they stayed together until he died, which I think was about thirty years later, and a record for Chaplin. (He had three wives before her, I think :blink:)

[Oriana_SC]

I have no problem with an age difference as long as they are both adults. If they are get along well and are in love and son on, there is no problem with that. The moment a relationship involves someone under 18 then it's something to be worried about and something most people can frown upon. But like I've read in this thread if the teen is interested the adult should have the guts to back out. That's because it's basically illegal once sexual interactions becomes involved in the relationship.

[GummiBears]

As long as both people are legal and want to be in it, who are we to judge? Actually, who are we to care? If they are happy or whatever it isn't our place to intervene and tell them it is wrong or bad.
My parents have a twelve year age difference and that has never been a factor in any of their problems and they will be celebrating their anniversary this month. (I think the 24'th)

[FurryPanda]

I don't qute know what I think of the issue. Because this isn't a large age difference, but what aobut if one is legal and one is not but there isnt a large difference? Like and involved 18 and 16 year old? That's considered statutory rape in the US, and I think thats stupid. Now if its a 38 year old and a sixteen year old, I'm against that, thats gross. But is 38 and 18 (which is legal) any better for the younger one being two years older? I don't know, but it doesn't sound that way.

[Black_Barook!]

Now if its a 38 year old and a sixteen year old, I'm against that, thats gross.

I would disagree with that. I don't find that gross. Frankly I'm attracted to older people, I tend to agree to such laws (Not that they matter in Kuwait) and openly flirt with older people.

[Burnziiy]

I agree with most people on this issue/argument. If both are the age of 18 or over, it should be allowed. However, if the age difference is about 40 or so years, some may wonder whether it would be appropriate. For instance, there could be a 25 year old and a 65 year old, my personal opinion would be that they should probably not have a relationship and in the future the problems in the relationship would continue to grow.

I was also thinking about relationships both under the age of 18. Lets say there is a 14 year old (although alot would think whether a 14 year old would have a serious relationship) and a 17 year old. What do you think? There lives are at quite different stages even though there is only a 3 year age gap. I think it would be okay, but the situation for both does matter.

With older women and younger men, I have no problem, still considering age difference (refering that it is under the extremes). I would like to think that it is becoming more accepted in todays society.

[WooHoo]

Actually (this may not be true in all states, but) people age 18 and 16 can legally have a relationship. They have certain exceptions for things like that, all of which I don't remember. But where I'm from, I think 16 is allowed to go 2 years older and 17 can go 60 months older under specific circumstances. I don't remember it all so well anymore... I'm 21 now, so my days of needing to know how much older I could date are over :P I tried to look it all up so I could back this up with stuff from the internet, but the sites I was finding sounded like they were made by pedophiles. :blink:

[nikki_colie]

My dad was ina relationship recently with a girl who is 21 years his jr. and at first I found it a bit weird, I got used to it and it seemed fine to me. The only problem is when you contemplate bringing younger people in as parentel figures (like my dad was) i don't think the kids have respect for them as a parentel figure. She was more like a friend (seeing as she was 7 years my senior)
I think thats it's okay as long as it's not just a trophy type relationship. I don't think thats right.

[georgiababe]

Sometimes I find it a little skeevy, I will admit, but honestly, love is love.

I think the numbers matter less than maturity level. Two people need to be in the same frame of mind to be compatible: have the same goals, as far as family and marriage go anyway, and be able to respect each other's career goals. If the maturity levels are vastly different, those goals just aren't going to coincide, which will likely not result in a long-lasting relationship. If a 24 year old and a 45 year old want to be together, I have no problems - it's just that they might.

I do, however, have a problem with relationships involving someone who's underage. Not a relationship between a 19 and a 17 year old, but rather one between someone who is 17 and someone who is 34. That makes me wonder - why isn't he (or she) with a woman (or man) his (her) own age? In more cases than not, that spells trouble.

[PandaGuin]

I was in a relationship with an older guy up until about 6 months ago. We started dating when I was just about to turn 21, (he was 32). Now I'm 22 and he's 33, we ended because I'm ready to settle down and he's not, but I wouldn't call what we had a fling, it was very much a relationship and there was a lot of love there.

