View Full Version : The City Is Finished - Conclusion Posted
3rd Jan 2007, 12:36 AM
ITS THE END OF MY STORY, I HOPED YOU ENJOYED IT
Hi here is THE CITY: Soap Opera. Please see episodes one to six here:
PLEASE NOTE: I have changed the old episode pictures into links to make the thread load time shorter, you can still click on the links to view the picture. Latest episode images will be shown directly on thread (not a link). Thanks
THAT WAS EPISODE 1, the episodes get better as they go along, this is something of a learning curve for me.
3rd Jan 2007, 12:46 AM
Here is EPISODE 2:
3rd Jan 2007, 1:07 AM
None of the pictures are showing up.
3rd Jan 2007, 1:17 AM
Yes, they are.
3rd Jan 2007, 1:32 AM
they are showing up for me, they are linked straight from my website. If you wanna see it, just follow the link in my sig, and click on THE CITY on the menu.
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE give me feedback!!! Tell me what you think!!
If anyone else cannot see them, please let me know and ill put them on an image hosting site.
3rd Jan 2007, 2:44 AM
I really like your story idea but...
*Your text is just way too thick and the letters seem to join up together.
*And have the characters names beside where they talk isn't good either, I feel like I am reading script instead of a story, unless this is your intention.
*I like the collage idea, but there is too many pictures happening at once and its an eye sore unfortunately.
If you decide to take this on board you will find you will have a few more people reading your story :)
I like the story idea however, its good.
3rd Jan 2007, 4:36 AM
thanks for your feedback, and in response:
THICK TEXT: The reason the text is thick is because they are powerpoint slides turned into jpegs, and i dont know how to increase the quality. The original reason for the slides is to save me from doing thousands of copying an pasting into forums.
NAMES WITH DIALOGUE: Aren't meant to be read out as such, just a guide for readers, as sometimes with other peoples stories I get confused as to who is talking. The names were also there to make you more familiar with the characters names, so that by the end of season 1, people would know the characters by name. But you could be right, I will look at that and consider removing them.
COLLAGE: If you didn't like them in these 2 episodes, you arent going to like the rest of my story. The purpose of the collage was to set the scene for the story, where the viewer can almost imagin it being seen as a moving image. I know its a bit confusing, but that is where the reader needs to slow down, and look at each picture in the collage individually, and imagine what would be happening if the scenes were moving. I definately would not call it an eye-sore (but then i created it, so i am biased :) )
You maybe completely right on all of these things, but at this stage i only agree with you on the blocky text. I thought this out completely before I started and was, and still am, convinced that this style of story telling is effective.
Sorry, just wanting people to know the reasons behind the way i designed my story.
PLEASE ALSO comment on the content that i have used, i worked hard on making the sets and backdrops look good. Thanks
3rd Jan 2007, 5:07 AM
I think you're on the right track, and a good plot is developing. :) Keep writing this definetly. In regards to the comments made above:
What editing program do you use? Because if you use Photoshop Elements (I use Adobe Photoshop 4.0) you will be able to "save for web" and then choose "High quality". Instead of "save as.." (If you're confused give me a pm) This way you can upload images to photobucket without it automatically resizing them.
I think the name with dialogue is a good approach, and different. If you prefer writing this way then that is good. One thing I did notice (and I'm trying to be constructive, not harsh...) is that your writing style is a bit confusing. Is it past tense? Present tense? I don't know, I think it's a bit all over the place, but I get the general idea.
Your scenes and sets are all good. I think it's only the points made above that can be improved... but I think you're on to something, so keep at it. I'll keep reading too. :)
3rd Jan 2007, 6:31 AM
thank you tosh i appreciate your feedback. My Response:
IMAGE QUALITY: I use photoshop to edit the collages, then i place them in MS PowerPoint to make a slide show. This is where i write the text and make the background slide. I then save MS PowerPoint slide as a Jpeg. I do not know how to improve the quality when MS PowerPoint converts into a Jpeg. I will PM you still though as i would appreciate your help.
