Tears of Torment *Chapter 18 Up* ~ Officially Finished!

[StaceyV10389]

Hi there, this is my first story (that I've posted anyway) and I hope you guy's like it. I'd appreciate any feedback whatsoever, so yeah :) .

~Introduction~

I cried. I cried hard and long. I screamed and kicked and punched and lunged and scratched and cried again.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/PeytonsTears-1.jpg

Nothing helped the fact that she was gone. My other half, the other part of me was gone. Where? Heaven? Hell? Nowhere? I have no idea. All I know is that all I have left of her is an empty shell, identical to my own.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/Peytonfaceinthemirror-1.jpg

I look in the mirror and I see her, it’s not my face staring back at me, it’s Parker’s. An inescapable reminder of what I have lost forever.

~ Let me know what you think.... :)

[fishmunky11]

definitely good start, youve let me wondering who parker is and what will happen next :)

[StaceyV10389]

Ok, here it goes ....

Chapter 1

The day I buried my identical twin, was the day I died my first death.

The others came later. When I had to empty her closet; when my first lonely birthday arrived; and worst of all; during that miniscule moment between sleep and waking when I forget that she’s gone and then have to remember all over again. Each memory of her that resurfaces, each accidental reminder, rips my soul into pieces. It was always supposed to be Peyton and Parker or Parker and Peyton, a two for one deal. It was never meant to be just me …. just Peyton without her Parker.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/Herpictureatthefuneral-1.jpg

The photo they have of her next to her casket at the ceremony was like a mirror, taunting me. Showing me the one thing I wanted most in the world, yet cruelly keeping it out of reach. I spoke at the ceremony, only for a second and only to tell our friends, our family, about what we have lost, of what was taken from us. Of what could never be returned.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/Ispokeatherfuneral-1.jpg

As I walked back to our pew, to Kid Courageous’ “My Life Is A Movie”, I swore that I had seen Parker peering through the Church door beckoning for me to come, and with my heart beating furiously, I ran towards her, aching for the comfort of her embrace.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/Runningtodoor.jpg

But with every step I took, my hope dwindled pitifully, as I realized that I wasn’t looking at Parker but at my own devastated reflection.

~

The procession to the grave side was horrible. All I could think was that my Parker would be cold, so cold, in the dank earth. All by herself. I’d had awful visions of her waking up in the dark confines of the casket, alone and scared. That’s how I felt.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_5237ca9a.jpg

Now that Parker is gone, I am completely and utterly alone, not to mention petrified of what my future holds especially when the past is the only place where I want to be.

More coming soon ... Hope your enjoying it :)

[prettiammie2005]

What a sad story. Can't wait to read more. I hope her life gets a little better soon... Judging by the title, however.... :D

[Zixx]

LOVE it so far. It really makes you think about where its going...

[hayley-renee]

you are so very amazingly talented wow !!

keep writing because i love this insight into ur brain .........
which is inside such a gorgeous head with the prettiest face ive ever seen EVER

you make me so proud i love you

[SgRealityTVManiac]

This is probably going to be a tragedy :( great beginning though!

[breena_SC]

Great start, love your writing style, and looking forward to more...bring it on :banana:

[lemonboleyn]

Ooh, looks good! I like the concept so far. :popcorn:
(More! More! ;D)

[StaceyV10389]

fishmunky11 - Thanks, I'm glad your interested.

prettiammie2005 - I know, I hate sad stories and it's breaking my heart to write this but maybe it will end happily .... or maybe not ....

Zixx - Thanks :) .

hayley-renee - Your so sweet! I love you too!

SgRealityTVManiac - You can't appreciate comedy and romance without a little bit of tragedy :) .

breena - Thanks so much! :) Definitely more on its way ....

lemonboleyn - Hold onto your popcorn, I am about to upload some more :) .

I'm so glad you guys like it!

Oooh and just a tidbit, I'm Australian so there might be a couple of 'what the?' phrases or words like 'Mum' instead of 'Mom' so please bear with me :) I'll try to keep it to a minimum ....

Update very soon ... :)

[StaceyV10389]

Chapter 2

17 Years Ago

Cade and Lily Matherson were only months into their marriage when they learnt that they would soon be blessed with the pitter patter of not one pair of tiny feet, but two. Identical little girl’s, at that.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_b23928cf.jpg

And so they prepared eagerly for their new arrivals, decorating a nursery, picking out names, going to Lamaze classes ….

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/PeytonandParkernursery.jpg

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/Lilypickingbabynames.jpg

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_5239275d.jpg

Everything was going to be perfect ….

And it was …

Two beautiful bouncing baby girls, named Peyton and Parker Matherson, were soon enveloped in the unconditional love of their doting parents ….

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_72392c3f.jpg

They grew together as a happy family unit, the girls inseperable from one another …. They learnt to walk together, talk together, play together …..

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_b2392f14.jpg

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_f2392f8f.jpg

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_f239310c.jpg

As they aged, the girls bond strengthened. They were almost impossible to tell apart, in both the physical sense and the personality sense. They spent every waking minute together, be it playing or studying, they did it as a twosome …

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/PeytonandParker-Children.jpg

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_3239332f.jpg

The girls were never a handful, and when they became beautiful teenager’s their parents worriedly anticipated the two of them becoming “troublesome teen’s”. However, it was an unwarranted worry, with both girls holding onto their sweet dispositions and failing to turn into ranting and railing monsters.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_123937f4.jpg

Nothing could disturb their familial bliss ….

Or so it seemed..

That was only until one Saturday afternoon when a reckless driver collided with the fragile and petite body of Parker …. Ripping her harshly and cruelly from their lives in an instant ...

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_b2393e8a.jpg

Leaving her shattered parents and twin behind to face the world without her ...

[Zixx]

*sniffle*
Love the story.

[StaceyV10389]

Thanks Zixx :) I had a sniffle or two going on too, when I was putting it together :( .

[SgRealityTVManiac]

Psychic bonds? :lol:

[StaceyV10389]

:) You never know ...... but I don't think so .....

[breena_SC]

Aww, so sad, I hope Peyton finds some comfort soon...*waiting patiently for next chap :popcorn: *

[StaceyV10389]

So do I breena :) . I'm so sorry but I wont be able to update for a couple of days because my little brother is sick in hospital :( but I'll do it as soon as I can. Stay tuned ....

[SgRealityTVManiac]

Don't worry, real life should always take precedence!

[breena_SC]

Best wishes and speedy recovery to your lil brother...we'll wait patiently for ya ;)

[sweetbabyhnd]

i jus found this story and it is really good

[StaceyV10389]

Thanks SgRealityTVManiac and breena :) My little brother's home and recovering well. He had a stomach bug that just wouldn't go away ... not fun :( . But he's sitting watching the Wiggles and playing with his Action Man now so he's definitely improving :).

Thanks sweetbabyhnd too! I'm glad you like the story :).

There's an update coming pretty soon :) . I hope you like it ....