When I was still in high school, this girl I knew (she was 17) was living with her 40 year old boyfriend. As fas as we were taught at school that's illegal, but because she was over 16, there's wasn't much anyone could do. She's now carrying the 2nd or 3rd of his kids.

Sadly this kind of relationship is popular among the residents in Indigenous communities in the state that I'm in, and more often than not, it's 12-13 year old girls being "married" off to much older uncles (late 30s +). That's considered by their cultures to be acceptable and a way to keep the blood "pure".

[I_Love_Simming]

Its sort of like in your sims game, do you have InTeen so that the teenagers can have relationships with Adults? If so, thats because you want it to be realisitc. Which mean teenage and adult relationships are considered..normal? All in all, i think the main 'unwritten rule' is that as long as the girl/boy isnt like under 16, it can be counted as OK. Look at Hollyoaks (for those who watch it) The becka and justin thing, was considered wrong becuase he was 16 and she was like 30 odd. I watch too much TV.

[leenetje]

there is nothing wrong with people being in love no mather what the age difference might be, it is true that they don't work out as much but they can be true also, i read bout a girl of 16 that lives here in belgiuma nd she strated something with a 60 year old, there's nothing with that. they are in love and he doesn't forcee her into sex or stuff. so azs long as both people mean the relationship it is okay.
leenetje
-xxx-

[crocobaura]

I think a 10 years age difference between the partners is acceptable. Personally I wouldn't date someone 10 years older than me, but anyway. 16 and 20 something is quite normal where I live but I don't think there's actual love between a 16 and a 60 year old. Other interests, certain admiration, or emotional support is what keeps them toghether. In the long run, the younger person will find herself or himself in an awkward position.

[Doddibot]

It bothers me how a 21 year old could be considered a pedophile for dating someone who's 16.
Legally, perhaps, but I don't think that any psychiatrist would consider that valid. A 16 year old isn't really a child. Paedophilia is a disorder, and I don't think there is anything unusual about being attracted to a 16 year old. Even a 14 year old. 12 is pushing it though.

At 'worst', the 21 year could be considered an ephebophile. (That's a person who is preferentially attracted to adolescents, rather than people their own age)

[gazania]

My parents had an age difference of 19 years. My Mom married when she was 21. When I was born, my father was 48.

I sometimes saw problems with such a huge age difference. People of different ages can sometimes approach life's situations differently. I cite the 7-year rule ... if one doesn't think one really changes over the years, imagine yourself seven years ago (or so ... this isn't an exact science!) Are you the same person? Did you see the world the same way? Where were you at that point of your life? Maturity is part of what makes us ... well ... us. And sometimes, either the younger or the older partner may not notice that.

When you are the child of a much older parent, you pretty much realize the difference right off the bat. Daddy or Mommy seems grayer than the other parents. He or she ACTS more maturely. He or she may not be quite as playful as other parents are. (Though many older parents are actually FRISKIER than they were when they were a decade younger ... I'm actually an example of that!) You might worry about his or her death earlier than your friends may worry about their parent. It's a bit hard to explain to those whose parents were closer in age; let's say, a few years apart.

But my parents DID stay married, and loved each other very much. (My father died in 1994.) I loved my father very, very much, and still love my Mom a whole lot. That doesn't change. An age difference does not equal unhappiness or a lack of love or care.

[Black_Barook!]

At 'worst', the 21 year could be considered an ephebophile. (That's a person who is preferentially attracted to adolescents, rather than people their own age)

What would it be called if it was the other way around? Teen in love with adult?

[Lollipop_Girl]

To me, as long as they are compatible and over the age of 18 then whatever. I may not want to go out with an 80 year old (I'm 18) but someone else my age might and if that is what they really want then who is to stop them?
The maturity thing may be a problem, but it may not be an issue for everyone. People differ. Some may get along alot better with someone ten years older than them than they do with their peers. I think if two people with a big age gap fail their relationship because they are both at different stages of their lives then, well, they learnt from that, it is just how it is. People in the same age brackets can break up too even for very similar reasons, just leave people alone to date who they want as long as it's legal.

[cappyboy]

Legally, perhaps, but I don't think that any psychiatrist would consider that valid. A 16 year old isn't really a child. Paedophilia is a disorder, and I don't think there is anything unusual about being attracted to a 16 year old. Even a 14 year old. 12 is pushing it though.