DIALOGUE: Sorry about this, I thought I had it all correct. I decided early on the make the text in the present tense. But when im typing i naturally change the style to past tense without even realising. I do check through, and have to make a lot of corrections, I thought i had got it all, but obviousely I cant have. I will re-look this, thanks for letting me know.
3rd Jan 2007, 8:01 AM
HI ALL!!! I have updated the slides on my website. Now all text should be in present tense. I still have no idea how to make MS Powerpoint produce higher quality images, i may have to change the way i go about presenting the episodes, which is a shame, because in their original powerpoint form(before being converted to Jpg), they are fantastic.
3rd Jan 2007, 9:28 PM
Nice idea going, but I find everything to be moving a little fast.
I don't think you should use Powerpoint to host your images and text, it certainly ruins the quality.
3rd Jan 2007, 9:52 PM
Hmmm ... I like it very much. I like the script approach. The pacing and dialogue remind me of a script for a daytime TV drama. The different text colors for the parts are helpful, and I actually think that the collage effect helps move the story along quickly. My favorite picture is the one with the mother's thoughts. Yup. That's what many parents WOULD think. :)
But oh, those balloons and plumbobs! They are a bit of a pain when you create a story or participate in a contest. You can get rid of them in one or more of five ways: either create another character off-set and make sure that character is the one you click, go extra-extra close and cut the balloons, etc., out, wait until the character DOESN'T have a thought balloon over his or her head, or download the hack on Simlogical, if you don't have NL. If you have NL, there is a cheat code somewhere for those. I don't know it off-hand.
I hope to read more from you.
3rd Jan 2007, 9:56 PM
Thanks for your feedback jules. I know it does go fast, but i kinda have to, to fit that chunk of the story into one episode, without using too many pictures. and i suppose its just me aswell, i dont really like stories to be drawn out, id rather get them done quick, to move along to a new story line, kinda like a prime time soap (daytime soaps drag on forever, i cant stand them)
3rd Jan 2007, 10:00 PM
3rd Jan 2007, 11:21 PM
Hey Gazania thanks for the feedback and the link. I definately don't like the thought bubbles, but the plumbob is actually helpful to me in game, the collage was one way i was hiding some plumbobs (sticking one pic just covering the plumbob, but not the rest of the pic), but some of them were unavoidable, in future, i think i will do what you suggested by having a standby actor have the pumbob while im not using them.
4th Jan 2007, 3:46 PM
Nice update :)
6th Jan 2007, 7:44 AM
Hi, here is episode 4, hope you enjoy it.
6th Jan 2007, 7:46 AM
PLEASE NOTE: Dina is not completely nude in these photos, she is wearing a custom made modesty cloth :)
7th Jan 2007, 10:28 PM
Hi episode 5 is up, hope you enjoy:
11th Jan 2007, 8:57 AM
HI THIS IS A NEW LOOK AND FORMAT TO MY STORY. You will see that the title pic is the same, but the rest is different. I took advice from readers and did the following:
-Got rid of the chunky blocky text.
-Reduced some of the collages, they are still in there, but they should be easier on the eye than the other ones.
-No more names in fron of dialogue, i have written this episode more like a story than a script
PLEASE COMMENT!! IS THIS BETTER THAN THE LAST? IS THE STORY INTERESTING? IS IT WORTH MAKING A SEASON 2? (Season 1 is episodes 1-10)
PLEASE PLEASE COMMENT!! even if only to make the posts spill on to 2 pages so its not so many pictures on one page!
OK HERE GOES NOTHING:
The first day of the School Holidays (for winter break), and Maddy strolls in to her Grandmother's bookshop enthusiastic for her first day at work. Maddy is excited to be working at the shop, as she doesn't want to be seen as someone who free-loads off her daddy's credit card, like some of the other girls at school.
"Morning Grandma!! Where do I begin?" asks Maddy, keenly.
"Ahh, Madison, I have a very important job for you to do, and it's behind that door!"
