friends with benefits

[opiumgirl]

I am not talking about the movie.
Although it made me think of this topic.
Have you had this type of relationship? TMI you don't have to tell the details, only if you think this is possible/or not. I am very curious about relationships in general and how people feel about them.

[DrowningFishy]

I think the whole friends with benifits thing is stupid. Really is it so hard to wait till your in a relationship with somebody. Jeez first people couldn't wait for marriage, now people cant'' wait to "fall in love". I know one guy who'd probably say don't do it. He had a FWB situation and that created a daughter, now the womans super clingy and won't let he be with anyone.

[SimsLover50]

I've never been in this situation, so I can't really judge. As long as both parties are aware of eachothers STD status, and they are honest about their expectations and use bc its up to them to decide how they want to act and behave, and to accept the consequences if there are any. =-)

[shoo_flee]

It doesn't work for everyone. Me and my ex started as friends with benafits, which lead to us falling in love and having an amazing 3 year relasionship, but we did have a very messy break up 3 months ago. And i may be entering another friends with benafits situation shortly, but its something we have heavily discussed and agreed to terms like we can bring back other people back to the flat (student living in halls) and its a much more open arrangment than my previous one, and its strictly sex nothing else, no feelings involved.

I think for the right people it can work and be handy for attending to needs lol, but its hard for feelings not to creep in and jealously! So if your a jealous person then dont do it :)

[Rawra]

I think the whole friends with benifits thing is stupid. Really is it so hard to wait till your in a relationship with somebody. Jeez first people couldn't wait for marriage, now people cant'' wait to "fall in love". I know one guy who'd probably say don't do it. He had a FWB situation and that created a daughter, now the womans super clingy and won't let he be with anyone.

Why would they wait for marriage? To me, marriage is too "forever", at least at my age, and if I have an opportunity, I am not going to miss it because I'm not married. :P

[5M0K3]

Hey, if it's what someone wants to do, I say let 'em do it! I personally would never be in a FWB relationship, simply because, with my jealous/clingy/lovey personality, I would act jealous/clingy/lovey. If someone doesn't really care about romance, but just wants a sex partner, I suppose you can do that. Sex means different things to different people.

[opiumgirl]

What I wonder is if a FWB relationship can ever have a good outcome.
What do you do when you or your friend becomes involved with someone? Do you revert to friends? Does the significant other know about your relationship? What happens if you and your FWB are very good friends and the significant other is jealous of your friendship regardless of the fact that it no longer has benefits?

[shoo_flee]

What I wonder is if a FWB relationship can ever have a good outcome.
What do you do when you or your friend becomes involved with someone? Do you revert to friends? Does the significant other know about your relationship? What happens if you and your FWB are very good friends and the significant other is jealous of your friendship regardless of the fact that it no longer has benefits?

Well my first one defo had a good outcome! We ended up very committed to each other and in a full on relasionship for 3 years, but thats is defo not what we planned! But i think those feelings were always there to start with we were just both too scared of the 'commitment' aspect so started as FWB, and gradually edged into a relasionship.

In regards to your other questions- i think if one partner then got into a more serious relasionship with someone else can complicate matters somewhat :/ Cos their new partner would most likely not be happy with them being friends with someone they used to bang and only stopped becuase of them :/ I know i wouldnt!

[DrowningFishy]

Why would they wait for marriage? To me, marriage is too "forever", at least at my age, and if I have an opportunity, I am not going to miss it because I'm not married. :P

I don't know who waits either, but the point was is societies changes to sex. Before it was not acceptable before marriage, now it is acceptable, and now were changing to you don't even need to be with someone just friends. Guess could be worse you could just be having random flings with strangers.

[lauratje86]

I think they can work, but they haven't for me! I had one FWB experience last year, and I will certainly never be doing it again. I found it much too complicated, and jealousy did creep in on my part (and his to some extent). It ended when he started a relationship with someone else. He and I are still vaguely friends, but I feel awkward around his gf and I don't know if she knows that he and I slept together. It's just weird!

Having said which, our whole little group dynamics thing is pretty weird nowadays, for various reasons, so that probably doesn't help!

[Rawra]

Guess could be worse you could just be having random flings with strangers.

