How do you cope with a passing?

[Yazoo]

The question, is a little odd. Now let me explain.

In my life, I've lost a few good friends. Its hard, and it strikes my heart.

The first friend I had ever lost, his name was B.J, he used to make me laugh, without even trying. And he was like a brother to me. Till this day I can't listen to Walk of Life, because it reminds me of him. He was a true friend, and most will say they will never meet a true friend. A friend that will make someone else laugh because making themselves smile. A friend that rather sit with someone that isn't popular, than believing in clicks. B.J was like that. I remember the first day I got into Middle School, and I was sitting alone, B.J came up to me, and sat next to me. (Now B.J was on the football team.) He just smiled, and began to talk to me. He was...no. Is a good guy.

Now...I did loose a friend very recently. Her name was Lisa and she died of Cancer this past Thursday. And when I went to get prayers for her at Church, I broke down, and I broke down hard. Even though she was suffering from Cancer, she was still strong, until the very end. She cared about her friends and family. But never gave up her fight. It hurts to see her go, but am I happy that she is gone? Yes, because she no longer has to suffer from that terrible sickness.

Now, my question to all of you is this:

How do you cope with the lost of a loved one or friend?

[DrowningFishy]

:shrug: Good question. Still living in the shadow of a person I held most dear 8 years ago. Time heals all things they say, but to be honest you'll never forget them. You end up just learning to deal with the grief. Life and death it's a never ending circle; we never know when we or someone else will be leaving. Life carries on even after a death, it's been like that since the dawn of time.

To be honest, after 8 years my grief has turned to anger, more at myself not being at a place I hoped to be and trying to hard to keep promices.

[Yazoo]

I find something..That stuns me. When people lose someone, they automatically say this:

"Its God's fault that they are gone! He didn't need to take them."

I still grieve over my friend, B.J's death. Its something I'll never forget. When my friend told me, I laughed at her, thought it was a joke. It wasn't until I entered my first period class, and I saw my teacher crying. I honestly, remember the memorial service as if it was yesterday. I don't know how to cope. And I do not know how to let go. Because sometimes, you wish it was you. I know when B.J died, I didn't understand it, why a kid at such a young age was taken from this world. A kid that only was 13 years of age. And he died. I never got it, and still don't.

He was a very good guy, and I always thought, he didn't deserve to go. And then looking at his mother's face. He was my friend, but he was her son. I asked myself so many questions:

"What does she do when its Christmas or his birthday?"

"How can she walk past his room, without breaking down?"

I know the first three weeks after his death, I couldn't look at his desk, because i knew my friend wouldn't be there. To make me laugh, to make me smile, to make fun of the teachers, to just be B.J. No one will ever be like him.

[DrowningFishy]

This person I lost it's strange because no one mentions his name. It is as if he never exsisted at all. The only time I hear his name uttered is on rare occasions by his twin. Everyone else has delt with it by trying to pretend like he never exsisted.

If there is a god I wouldn't blame him. When it is our time, it is our time. With every passing, no matter how small, a lesson can be learned.

Just think of that person you lost, and picture them in your head. Imagine what they would say to you. When it's the hardest I do this because i know he'd say like "Goddamn I hate when bitches cry so fucking annoying. You're the one who got to drinking age I didn't." He loved playing an ass he really wasn't.

All we can do is move along. We got days ahead of us to get through. What would being stuck in the past do to their memory?

[VerDeTerre]

You have my deepest sympathy. A sad fact of life is that we all experience loss at some point in our lives. So many of the things people say when they try to comfort you are not really helpful.

I read part of a book on grieving one time and found out this:

1 - Do not apply the "steps of grieving" to your own journey. This popular notion of steps has been taken out of context and has caused more pain for people who are coping with loss. Not everyone goes through the all of those steps nor in the order in which they've been given.

2 - Grief is something that calls for some sort of a resolution so that you can get to the point where you can remember the person without suffering extreme pain.