Madison walks into the back room where she gets a rude awakening.
"This storage cupboard is a mess! I want you to re-arrange all these books alphabetically."
Although slightly disheartened, Maddy makes a start on her huge task which will likely take her most of the week.
Meanwhile, down the street, Caitlin is lying on the sofa in her mother's home, stewing over what happened yesterday.
"THIS IS KILLING ME, I HAVE TO GET UP AND DO SOMETHING!!"
And do something she does. Caitlin goes and gets the Christmas decorations, and decides to decorate her mother's house. Well, she goes pretty crazy, all out with all the decorations she can possibly find. After around two hours, the house is complete, and looking extremely festive. She was just thinking that this little exercise of festivity had been therapeutic, when she hears a knock at the door...
It's Faye! Caitlin approaches the door. Faye is can hardly believe that Caitlin would let her in, when she hears the door click. It's Caitlin; she turns the lock, and removes the key. After telling Faye to get lost, Caitlin turns on the TV and turns it up loud, drowning out Faye's voice.
Having no luck with Caitlin, Fay walks down the street to her mother's bookstore. Ella (mom) stands and looks at her.
"Oh Faye, What have you done?"
Faye bursts into tears, but Ella refrains from comforting her, she is just too angry at this stage.
Meanwhile, in the storage room, Maddy gets a phone call from her dad...
"Daddy!! Hi! When are you coming to stay with us!?!?"
"Sorry baby, I gotta work, maybe closer to Christmas I can come and stay. How's your Mom?"
"She seems ok, I think. Something seems to be disturbing her, but I don't know what. Maybe she will feel better when she sees you"
"Uhh- baby I gotta go, I'll call you later..."
Before Maddy could say goodbye, he hangs up.
"Hmm, strange..." she says to herself, and then gets back to work, not thinking much of it.
Caitlin can take it no longer, she needs to go and see Chris and talk it out with him, otherwise she is going to go insane!
Faye is feeling very similar, she ponders on what she could do to make things better.
Ok readers, for your information. A car ride from Pleasantville (suburb of New Hamilton where Ella (grandma) lives, to New Hamilton city centre (where Chris' office and the Young family apartment is) takes about 20 minutes (just in case any of you were confused).
Back to the story...
Late afternoon... Caitlin walks into Chris office. Chris is VERY surprised to see her.
"Caitlin! I'm so glad to see you!!" Chris reaches in for a hug but is rejected.
"How could you Chris!?!?" Caitlin asks, tears welling up.
"Baby, I don't know what came over my, Faye propositioned me in the day, and I rejected her, and then I came home, and was so angry...and...I dunno, something from within me took over..."
"Is that the best you can do?" Caitlin sobs, folding her arms.
The conversation continued until they hear the door open...
FAYE!! Caitlin is taken aback, and Chris lowers his head, thinking that she is here to ruin everything. Caitlin is mad:
"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE!?!?"
"She is here to ruin our lives!" Chris answers.
"Wait...I will say what I need to say, then I will leave you both alone forever."
Silence. Faye continues:
"It's all my fault...I wanted Chris so bad, and i went to drastic lengths to get them. On Saturday, we were working, Chris asked for some coffee. When i was making it, I put a double dose of love potion 8.5 into it. It would make me irresistible to him. An hour later, I propositioned him, and I was surprised, the potion didn't work, he rejected me. I went home disappointed, and as I lay reading, i heard a knock on the door...the rest is history. Now I have confessed, I will be leaving New Hamilton, and I won't be coming back. I am sorry for what I did, and hope that one day both of you can forgive me....Goodbye."
Faye leaves the office.
Caitlin tries to wrap her head around what she just said.
"I- I don't think I can blame you anymore." Caitlin finally says, her head still spinning.
"S-so does that mean you forgive me?" Chris asks.
"Yeah, I guess that means I do..."
They embrace; Chris is relieved that all the trouble is over.
Later that evening...