And this just so totally annoys me about how my fellow Americans look at mixed age relations. If a guy is taking advantage of little boys in the back of his van, he's a pedophile. If a male cheerleading coach is making babies on the side with his 17 year old captain, so is he. The notion that pedophilia is a defined psychological disorder is not something the average Armerican either knows or really seems to care about. It's an easy word to toss about and villify so they apply it to all age-based inproprieties whether it fits a la van guy. Or not like the coach. Every time I hear one of these stories and the pedophile reference thrown around like a Frisbee it makes me want to move to Canada for my sanity.

[Chelleypie]

But some men are pedophiles. I'm sorry, but they are. When I had a 40 year old 'boyfriend' at 13, he was a pedophile. I still have those chat logs, if you want them. Yes, it's a psychological illness, but it's also criminal.

I believe that age of consent laws are there for a reason. A 13 year old cannot consent to a 40 year old man. They are not mentally capable. In Louisiana, the age of consent is 17. That means that you can date whomever you want at 17. Prior to that, there can be no more than six months difference in the parties. How do I know? When I found out at 18 that I was pregnant, my ex was 17. His father tried to press statutory rape charges, and he was informed that the only time they had evidence that we had sex was a month PRIOR TO my 18th birthday. Making us both 17 at the time of intercourse. I've read up since, to find out who was right. (I know most of the cops here, I wasn't sure if they told him that to keep me out of trouble!)

[PennyTheCorgi]

My parents have a ten year age difference and my bf is five years older then me so no, I don't really think age matters that much. After all, you don't get to choose who you love. I do agree with an age of consent law though. Somehow, I really can't see the "love" between a thirteen year old girl and a forty year old guy. But what you do once you're seventeen or eightteen is your own business.

[Night Revenant]

Meh, what consenting adults do with other consenting adults is none of my business, all parties should be of legal age and they should be, what's that word again? Oh yes, consenting. That's the real difficulty since the AoC laws around the world differ and therefore so do morals since some people base their morality by the law.

Different people have different perspectives on their personal limit, my partner is just one year younger than I am and I prefer it like that now that I'm older and wiser. My limit used to be 20-35 when I was younger (18-19) but I'm more happy being with someone closer to my age with similar hopes and plans for the future.

[wildbill411]

I was also thinking about relationships both under the age of 18. Lets say there is a 14 year old (although alot would think whether a 14 year old would have a serious relationship) and a 17 year old. What do you think? There lives are at quite different stages even though there is only a 3 year age gap. I think it would be okay, but the situation for both does matter.You bring up a good point burnziiy. Allow me to add this. Different stages in life tend to occur more frequently and a lot more rapidly at a young age. Let me give you an example. A 17 yr old and a 14 Yr old would be at totally different stages in life even though there is only 3 yrs between them, whereas a 37 yr old and a 34 yr old would be at relatively the same stage in life with the same three yr difference. That's why the older one gets the less a significant age difference seems to matter. My wife is 11 yrs older than me and we just celebrated our 10th anniversary. So i would say these kind of relationships can work out. However, we did start our relationship when I was 30 and she was 41. I can't say for certain it would have worked if we had met 10 yrs earlier.

[Henry_SC]

I don`t see a problem with age difference. Seeming as my parents are twenty-three years apart. Maybe more, I`m just very sure about father but he`s in his seventies and my mother is in her late forties. My parents have been married twenty-six years. My opinion can differ from others in this situational aspect though.

I see a problem with teens though. I wouldn`t like my daughter, if I had one: To be dating someone eighteen during when she just started teen hood. Some problems can arise though with teenage rebellion with love. Many parents say it`s not, but lot`s of love can be formed into different ways. Like lust, etc.

[dramatic.]

I honestly don't have a problem with the whole age differences thing. If the younger person is mature enough to handle the relationship then I say go for it. Personally I think that a 14 - 18 year olds could date so throw away the little un written rules.

[Ghanima Atreides]

Yeah, I dated an 18 year old when I was 15 and a 22 year old when I was 17. To be honest, they weren't more mature than me, and we generally had the same mindset.