Well, that happens sometimes. :lol:

[DrowningFishy]

Well, that happens sometimes. :lol:

1 tequila , 2 tequila, 3 tequila, 4 tequila-Where em I, and who are you? :Pint:

[Drakesecaravdis]

I'm sorta in this now. I mean you could say we are dating but we are not official. like when we were at the fair and the guy asked him if I was his gf he said "no she's just someone who followed me around :P)
but he has come further than he's ever been because he actually held my hand when we were waiting for the ferris wheel
we don't have sex though (although part of me wishes we did...I'm tired of being at the same place and am ready to go to the next level)

I would say it's not an ideal situation though. if you want to do it for sex (besides the fact that I think sex without passion is morally wrong) people might end up catching feelings and it would mess things up. it's definitely bad if the person that's not ready is doing it for the other person who'd be willing to commit because that other person is going to end up hurt
in my case, it's not bad because
a) I'm not one to call a person and most of the time I don't have an incredible urge to see him. you could say I'm kind of a loner IRL. why do you think I'm on the internet? :P
I don't even see friends that much so...I'm mostly fine with keeping to myself esp now that I got my Pom.
b) I don't expect anything from him. I enjoy the company of him when he has been here
c) as much as I hate to admit it, it probly helps that we haven't had sex (still though I'd be willing to take the risk)

[DrowningFishy]

@Drakesecaravdis I had this whole you could say were dating but it's not offical dating crap. Okay I can understand if it's like one or two days but please decide yes or no... ... Currently in this mess now thus the negtive feelings. Guess you consider us Friends with groping (I have grabbed his man boobs a few times jokingly-Longstoryanotherdaymaybe)

[opiumgirl]

I'm sorta in this now. I mean you could say we are dating but we are not official. like when we were at the fair and the guy asked him if I was his gf he said "no she's just someone who followed me around :P)
but he has come further than he's ever been because he actually held my hand when we were waiting for the ferris wheel
we don't have sex though (although part of me wishes we did...I'm tired of being at the same place and am ready to go to the next level)

This is an interesting situation to me because I would never find myself in it.
As far as romantic relationships go I am a very on or off type person. I expect my prospective partner to make up their minds one way or another and to let me know asap.
I don't go in for short-term relationships and I have never (blush) dated in my life- ok once when I was in high school. :)

As for the sex bit, I guess that is what FWB are for. I would rather have sex with a friend I know and trust, no strings, than have sex with a random stranger. At least I know where the friend has been.

I would say it's not an ideal situation though. if you want to do it for sex (besides the fact that I think sex without passion is morally wrong) people might end up catching feelings and it would mess things up. it's definitely bad if the person that's not ready is doing it for the other person who'd be willing to commit because that other person is going to end up hurt

I think the term FWB implies a sexual side to the friendship otherwise it would just be a friend. I agree with you that it is not ideal though because sex can so very easily invoke feelings. If you want to be stay friends you have to be very open and honest with each other.
Sometimes people have reasons for not wanting to have a relationship.
As for the sex without passion being morally wrong? I really don't agree with you.
I think sex without passion is sad and boring. I also think you can have absolutely mind-boggling, passionate sex with someone you do not love. I don't think is is wrong, I am not even sure I would classify sex as a moral issue. I thinks society stigmatizes sex and give it way too much of the wrong kind of attention. Hey but that is just me and I am known to be freak ;)

[Kierne]

FWB's requires a certain level of maturity, and more honesty than almost any other kind of relationship. I've only been in one, cut off mutually because he decided to give his serious girlfriend a second chance (long story there, Sim soap-opera worthy romantic mess). It does have its pros and cons. You know where he's been/what if you fall in love with him? You know what kind of person he is/what if you fall in love with someone else? He's a good friend, you don't want to hurt his feelings... Complicated. I decided I'm too old for that random shenannigans, and am looking for a long term relationship. No head cases need apply!

[KKiryu007Joker]

FWB sounds silly to me. I don't even believe in the idea of sex without an emotional relationship.