[StaceyV10389]

Finally some more (thankyou for being so patient too) *Feedback is really appreciated :)*

Chapter 3

It’s been 3 months since Parker’s funeral. Three horribly long, drawn out months. I still look in the mirror and see her face. The pale skin; the delicate features; the innocent green eyes; even the tiny little mole under her eye. It’s then that I have to remind myself that the face in the mirror is my own and not Parker’s. The days stumble by, one by one, until they turn into weeks, then months, and will eventually become years. Nobody can understand what it is like to have a permanent reminder of her, staring at me in the mirror. And its not just physical, when we were together it was like I couldn’t tell where I finished and she began. Now, I know every thought I have is mine, and that’s far more depressing than I ever thought it would be.

Daily life feels like a chore, from when I wake up until I go to sleep again at night, everything I do is just to fill time. School is awful; the minutes there might as well be years for how long they take to pass.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/AloneatSchool.jpg

I’m the once popular outcast, and I don’t blame them for it. I don’t even know how to deal with myself, so how can I expect anyone else to? They don’t teach you how to cope with grief and bereavement in Social Studies. Or how to resurrect the dead in Science. Ha ha ha. Yes, that was my attempt at a joke. Humor just seems so hollow now. Just another method of passing the time until I get to see her again. If I ever do. Sometimes it’s so tempting to just end it … but I can’t.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/DistraughtPeyton.jpg

Mum and Dad are trying to cope, trying being the operative word. Sometimes when I lie in bed at night I can hear Mum sobbing uncontrollably, while Dad sits in his office doing work that doesn’t need to be done.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/PeytonMumNDad.jpg

If I ….. If I tried to go and be with Parker I don’t think they’d survive. I’m the only part of her they have left. I’m the only part of her I have left. I just… I mean I wish I at least felt numb to it all. Then it wouldn’t hurt so much. Instead, every reminder of her pierces my heart.

The only person who seems to even remotely understand me is Evan. He’s the only one who can comprehend what it is like for me without Parker. He was almost as close to Parker as I was. He’d known the two of us since toddler hood when we used to have play dates with one another.….

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/PeytonParkerandEvan.jpg

But of course as we grew up; he grew up, and he and Parker eventually began going out together. They were each others first loves, Parkers only love. He’s the only one who can understand the pain I’m feeling, at least to some extent. He doesn’t tell me it’ll all be ok, or that I’ll get over it. I don’t think even he is sure that we’ll come out of this deep fog of pain alive. But he’s there, when even my mum and dad can’t look at me without breaking into tears, its Evan that gives me a hug or reminds me of the good times with Parker.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/PeytonandEvan.jpg

And trust me; with the searing pain of loss that seems to riddle my body these days, I need any source of comfort I can find ….

*Hope you like :) ... More soon*

[breena_SC]

This is definately a tear jerker...Great Update :)

[SgRealityTVManiac]

Oh dear... they need help fast... I wonder if Evan's the person to do the job?

[StaceyV10389]

Thanks breena!

SgRealityTVManiac - They definitely need help, and we'll find out soon (in the next couple of updates) whether Evan helps or hinders their greiving ....

Another update coming soon ....

[StaceyV10389]

Chapter 4

Evan was proving to be my main source of support and comfort; my parents seemed to have problems even looking in my direction. I can’t blame them though; they must wonder sometimes if maybe the wrong twin was declared dead, I’m a constant source of disappointment for them, because I’m their only child now, because I’m not Parker.

I’ve had to go see a psychologist to “deal with the recent traumatic event”. I just see him when I have to, for as long as I have to.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/PeytonatPsychologists.jpg

Like he could truly understand what it is like for me. He knows that he can’t make me feel any better; he likens my loss to that of a person who has lost a limb …. A limb? My Parker was so much more to me than a functioning arm, or an able leg. All he could do was write out prescriptions for sleeping pills and Xanax, to “take the edge off the pain and lessen my manic state, brought on by severe distress”. I wasn’t going to complain, the pills allow me brief intervals of time where I don’t have to think about Parker, or more so the lack of her.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/Peytonpoppingpills.jpg

The pills help me function at the minimum level, I sleep; I go to school; I come home; I go back to sleep again. The only disruption to this is the time I spend with Evan. I somehow feel closer to Parker when I’m with Evan.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/PeytonnEvancuddling.jpg

He’s been complaining that I seem spaced out sometimes, but I’ve explained to him that its prescribed for me, by my Psychologist to help me a little. Just to take the edge off, so I don’t have to feel it all. It’s nice, that floaty feeling, it’s like you don’t have to focus on anything, you can just be. Evan seems to be improving too, although he says that its just from spending time with me. He says he feels like it brings him closer to Parker, like the time he spends with me is replacing the whole in his life that was left when Parker died.

I can’t help but feel like I’m getting closer to Evan than I should, but it’s like an addiction, the less I have of Parker, the more I need Evan ….

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/Peytonanevaninnappropriate.jpg

*Hope you like .... More soon

[lulie_x]

Really good story and your a great writer!
Look foward to more :)

[StaceyV10389]

Thanks lulie_x :). I know it's been awhile but I have the next few chapters written and I'm about to update :) . I always look forward to seeing comments! :)

[StaceyV10389]

Here's another update! Just a warning, this chapter features mild abuse of prescription medicines, so please do not read it if it may offend you.

Chapter 5

Our first Christmas without Parker seemed to pounce upon us without any warning. All of sudden it was December; Christmas carols were being played; groups of Caroler’s were out in full force; and worst of all Evan was going away on holiday for the break. I can’t blame him for wanting a break from the melancholic lifestyle we’ve fallen into. It’s like we want to move forward, but if we did it would take us that much farther from Parker. And neither of us wants to be farther from Parker. So we just get by, step by step, with the hope that we can hold onto the grief that is slowly destroying us, so we don’t have to let go of Parker.

My parents aren’t doing any better, Christmas this year is pathetic, well-intentioned but pathetic. Mum, in a fit of manic enthusiasm, decided to put up the tree and decorate it; but that soon came to an end when she found a bauble Parker had made, saying “World’s Best Mum”. It was that generic yet heartfelt term which reduced Mum to a sobbing, hysterical mess.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_b245352b.jpg

She got so distressed that Dad had to call our GP to come and see to her. He prescribed her some sedatives that would let her sleep for the rest of the day, maybe more. With his husbandly duties seen to Dad took off to the study to do some “work”. That didn’t bother me, well at least as not as much as it should have. It meant I could pop a couple of the Xanax the psychologists prescribed me, he said that they were relatively safe and it was hard to overdose on them, so I popped a couple more, in the hope it would chill me out. I know it sounds bad, but really without Evan there to talk to I couldn’t deal with it all, so maybe the pills could help. It’d only be until Evan came back and then I wouldn’t need them.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_5245370c.jpg

Christmas morning was just like any other morning in our house, since Parker had died anyway. My parents and I sat there in silence, pretending to eat another nutritious meal of cereal. I really cannot wait for Evan to get back. He breaks the monotony, the ever-present depression that envelopes our house, to some extent at least. He wouldn’t leave the Christmas presents unopened and under the tree, looking so out of place.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_72453223.jpg

I suppose that without Parker, it just wasn’t a real Christmas. It never would be.