The Young family are together again! Everyone appears happy after roller coaster ride of pain and emotions.
Faye peeks through the door, just feeling glad that she could undo all the wrong she had done.
She leaves a goodbye letter for everyone at the door of her motherís house.
Although sad she will not see her family for a very long time, she feels comfort that they are together again. With that, she gets in her car, and drives away.
ON THE NEXT EPISODE: It's Christmas eve, and Maddy gets more than one Christmas suprise!! STAY TUNED!!!
12th Jan 2007, 12:59 PM
Hi, me again, could someone just reply to let me know that they are following the story? or of you are remotely interested? or even if are figments of my imagination??
13th Jan 2007, 6:29 AM
i just read the whole thing, it's good. But it could use a juicier plot in the next season. But DO NOT get discouraged like I did from my story, you have great talent.
13th Jan 2007, 7:26 AM
thanks for your encouragement, i appreciate it, and dont worry, the season finale will be a killer!
19th Jan 2007, 10:34 PM
due to lack of popularity, we here at Willz Studios have decided not to go ahead with the second season of THE CITY. As I have already written the remaining 4 episodes in the season (episodes 7 to 10), I will finish them, and post them once they are completed. Thanks to those who have commented on my story, your feedback has been valuable and I have learned a lot. Im sorry that my story was not compelling enough to hold peoples interest, and I will be taking all I have learnt and putting it into future stories that will be of a higher quality. THINGS TO WATCH OUT FOR IN THE FUTURE FROM WILLZ STUDIOS:
GIVING THE DREAM: Nina Caliente hosts this exciting new show where disadvantaged communities get the chance to see their dream fulfilled.
THE CITY SPIN OFF SERIES... I cannot reveal much of this may give some plot information away for the final plots in the last 4 episodes of THE CITY.
19th Jan 2007, 10:36 PM
THE CITY: Episode 7 Will be posted later today.
20th Jan 2007, 1:09 AM
At the risk of this sounding like a "canned" response:
Write what you feel. Express yourself! Obviously, SOME people like your story; if no one else does, write for THOSE people. Even if there aren't as many as you hoped.
And I do like your story. As I see it, it's going at a "daytime drama" pace, with "daytime drama" situations. Daytime dramas are NOT the same as nighttime dramas. If you stuck a "24"-type plot into your story, it would seem strained.
Of course, resorting to the often-used plots here might spice things up (I won't mention them because I don't want to hurt any feelings, but I think many of us know what they are, and I admire authors who can take these tried-and-true scenarios and make something very different in the end.). But I think you have to be true to yourself, and write in a way that you feel comfortable.
Keep doing what you're doing, accept truly constructive criticism, and realize that people are reading what you're writing. :)
20th Jan 2007, 1:34 AM
sorry never watch 24, so i dont know what you mean. anyway i figure if no-one comments, no-one is reading. I would rather finish a story, than one or two people to follow it on through the seasons, not commenting on it. i think it needs to be more fun, thrilling and exciting, rather than cliche and monotonous. didnt realise that it was until i read through the episodes myself, it wasnt the worst story ive read, but it doesnt really leave me wanting to know what happens next. The spin off show will be more fun, just have to get a bit more creative. BUT one thing it will NOT BE is depressing. So many depressing stories out there, girl cant have guy so she overdoses on pills, too fat, too skinny, too ugly, teens getting abused, its just all too depressing.
anyway, just about to post episode 7.
20th Jan 2007, 1:41 AM
It's Christmas Eve, and the Young family are staying at Grandma's. Chris and Caitlin have been making up for lost time after hearing Faye's confession (of using love potion to seduce Chris, but if you had been viewing last episode, you would already know that).
Time is getting on, and Chris and Caitlin have much to do, so they decide to rise out of bed and start the day.
Caitlin puts her face on, and heads for the breakfast table.
They have had breakfast and are sitting around chatting, when Ella comes up with an idea.
"Maybe we should go to the midnight church service tonight."