[Drakesecaravdis]

This is an interesting situation to me because I would never find myself in it.
As far as romantic relationships go I am a very on or off type person. I expect my prospective partner to make up their minds one way or another and to let me know asap.
I don't go in for short-term relationships and I have never (blush) dated in my life- ok once when I was in high school. :)

As for the sex bit, I guess that is what FWB are for. I would rather have sex with a friend I know and trust, no strings, than have sex with a random stranger. At least I know where the friend has been.



I think the term FWB implies a sexual side to the friendship otherwise it would just be a friend. I agree with you that it is not ideal though because sex can so very easily invoke feelings. If you want to be stay friends you have to be very open and honest with each other.
Sometimes people have reasons for not wanting to have a relationship.
As for the sex without passion being morally wrong? I really don't agree with you.
I think sex without passion is sad and boring. I also think you can have absolutely mind-boggling, passionate sex with someone you do not love. I don't think is is wrong, I am not even sure I would classify sex as a moral issue. I thinks society stigmatizes sex and give it way too much of the wrong kind of attention. Hey but that is just me and I am known to be freak ;)

well we've done pretty much everything except sex (hand jobs, dry humping etc.) so you could probly still classify us as FWB
I believe that you could probly have passionate sex and not be in love but most of the time you have to have some kind of romantic feelings for them (meaning at least have a crush)
see I find it wrong because sex is supposed to be for love. I believe the euphemism is making love for a reason. I'll admit that I have had sex with my ex who I had no feelings for but that is because a) he initiated it and b) I have never had the chance to think of sex as a pleasurable thing (I won't go into it because it is personal)
I definitely would not do it again, not only because he's a bad fuck (it went so fast the first time and since I have never had that that's probly why I enjoyed it) and not only because he's an ass now but because I don't think the fact that we had sex was right

[opiumgirl]

Ok I'll tell you about my experience with this,
Way back when I was at university, my boyfriend went on a church camp, phoned me up the next day and told me he was leaving me for Jesus.
After this I did not feel that I want to be in a relationship in a hurry as I felt devastated and betrayed.

Enter this guy I knew. We had a lot in common, were both a bit cynical and he had a bizarre on/off relationship that was more off than on.We decided to be FWB.
This worked great for us, was never weird and continued until both of us moved away. No regrets.

This is where the sim-opera comes in. TA DA

7 years later I move back to town having just left my first husband. Guess who I run into my first week back?
My friend, also divorced (he married the on/off girl) ,He is a single parent and his girlfriend is in another country.
We become best friends, without benefits this time. Just really close friends. His girlfriend is jealous (btw she did not know about our history)
before she returns she tells him to choose between us.
He chooses her because he believes her the love of his life and I lose my best friend and confidant. I was hart broken,

[maxon]

FWB sounds like some made-up category to me. Don't you just mean a relationship where you decide to have sex without making a commitment and where you both agree you can have other relationships? This used to be called an Open Relationship (which is another made up label). As for whether it can ever work, just like all other sorts of relationships, that will depend on the people involved and how much they really are committed to the open-ness. Simslover is right, honesty is the requisite quality.

[opiumgirl]

FWB sounds like some made-up category to me. Don't you just mean a relationship where you decide to have sex without making a commitment and where you both agree you can have other relationships? This used to be called an Open Relationship (which is another made up label). As for whether it can ever work, just like all other sorts of relationships, that will depend on the people involved and how much they really are committed to the open-ness. Simslover is right, honesty is the requisite quality.

Certainly it is a relationship where you decide to have sex without a commitment. I have never thought about it in terms having other relationships at the time, more instead of, if you get what I mean?
I do agree with you about made-up labels, although I think we are aware (most of us) that they are made up and only use them for simplification in conversation. I agree with the rest of your statement absolutely

[vhanster]

So, what kind of relationship is "friends with benefit" anyway? :|

[opiumgirl]

So, what kind of relationship is "friends with benefit" anyway? :|

As far as I understand it. It is a friend you have sex with for the sake of sex, with no romantic attachment or expectation. :)

[vhanster]

Eh. then that's not friends at all, isn't it. Just sex partners

[5M0K3]

Eh. then that's not friends at all, isn't it. Just sex partners That's true. But "acquaintances with benefits" sounds less "appealing".

[haricots]

That's true. But "acquaintances with benefits" sounds less "appealing".
Strangers with benefits.. Nope, not good at all..