*Again, I love comments/feedback so let rip :) .

[SgRealityTVManiac]

Nice! Will Parker make some mysterious appearance (like in her sister's dreams)?

Wow her family is pretty miserable! They still haven't gotten voer Parker's death? :(

[StaceyV10389]

Thanks :) . Parker makes an appearance but not in the way you think ;).
Her family is pretty depressed, I see the main reason they can't get past Parker's death is because Peyton is still there. Sounds mean, I know, but imagine what torture it would be like to have the exact likeness of your dead child constantly there? *shudder*

[SgRealityTVManiac]

Ah ok I understand what you mean. True, and very sad too :(

[StaceyV10389]

*Warning : This chapter contains underage drinking*

Chapter 6

With Christmas and New Year over, Evan was back by my side. I’ve still been using my Xanax but I think that I’m improving; I can see some light at the end of the tunnel. It’s a very long tunnel but it’s better than the all consuming blackness I’m so used to.

I’ve been spending more time at Evan’s house, than my own lately. Mum and Dad continue to walk around like zombies, doing this; doing that; but never really getting anything done. They’re a far cry from the ‘picture perfect’ parents they once were.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_7244ea22.jpg

It just seems easier to be at Evan’s house. His parents are barely ever there, so we don’t have to worry about making noise or getting caught out with the alcohol stash. That’s one thing we seem to be doing more often, sneaking some Tequila or Vodka usually, or sometimes just about anything that’s got alcohol in it. It’s not like its unusual for teenagers to drink, but before Parker’s death I hadn’t had anything alcoholic. Now it seems like every weekend Evan and I go on drinking binges.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/Peytongettingdrnk.jpg

Personally, I only do it to get that carefree invincible feeling; it’s such a contrast from my everyday life. Evan’s reasons I don’t really know, but I suppose they’re the same. Oddly enough, doing things like that makes me feel less like a loner, an outcast of my own making. My self-enforced exile from general society has resulted in the loss of most of mine and Parker’s old friends. I guess that’s why Evan’s so important to me, not just because he’s a link to Parker but also because he’s the only person, friend, I can really trust.

It’s ironic though that most of the time I spend with him, I’m dosed up to the max on Xanax or am utterly smashed from drinking.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_9245399d.jpg

*Comments? Feedback?*

*I have way too much free time :)*

[StaceyV10389]

What the ****! I decided to put the next chapter up too! Hope you like it :).

*Warning: Underage drinking and intimacy occurs in this chapter*

Chapter 7

Just like the many other weekends that I had spent with Evan at his house, we drank way too many alcoholic drinks, but this weekend was different.

The consequences were different.

It started off the same as all the other weekends, Evan’s parents were away and we had a readily available stash of alcohol. And so we started our ritual binge, starting with Cruiser’s and eventually moving onto the hard stuff ….

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/CopyofPeytongettingdrnk.jpg

Combined with the Xanax pills I’d taken earlier, I was completely off my face. Evan wasn’t much better, as he guzzled down can after can of Bourbon and Coke, and whatever else he could get his hands on. The more drunk I became, the worse I began to feel; until I ungracefully fell to my knees and began to throw up the nights excesses.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/Peytonthrowingup.jpg

As intoxicated as Evan was he managed to get me to the bed in the spare bedroom. All I distinctly remember is not wanting to be alone; I was terrified of being alone. So I asked him to stay with me, and he did. But soon Evan’s comforting embrace turned into one of desperation, and we kissed. That was the turning point, the physical contact was made and neither of us wanted to let it go…. So we didn’t …..

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http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_123e465b.jpg

And after some inexperienced fumbling under the covers, Evan whispered sleepily in my ear … “I love you, Parker ….”

*Da da dahhhhhh* What do you think? Happy to hear anything ... :)

[sweetbabyhnd]

I love it!!!!! Great story

[StaceyV10389]

Thanks :) . I'm really getting into it now. I'm expecting to finish it by the 26th, which is when Pets is released in Australia. So keep an eye out for more updates .... speaking of which one is on the way ...

[StaceyV10389]

More .... Also, sorry it's so short ... it's mainly to establish some thing's ...

Chapter 8

The morning sunlight filtered through the window, forcing me to abandon my alcohol induced slumber. I was greeted with a throbbing headache and the realization of what I had done; of what we had done.

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I had slept with my sister’s boyfriend. Even in death, Evan belonged to Parker. Nothing I could do would change that. It was so obvious now that Evan had never really wanted me, he had wanted Parker and I was only the next best thing. The substitute. He was still in love with her. And I had betrayed her.

I couldn’t stand to look at Evan, knowing what had happened; what had been said. He knew that I had heard his sleepy rambling, and that I knew who he really wanted. I knew that as much as Parker and I were inseparable; almost indivisible; I could never be Parker. Regardless of how much easier it would be for everyone else.

I left Evan’s house in silence, as if maybe by simply uttering a word I might validate what had happened. Maybe if we just ignored it; pretend that it had never happened; it might be as if it never happened. I could forget everything I had found out and my betrayal of my sister.

However, it seems that as willing as the mind is, the body isn’t always keen to follow…..

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/Nauseasetsinpeyton.jpg

*FB? Comments? I thrive on them ;).

[chilover87]

Great story!!Especially since I havent been able to see any of the pictures until chapter eight for some reason lol.
Hmmm maybe shell have twins too?

[StaceyV10389]

Thanks :) I'm glad you like it. Twins are genetic so you never know ... I'll see if I might have mucked up the links or something with the pictures so hopefully you can see them ....

[sweetbabyhnd]

I cant wait for the next update! this story is really good

[StaceyV10389]

Thanks sweetbabyhnd :) :) . I'm writing the next update as I type (or as I speak? :) ) and should be able to post in an hour; so not long to wait :) .

[StaceyV10389]

Chapter 9

As much as I wanted to deny that the night with Evan had ever happened, it was slowly becoming obvious that I wouldn’t be able to refuse the truth. I hadn’t spoken to Evan since that night, two months ago. But I was going to have to … and soon.

If my health is anything to go by, the excessive sleeping; constant vomiting and all around bloated-ness; all indicate that I already have a constant reminder of that night growing inside me.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_b247cf9c.jpg

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_d247d364.jpg

In my heart, I knew I was pregnant. In my mind, I denied the possibility. The only way to determine for sure was to do a pregnancy test … So I gathered my wits about me, and went downtown to the pharmacy to buy one.

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The drive home was the one of the worst 15 minutes of my life, second only to Parker’s death. What would I do if it gave a positive result? Would I abort it? Would I keep it? How would I tell my parents? And Evan? Would he care? Would he deny it? Why hadn’t we stopped? But most of all; all I could think of was what that little stick would say and what it would mean for my immediate and long term future. I just couldn’t be pregnant!

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_5247d152.jpg

As soon as I arrived home, I made a beeline for the bathroom. Once there I procrastinated by reading the instructions once …. Twice ….. Three times. Then, when I couldn’t stand not knowing, I did the test. And then I waited …. and waited …. And after 5 long, agonizing minutes I peeked at the test …..

