Hilarious family stories

[fraroc]

anybody got some really funny stories about their family?!

Me, I live in a house with a very nice older brother, a bitchy guy-crazy older sister, an annoying Dad and a mom who thinks she's queen. Every single day seems like a funny story to me.....

[Sparklycookie]

Sounds like a bad 1990s sitcom.

[ElementMK]

I'm waiting patiently for someone to come in with a terribly depressing story that's "not ha-ha funny, I guess".

[frankokomando]

One time I broke a window and my mom grounded me =/

[Rawra]

I don't know if it counts, but it's really strange how I met my sister. Back in Elementary school, she was our Romanian teacher for a year. Everybody used to tell me how much we resemble. They really didn't believe me when I told them she isn't my sister. It was, well, awkward.

Up until the September of last year, my parents didn't bother checking anything about her, to see if she's really my sister. Then, my father met one of his girlfriends back in the days, and took some time to share memories, you know? Yeah, whatever. That's when she told him that she became pregnant with him, but never let him know. Guess who was the child? My sister. I wasn't actually surprised by the news, as it was pretty logical, but I did my best to act so.

I'm really glad I have found my sister, because we're so much alike and we really get along well.

[PharaohHound]

Not sure if this qualifies. I got my arm sliced open by our trailer door while my whole family (myself included) was chasing a groundhog that stole my dad's baseball cap.

Trufax. We were camping in Arizona. I was five, I've still got the scar. In all fairness "sliced open" is a bit of an exaggeration, but certainly felt like it as a five-year-old. And I do believe we got the hat back... hat and groundhog both unharmed.

[fraroc]

Angela (my sis) keeps telling me of this time when I threw up hot dogs in the car and it ran down the seats and my mom had to get the entire car cleaned XD The strange thing is that me and Colton (my older bro) don't remember it.

[missy harries]

Well there's one story about me that my nan likes to pull out and one I can actually remember (I was very young about 3-4).
One day at my nans I overhear her telling my mother that the cat (Spot) needed a bath, so I as always wanted to help and thought I'd bath him for my nan, *dilema* not able to reach into the bathtub so problem solving skills put into action, it seemed the toilet bowl was just the right height for me and needing something to scrub him with I used the toilet brush since it was right there......... The poor cat just let me wash him in the toilet *bless* untill both my nan and mum were standing in the doorway laughing at what was keeping me so quiet for so long. He definitely needed a bath after that!

[acid_paradox]

One time, during a family reunion, my cousins and I pushed our great-grandmother into the lake. We laughed so hard, she kept on screaming. It was hilarious. She drowned. It's not ha-ha funny, but you know...

[fraroc]

^^

Its obvious he's bullshiting us....

But anyway, another funny story. I was snooping around in my sister's bedroom that was absolutley covered in posters of Hugh Jackman. What my sister does is that she takes her lipstick and writes stuff on them like "HUGH JACKMAN ES MUY CALIENTE!!!" and "HUGH JACKMAN IS HOT AND JUSTIN BIEBER IS AN UGLY GIRL" She even vandalizes posters of Nicole Kidman and writes stuff like "SKANKY SLUT" , "UGLY DEAD BITCH SKANK-A-RONA" and "MAN STEALING WHOREBAG" I decided to fuck around with it and where she wrote "SKANKY SLUT" I wrote in pen, "Angela is a" ( I know I'm evil.)

Then a day later, I'm in the kitchen, and Angela is talking on the phone with her friend. She then goes "Oh, hold on a second" before I realized it (WHAP) She pistol-whips me with the phone. "That's what you get for messing up my posters YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE!!!!!"

It was so worth it......

[acid_paradox]

^^

Its obvious he's bullshiting us....


By the way I'm a chick. Common mistake on and off the internet, so I forgive you.
Most people don't get my sick sense of humor. Just to verify, my great-grandmother is actually alive and well, nearing 100 years old.

Umm... well here's a -true- funny story that shows how fucked up my family is.
Once, on my cousin's first day of kindergarten, during introductions when asked what his name was, he answered "motherfucking bastard". Turns out it was because my before-mentioned great-grandmother had been calling him that since he was two...

[lethifold]

My family (mum, dad, older brother) went to visit my grandparents up in Queensland when I was five and my brother was seven or so. We arrived on time, but my grandparents are less than organised and weren't home yet. I really needed to use a bathroom and had just endured a 16 hour car trip, so nothing was going to get me back in that car to take me to a public toilet. Instead, we made my brother climb up a tree near the only open window in the whole house, climb in, and run around to the front and let us in.

My grandparents were a little more than shocked when they arrived home to find us already settled in with the kettle on and a game of Scrabble in the works,

[Alan_Gast]

One time when I was five, I was bitten by a donkey. My family just love bringing it up.

I've been terrified of equestrians ever since.

[maxon]

One time when I was five, I was bitten by a donkey. My family just love bringing it up.

I've been terrified of equestrians ever since.
It's funny how events affect people differently. I was also bitten as a (small) child - I think I was about three. The horse bit me on the face and I could see right down his throat. I love horses. The bite didn't put me off in the slightest.

But what have equestrians got to do with it? Do you not like people who ride horses?

[VampireSim]

When I was 6 or 7 years old, I was fascinated by magicians. I also wanted to learn how to do conjuring tricks. My parents bought me a set of things for magic novices like marked cards or shell game. Then I saw the handcuffs. I tried to escape after I understood how to handle them and it worked fine.

Time for my appearance. My audience: my grandmother
My parents visited friends and we both were alone.
I asked my grandmother to assist me, showed her the handcuffs and chained her to the heating pipe.
As thousand times tested before, i tried to unlock my grandmother, but I failed. Something went wrong. Really wrong. I couldn't free her.

When my parents came back, they saw my grandmother chained and I was so afraid, that I crawled under my bed.