I'm not sure what need to happen to heal from it, but I do know it's a process that can take a fair amount of time and reflection. I am so sorry for your loss. It was years before I was able to think about my parents and do normal things like celebrate a holiday without falling to pieces. But eventually, that did happen. I still miss them and I always will, but it no longer cripples me to remember them.

[YukiShine]

I have contemplated a lot if I should answer or not. I really hope my decision is okay and you won't feel offended by my example.

When my cat died unexpectedly about half a year ago, I pretty much broke down. I lost my sense of time for a few days. I still cannot really remember those days and I only now know the exact date of her death, because people reminded me of it again. When I tell people I often get asked how old the cat was. 14 years is quite old, right? So it's actually not all that bad, right? But it is: I mean, she had been my friend for 14 years. That's more than half of my entire life. Her death hurts. I'm still catching myself looking for her in her favorite places.

However, I found that on days when I miss her really bad, I will always meet her in my dreams at night. That is something that helps me a lot. In those dreams I always know that the cat died and shouldn't be there (even though I've never figured out I was dreaming). So I pretty much spend those times just being confused. ^^; I don't interact directly with the cat, but it still helps to see her "alive" and breathing and walking and generally not suffering from anything.

It's really been a great relief when I figured out that she will be there in my dreams, without fail, when I really want to see her.

Of course that's sort of a really personal method, it works great for me, but most likely not for everyone. It could be worth a try, though, especially for people who are good at remembering dreams anyway.

Grief really is something very personal. Methods that help can be totally different from person to person, from case to case. I've also lost dear relatives in my life, but I delt with that differently. Sometimes crying and talking to others helps - and sometimes it makes everything worse. I'd say that because it is so personal, one should rely on intuition here to figure out how to go on. Tips and strategies from other people should maybe be seen as, well, inspiration or something, but not be strictly followed ("because X says so").

[maxon]

mmmmm - I think people cope in different ways. The trick is not to become stuck. For myself, I would say: not being afraid of death and not worrying that I am upset. I'm allowed to be as upset as I like - someone you love dying is a bummer.

[sundance93]

I've come to an understanding about life and souls that perhaps will help you to move past this... some people have little respect for me for this thought. But it seems to help even those who disapprove of it.

Physical life is only a temporary thing. All life is finite, not infinite. If life were infinite, we would not have enough space to carry on. All life would be FORCED to end.
I choose to believe that when we pass on, our souls move on in whatever way we choose them to.
For Christians, they are sent to either Heaven or Hell based on their way of life, because that is what they have grown to understand.
For Hindus, they are reborn in a cycle of life based on their way of being in a previous life.
For me, for example, I feel I am an old soul that has been recycled many times, and will be recycled many more.
For your friend, from what little I know of him, I can almost guarantee he is in a good place. Or perhaps watching over his friends and family.

I've found that, although it seems far fetched, one of the best ways to move past someone's passing is to use the age old thought that they are still their for you. They're still somewhere in your life.
Because they are! They are in you memories and in your daily life. Though you cannot see their skin or smell their familiar scent, they are there.
And why focus on the bad, when there is so much good to remember??? Your best bet is to hold dearly to your friends' memories, and keep them in the esteem you hold them in. Never let go of that!
But always remember, wherever they have brought themselves after their passing, they are still a part of you, and always will be.

--pardon if I rambled, however I hope you got the message. In summary: Never forget them. Always love them. But know the burden is not yours to bear, so let the badness go.

[malfoya]

I think the most important thing is to not try to forget them or the memories you had together. Instead just be sad as long as you need. No matter how cliche it sounds, time is all that matters. Of course trying to get on with your life is another thing. Go to work, meet friends, try to be alone as little as possible until all the sadness slowly has faded into memories. People cope with things in different ways, but I think this is a way that will eventually work for everyone.