And I almost fainted ….

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_3247d040.jpg

Instead of the longed for minus sign, there was a shocking blue plus sign in its place ….

I’m pregnant ….

*Next update really soon ....

[StaceyV10389]

Chapter 10

“I’m pregnant…” I whispered to myself. I couldn’t believe it; I didn’t want to believe it. I wanted to be a little girl again, away from my increasingly terrifying life. I didn’t know what to do. I knew I had to tell Evan, but how do you break news like this to someone? How do I tell him I’m having his child? I even debated whether I should tell him or not. I don’t think I could take it if he didn’t want anything to do with me; with what we had created.

I took a deep breath and dialed his number …

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/snapshot_5226874b_5247cc43.jpg

I nervously waited as it rang … and rang …. and rang. Just as I was ready to hang up, Evan answered. We exchanged pleasantries and then I told him I had something important to tell him. He refused to come over and talk about it; he told me he was too busy. I didn’t want to have to put myself in a position of such rejection ever again, so I simply; factually; told him that I was pregnant. Deathly silence greeted my statement. After a good five minutes of it, Evan simply asked “How?”. I laughed. I laughed hysterically. I couldn’t stop laughing; until it slowly turned into manic sobbing. “How?”, he asked. I told he knew how, and that now we had a lot more important things to figure out. If he wanted to help figure them out, I thought to myself, otherwise I’m on my own. I waited with bated breath; hoping to God that he wouldn’t abandon me. And after a long, indeterminable amount of silence, he said to me, “So when do we tell our parents?”. And with that silent agreement, I broke down into relieved tears; knowing that I wouldn’t have to do this all alone.

We decided to tell them the next day; well at least tell my parents. Evan’s parents were away on holiday in Europe for the next 6 months, so we sent them an e-mail detailing what had happened … and received the reply; “Congratulation’s! When’s the wedding? Schedule it between this trip and our trip to Greece so we won’t miss it”. I can’t say that they were very concerned. My parents however would be an entirely different situation.

It was about 5pm when Evan arrived at my house to help break the news to my parents, I had been nervous all day. I cooked and cleaned and dusted and swept, in an attempt to compensate for the shock we were about to deal them. Not that anything could really compensate for it. They knew it was something serious when we asked them to sit with us in the lounge room. It was all excessively formal, as we positioned ourselves on the couches. I took one last look at Evan and he squeezed my hand as I inhaled deeply and told them about my pregnancy.

My father was infuriated and immediately got up and began yelling at Evan, while my mother broke into tears. I merely sat there, witnessing the devastation I had caused.

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Once they calmed down, they became more animated than I had seen them since Parkers death. Mum wanted to know if I was sure? had I taken a pregnancy test?, seen a doctor? Dad wanted to know if Evan would be a part of the baby’s life? Did I even want the baby? How would I go to college? What were we going to do?

I told my mum, yes; yes and no. I told my dad, yes; yes; I don’t know and I haven’t a clue.

Mum asked if we would get married. Evan and I hadn’t discussed it; but I knew how I felt even if he did ask me. I didn’t want to marry Evan. I deserved more than being loved for looking and acting like my dead sister. And that’s all Evan wanted, a replacement for Parker. So I would be a single mum, I told them. My parents protested, while Evan sat silently until he finally asked my parents to leave the decision up to us.

We soon said our goodnight’s and went our separate ways to bed, not knowing what the future held in store for us …

*FB? Comments?...

[xXkatXx_SC]

Great update! :)

[Vicci]

I just started reading this. Great story. I wonder what else you've thrown in for her and Evan?

[lulie_x]

Great updates, brill story! I really like Peyton, poor girl.
And again you are a real good witer :)

[HerDuchess]

Someone pass me popcorn please...gonna stay til the end of the movie.

[LadyJade6480]

Great story so far! Please continue!

[sarahdiscoballs]

really good story here! only just found it but i'm hooked.

your writing style is really good and the little twists with evan and the baby are great.

keep updating! this is really good.

[StaceyV10389]

Hey guys! Thanks for all the positive feedback :) . I really did expect to finish by the 26th of October, but due to my over-eagerness to install Pets (which I got on the 24th by the way, YAY for me!) I am now waiting updates to the InSimenator and InTeenimator so I can continuse further; I am also currently undertaking my Year 12 Final IB Exams so I am fairly occupied however I promise (cross my heart hope to die) that I will update by the 20th of November (the end of my exams) and after that youcan expect an avalanche of updates :) . So please stick by the story and keep an eye out :) .

And thanks again for the feedback .... *I LOVE FEEDBACK* :) :) :)

[StaceyV10389]

Okay guys I know it's later than the 20th, okay like 4-5 days later but here's another chapter for you ..... enjoy :D

- Also quick note: Peyton and Evan are adult Sims as inTeenimater isn't ready yet, so just "imagine" they are still teens, pretty please? :)

Chapter 11

The situation Evan and I were in wasn’t easy on anyone; I constantly suffered from “morning sickness” (and trust me, it was not restricted to the morning); Evan was incessantly stalked by my father who seemed to believe he was the devil incarnate; and my mother suffered at the hands of the merciless town gossips. But as difficult as our current situation was, something entirely unexpected resulted from it. It seemed that my parents, indeed all of us, seemed to be emerging from the cloud of deep grief that had enveloped us from the day of Parker’s death.

Suddenly, my mother was cooking family dinner’s again ….

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My father began building toy’s for his grandbaby ….

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But perhaps the best of it all, was that Evan had set out to learn all he could about me . About me. Just me. And he was serious about it too. We spent hours just hanging out talking; entirely sober. With my pregnancy I had been forced to give up my Xanax as it could cause fetal problems; and I was not going to risk my baby’s life for a momentary high. I also knew that part of Evan’s interest had to be due to the fact I was carrying his baby, but a tiny part of me wanted so badly for him to love me, to want me for me. I had spent so much time, even after Parker’s death, being a part of someone else, being Parker’s twin, her other half, her replacement. To have someone, especially someone like Evan love me would be unfathomable.

Don’t get me wrong I’m still wracked by guilt over what had happened between Evan and I. Sometimes the feelings overwhelm me; they’re such a potent mixture. I’m ashamed, I’m guilt-ridden, I’m confused and I’m scared. Scared for what the future will bring; scared for what it holds for my baby and I; scared of every day that I have to face without Parker by my side. But I have to trust that wherever Parker is, she understands how much I love her; how much I miss her; how much I need her; but most of all how much I need to believe that she will understand that I have to do what is best for my baby and I.

And I’m starting to think that maybe what’s best for my baby, and me, is a husband and father ….

As fast as my new relationship with Evan was progressing, more so were the processes of my ever expanding bloated baby body. It was only when I had to snip the elastic band on my underwear at the end of my first trimester, that I realized I might have more than one impending arrival on my hands ….