[treeag]

Friends with benefits and sex partners aren't the same thing imo.

FWB sounds silly to me. I don't even believe in the idea of sex without an emotional relationship.

I wholeheartedly agree!

[opiumgirl]

Eh. then that's not friends at all, isn't it. Just sex partners

I don't think so, at least in my case we were certainly friends. We were just not in a romantic relationship and had no desire to be. Having sex with each-other certainly kept me from making stupid mistakes in the relationship department, because at the time I was young and when you are young and horny and not very experienced with relationships you can make very bad choices. My first husband would be a good example ;)

[crocobaura]

I don't think so, at least in my case we were certainly friends. We were just not in a romantic relationship and had no desire to be. Having sex with each-other certainly kept me from making stupid mistakes in the relationship department, because at the time I was young and when you are young and horny and not very experienced with relationships you can make very bad choices. My first husband would be a good example ;)


You can't learn about love relationships when you're stuck in a friends with benefits relation. If you would have spent that time involved in relationships based on love you might have had more luck with choosing your first husband and dealing with the demands and expectations of a committed relationship.

[itsamariokart]

I've sort of done it. Me and my boyfriend broke up but we still done... stuff :/ It was a bit weird. I wouldn't do it again, made everything too messy. I'm sure it would be fine with some people though.

[lauratje86]

Eh. then that's not friends at all, isn't it. Just sex partners

I'd be inclined to disagree here. Myself and my FWB guy were definitely friends - still are, in fact, even though its been months since we stopped sleeping together and we're both now in relationships with other people.

We didn't just meet up for sex, we also enjoyed each others company, spent time doing other stuff, and watched a heck of a lot of films and tv shows :-)

Just sex partners, to me, would be more like a one-night stand type thing where you don't really know the person and don't want to get to know them better, at least not as a friend. I've never done that, and I don't intend to. I prefer to know the people I'm sleeping with. Even my one-night stand was with a guy I was friends with and had known for years.

I've had one one-night stand, one FWB thing and a whole bunch of relationships, and I certainly prefer relationships, for many many reasons. But I can see how one-nights stands and FWBs could suit other people, and that's entirely up to them. My experiences have made it clear to me that I'd rather avoid them in future!

[opiumgirl]

You can't learn about love relationships when you're stuck in a friends with benefits relation. If you would have spent that time involved in relationships based on love you might have had more luck with choosing your first husband and dealing with the demands and expectations of a committed relationship.

Wow! :blink:
Stuck? In a consensual relationship with no strings? I don't understand what you mean?

At the time I had just been left by my boyfriend that I loved very much. His church demanded that he break up with me. Subsequently I had a couple of disastrous relationships based on love all before I even met my first husband.

By the time I did meet him I had been celibate for 2 years and he was blond with blue eyes and a swimmers body. I think that this illustrates my point of horny people making bad relationship decisions.

[WayBack]

My longest FWB relationship had lasted four years. Quite honestly, if I had waited for the true love, I would have been a 33-year-old virgin :lol:

[crocobaura]

Wow! :blink:
Stuck? In a consensual relationship with no strings? I don't understand what you mean?


You were saying that the relationship with benefits with your friend kept you from making stupid mistakes in the love relationships department. All I'm saying is that it merely delayed the inevitable, everyone makes mistakes when they are young and without much experience.


By the time I did meet him I had been celibate for 2 years and he was blond with blue eyes and a swimmers body. I think that this illustrates my point of horny people making bad relationship decisions.

I'm pretty sure you didn't marry him just because of those reasons.

[opiumgirl]

You were saying that the relationship with benefits with your friend kept you from making stupid mistakes in the love relationships department. All I'm saying is that it merely delayed the inevitable, everyone makes mistakes when they are young and without much experience.

Ok I understand what you are saying now. Every-one does make mistakes sure. I still think that if you are young hormones sometimes get mistaken for love and this is why FWB can be useful. Or not, it depends on the person.

I'm pretty sure you didn't marry him just because of those reasons.

I know it sounds absurd and shallow. The circumstances were complicated.
Unfortunately if I break it down that is exactly why I married him, pure lust.
When I met him I thought he was a twit. When I realized that not only I didn't love him, I didn't even like him and if I met him randomly I would not give him the time of day, I left him immediately.

