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Story Time Contest - Round 5 Scores, Final Scores and BONUS!
2nd Nov 2011 at 2:15 PM
In the amount of time i have left, i don't think i'll be able to take screenshots.. again :/
: murder & meteor shower
previously used in round 1
: hobo/homeless & chance meeting
: 1178 /
MS Word 07
: 1173 /
: An eleven year boy is left abandoned in the shabby streets of Paris. After fumbling with the door to the orphanage, he happens to meet a girl about roughly his own age.
*note the characters are teens and up
That's because in my eyes, 11 is a teen not a child. Also the [ ] are my thoughts and directions for the screenshots. If it helps you guys to judge... Also not included in the final word count.
[ teenagers walking up the hill, shot from village/town ]
Time had flown by so quickly and now it was already Christmas. It seemed only yesterday that I met this cunning cute child-like girl with such a bright and bubbly personality. I acted like her big brother and tried protecting her the best I knew how. Our friendship had grown over the weeks and we felt really comfortable around each other.
We walked up the hidden staircase, like we always did every night, away from the rest of the village. It was secluded. The Earth wrapped its mysteries around it, intertwining it with several layers of vines and rough pointy branches. It was such a rare and beautiful site to behold. It was hidden from normal view, your eyes had to squint carefully and you’d find it laying perfectly still in the mountainous forests of France. I was grateful and amazed this place had been left alone during the course of war.
[ camera from behind, both staring up at the sky ]
“Look at the sky tonight,” I whispered. “The stars are extra bright tonight.”
“Did you take astronomy lessons or something?” she questioned.
“No, I just had a quick peek at my brother’s homework one day.”
“You know... tonight their extra comforting, i think. They seem to be protecting us...”
“Do you think something’s bad going to happen or is it just our ancestors saying hello for once?”
“I don’t know,” she answered shrugging her shoulders. “It seems like they’re taken a long time to reach heaven, don’t you think?” she giggled. “What’s that in the sky?” she asked all of a sudden.
I looked up at travelling in a similar direction like her eyes. She was staring at a glaze of fireworks all lighting up the night sky. All of them were different varying in colour. They travelled at lightning speed, dancing for us in the sky. It was absolutely spectacular.
“It’s a meteor shower specifically the Northern Taurids. They’ve all travelled great distances to just be with us today. Quick, make a wish. Maybe one of them will carry your wish to become true when they reborn...”
“Wishes are fake. They don’t come true. Neither do promises,” she answered angrily her sweet smile vanishing of her face.
“I’ll prove it to you,” i said staring into her eyes. She slowly stared at me as if a trance bewildered by my statement.
“I don’t believe you,” she answered slowly. Memories she dreaded flashed through her very eyes. She was telling me her story. A story she had kept hidden and locked away. Tears started forming and water droplets gently ran down her cheeks and dropped onto the ground below. I wrapped my arms gently around her in an effort to protect her from the evil forces. We sat there been wrapped in each other’s thoughts and feelings. She soon fell asleep on my lap, exhausted by her miseries and dreadful experiences.
[ visible shot of boots, mainly dark.. densely covered with trees (forest) ]
As night moved on, it grew quieter and colder. I grabbed the blanket from the bag and softly draped it over her body. Her breathing quickly returned to normal and i could see the slow rising and falling of her stomach. The trees whistled in the distance and their leaves slowly formed a pile among us. I began to hear the noise of quick moving footsteps.
[ shot of moon ]
I felt so scared and afraid but i didn’t want to wake her from her slumber. She had been on night watch for many nights now and it was good to let her finally have her rest. The moon beamed its rays elsewhere and i was left in total darkness. I instinctively hugged her closer to me, grateful she was close by and safe in my arms.
[ light in the distance, hidden amongst trees ]
The rustling of the tree branches grew to close for comfort. I saw artificial lighting in the distance. I held my breathe waiting for the incoming intruders. Nothing. The men, I assumed, walked briskly through the forest. I could hear the whispers. More men were coming. I felt surrounded. My breathing escalated out of fear. I tried to desperately calm myself down.
[ shot of tree tops, somehow catch smoke in air ]
Through their snake like movements i knew these weren’t any ordinary nomads. They were trained for a duty. A strange feeling had suddenly taken over me. What were these men doing? Then I heard the sound of gunfire. There was a whiff of smoke in the air due to the lack of any wind. It didn’t stop. The sound of more heavy shooting and screaming raged throughout the forest like wildfire. Someone was screaming in pain and agony. I covered her ears. I didn’t want her to suffer through anymore nightmares.
[ shot of men - serious expression ]
The cries suddenly came to a halt. What was happening? I couldn’t leave her alone and do some investigation. What if they were close by? I would wait till sunrise after all we were the only ones who inhabited this place. The men as quickly as they came retreated. Many blinding flashlights were still in use. I held my breathe for what seemed like forever.
“The area has been thoroughly checked sir. What should we do, now?”
[ capture birds in distance and Judith sleeping ]
The men quickly hoped into their vans and closed the door with a loud bang. The huge swarms of birds quickly flew into the distance. The moon returned its light. All was peaceful and quite again. She stirred from her sleep.
“Shhh, they’ll hear us,” I whispered.
“They’re gone,” she mumbled.
Judith sitting on a rock with tears
“How do you know?” i asked confused by her sudden outburst. “What do you mean? Who are you?”
“Do you really want to know?” she asked staring into my soul.
It was better to know the worst than to wonder.
“Yes,” i said nodding slightly.
“I’m Judith Campbell and my father, Jude Campbell...He made an agreement with the wrong people...His being living his life on drugs and alcohol after mom died... He doesn’t work anymore...His got no money to pay em back...They want me instead...”
“Matt, you’d protect me right? You insisted on your own free will,” she said sobbing, her voice barely audible and understandable.
“Do you want to go see what happened... and maybe wish him a proper goodbye?” i asked carefully trying to choose the right words.
[ teenagers walking together ]
Judith squeezed my hand tightly with every step we both took. We were in unison, in harmony with the music. Our beat was perfect as we touched the earth. Our tempo increased as our blood pulsated with a mixture of fear and love. We came to an open clearing and peered our eyes at the body. I glanced around slowly, Judith following my movements closely.
[ body laying on the ground, pool of blood ]
We walked to the pool of dried blood slowly. Our steps one foot in front of the other. Her face was a mixed bag of feelings. Under the twilight sky, her silvery blue eyes were cold and devoid of any emotion. She crouched beside her father and just stared at the men she thought protected and treasured her.
We said a few prayers wishing him a peaceful journey into the afterlife. Judith took my arms giving me the simple gesture that we needed to get going soon before they found us.