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/peytonchecking.jpg

So I searched through the mass of papers on the kitchen bench to find the number of the obstetrician that my mother had chosen for the delivery, and I scheduled my first ultrasound for the next week.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/peytoncalling.jpg

*Da da dum :D Yeah, predictable but it had to come :) Please give me feedback.... comments? I love them, and now that my IB days are over I can devote myself to my Sims ..... So more updates soon :D

[jennywren]

I like the phone, where is it from, and what about the hair and clothes? all great by the by, lovin it

[StaceyV10389]

Thanks Jennywren :D The phone is from the Pets expansion pack, the hair is from xmsims and the clothes are from all-about-style.com :) .

[jennywren]

pets? I am hopefully getting that soon

[StaceyV10389]

Okay this one's a long one, but I hope you like it :) . And jennywren, Pets is awesome; I never use robots or zombies, but the werewolves I have heaps of. I hope you enjoy it too :) .

Chapter 12

Ever since I made the phone call to the obstetrician I had been on pins and needles, I couldn’t decide if I wanted to be having twins or not. Not that I truly had that much choice at that point, but it didn’t stop the thoughts from swirling around in my head.

It came as no surprise to my mother when I asked her to accompany me to the obstetricians office; I personally was slightly embarrassed but my anxiety won out in the end, and after all she had done it all before. Evan wanted to come too but Dad stayed behind fiddling with a fire engine. The drive into the hospital was nerve-racking; luckily Mum was extremely excited at the thought of being there to see her unborn grandchild, keeping up a steadily animated narrative of her first ultrasound when she was pregnant with Parker and I.

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Ironically, I was almost embarrassed at the thought of Evan being there when I had the physical examination and ultrasound. Ridiculous, I know, considering what got us into this situation in the first place. Fortunately, I didn’t have much time to think about it because we had arrived at Sim City Private Hospital.

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Unfortunately, the obstetrician was running late for appointments. Let me tell you this, after having to drink a liter of water before 9 am, I was not feeling very comfortable. Actually, after the car ride to the Hospital I thought I was going to pee myself. So sitting in a waiting room, for an extra half-hour past my appointment, desperately needing to use the bathroom was not my idea of an ideal situation. Not at all ….

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Finally, the nurse called us in and introduced us to the obstetrician, Dr. Rosenthorn. She seemed relatively nice, which was a relief, seeing as I was going to have to see her routinely for the next few months. Not considering the amount of me she would be seeing. After all the introductions were made, Dr. Rosenthorn helped me up into the chair (not comfortable, I’m telling you) ad began what would be the gradual degradation of my dignity over the next few months. Any pregnant woman, or girl, can tell you that for those nine months, you leave your dignity at the obstetrician’s door and only pick it up on the way out.

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So after the dreadful, embarrassing physical examination; the doctor got started on the actual ultrasound, smearing clear jelly on my already rounded tummy; poking and probing with that little white stick; seemingly with the intent to make me pee myself then and there. The relief that the physical examination was over, was soon replaced by anxiety that something was wrong. Dr. Rosenthorn’s face was serious, almost grim, and when, after 10 minutes, I still had not heard a heart beat, I began to panic. Suddenly, I was terrified that I would never get to meet the little life that was inside me. …

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With a concerned expression, Dr. Rosenthorn walked briskly out of the room to consult a colleague about the ultrasound. I couldn’t help but burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably, I wanted this baby, I wanted it so bad it felt like my heart was being ripped from my chest. Thank god for my mother, she knew what I needed immediately, moving quickly over to my side to encompass me in her loving embrace. She didn’t tell me it would be okay, she just held me and told me she loved me. It wasn’t until I finally broke my embrace with my mother, that I realized that Evan had been silently crying by himself….

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It was in that one look that we shared with each other then that we came to the realization that we could be parents, and it was that moment that I realized that I was in love with the father of my baby. Just as I had processed that realization, Dr. Rosenthorn strode into the room, with what could only be described as a ‘poker face’ on. After some agonizingly slow poking and prodding, a slow but rhythmic beat emanated from the speakers of the machine. “Aah … finally”, the doctor said; “And there they are my dear, that’s Baby 1’s heartbeat, and …. Just a second … that’s Baby 2’s heart beat”, she finished.

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“Baby 2?!” my mother screeched. “My baby’s going to have twins!” she repeated again and again.

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With that Dr. Rosenthorn excused herself and told me to redress; reeling from the news, I asked my mother to give me some time. After a few more tears, hugs and kisses, she left me to resume my dressing.

But that was the last thing on my mind.

With an anxious expression, I turned to face Evan, saying … “You didn’t sign up for twins, are you sure-”. And before I could finish the sentence, Evan was down on one knee; a small black box holding a simple gold band in his hands. “Peyton” he started, “will you be my wife? My partner? The mother to our two beautiful children, already growing inside you? I want to do this together; I want us to be together. I might miss Parker, but I love you, Peyton. Please, say yes…” the marks from his earlier tears still on his face.

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I stared into his eye’s and with all that I had; in the sterilized setting of a doctors office; I answered Evan’s question with an emotion filled “yes”.

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/PhugE.jpg

*There you :) . Hope the dose of happiness is enjoyed :) . As always, I love any feedback/comments at all .... *starting to think I'm a comment junkie :)*

[.~*Iris*~.]

read it all just now, i love it!! so sad but so beautiful!! you have a great writting style! I really enjoyed it!

[StaceyV10389]

Thanks Iris! :D That means alot to me, especially because I love your story banished :). I read it all in one sitting, and was just like "Whoa!". It's awesome.

[jenny]

aww..so sweet!.....engaged and in her underwear, hehe....I so remember waiting in the room after drinking a freakin liter of water...too funny, great update:D

[StaceyV10389]

Hey guys, long time no post :) Just wanted to keep you updated ... My 5yr old brother has been diagnosed as having a cystic lymphangioma/cystic hyrgoma in his neck, behind his lungs and in front of his heart; so I havent been able to post any more updates (let alone sleep!); hopefully I will get some time soon to do more. Fingers crossed that everything will work out soon :) Thanks in advance for being patient.

[Vicci]

Good luck to your brother Stacey, don't worry about us, I'm sure we can wait ^_^ Your brother is more important at the moment. Good luck to your family too!

[StaceyV10389]

Thanks Vicci :) My little brother's doing better now, so I'll be able to update in the next couple of days :D

[StaceyV10389]

Chapter 13

For the first time since Parker’s death, I had begun to feel that everything would work out for my family and I. My parents even held an engagement party for Evan and I, the first event at our house since we held Parker’s wake. The party was only small, just a few friends and relatives who would also be attending the wedding.

Mid-way through the festivities, my father requested everyone’s attention and proposed a toast in honor of Evan and I.