[stylequeen_SC]

I really don't have a problem with age difference personally

except maybe if one is say 13 and the other 20. Because in this sort of situation the older one could encourage the younger one to act beyond their years. It's tricky, but I guess it depends on the person

[Mumo_SC]

My sister dated and eventually married a male that was 37 years older than her....At that time all of our family were not to happy with the whole thing, but it was her choice. She divorced from him a little over a year later because he became to much of a control freak. Now the same man has his eye on my niece and she has just turned 17.

[::Giggles::]

Technically, yes. Although often ill advised. Even though they are both adults, they're going through completely different stages of their lives, which in many cases would put strain on the relationship, because the two would have little in common and their lifestyles would clash. But that's not to say that it isn't possible...it's really hard to generalize, as people are very different. There are very mature 18 year olds and 40 year olds still "young at heart".

I would agree with this. The younger a person is, the more age seems to matter. For instance, in high school, a two year age gap seemed huge, and a ten year age gap practically unthinkable. But once a person is thirty or so, a ten year age gap is more common in marriages, etc. I can think of several couples off hand with age gaps right around that amount.

In general, I would say that anyone who is legally an adult has the right to decide for themselves who they want to be with. They may not always choose the right partner, but society can't dictate everything.

[Sim2lover]

no matter what age if your in love

[Rayline]

When I was 14, I dated a 23-year old. It would've been illegal to have sex with him (and I didn't, I wasn't ready for that) but we still ended up dating for 9 months.

I'm almost 22 now.

[WyrmKing]

As long as it's two consenting adults, I don't see how it should matter.

[Lollipop_Girl]

Yeah, I dated an 18 year old when I was 15 and a 22 year old when I was 17. To be honest, they weren't more mature than me, and we generally had the same mindset.

Well I'm 18 and Frenchie is 22. I don't notice the three year (and a bit as I am 19 next month) age gap at all, we are both at the same maturity level. It can depend on the person.
Although I think young teens (13-14ish) shouldn't go out with someone too much older than them. They could get pressured into doing things they probably are not mature enough for.

[Freelancer_SC]

I'm 22, and the man I was pretty sure I was going to marry up until when he broke up with me last weekend is 38. The age difference came up a few times, but it wasn't a serious issue, and the biggest part it played in our breakup was my after-the-fact realization of "Well, now I think I understand why he's 38 and still single." A few people have said it, but I'll echo it again now because it really is a valid point: physical age and emotional maturity often are not the same number. My aunt got married when she was 17 and is still married to the same man 50 years later, and my ex is 38, hitting on college girls like me, and will probably die alone because he doesn't want to hold any accountability in a relationship. The "age difference" that matters is the emotional one, and that's something you can't see until you get to know someone.

[oceanborn_SC]

I personally (19 years old) wouldn't go for anyone who were more than 5-6 years older than me, but who knows? If someone fall in love they fall in love and it should be their choice as long as the one is not underage.
One thing I find extremely weird and illogical is that most women want to date men who are older than them (7-10 years) and most men don't want women who are 2 years older than them! I could date a guy who was 2 years younger than me or 2 years older.
I don't care much about age but I guess when I'm so young I want someone young like me. I think young girls are more interested in not dating older men than grown women.

[Rainncandy]

Well I'm 18 and Frenchie is 22. I don't notice the three year (and a bit as I am 19 next month) age gap at all, we are both at the same maturity level. It can depend on the person.
Although I think young teens (13-14ish) shouldn't go out with someone too much older than them. They could get pressured into doing things they probably are not mature enough for.

I agree 100%. I don't think 13 or 14 year olds should go out/mess around with someone that is more than a year or two older than them. Really, I don't even see why anyone 17 or older would even be interested in someone 13 or 14 years old anyway. From what I've seen, it's because the younger person is naive and can be "gotten over on" more easily. It's pretty pathetic to me for someone, especially someone being 18 or older, to "mess around" with a 13 or 14 year old. If I had a child that age, I'd probably try to get a restraining order if someone 17 or older was fooling around with my child. Why mess around with someone underage?? Pretty sad.



One thing I find extremely weird and illogical is that most women want to date men who are older than them (7-10 years) and most men don't want women who are 2 years older than them! I could date a guy who was 2 years younger than me or 2 years older.