Also I've learned (through anxiety and obsessions) that you need to accept the bad feelings when they pop up. You will eventually get a "flashback" of some kind that will make you feel bad again. But knowing that this is perfectly normal and just letting the thoughts pass by is a good way to handle it. It's just a thought, right? Sometimes our minds can play great tricks on us. Trying to ignore or forget certain things will only make it thougher to handle. Accepting and letting them pass on the other hand, might make them slowly dissapear. Hope this helps a little :)

And again, never forget the good memories you have with someone. I've lost people in my life aswell and I regularly talk about them in a way that I would if they had been alive today. Both by remembering their good and bad sides, the funny moments and other memories.

[KKiryu007Joker]

For me, for example, I feel I am an old soul that has been recycled many times, and will be recycled many more.

You a Michaelist? I don't consider myself to be religious or anything, but I sort of stick to this and astrology while arguing against them a little at the same time. I'm supposed to be a mature soul in the 4th stage if I remember correctly. But about the topic, the only way for me to deal with someone's death is to cry about it, and even before that I'm depressed knowing they won't be around forever.

[WayBack]

I've already lost seven people who were dear to me:

1) my uncle Venca who was almost like a father to me - I was confused and couldn't accept that I would never see him again (I was ten by that time.)
2) my aunt Irca, Venca's wife and an amazing, good-hearted woman who died six months after her husband - I felt cheated by life, as if someone was playing a cruel joke on me.
3) nine months later my father died - first came the shock, then a memory loss, then emotional emptiness.
4) a month later my grandmother died - she had been hospitalized after a stroke, and for the last month my mom had been pretending that my father was still alive, because the news about my father's death would have killed my grandma as well. So when she died I felt a great relief that the lies were over.
5) a year and a half later my first love died of cancer - I was totally heartbroken. He was just fourteen.
6) my childhood sweetheart died of cancer too - I was so angry I wanted to break something, because he didn't have to die. He was wrongly diagnosed, and when the doctors found the real problem, it was too late.
7) my uncle Josef, also died of cancer - I was happy for him (I actually said 'Thank God), because he didn't suffer anymore. I was calm and didn't cry a single tear.

So, as you can see, after losing seven people I still can't tell how I cope with passing. It's different every time.

[Yazoo]

The people who said "It's different every time"

You are right, with B.J I cried for weeks, I couldn't get over his death, and honestly still can't. Just can't believe he never got to go to Prom. Got to go too High School. Or even go to College. He was a sweetheart. He really was.

Lisa, I bawled my eyes out for three days, but then I realized, she is no longer in pain, and she is happy. She will always watch over her friends and family. While being with her Heavenly Father.

I have lost a cousin recently, and that is family. I guess, I can say, I really didn't know her. But did it still hurt? Yes, it did. Because that is family member I will never get to know.

[VerDeTerre]

I have lost a cousin recently, and that is family. I guess, I can say, I really didn't know her. But did it still hurt? Yes, it did. Because that is family member I will never get to know. I get that. Right around the time I lost my parents, a cousin of my mother's died too. I had never met him, but I had heard her talk of him and I knew he was an important part of her past. I felt I had lost another connection to her.

[G.O.C.]

I find something..That stuns me. When people lose someone, they automatically say this:

"Its God's fault that they are gone! He didn't need to take them."



God needed him!!

I have never revealed my faith before on this site but, on this occasion, I felt I needed to!

[opiumgirl]

Losing people to death is different for everybody because we believe different things after you die.

I don't have a religion as such but I believe that energy is eternal and it only changes form, from one form of energy to the next.
This might sound impersonal but I find it immensely comforting.

I have had many people die in my life:

The first that made an impact on me was my friend that I had in High School, I was 16, I had a very vivid dream about him that night and the next morning (Saturday)
I went to the pharmacy and the woman looked at me funny and asked me what school I was in.
I immediately asked her
"Are you talking about James".
My friend James was killed in a car accident that night. It took me years to get over that.