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“Today we are here celebrating the engagement of my beautiful daughter Peyton and her fiancée Evan. As you all know, the past year or so has been an exceptionally difficult time for our family. Losing Parker was devastating for us all and none of us will ever fully recuperate from it. But Parker has left us all a precious gift. The appreciation of life; none of us will ever take this life for granted. And the impending arrival of two new lives into our family is nothing short of a miracle; one I am sure that our Parker had a hand in.” Dad paused. “And so, I hope you will all join me in celebrating the engagement of Peyton and Evan; as well as enjoying the happiness that we have been blessed with at this time. And Peyton, remember, you will always be my little girl; even when you’re a Mrs. instead of a Miss. I love you.” Daddy finished, complete with a teary eyed smile.

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At that moment, all my worries and tears melted away. I was filled with a happiness so consuming, that I felt like my heart would burst. It was the first time since Parker had died, that my dad had told me he loved me. I knew then that my father had finally stopped seeing Parker in me and started seeing me instead. Before I knew what was happening, my father had enveloped me in a tight bear hug; whispering in my ear those three precious words: “I love you”.

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I had waited so long to hear those words that had been so commonplace in my life before Parker’s death. Happiness that had been so hard to come by in the past few months had seemed to converge on me all at once. The only dim point of the party came when my Aunt Agnes pulled me aside for a ‘little chat’.

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Apparently, a ‘little chat’ in Aunt Agnes’ language means a ‘big lecture’. “What a mess you’ve got yourself into Peyton!” she started, “You’re a pregnant teenager who’s having a shotgun wedding; I bet it took some scaring from your father to make the lad take responsibility! Huh, it’s no surprise I guess; the apple never falls far from the tree” she finished, triumphantly. I couldn’t believe the callous and cruel words that she had spat at me. After everything we had been through, everything I had been through, she sought to ruin the first true happiness we had found! I felt my mouth go dry, a lump form in my throat and tears form at the corners of my eye. The tears that I had worked so hard to avoid were brought to the surface by her brutal words.

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Before the first tear could fall from my eye, Evan was at my side. “Don’t listen to her Peyton. She’s just bitter and twisted.” Evan said soothingly. “We love each other and that’s all that matters.” He finished, cradling me lovingly.

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Soon the party wrapped up. All in all it had been a success, the Aunt Agnes incident excluded. While Mom and Dad headed inside to go to sleep, Evan and I remained outside; moving over to the hammock so that I could lie down. Carrying twins is hard work after all :D.

Once we were comfortable; well, once I was comfortable (Evan, ever the gentleman, wouldn’t share the hammock with me; opting instead to take up residence on the grass in front.) we started talking about our babies; we still hadn’t decided on what to name our beautiful bundles of joy.

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The only thing we agreed on was that if we were to have a girls/a girl, we would name her in honor of Parker. Whether it would be the same name or a variation, we weren’t sure; but it was important to both of us that we recognize Parker’s significance to both our family and us as individuals. Eventually we both grew silent, as we stared at the stars glittering above us; without speaking, we knew that we were both thinking about Parker.

But for the first time in a long time, her memory didn’t bring pain instead only sweet remembrance.

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When the spell was broken, we got up together. After a sweet goodnight kiss, Evan and I headed up to join my parents in their peaceful slumber.

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That night I dreamt only of the happy times; no longer was I haunted by the nightmares that had plagued me before.

*Sorry this update took so long :( Anyway, I hope you guys liked it. As always comments and feedback is appreciated :D.

[1on1_SC]

Its a beautiful story! I can't wait to hear more

[Sizza]

This is such a sweet story.

[StaceyV10389]

Thanks 1on1 and Sizza! :D I'm going to be updating far more often now, so you won't have to wait long between chapters :) In fact here's a new one now!

Chapter 14

The engagement party was only the beginning of the wedding festivities and organization. With my parents help, Evan and I had decided to get married before the babies arrived; which meant that we would have to organize it in a short amount of time. Fortunately, we were only having a small wedding and my mother was generously taking care of the details as the doctor had instructed me to avoid anything stressful. And wedding planning is definitely stressful, just look at my poor mother:

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But as much as I was supposed to be resting, I couldn’t help but be slightly anxious about both the wedding and the impending birth of my babies. I couldn’t seem to shake a feeling of foreboding; but I put it down to my fear of the pain of birth. It wasn’t going to be easy that was for sure! So in an effort to re-direct and focus my nervous energy, I began decorating the twins’ nursery. It was painstaking work, but I was determined that my babies would have the most pleasant and comforting room in the house.

So, I painted ….

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/2-4.jpg

And I purchased …

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And I decorated …

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Until, after many hours of hard labor, I had the nursery looking absolutely perfect.

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http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/5b.jpg

Evan loved it! My parents loved it! Even my precious babies seemed to agree, wriggling in approval …

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With the room finished, and rest now a mandatory component of my day, I often spent many an afternoon sitting in my rocking chair, reading fairy tales filled with dragons and damsels-in-distress to my ever expanding tummy.

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Often Evan would join me too, spending much of his time talking to our babies in my tummy …

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With my days growing increasingly empty and the wedding not too far away, I couldn’t help but eagerly anticipate my marriage to Evan and our becoming a real family… officially. It would be one of the best days of my life, without a doubt.

*It's a bit of a filler chapter but I thought it was just too cute to not put it in :)

[jennywren]

awww now that is sweet, I can't wait to see the babies

[StaceyV10389]

Chapter 15 will be up tomorrow, thanks for the patience :)

[StaceyV10389]

Chapter 15

Finally, the day had arrived.

Today I would marry Evan and together we would begin our new life together.

But first I had to fit into my wedding dress. My stomach had reached the point of no return; it was so huge and seemed to expand further by the second. Though my dress had fit me perfectly last night, this morning it was so tight I couldn’t breathe. And that’s something when it’s said by someone who has had her lung capacity halved by two wriggling babies for the last six months *laughs*

When the direness of the situation set in, I burst into tears.

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A new, properly fitting wedding dress would be impossible to find before the wedding! How many stores stock formal attire for a pregnant teenager who is carrying twins?! None!

I was going to have to get married in the only thing that still fit me, my old overalls! It was a nightmare come to life ….

http://i86.photobucket.com/albums/k99/StaceyV10389/ToT-2.jpg

Just as I began to hyperventilate, my mother whipped out her sewing kit and worked some certifiable magic on the ill-fitting wedding dress. Within minutes she had managed to expand the material and adjust it to fit all three of me.

The moment of truth came when I tried the dress on again. At first the dreaded feeling of restriction fell upon me, but as the tears began returning, one of my babies gave an almighty kick, stretching the material. With that tiny kick, my dress settled on me comfortably. Whether it was a sign that my babies were as excited as I or Parker giving me her blessing, or even just a bit of luck; it meant the world to me.

Eventually, fully dressed in my wedding paraphernalia, I stood before the mirror, gazing at my reflection; breathless as the enormity of the day hit me …

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Today I would marry the man I love, I would promise to be his for the rest of our lives and we would pledge to love and care for our family together, always. But as happy as I was; I still felt, deep down, that I was taking what should have been Parkers. She should be the one here marrying Evan; starting a new life with him. Not me. As my mind began to fill with thoughts of Parker, I felt the tears well up in my eyes ...