I totally disagree with that. I don't think most women want to date men that are between 7-10 years older. I certainly don't prefer men that are that much older than I am. I think most women prefer men that are only a few years older than they are, certainly not 7-10 years older.

[MissTech]

When I was 20, I met a man who was 33. He was a roadie with some rock bands and lived in California. I quit college (in NJ) and took off to California with him. Lived very happily with him for 3 years as the age difference was not a problem between us. What eventually broke us up was that I wanted to get married, and he having been divorced twice already didnt want marriage.

I dont think it is age differences that matter so much... but more life experiences and life goals.

[didgerdoni]

I think it matters less as you get older. When I was in my mid-20s, I dated much older men who were all wrong for me for many reasons other than age. I still remember when one of them was telling me about something that happened his freshman year of college, he pauses midway through the story, looks over at me, and says, "You know, when you were BORN." LOL, that was the beginning of the end, I think.

Anyway, I think many young women go through an older man stage; I can't really speak for young men. I don't think it's inherently right or wrong. To each his own, right?

That being said, my husband is two years younger than me, but I usually manage to forget all about that. Quite frankly because, well, he looks and acts older than me. Shhhh, don't tell him I said that. :)

[sayyadina_SC]

I feel a bit akward when I meet very young women/men with very old men/women. I think 10 years is ok for a difference. I dont know why I feel this way, really, but it seems to me a horrible thought, as a woman, to be in my forties and have to care for a 70 year old, senile, husband.

[lockshockbarrel]

Hey, has anyone in here seen "Harold and Maude"?

[Stephie]

Im 15, and my boyfriends 19. When we first met he was 18(hes only just turned 19), and I kinder lied about my age! eek! he soon fell for me and i told him eventually but he's fine about it
My parents didnt like it at first, but theyv sin how happy iv been so they have no problem now, and they like him so thats good!

now its nearly a year for me and my boyfriend!

[jamesyflukes]

While age difference isn't really an issue, it will no doubt cause issues. A 42 year old man isn't going to be interested in his 20 year girlfriends friends latest ringtones...

[Veronika G]

There was an 18 year age-difference between my parents, and they stayed married until my mother passed away earlier this year. When she was young she could never find any guy her own age that she didn't think terribly immature (we're talking about the 1960s here, people), and my father was famous for looking (and maybe behaving) a lot younger than his late 30s, AND being a gentleman. Somehow that combination worked out. :D I'm not sure I could go for a 40s something, though. 30-35 would be fine.

[MizzesSimmer]

I don't see a problem with age difference, to a point. I think if anyone 16 or older who has shown maturity should be able to decide their own partners. My cousin was 16 and met and fell in love with a 34 year old. They are now (15 years later) still in love, married and have 4 children. I too dated a man much older than me when I was 16. He was 25. Although I guess I have to be a hypocrite and say that I would discourage my children from dating older people. Guess that is just the way you think when you have your own children, LOL.

[Zzapp16]

I think the age of consent should be raised to 21. I mean 18 yr olds and 14 yr olds are in high school together, why are they not allowed to have a relationship?

[Connectzeedots_SC]

I think if a 14 year old wants to date an 18 year old (an adult) they should wait to get serious until that kid is older.

I mean, that's a freshman in high school and an adult. Creeps me out a bit, and I'm almost 17.

[callistra]

I'm sorry but the thought of marrying someone old enough to be my dad is disturbing to me.. Or the though of my dad marrying someone young enough to be my sister. Big age difference, fine. Generational gap relationship, creepy.

It also makes less of a difference as you get older. I don't think a 21 year old has any business dating a 13 year old for example. But I don't see anything wrong with a 25 year old dating a 33 year old. The reason is simply where a person is developmentally at 13 vs. 21. There is a HUGE developmental gap between a 13 child and a 21 year old adult.

[Autaven]

I will admit, for me personally I'd maybe find a problem with being someone very older than me. I don't want to say I would never, because I'm sure I'd be a lot different in the situation. I've been attracted to much older men, and yes often day dreamed about what would happen if they returned the feelings, but at the same time it's no where near the same.