"That's a good idea!" exclaims Caitlin. "I'll need coffee though, I'm tired as it is, without having to stay up to the wee hours." Caitlin's attention turns to Maddy. "What are your plans today, Madison?"
"I want to go and see Conrad, seeing as we aren't taking him to the beach house for the holidays, seeing as we aren't even going to the beach house for the holidays!" Maddy's voice had a mixture of sarcasm and resentment.
"You'll get over it." Caitlin says, ignoring the tone of her daughter's voice.
As they sit talking, Maddy hears her phone ring. "I'll take that in private, it's Conrad!" Maddy walks into the hallway while her parents remain talking at the table.
Maddy answers the phone: "Hey babe!"
"Hey," Conrad replies, "What are you doing today?"
"Well I'm hoping to visit you, if you'll have me."
"Definitely, I have a surprise for you, come over to my apartment as soon as possible."
"I'll come over right now!" Maddy is excited about her surprise.
"I'll be waiting." With that, Conrad ends the conversation and makes his way up to his apartment.
Little does Maddy know that her parents are preparing a surprise for her, too.
Maddy arrives, knocks on the door and is greeted by Conrad. Conrad smiles and invites her in.
They sit on the couch and make out for a while, when Maddy cannot wait any longer: "Ok Conrad, enough, where is my surprise?"
Conrad smiles "I want to give you something very important to me...My virginity."
Maddy laughs, "THAT'S FUNNY!!"
"I'm deadly serious..."
Maddy stops laughing, she looks into his eyes, and sees that he is not joking. Maddy speaks... "Ok". Conrad picks her up and takes her into the bedroom.
THIS PART IS FOR THE READER TO IMAGINE....:)
Some time passes......
"That was great" Maddy says as she kisses Conrad once more.
"Yeah" replies Conrad, deeply satisfied. "There is one more surprise I wanna give you."
"What's that?" Maddy looks slightly puzzled.
"It's only words, but they are powerful...I LOVE YOU."
Maddy gasps, but says nothing. Conrad tries to read her face. After a long silence, her surprised look becomes a smile, and excitedly she screams "I LOVE YOU TOO!!!!" They both kiss, which is interrupted with a phone call.
"Hi Mom, what's up?"
"You need to come back quickly, I have a surprise for you."
"Ok then I'll come now"
Maddy makes her way back from central New Hamilton, down to the quaint suburb of Pleasantville, where Grandma lives.
She walks in the front door and asks her mother: "Where's the surprise?"
"Close your eyes and follow me," Caitlin takes her by the hand and leads her outside to behind the garage where her surprise is waiting for her.
"Ok...open your eyes!"
Maddy opens her eyed to see a brand new car before her eyes. Chris hands her the keys and says "Merry Christmas sweetheart"
Maddy jumps up and down and screams, she never expected something like this for Christmas. It was hugs and kisses all round as it appeared the Young family were finally back on track.
Later that evening
The Young family celebrates the real meaning of Christmas with the rest of the congregation, who join as one to give thanks to God for their lives and families.
ON THE NEXT EPISODE: The Young family will never be the same again.
24th Jan 2007, 5:05 AM
huh yeah so i deleted sims 2 off my comp, decided i was spending too much time at my computer. And all the good tv shows are coming out anyways. So I thought I better wrap up the story so if anyone was reading, they could find closure. I have no pictures due to the impulsive deletion of my game, but here what was going to happen in episodes 8,9 and 10:
For a new years treat, Chris took Maddy for a helicopter ride. To cut long story short, the helicopter crashed, and they landed in the bush. The pilot pulled Chris and Maddy from the wreckage before it exploded, but it was in vain. Both Maddy and Chris lost their lives in the crash, which devastated Caitlin. Unable to move on with her life in New Hamilton, she moved to New York to start a new life there. This was going to be made into a spin-off story, but i have deleted my studio, so that may not happen for a while, after a month i will probably re-install the game and make the series. Although I wont release the first episode until i have completed the series.
Thanks to all who read this story.
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