Funniest Movie Quotes

[supaclova]

These are the sorts of things you quote for weeks after you see a movie. :lol:

From Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant-
(this might be slightly off, but you get the idea)
Mr. Crepsley: I like your room. Nice reading material. Don't they have this on the internet these days?
Darren: Umm...it's blocked on mine.

From Adventureland:
Nobody wins the giant ass panda.

I'm sure I'll think of more...

[Rabid]

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation:
"Holy fuck, where's the tylenol?!" :lol:

Best comedy quote of all time.

[omgrawr213]

"I'm sorry I'm not the most boring person in the world, OKAY?! I'm sorry I don't have a fatass! I'm sorry I'm not poor!" -Samantha James, Just Friends

"They're still deadsssssss." -Mallick, Saw V

"Everyone around him keeps dying." -Hoffman, Saw IV

"I haven't been f---ed like that since grade school." -Marla Singer, Fight Club

"This is a matter with which I have had much experience. Maybe we could settle this in a room in which there are no others? ......or you can all watch, I don't give a sh-t." -Brenda, Scary Movie 4

[supaclova]

"This is a matter with which I have had much experience. Maybe we could settle this in a room in which there are no others? ......or you can all watch, I don't give a sh-t." -Brenda, Scary Movie 4

I remember that! :rofl:

[Amish Nick_SC]

santa can't drink any more milk tonight. Santa has a lactose intolerance, it gives him horrible gas pains. You wanna see Santa farting down everyone's chimney?

The Ref

[Alissa888]

"*on the phone* He's a danger to himself and everything in the air. *pause* Yes, birds too!" - Airplane. Makes me LOL, for some reason.

[VladCrau]

- There's no reason not to be civilized! (Leonidas, speaking with his mouth full, 300)

- Look, I'm the mascot of an evil corporation! (Bart Simpson, with a black bra on his head, The Simpsons Movie)

[thelightelectric]

So. She smokes. - The Royal Tenenbaums (this line is said after a man finds out his wife has been married before, cheated on him several times with both men and women, and that she was adopted.)

Leslie and I have an amazing relationship and it's very physical, he still pushes all my buttons. People say 'oh but he's so much older than you' and you know what, I'm the one having to push him away. We have so much in common.....we both love soup and snow peas......we love the outdoors.....and talking.......and not talking. We could not talk or talk forever and still find things to not talk about. - Best in Show

I like this one. It's all like, someone's killed their children and made them into cookies, and I want to go see that. - For Your Consideration

DON'T STAND IN THE WAY OF MY ACTUALIZATION AS A MAN!!!! - Being John Malkovich

[omgrawr213]

"It was mostly physical, really. Just constant...sex. ....sex sex sex sex sex... SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX!" -Grant Fockyerdoder (Date Movie) Love how they ripped off so much content from Meet the Parents and My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

"What do you mean you don't EAT NO MEAT?! (everyone in the room is silent and drops their wine glasses) ....It's okay, IT'S OKAY, I make lamb." -Aunt Vula (My Big Fat Greek Wedding)

"It's like I always say; if it's too good to be true.... he must be gay. (everyone turns around and glares at her)" -the sister from Phat Girlz

"'We tha only fat people in here.'
--'No, we're the only black people in here.'" -Phat Girlz

[ninotchka]

"These damn things are hotter than a stiff cock!" - Julia Child while handling hot food items with her bare hands in the movie Julie and Julia

[SuicidiaParasidia]

Fun with Dick & Jane:

Dick Harper: Billy tell your father he's a winner.
Billy Harper: Papa es ganador.
Dick Harper: see?
Billy Harper: SI!

also:

Dick Harper: I'm married, that's what's wrong with me!

Mr And Mrs Smith:

John Smith: You burn the picture after you get the assignment! It's the first thing you learn!
Benjamin: Oh, I must have missed that day. Just like you missed the one about not marrying the enemy.

Mom: Eddie?
Eddie: Mom! We are on high alert here. I almost killed you right then! You do not even realize!
Mom: ...Never mind.

Eddie: Did you get a look at him?
John Smith: Little thing. Buck ten, buck fifteen tops.
Eddie: Maybe he was Filipino.
John Smith: ...I'm not even sure it was a him.
Eddie: You're saying you had your ass handed to you by some girl?
John Smith: I think so. A pro.

[Alissa888]

Paula: (Screeching, at Jess's sister's wedding, under the mistaken impression that Jess is having a lesbian affair with Paula's daughter, Julie) GET YOUR LESBIAN FEET OUT MY SHOES!
Wedding guest 1: Lesbian? Her birthday's in March. I thought she was a Pisces.
Wedding guest 2: She's not Lebanese, she's Punjabi...

Bend it like Beckham

[Aya_Alexa]

Bandslam

Ben: "Who the heck is Will?"
Charlotte: "That the heck is Will! say hello the heck is will!"

[sarah*rose]

From Back to the Future part II:

Biff Tannen: That's about as funny as a screen door on a battleship.
Marty McFly: [under his breath] It's "screen door on a submarine," you dork.

Young Biff: Why don't you make like a tree and get out of here?
Old Biff: It's *leave*, you idiot! "Make like a tree, and leave." You sound like a damn fool when you say it wrong.
Young Biff: All right then, LEAVE! And take your book with you!

