Jade Ewen

[Elena Swan]

Maybe you know I won the writing concurss in my school.
This was my story:
JADE EWEN
Yeah, I take the name from Eurovision :rofl: :lol: :rofl: :rofl: :lol:

Jade Ewen:

Jade Ewen lay on the snow, waiting for the silence's voice silent her forever. The cold wind caressed her white skin and felt sorry for her misfortune as a protective mother. And that was why she had reached the aim of traveling thousands of miles away just by her daughter Elinor.

Jade recalled her wedding day, shortly after Andrew took her away from the forgotten streets of Paris to reveal his love.
Years after Elinor born. She was the most beautiful baby that Jade would never see. Her daughter's childhood was hard, but nothing like her own, locked in the unreal world that her parents created for her.


This is the start.
Tell me your opinion, please. :bunny:

[Elena Swan]

Soooo...

[Lavaster]

sounds great so far! I really like it, and am wondering what "locked in an unreal world that her parents created for her"... that sounds really neat!

[Hydroxide]

A good opening to a story, just make sure you have something to back up this impressive statement.
Put in a lot of ideas and take out the best, then build on it. I remember from when I wrote stories for the exchange, I lost interest in my stories because I would start off with something amazing and finish with nothing. It wasn't even interesting by the end.
Just remember to keep the ideas flowing and not to rely on the one you start out with.

[Elena Swan]

Thank you very much for your comments!

Ok...


Elinor always considered part of her life the marginalization that she had been subjected. Her only friend, Loren, had to leave the city early, forced by her parents. Though her free time, Elinor never dived in the studies. She was distracted drawing the house of her dreams, the perfect husband, the perfect children and other wishes, giving her an artificial and ephemeral happiness. It seemed to the youth of Jade, who took refuge in the darkness of her simple home. Her parents told her about her splendid future. That she will live in the most beautiful mansion, she will marry a prince of dreams and she will have ten sweet children. Only happened one thing: her husband.

Andrew didn't have money, he lived very poor in his house and could not continue working. But that did not matter to Jade. He had traveled to France to be with his father the last months of his remaining life. Walking, a thirteen of May, he met Jade, a beautiful girl, who sat under a window. Andrew moved into the alley and ask her:

It will continue... :bunny:

[Elena Swan]

So what do you think?

[kamile257]

Hey Elena =))), Nice story,plz continue,i want to read more xd

[Elentari412]

Very interesting. If you post a larger chunk, I could help with crit. and stuff a bit. I like it so far, great detailing. Just remember, Show vs. Tell. Try to show your characters instead of listing off details. e.x. Alyn nibbled on the stubs that were left of her fingernails as she waited for the train to come. vs. Alyn was nervous.