All together nine of my close friends have died in car accidents, It is a horrible thing every time, It makes me more aware of my life and how short it is. That always hurts.
Of my family members the only ones I cared about was my grand-mother and my father.

My grand mother raised me when my parents were working (they were teachers). I loved her, I got her. I admired her.
I wish I was half was awesome as her.
Today is actually her birthday and she would have been a 102, she died when she was 93
It still hurts like fuck.

My father and I had a very stormy relationship because we are very similar.
He was fine, he felt bad, my mother took him to the hospital, I said we would come.
He was dead.

We had an amazing wake, where everyone from our school friends, to my father's school friends showed up and it was a great party.
Every-one thought it was a great send off for my father.
It still freaks me out because I had this stupid speech prepared for when we saw him and I never said it, it is completely inane, but it bothers the crap out of me.

You cannot decide how to deal with death, there are no steps, it never becomes easier, every one that dies affect you differently.

[Lawli-Lawli]

I still live with it everyday, but I try to reflect on the things they gave me(love, advice/wisdom, a good laugh,etc) and it make me feel a little better.
Although, sometimes that can turn bad(I get in total I-want-that-back mode)...

Yea, I doubt I'll be OK...ever.

[Johnny_Bravo]

When my grandma died I was forgetful, and lost sense of time, which was very annoying when I was at school writing a test. I just forgot everything and poof: hour was over, I got a nice F. Now it's only about a half year ago, and we ain't talking about her anymore, which is actually pretty helpful because you that she isn't with us anymore but somewhere else. It's still getting me, though. I often lose sense of time and I'm still forgetful :|

[Black_Barook!]

I tend to repress my emotions until they either fester as a mental illness, or the pressure bursts causing an emotional overflow in the most inappropriate of places. Like Starbucks, or while driving in the middle lane of the highway. Or in the middle of an exam. Or in front of a professor while discussing the final term paper...

:| :up:

[Yazoo]

I tend to repress my emotions until they either fester as a mental illness, or the pressure bursts causing an emotional overflow in the most inappropriate of places. Like Starbucks, or while driving in the middle lane of the highway. Or in the middle of an exam. Or in front of a professor while discussing the final term paper...

:| :up:

I do the same thing, I really do. I tend to bottle up my emotions, and then when I am about to explode, I literally have a mental break down. However, I also tend to laugh when something sad comes along. And it sucks, because people will watch me, and think I'm crazy, but its my way to cope with somethings.

However, when I am finally home alone, I bawl until I get a headache.

[aSimmersLife]

I've lost a few people I loved dearly, and the best advice I can give is do not shut yourself down emotionally, socially or physically. Repressing feelings about the death of someone you loved is the greatest hidden damage, sometimes irreparable, you can do to yourself. It is very important to talk to someone about how you feel and what you're going through.

This was the one big mistake I made. I never talked about it or questioned it, and if I did I was made to feel weak or lack faith because it was "all a part of God's plan" or "God doesn't give you more than you can handle." So, I kept quiet, pretended I was ok and cried only when I was alone. I thought if I just kept myself occupied (school, work, studying), I wouldn't be thinking about it that much and I would just eventually "get over it." But the truth is when you truly loved someone that has passed, there is no getting over it -- there's only learning to live with it.

Whether it be a therapist, joining a bereavement support group, talking to a close friend, family member, minister or priest --it's very important to find someone who will allow you to express your feelings (talk, cry with them, be angry, yell, etc.) and not judge you or the person that has passed away. Joining a bereavement support group is highly recommended, and most schools and workplaces either have this or can recommend where to go in area where you live. Above all, just don't let it stay bottled up.

[Rawra]

I'm grateful that the only death I had to deal with was my grandfather's, when I was 4 or 5 years old. I can't even imagine the amount of sadness the death of my mother, father, sister or anyone else who's really close to me would bring. I'm so attached to my friends and my family that I seriously believe I couldn't get over such an event.