I agree with callistra, I think it gets better as you get older. When I was 15 I was seeing someone who was 18, and at the time even that was a bit weird for my family, and I get that. But someone who was 25 seeing someone at 28? No problem at all. I have a friend who is 23 who is in a relationship with someone who is 47. When we first heard it no-one really knew what to say, but when it's been around you for a while you don't really think about it anymore. I don't think anyone has a right to say these people are wrong for this or that. You can judge and think this or that but, if they're happy and comfortable then who is anyone to stop it.

[gulhare]

I know when my grandfather and grandmother married it did not sit well with some of her sisters and brothers.He was 60 or 61 i think and she was 24.
He was older than their mother....but great grandmother later said "that was TRUE love there" (when he had died) And eventually all exept one brother accepted the relationship. And some came to like him a lot.

And isnt that the point. If its love it is. The families and the community can make it difficult, and i believe that a struggle against something like that is more of a stress to the couple than age itself.

And as a side note. My other grandfathers grandfather married (at 20) a 40 year old woman, so its not just women that marry older men. Although i think perhaps society has grown more intolerant to the oposite situation... i dont know.

[isa_love_anime]

Well... I won't lie, I'm pretty young (16 years old) and my boyfriend is 22. We're together for almost 3 years, so yeah, when I met him, I was 13 and he was 20... And we met through the internet. So, our relationship has basically ALL the reasons to be, at least, "weird", but it's not. He always told me I was very mature for my age, and I'm not a naive girl. I though really hard before getting together with him, about my feelings AND my age. He never pushed me into doing something, he understands our age difference (7 years) and he loves me :) He's such a sweet guy, I guess I'm pretty lucky. And I don't mind the age stuff, I like to think we both have the same maturity level... So that's why our relationship works well ^^

Besides, like someone said before, it's not a big deal once the both are at least in the same age "stage". For example, when I make 20, he will be 27, and we will even be in the same number house! I just think it's strange when the difference is of more than 10 years... But then again, it depends on the couple. If they work together like that, nothing else (like age) matters :D

[kustirider2]

I suppose age is just really a number. It depends on how young/old the person acts. I know males my age are really really immature and just think about sex... If the two people are happy together and in love then nothing else matters. If people here are saying 10 years older is bad, I must be crazy...

[Mistermook]

I don't have a problem with it personally, but on the other hand I'm modest enough that I'd be suspect if a nineteen year old suddenly decided I was interesting sexually. Furthermore, my daughter' who's going to be a senior in high school this year, would probably look at me funny. I can think of all sorts of vaguely appealing things I could find in common with someone much younger than myself, probably more than I usually have in common with the more "age appropriate" women I get introduced to in their thirties - but I'm not going to kid myself about the depth of such activities either. Maybe when I win the lottery I'll run off and find some young girlfriend and we'll all know what brings that on and I can enjoy it without wondering if their's some deep seated emotional problem that's drawing someone who should be dating the guy I was 10-15 years ago to me now.

On the other hand, you're not going to convince me to date someone in their 40s or 50s. Maybe once for a peg on my post, but my younger brother's married to a woman more than ten years older than I am. Maybe he's fine with that, but for me that fruit's fading fast and I'm not going to pretend I'm not shallow enough to notice.

[Mysticrose_x3]

How about a 15 year old falling in love with a 30 year old? and the 30 year old has been married twice, and has 4 kids. That was the scenerio when my parents met, 23 years later they're still in love. I'm 17, and I've never heard them so much as raise their voices to one another. Sure they don't always agree, but I can't say I've ever seen them fight. or at least, not before my brother moved in. Long story short, he's 33, going on 34, and dating a 16 year old, she used to be my best friend, but I'll spare you the drama. My point is, their relationship is going downhill fast. Why? She is too young to be tied down to him. Her big events for the following years consist of prom, Finals, Essays, parties, etc. His consist of settling down, getting married, and having kids. My mom was mature for her age, she wasn't interested in partying, dating lots of guys, etc. She was ready to settle down. This girl, she's not mature. She's not ready to settle down, her and my brother are in two completely different stages in their lives, that is the key to age differences. What the two people involved are looking for, what they're ready for. And the reason that older guy/ younger girl scenerios are the popular ones is because the cliche is true- girls mature faster then guys. I'm a junior (11th grade) and I can't see myself dating a freshman (9th grade) boy, but when I was a freshman, I could definetly see myself with a junior. Now If I meet a freshman that can pass for being my age or preferably older, then I'd go for it. but if you think about it, if you look at my junior class- the vast majority of the girls hit puberty years ago, while the vast majority of the guys are just starting to get used to their new voices that cracked a month ago.