[KKiryu007Joker]

Strangers with benefits.. Nope, not good at all..

Sounds about like what we're talking about here though.

[Yazoo]

I've been there actually. Friends with benefits, sucks. Here is why:

1) There is a huge chance that one will fall for the other, and then the other doesn't feel the same.

2) One becomes stuck up prude, and then makes them think they are amazing.

Let me just say this, I've been there, I was a friend with benefits. I know that the girl I was doing this with, liked me (still will deny it) because she did everything in her power to make me "jealous" and it never worked, because I didn't feel the same about her, sure I did things for her. Make her food so she can take her pain pills. I was a friend, and not to mention, I was used until I was that old Sunday paper, and she wanted something else. Its a messy thing to get involved with, because usually, it ends the friendship completely. Mine did, and that wench stole movies and video games from me. But one thing she did NOT steal from me, is my self-pride. Because even when I did that stuff, I didn't develop an ego the size of Alaska.

[DrowningFishy]

My longest FWB relationship had lasted four years. Quite honestly, if I had waited for the true love, I would have been a 33-year-old virgin :lol:

I know several men on their way to be 33 year old virgins. Nothing wrong with it... Okay maybe the reasons why they are but i'm just saying.

[Oaktree]

I know several men on their way to be 33 year old virgins. Nothing wrong with it... Okay maybe the reasons why they are but i'm just saying.

Well, I think the issue is that most men don't want to be 33-year-old virgins. Most people have a sex drive and would be frustrated by waiting that long. :P

[DrowningFishy]

Well, I think the issue is that most men don't want to be 33-year-old virgins. Most people have a sex drive and would be frustrated by waiting that long. :P

YEah the guys I know are geek/otaku, or just big otaku. They could have a hot girl strip nakkie jump them and say f-me and they'll fall over like fainting goats. If the thing about harry palms were true we'll they'd have one hell of a jungle on their hands. -sigh- But that's alright if any of em hit 40 and hopeless you I always hire someone who's skilled at taking it away. :lol: Man we need to start a friends for hire category. X-) Safer prostitution.

[Lawli-Lawli]

Sometimes you just need that release, but not by your own hand, so why not get it from someone (from a person you know and trust, or not so much- however you like to get down) else instead?

I see no prob with it.

[WayBack]

Sometimes you just need that release, but not by your own hand, so why not get it from someone (from a person you know and trust, or not so much- however you like to get down) else instead?

Agreed. It's nice to love yourself but it doesn't have the element of surprise that comes with a lover. Masturbation is only as good as your imagination is. Also, vibrators won't hug you after sex :giggler:

[opiumgirl]

Agreed. It's nice to love yourself but it doesn't have the element of surprise that comes with a lover. Masturbation is only as good as your imagination is. Also, vibrators won't hug you after sex :giggler:

:D
my FWB once made me breakfast in bed, washed my hair for me and then told me to get a move on since he had a majour exam and needed to study! I liked the directness and I thought it was hilarious. :)

[pinketamine]

I had one of this relationships long ago and it was perfectly fine. We were actually friends and from time to time we had sex, both parts agreed, no hurt feelings, no compromises... it worked.
Problems in this kind of relationships usually come when one of the two parts starts having "different feelings" about the other.. i.e. falls in love or similar. They usually end when one of them finds a "real couple" or just because the lose the mutual sexual attraction.

Honestly I don't have any reason to disagree with this, each one should do whatever they want and having sex with a friend shouldn't harm anyone.

[tovasshi]

My husband and I are swingers. I have two FWB and my husband knows fully everything I do, and I know everything he does. Neither of us has ever had an STI (they are no longer called STDs in the medical community). The lifestyle isn't for everyone, but it's what works best for us. Before my husband and I even got married we decided we wanted to live this lifestyle.

How people conduct their sex lives is a personal choice and no one should ever shame another person for their sexuality or how they choose to enjoy it (provided all people involved are consenting adults).

[morphius1]

Friends with benefits? I'm all for it. I have been in too many relationships and tired of it. I see nothing wrong with it.