Almost instantaneously, my mother put her arms around me and whispered quietly to me …

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“Sweetie, today is about you and Evan. I know that you miss Parker and that you feel guilty for having today; for having everyday” She paused, turning to look me in the eyes. “You have to know that Parker wants this for you; she’s here watching you take the biggest step in your life so far. Your not doing this in spite of her, your doing this with her. Remember that, beautiful ..” she finished, softly.

With her words of encouragement and love, I wiped away the tears. My mind was still a mess of half-finished thoughts, from the old guilt to new regret, I wish Parker was here … I can’t believe I’m doing this … Am I betraying her? … Please let me stop thinking . Each thought more turbulent than the last, my mind wholly occupied with sorting them out; my body was on auto-pilot, heading towards the doors to the chapel.

As my mind caught up with my body, I stood at the foot of the aisle, my arm looped with my fathers. And finally, a sort of serenity fell upon me and with utmost certainty I knew that I had made the right choice.

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The rest of the ceremony passed quickly, to me at least. Once I had reached Evan, time seemed irrelevant, and before I knew it we were exchanging rings and promises of love and care.

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As the ceremony concluded, Evan and I were whisked off to our reception where our union in marriage was celebrated by everyone we knew, except of course for Aunt Agnes who sat in the corner muttering about ‘shot-gun weddings’ the whole time.

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Eventually my sore feet and aching back forced me out of the festivities. Not long after, the reception wrapped up and Evan and I, along with my parents; headed home to collect our overnight bags. My parents had given us a night at an uptown Resort for a wedding gift, as I was too far pregnant to travel anywhere outside of a 5 mile radius *laughs*

As we approached my parent’s house, the chauffeur slowed the car until it came to a complete stop. Oblivious as to why we stopped, I climbed (okay, waddled) out of the car after my parents and Evan.

As I straightened up, I saw that we were out the front of a beautiful house with a real estate sign on it.

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“Evan, Peyton” my father started, “this is our real gift to you. Yesterday, we put in a bid on the house and it was accepted. Every family needs a home, and now you have one” he finished, beaming with joy.

Overwhelmed at their generosity, I embraced my father tightly. “Thank you so much Daddy” I said gratefully, the tears that had been threatening all day were finally released.

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Once we had explored our new home, we headed back and picked up our stuff from my parents house; heading to the Resort where we would spend our first night as man and wife … and babies *laughs*

With one of the biggest days of our lives over, Evan and I laid together on the bed reminiscing and anticipating what life had in store for us.

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Marriage, a new house, new babies and most importantly, love, filled our future; and for the first time ever, I knew that we could handle whatever life threw at us.

[Sizza]

Aw! Everything is going so well for them! Her parents are so nice to them. Great update!

[stylequeen_SC]

what has Evan done to his hair!!!! lol
i love it. next update please :) xx

[StaceyV10389]

Thanks Sizza!

I know stylequeen :D He had to 'smarten up' for his wedding, but don't worry :) it's just excessive use of hair gel lol

Next update will definitely be up in the next few days :D

[energy_genergy_SC]

I love this! :) Morrrre pleases! ;)

[StaceyV10389]

Thanks energy :D Here's an update :D

Chapter 16

The days that came after our wedding were blissful; Evan and I certainly lived up to our current tag of ‘newlyweds’.

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As we began moving into our new home, I couldn’t help but anticipate the birth of our babies.

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With a nursery already set up at my parents house, we were prepared should they arrive early; although now we would have to decorate their new room. But, as every first time mother can tell you, while I was feeling overjoyed at the prospect of finally meeting my babies; I couldn’t help but be filled with a sense of trepidation, I knew that labor would be a difficult time and that it would not be easy. I guess that’s my way of saying quite simply that I’m scared.

Scared of what will happen. Of what could happen. No amount of reassurance from anyone, even my mother, could allay my fears. This would be something I would have to go through alone.

Luckily, the impending birth was providing plenty of active distractions. Not only was the nursery consuming my time, but so were the doctor’s appointments and the ultrasounds, not to mention the millions of other things that seemed to fill my day.

And to be honest, between that and my incessant worrying, at the end of every day I’m completely exhausted …

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A normal symptom of pregnancy, my Mom assures me. The stretch marks, the Braxton Hicks, the exhaustion, the aching back, the sore feet; all typical of a pregnancy.

It wasn’t until I woke up one morning, a strong sharp pain inhabiting my body, that I really started to worry.

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Immediately, I called out to Evan for help. In a flash he was at my side, phone in hand, my Mom’s number already dialing. With a quick intake of breath, I told Evan to get me to the hospital NOW! Startled by my intense tone, he tried to explain to me that we had to wait until the contractions were closer together to leave.

Before he could finish his sentence, another contraction hit. Before, I could utter a syllable, Evan picked up the car keys and overnight bag, ready to leave.

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Eventually the contraction passed, and so getting up on unstable legs; I threw on a dress and slipped on my flats. Aiming to reach the car before another contraction hit, I waddled through the house trying to gather what I needed. But as I finally reached the front door, contraction number three brought me to a stop. Before it even stopped, a gush of water fell at my feet.

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“Oh no..” I whimpered. My waters had broken! There was certainly no going back now. Except for a change of clothes, that was. In five seconds, I was in a fresh dress and dry shoes, sitting inside the car. Mom and Dad would be meeting us at the hospital as well as an epidural hopefully!

The travel to the hospital seemed to take forever, but when we finally got there (two sets of contractions later!) I was greeted with a wheelchair.

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I was quickly wheeled into a room where I went through a completely humiliating and public (Apparently Sim City Private Hospital is a teaching hospital!) examination. By the time I had been moved to a birthing suite, I had only been in labor for two hours; even though it felt like a lifetime!

Eventually, once I was settled in Mom, Dad and Evan came to see me.

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As we talked, my labor progressed and the contractions kept coming; stronger and stronger each time. After about 6 hours, the contractions began inching closer together and the process started to really get underway.

In a state of delirium, I’m sure, induced by an energetic pep talk by my mother, I refused an epidural; but by now, I was begging for it! I was exhausted, coated in sweat and losing patience with every second that went by. Evan and Mom were on either side of me, having their hands crushed every time a contraction came on. Poor Dad had to leave, I swear he was feeling every contraction as I did, I think.

As time wore on, I couldn’t help but become totally focused on getting my babies into this world. My entire world began revolving around each contraction as it came, breathing and pacing were the only things I thought about. Even Evan and my Mom faded into the background.

I didn’t even notice when the doctor arrived; that was until he began examining me. With a murmur to the nurse, who promptly left, the doctor announced that it was time to start pushing. The man was crazy! Like I had any energy left to push with! But as much as I wanted to protest, it seemed my body had other things in mind. As the next contraction came, I pushed so hard I went dizzy. As I came back around, I began pushing again. Eventually, with an enormous push, my first baby entered the world. “It’s a girl, Peyton”, Evan whispered into my ear holding our new born daughter, a sense of amazement about him.