[isa_love_anime]

I just hope that he didn't push you for sex when he first met you because that right there would set alarms off with me cause you were fairly young and you are considered to be jail bait even at that age. Even fellows at that age can talk a girl into almost any thing so I hope for your sake that he respects you if you know what I mean?

I hope you do realize that there are guys out there around that age who are like pedophiles who like to groom girls just for sex even if it does become a relationship it's the sex that they are after. Some girls end up meeting some one called "Big Harry" who's like 50 years old and that's not something to laugh at either but there are sicko's out there.

I am just saying that out of concern for you. I don't wish to pry but I hope he isn't like that. I hope that he likes you for you and not what he can get out of you as in sex. I have met a lot of smooth talkers out there and one guy liked me so much and I was younger then him......he said he wanted to poke me. I thought what? What do you mean? I want to poke you? I had no clue what that meant when I was 16 years old.

I just about jumped through the roof when he told me what it had meant. It's not like I knew from the point of view from the boys locker room talk. Although I do recall when I used to go dancing I over heard how some guys talked about the girls. So I kind of learned some things along the way.

Yes, I understand that. No, thank God, he is not like that. Like I said, I though A LOT before I had sure of what I was doing. Even if I had feelings for him, I did though: "What if he's just one of those jerks?" And I've waited. I kept talking with him, but if there's one thing I know is how to judge people. I saw that he was nice, and sincere. I felt that he was a good person, and that his friendship with me was true, he wasn't trying to decieve me or anything. It may sound dumb, but I'm usually right when I feel that about a person. If I meet a son of a b*** around, I WILL know what he's like. I dunno why, but I just have this certain... sight. It also takes time for someone to gain my trust, and that person have to be REALLY symphatetic (don't know if this is right ._.) for me to really trust as well. And I was 13-14.

I just simply KNEW that he was decent. Independently of me falling in love with him or not. He has family, friends, everything normal. I had "kinda" falling in love twice, with boys of my age in school, but never felt the same way. And we gotta admit, young boys are NOT mature D: There are only rare cases. Maybe that's why I fell in love with someone older ^^ He doesn't pressure me with anything. It's like we have the same age, he understands what I am and what I can/cannot do. We're not having too much time to talk lately, because I'm in the last year of school, have to think about college, working, and stuff, and he said to me he didn't mind. He knew how that was hard to get through, and that I really should be focused on important things of my life. I think I really am pretty mature for my age :P In other words, I trust him and believe that he likes me for what I am. He does not demands anything from me, and he has that "responsability" in his head. Otherwise, I wouldn't even want to be his friend. I have the notion that Internet is dangerous and the world has a lot of a**holes around, that only want to ruin girl's lives.

But, thank you very much for the concern :)

[SuicidiaParasidia]

i think its up to the people involved in the relationship, AS WELL AS the law.

like, what age a person is technically considered to be an adult in that area. i think if its between two consenting adults, by whatever laws theyre living by, it shouldnt matter to anyone else if one is 10+ years older than the other or not. thats their business.

however, on a personal note, my boyfriend is 6-7 years older than i am. one of the reasons i even like him so much is because hes not constantly rubbing it in my face or blaming my blonde moments on my youth. [ im 20, btw. for the record. haha. ]
i have to admit, id be a bit...wary, about dating a younger guy. they just seem so goofy and tactless to me. however, to be more in the interest of fairness, i allow a 10 years OLDER, and 5 years YOUNGER limit in the men i seek as partners. [ obviously, though, i go for older men much more than younger men. ]

i think my mother was 5 years younger than my father. maybe 6 or 7. so maybe its a genetics thing? or a trait i picked up from her?

either way, its interesting to see how someones lifestyle has effected their views on age differences between partners.