[harmonee_el]

When I lost my brother in a horrible logging accident,it was really hard on my family especially my Mom.But we Prayed and we supported each other,and each day got a little bit better.When we lost my Dad,we were expecting him to pass because he had been sick for a long time,but we know they are both in a better place and we will see them again.

[dialmformisfit]

First of all, I'm sorry for your losses, all of you.
Grief is a very lonely thing, something you can share with someone by losing the same person, but need to truly come to terms with on your own. Like my grandfather, the last close person I lost in November. His children, his wife, grandchildren- we all grieve differently. Even all the grandchildren, we're all alone, because even though we had the same family status we each had our own unique relationship.
My true honest answer is that there's no way to really "deal with it." Don't bottle it up (as I do). Let yourself cry and express your pain as you need to. But the hard fact is you have to spend the rest of your life (or forever, depending on your beliefs) without that person, and I'm still grieving over family and friends I lost years ago. It never goes away, but it gets easier with time. You develop new patterns built around the absence of your loved one, and you just go on. Sometimes you don't think about it for days or weeks, or you can think about that person and smile at your memories. Other times it's like experiencing the death all over again.
Cancer has been a curse among my family and friends, and I just found another of my friends has multiple terminal brain tumors. I'm trying to prepare myself, but you can never truly be prepared.
Grief is something we all go through, and we just do the best we can. There's no "right" and "wrong" way to grieve.

[Black_Barook!]

However, I also tend to laugh when something sad comes along. And it sucks, because people will watch me, and think I'm crazy, but its my way to cope with somethings.

However, when I am finally home alone, I bawl until I get a headache.

Yeah I do that as well. Laughter helps me detach from the experience, but sometimes, like you, I just let it all out. I don't like the headache part, though.

[5M0K3]

@howtogetridofacne: Uhh.... How did we get from talking about dealing with death to acne??

When someone I care about passes, I usually have two completely different sides to me. There's the public side, where I just act extremely distant, and people can sometimes have hard a time deciding if I'm so distraught about the death that I refuse to do anything, or if I'm just a stone cold bitch that doesn't care. However, there's also a side that only people extremely close will see, where I may break down bawling one minute, then laughing the next, then just shouting. I go absolutely crazy.

One of my closest friends is in the hospital right now, from OD'ing, and I'm already starting to gain that attitude.

Yeah. I don't deal well.

[KKiryu007Joker]

@howtogetridofacne: Uhh.... How did we get from talking about dealing with death to acne??

When someone I care about passes, I usually have two completely different sides to me. There's the public side, where I just act extremely distant, and people can sometimes have hard a time deciding if I'm so distraught about the death that I refuse to do anything, or if I'm just a stone cold bitch that doesn't care. However, there's also a side that only people extremely close will see, where I may break down bawling one minute, then laughing the next, then just shouting. I go absolutely crazy.

One of my closest friends is in the hospital right now, from OD'ing, and I'm already starting to gain that attitude.

Yeah. I don't deal well.

That's a great person, I hope they live... and you are never a bitch, ever. and that acne thing is some spam artist idiot expecting people to click that link and get a virus.

[Yazoo]

@howtogetridofacne: Uhh.... How did we get from talking about dealing with death to acne??

When someone I care about passes, I usually have two completely different sides to me. There's the public side, where I just act extremely distant, and people can sometimes have hard a time deciding if I'm so distraught about the death that I refuse to do anything, or if I'm just a stone cold bitch that doesn't care. However, there's also a side that only people extremely close will see, where I may break down bawling one minute, then laughing the next, then just shouting. I go absolutely crazy.

One of my closest friends is in the hospital right now, from OD'ing, and I'm already starting to gain that attitude.

Yeah. I don't deal well.