From Back to the Future part III:

[at the town festival]
Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen: Then let's finish it, right now!
Buford's Gang Member #1: Uh, not now, Buford. Uh, Marshal's got our guns.
Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen: Like I said, we'll finish this tomorrow.
Buford's Gang Member #2: Tomorrow, we're robbin' the Pine City Stage.
Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen: What about Monday? Are we doin' anything Monday?
Buford's Gang Member #1: Uh, no, Monday'd be fine. You can kill him on Monday.
Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen: I'll be back this way on Monday! We'll settle this then... right there... out in the street... in front of the Palace Saloon!
Marty McFly: Yeah, right. When? High noon?
Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen: Noon? I do my killin' before breakfast! Seven o'clock!
Marty McFly: Eight o'clock. I do my killin' after breakfast!

From Fireproof:

Staff member #1: “Why didn’t you tell her?”
Staff member #2: [says really fast] “Because I don’t want her to know that her business is any of our business if it ain’t none of our business!”

[periwinkle]

From Back to the Future Part II:

Marty: Clayton Ravine was named after a school teacher. They say she fell in there a hundred years ago.
Doc Brown: A hundred years ago? That's this year!
Marty: Every kid in school knows that story 'cause we all have teachers we'd like to see fall into the ravine.

(not a movie, but a TV show) From The Mighty Boosh (series 1, Tundra)

Howard: Just imagine the headlines; "Howard Moon, colon, Explorer." Got a nice ring to it, doesn't it?
Vince: "Colon explorer"? I think that's got the wrong ring to it.

(series 1, Jungle)

Vince: Who are you?
Rudi: I go by many names.
Vince: Well, what are they, then?
Rudi: I'm getting round to that in my own good mystical time.

(series 3, The Priest and the Beast)

Rudi: Is it so wrong for a man to love a guitar?
Spider: Yes, it is when he puts his balls inside it and strums himself to ecstasy!

Watch the Mighty Boosh. Absolutely brilliant stuff :]

[Alissa888]

Lt. Nyota Uhura: I'm impressed. For a moment there, I thought you were just a dumb hick who only has sex with farm animals.
James T. Kirk: Well, not only.

Lt. Nyota Uhura: Come back to me... I'll be monitoring your frequencies.

Scotty: (the whole bridge stands in shock in the aftermath of witnessing Spock beat the living daylights out of Kirk and then promptly resign) I like this ship! You know, it's exciting!

James T. Kirk: (surprised, after watching Uhara kiss Spock goodbye) Do you know her first name?
Spock: I have no comment to make on the matter.

James T. Kirk: It's logic, Spock, I thought you'd like that.
Spock: No, not really.

Scotty: So, I tested it out on Admiral Archer's prized beagle.
James T. Kirk: Wait, I know that dog. What happened to it?
Scotty: I'll tell you when it reappears. Ahem. I don't know, I do feel guilty about that.

Star Trek


Joyce Cooper: FASCIST!
Nicholas Angel: Hag.

Various: SWAN!!!!!

Hot Fuzz

[sarah*rose]

From The 'Burbs:

Ray Peterson: No, Art, see, they're gonna think that I did it. Yeah, they are...
Art Wiengartner: Why?
Ray Peterson: Well the old guy... He saw me write a note and put it under Walter's door SO NOW THEY'RE GONNA THINK THAT I DID IT!
Art Wiengartner: ...You wrote a note?

Art Wiengartner: Well it doesn’t matter, we’ve got ‘em on the run now. Now they know that we know that they know that we know.
Ray Peterson: THEY’RE GONNA SUSPECT ME!
[dog comes up with a bone in its mouth]
Art Wiengartner: They’re not gonna suspect anybody…
[Inspects bone]
Art Wiengartner: Ray, do you know what this is?
Ray Peterson: It’s a bone.
Art Wiengartner: It’s femur.
Ray Peterson: It’s a femur bone…
Art Wiengartner: A femur just happens to be a human thigh bone, Ray.
Ray Peterson: Wait, how do you know that?
Art Wiengartner: Biology 101. I mean, look at the size of this thing. You think this came off a chicken or something?

[AtropaMandragora]

From 'The Breakfast Club';

Bender: Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up? If he gets up, we'll all get up, it'll be anarchy!



From 'Tank Girl';

Tank Girl: This comet came crashing into the earth. BAM! Total devastation. No celebrities, no cable TV, no water! It hasn't rained in 11 years. Now, 20 people gotta squeeze into the same bathtub... So it ain't all bad.



From 'Tango & Cash';

Cash: Blowing a man's head off with a f*ckin' hand grenade is a touch much, don't you think?

Cash: I've got some good news and some bad news. Which do you want first?
Tango: The bad.
Cash: We're almost out of gas.
Tango: The good.
Cash: We're almost out of gas.

[after bad guy breaks down and spills the beans about his boss' plan]
Cash: You know, Potato Head, you just fell for the oldest routine in the book; bad cop...
Tango: Worse cop!

[CrazyVivian]

There's a movie I just love, It's called Flying High. There are so many funny quotes and scenes I laugh everytime I see it.

[Zadjali]

Balls of Fury

It is better to die like a tiger than to live like a pussy.