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Her cry was the most precious sound in the world, but as much as I wanted to savour the moment; there was another baby awaiting its grand entry into the world. As I began pushing again, a look of concern crossed the doctor’s face. “Too much blood, we need to prepare for a transfusion” the doctor instructed a nurse. The words fleeted through my mind, as I prepared to push for the final time. As my second baby made it’s entry into the world, I felt an intense sense of relief; even as I became disoriented with the effort it had required. “Another girl” the doctor announced, as she started crying; before handing her over to the nurses.

Finally holding our baby girls, Evan gazed at me with complete adulation and with his eyes brimming with tears he told me “I love you Peyton”. “I love you too” I replied; a sense of complete exhaustion falling over me.

Suddenly, everyone began rushing around and the doctor began barking orders, “Now! She’s hemorrhaging!”. I tried to focus and understand what was going on, but the more I tried the less it worked. Everything started to go out of focus, except for one thing. A bright light in the corner of the room; as I looked more closely, I saw that someone was in the light. Parker.

I tried to look for Mom to tell her, Parker was here. When I finally found her concerned face, I tried to tell her, but all that came out was a whisper, “Mom … I can see Parker ..”.

And with that, I flat-lined.

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*I'd love to hear what you guys think :D

**Also, I do understand that if Peyton is mid-birthing, she could not be wearing pants, but theres the little problem of indecent exposure :) So please bear with me :)

[stylequeen_SC]

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
no way she cannot die!!
wow you are an ah-mazing writer, but i cant believe she's gone!
we're the twins identical?? did they call one Parker?? argh so many questions!

[jennywren]

she not necersarraly gone, she may just go into a coma thet may restart her heart, but oh, what an ending to the chapter, it was incredible!

[PlayLives]

Hey, I can't believe I've missed your updates since Jan. Good to hear your brother is doing better and thanks for continuing your story.

[Sizza]

Uh, wow. I thought it was the second baby that just died, not Payton. I hope they both live!

[simsistah_14]

WOW :blink: ...this is a VERRY good story, sad though. When ya gonna update??????? Im waiting!!!!:D

[stylequeen_SC]

COME ON UPDATE!!! its been sooooooo long!!!!
xxx

[grape_merchant_001]

I like this story! Update soon!

[jennywren]

please, you must update! I can wa oit much longer!

[Maneater<3]

Amazing end to the chapter loved it!!

[StaceyV10389]

Thanks guys :D There will be an update soon, I just started Uni so it's been a bit crazy but it'll be up as soon as possible :)

[StaceyV10389]

* Sorry it took so long. I know this is short, but it should answer some questions :) It was so hard to write cause I didn't know how I was going to end it. Would Peyton die? Would she live? I've gotten so attached it was ridiculous :D Anyway, I will be updating with a fuller chapter soon :)

Chapter 17

Almost instantaneously, the piercing cry of the monitor faded from my consciousness. The doctor’s desperate attempts to keep my heart beating became nothing more than a distracting pressure.

In that moment, all that seemed to matter was that I could see Parker.

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The urge to hold her, to hear her voice, to be whole again, was irrepressible; it was a desire so strong that it overcame the stillness of my once beating heart.

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Finally, with Parker in my grasp, the pain from the time past without her seemed to melt away. The grief, the sorrow, the hurt all left me and for that moment I knew what it was to be at peace.

At peace with myself; with the world; with my life…

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With my death.

Somehow, just by looking at Parker – not a word spoken – I knew that I had to make a choice.

I could go with Parker and feel no more pain, no more sorrow, no more grief. It would be death, but I would be with Parker.

The irony of it all was astounding, for only in death could I truly be whole again.

And, with all honesty, that was what I wanted.

But this wasn’t just about me anymore.

With that, the world around me began to waver, as I whispered slowly – agonizingly – ‘No’…

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*Now I'd really love to know what you guys think :) Should she have died? Why? Anything and everything ....

[jennywren]

I don't know if she should have died but that was an amazing chapter however short

[simsistah_14]

0_o...wow!!!!!!!! this was a short update but it was satisfying. keep up the good work!!

[Vicci]

I don't think she should have died. She has her own twins now and a husband, her life if just beginning once again!

[txblue29]

I want to say that I really enjoyed your story. Thanks for taking the time to entertain us with a great story.

BTW: Was this the end of the story or will there be more? I've been checking back periodically since I read the end, but with no more forthcoming I was curious.

[Sizza]

How did I miss the update? I love it, I hope thsi isn't the end

[Stormy_SC]

I just read the whole story and I'm lovin it so far! I think she should stay with her children and husband!

[StaceyV10389]

Thanks guys :D I love hearing what you all think. Sadly, it's almost the end; after this next chapter, the story is officially finished - I think Peyton and Evan need some time with their kids :) But I will certainly be back with another story soon.

Just for kicks, the last instalment will be up this afternoon :).

[Stormy_SC]

Ooh I can't wait!!!

[StaceyV10389]

Chapter 18

My revival was a miracle, I was told. While my mind had wandered, my body had begun to wither, my heart ceased beating; the blood in my veins slowed; the sound of my breathing was non-existent.

I was dead for over six minutes.

And yet, here I am, truly alive and well.


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My life isn’t the tangled mess of grief and confusion and anger that it once was. I knew that when I opened my eyes and saw Evan once again; no longer did I feel a sense of betrayal, of having what Parker should have had. Instead I only felt love; an overwhelming, consuming, intensely uncontrollable wave of love.


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As for my babies, when I looked at them all I could see was potential. In the midst of crazy midnight feeds and dual nappy changing marathons, there was a freedom I hadn’t had in a long time.

The freedom to feel without hurting; to enjoy the blessings I had been given; to revel in the love that I had punished myself over for so long.


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Now, I finally feel like I’ve caught up on life instead of watching it race past me.

Even if I am spending most of my time with my feet up these days.

Yep you guessed right! Evan and I are about to welcome another bundle of joy into our family …


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This time every moment of my pregnancy has been joyful; there’s no sense of betrayal or hurt to tarnish this new life.

Finally, together, as a family we can move on from Parker’s death and begin living again.


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Finally.
*Not very long at all, I know. But it seems as though Peyton's story has been told, as much as I love them, to keep it going would be wrong and I only think the story would suffer and I really didn't want that. I hope you guys are happy with how it finished :) And as always feel free to let me know what you think of everything :D

[Stormy_SC]

I absolutely loved this story!!! I hope you do a sequel or another different story. You're such a great writer! I hope your story gets featured!

[txblue29]

Great ending. Thanks for not leaving us up in the air or to our own imaginations. I'm happy that everything worked out for her and her family, but then I'm a sucker for happy endings.

[Sizza]

I'm glad she got over Parker's death:)

[Pinkmaltese1]

That was an absolutely AMAZING story! It was perfect; because it had a little bit of sadness and wonder in the beginning about what was going to happen to Peyton, and it wasnt amazingly depressing so I stayed hooked. In the middle it became a shock, and then it ended with an incredible resolve involving closure on suffering because of parker's death. I must say it again.. that was just GREAT!

[StaceyV10389]

Thank you guys so much :D I had such a hard time wrapping it up but I'm glad you like it!