*hugs tightly* I am so sorry hun. I hope that your friend gets better. And naw, your not a cold hearted biotch. Its just how people deal with different stuff. And it does suck. Death is not a beautiful thing, however, it is part of life... And that sucks.

And, really how did this go from passing to acne? o.O

But one more thing...

Death is only the beginning. Never the end. Just the end of our physical bodies, not our spirits. :)

[VerDeTerre]

@howtogetridofacne: Uhh.... How did we get from talking about dealing with death to acne??

When someone I care about passes, I usually have two completely different sides to me. There's the public side, where I just act extremely distant, and people can sometimes have hard a time deciding if I'm so distraught about the death that I refuse to do anything, or if I'm just a stone cold bitch that doesn't care. However, there's also a side that only people extremely close will see, where I may break down bawling one minute, then laughing the next, then just shouting. I go absolutely crazy.

One of my closest friends is in the hospital right now, from OD'ing, and I'm already starting to gain that attitude.

Yeah. I don't deal well.

When my parents died, when I was at work I acted as if it was just another natural event that one can expect at some point in his life. I tried to adopt that attitude at home, but at some point it all came crashing down at once. I didn't want to appear vulnerable at work or give into emotions because I couldn't stop sobbing once I started. So I acted...emotionless, something like what you're describing. I think it's just a form of self-protection. You aren't cold hearted, you are grieving and everyone does that differently.

I hope your friend gets better.

[SpookyOkyBatGirl]

I still suffer everyday from the death of my best friend. He was murdered by a classmate, and sadly I got front row tickets to see it happen. I remember every single detail. I'm still not over it. I smile a lot and pretend I don't remember, but I think about him everyday.

[VerDeTerre]

I still suffer everyday from the death of my best friend. He was murdered by a classmate, and sadly I got front row tickets to see it happen. I remember every single detail. I'm still not over it. I smile a lot and pretend I don't remember, but I think about him everyday. I don't know how you would ever get over that one. How horrible. How utterly horrifying. Hopefully there will come the day when the memory of how he died and your sense of loss won't be the first thing to come to mind when you think of him. When that happens, you can start to enjoy your memories.

[Roseblossom90]

In 1999 on Christmas Eve my parents and younger sister went to North Carolina to spend Christmas with my mom's parents. I stared behind with my paternal grandparents. I will never forget that cold chill that went through my body when the phone rang and the only two words out of my grandfather's mouth were "Angie died". I was only nine years old and never in a million years did I expect to lose my mother, especially when she was only 28 years old.
To this day I cannot listen to Christmas carols or look at Christmas decor without crying. Her death pretty much stole the blissful ignorance of my childhood and now when somebody in my family doesn't call when they are supposed to or the phone rings at an odd hour I feel a sence of panic.
Religion does help me to a point, but admittedly my mother's death changed who I was and who I will be for the rest of my life. And with my daughter due to be born in a couple of weeks (who we are naming Angela after my mother) and my husband working as a mechanic on strip mines, I spend more time afraid that something will happen to one of them than I do doing anything else.

[AlexandraSpears]

When my dad died in 2000 it wasn't unexpected, as he'd been sick since 1971. Still, though, you keep thinking "yeah, he's going to die" but you keep pushing it into the future, and then you're a bit surprised when this "future" becomes the present.

I just let myself feel the pain and just work through it.

Still, I remember leaving the cemetery after the funeral and thinking that it didn't feel right to just leave him there, all alone.

[opiumgirl]

The really weird thing is both me and my husband can tell when people are going to die.

Most of the time we shut up and just tell each other, but some times we will tell very close friends.
My very good friend of 20 years had a very sick mother, she had been sick for a only a short time, but I told him she was going to die and as a result he spent every available moment with her.
When she did die he felt like he had some time with her that he otherwise would not have had.
Sorry for my morbid off topic post, I just wanted to share.

[Yazoo]

The really weird thing is both me and my husband can tell when people are going to die.