EDIT: and just for the record, i held off on losing my virginity and getting into relationships until i reached my states' legal age: 18.

[Oaktree]

I don't really see any problem with someone dating someone much younger or older than them, but I don't think it is for me. I am 18, and, while I haven't met too many guys my age that are mature enough for my taste, I think I would feel like the relationship was unequal if I dated someone much older. If the guy was a lot older than me, the other problem would be in if we eventually married and settled down. I think it would be horrible to marry someone 30 years older than me because they would die long before I did. Maybe I'm not experienced enough to make this kind of judgement. I have never dated, and have only felt temporary attraction to anyone, so I suppose my thoughts should be taken with a grain of salt.

[Vanito]

If people are both mature, who cares? It might be not your thing, but if two people are happy, why would someone care about age.

When it comes to younger ages, I would say only a small age difference would be ok. And about the same level in maturity. No 40 year olds preying on minors. When a 21 year old dates a 16 year old it depends on the how or what of a relationship wether it would be ok or not.

[Pontenigra]

Alright, here's my story. I met my boyfriend when I was 16 and he was 27. We didn't expect to become more than friends, but we quickly found out that we are a perfect match and it would be crazy not to go for it. Now I am 22 and we are about to get married. My parents knew from the first day, and since they also met him, they were fine with it - especially my father likes him very much.

I do not think this is how it usually goes, though. I am aware of all the problems and age difference can cause - it's just that sometimes it really works.

In Czech republic where I live, the legal age for sex is 15 and 18 is considered full maturity. I wholeheartadly agree with that - but I can only judge this for my country, as I feel that for example in US, teenagers really stay teenagers (in most cases anyway, no offence meant). Right from the beginning of our relationship, all of my friends and sometimes even teachers knew about it, and even though it was very uncommon, they all accepted that it can work and that it is our own business, anyway.

I can honestly say that age doesn't matter for us. Besides, now when i am 22 and he is 33, we are both in our prime.

(I also have a friend, who is 22 and her boyfriend is 44. They are both amazing and we all fell they were made for each other. They have been together for 3 years.)

[888mph]

I really have to say that it depends on where you live. In Western nations, many people frown on it saying it's "too much" and he/her is "too old"; yet at the same time, many people from the younger generation desire to find a match that is "more mature" and they are "more attracted to older guys/girls".

In Asian and African nations, however, this is pretty much the norm for a lot of the less fortunate. Grandpa Indian men run around with women in their teens and twenties.

Personally, I would never date anyone more than four years my senior, but I'm not going to hate on anyone who does.

[paksetti]

Eh. I don't have a problem with it. I'm 16, and so's my best friend. Out of sheer luck, we both have partners that are around the same age. My girlfriend is 23 and her boyfriend is 22 or 24, I don't remember exactly.

I believe the age of consent is 16 or 17 here, but we haven't had sex yet, so it doesn't really matter.
As for compatibility, she's immature and I'm mature so, eh. We fit :)

[HaphazardSim]

I am creeped out by the whole old man + young girl but, you know what? Love is beautiful and as long as it's consensual and healthy I have nothing bad to say about anyone’s relationship.

[Neil__]

I had a very good and loving relationship with a woman 17 yrs younger than me.
I believe that we would be together now if it weren't for something very devastating that happened to her.

So yes I obviously think it's fine as long as both are mature adults capable of making their own decisions.

Edit there were 15 yrs between my parents and my mother died still loving my father 30 years after his untimely death.

[simbalena]

I've always gone out with older guys, my husband is 8 years older than me and I don't notice any difference between us due to age.

When I was 17 I went out with a 28 year old... I dumped him because he was too immature!

In retrospect the only thing I resent about the age difference is that as they were more experienced with relationships they should have realised our relationship wasn't going to work long before I finally dumped them!

[Vanito]

You would at least think by the time they hit their mid 20s that they are ready to settle down. Even 30 is a good age for a guy to get married because at least by then he is way more established then when he is much younger. At least he should be by then and if not then hopefully by the time he hits 35 he is.
Why would a guy have to settle down at all?

[Doddibot]

I'm with Vanito on this. Why say 'hopefully' by 35?

[Vanito]

I'm with Vanito on this. Why say 'hopefully' by 35?Because they want us....