Most of the time we shut up and just tell each other, but some times we will tell very close friends.
My very good friend of 20 years had a very sick mother, she had been sick for a only a short time, but I told him she was going to die and as a result he spent every available moment with her.
When she did die he felt like he had some time with her that he otherwise would not have had.
Sorry for my morbid off topic post, I just wanted to share.

That's not morbid at all. When I was younger, I was a Sophomore in High School. And I kept having this dream about this girl. I could see the back of her head, and she kept saying

"I am going to kill myself."

And she continued to call my house. And kept saying the same thing. I kept throwing it out of my mind, until I met my best friend. I was a Senior in high school then. And we were supposed to go hang with her grandparents for a summer, her mother said no. And she was very depressed then. Before she left. And I kid you not, she called me one day saying:

"There is a rock in the yard, and it could look like an accident."

And I talked to her for four hours, and she still is alive. She is my best friend. And we always try to hang out, but seeing we live in two different cities, it makes it hard.

I know...Its not about death, but if I hadn't met her or talked to her for four hours, she may not be here.

So, opiumgirl, it's not morbid at all.

[SuicidiaParasidia]

im...actually quite the spiritual person. its not often the grief stays with me long, since grief tends to be directly anchored to the idea of "losing" something/someone...and for me, it was hard to feel like id "lost" someone when i could feel them still with me. and to illustrate, this feeling was so strong that sometimes i'd forget that the person had died and would look for them to ask them a question, only to remember a few minutes later that, oh yeah, they are dead.

for the longest time after my father died, i could feel his presence standing in my doorway at night when i went to sleep. this did not bother me, because i remembered that he would check in on us kids like that too, sometimes, while he was alive. it was comforting to instinctively know that he was still there, and i think it only encouraged me to let go of him faster.

but then, all sorts of freaky things happen around me that i cant explain, and really, i cant think of it being anything else other than spirits transcending death. and simple logic dictates that everything is energy, and energy cannot be destroyed..merely changed.
as obvious as it is to some that they do not exist, or that they go someplace after they die, it is obvious to me that they do not. i simply cant ignore what has slapped me upside the head continually in the form of personal experience, refusing to be minimized and categorized. ive come to stop fearing it and embrace it as just another facet of life. its been a while since ive felt my fathers presence, but i dont need to any more. its enough for me to know that he isnt suffering any more, wherever he is... it may even turn out that what im witnessing is "normal", and everyone else is just freakishly closed to the world. :P

and then there's that i generally dont see the big hoopla about death in the first place. the fact is, we do not know what happens, and id think itd be pretty foolish to mourn it if it turns out death is a thousand/million/billion times better than life is.

[Bodhie]

I'm so sorry for all your loss (all of you up above my post) .
Personally , I would answer the question with : You don't get over it .
In my case , the only being I ever loved was my Grand Ma . And when she died two things happen .
1- My familly took their sweet time to tell me she was gone .
2- I never attended the funeral (cose she was already 6feets under) .
3- we have a whole ocean separating us !

The whole ocean kinda help , because otherwise..the whole familly would've followed my grand ma once I'm done with them .

am I over it ? no , I don't think so . I'm just grateful I have a picture of her..so I can't and won't forget who she was and what she looked like .
And in my personal experience : Get over it usually mean Will ya shut up already!
At least...when I grieve that'S usually how it sound..lot of insensitives peoples around me lol
But for me Getting over it : is accepting that she isn't with us but watching over us or me lol
Though it is a new concept , cose the way i was raised and all . I have a hard time believing that someone who is dead is watching over you . We (in my ethnie) don't believe in after life..at least not the way christian do (or others do) .
I don't mean any offence by this , I'm getting used to the idea (and hopefully she is watching over me otherwise I,m so screwed) . But it is kinda weird when you are not used to think like that....or never heard of things like that .
So yeah...I'm not sad that she is gone . Cose she was my Goddess in life , and she will always will be .