View Single Post in: Story Time Contest - Round 5 Scores, Final Scores and BONUS!
#370
30th Nov 2011 at 1:05 AM
30th Nov 2011 at 1:05 AM
Posts: 3,720
Thanks: 27175 in 66 Posts
Out of a possible 300: Bonuses have been added in so perfect scores would be 330/300
Shhh: 0
ReyaD: 0
waterjay: 0
blackivy: 0
Myshia: 0
LadyAwesome: 291
Tamlyn: 307
Elexis: 309
whitewaterwood: 0
Morphead: 0
missroxor: 306
Buckley: 0
LadyAwesome
This story has really changed from it's original direction and lead me to somewhere entirely unexpected. I feel slightly that the ghost element of the story is almost forgotten and that the vampire angle which you introduced has taken over, however the rich back story you created for the vampires and their rules is intresting and i like how you've woven your characters into this new reality. The relationship between brother and sister is what underpins this story and it flows well throughout your chapters, my only concern regarding flow is the abrupt way in which the angle of the story changed, i hope you will bring it back around to deal with aiden's ghostliness before the end.
I LOVE LA's chracterisation - she is so funny and her use of dialogue is excellent. I demand the right to give her 11 points for the Gnome. I NEVER saw that coming.
Ahaha, the Gnome, the gnome! Really great use of screenshots and lighting. The vamp is a hottie. I am really interested how this all plays together: the ghost, the vampires, King Mahon. Can't wait for the end.
Tamlyn
I thought the excerpt was a TAD forced - and I am interested to see what will happen next - will Lily tell? Why is she in the forest? Hmmm. Good use of creative writing in the descriptions.
Excellent chapter which really delivered in terms of the assignment. This story is wrapping up perfectly, although i may still be holding out for you to throw a spanner in the works or perhaps give us an upset ending! The relationship between the two main characters is superb and the world you have weaved around them is beautifully described and jumps into life for me. I loved the cliff hanger ending you have left and hope to see the conclusion to this excellent entry.
I feel like the real hunger with the "desire is hunger" was a bit literal. Also, I think I've been expecting this coupling for awhile so it didn't shock me. I do want to know what Lily was doing out there and what the consequences will be though.
Elexis
Do the pictures need comments this go round? I love the ending of the story. Such an internal struggle for Han and I CAN'T wait to see how it ends.
Simply amazing pictures in this chapter which perfectly complimented your words, as always this story is such a pleasure to read and the effort you put into creating the characters and world is so rewarding for me as a reader. In terms of story and the assignment i think you delievered what was asked of you, i can see the story coming together however i am still left wondering how Han will save his girl, get his revenge and make it out alive? I must know so please continue with writing this story.
Wow. Great episode. The pics are as gorgeous as ever - and I like how we are left on the edge of our seats. He is a nice guy - he won't hurt her - will he? Good observation of character.
missroxor
What a bastard. Though, he DOES have that nerdy, want to fit in anywhere and power is what I need aura about him. Can't say that meeting the king of the underworld in the underworld is exactly a chance meeting but…that was really the only major "ummm…" moment.
Miss Roxor is having a good time with this story - I think she and LA should write a soap pilot. I would watch it
Chance meeting? Hmmm.
Some fantastic pictures in this which brought your setting to life for me. I have to admit that i never envisaged your story turning out the way it has, you've completely surprised me with the bigger picture that i am now getting to see. Again as with other entries this week you delivered on the assignment perfectly i can see your story wrapping up and the ends are starting to tie together, great job.
Scores updated on first post as well.
Shhh: 0
ReyaD: 0
waterjay: 0
blackivy: 0
Myshia: 0
LadyAwesome: 291
Tamlyn: 307
Elexis: 309
whitewaterwood: 0
Morphead: 0
missroxor: 306
Buckley: 0
LadyAwesome
| Originality = 10 | Excerpt = 10 | Characters = 10 | Events = 10 | Creativity = 40 | Pictures =10 | Mood = 10 | Staging = 10 | Scene = 30 | Flow = 20 | Rules = 5 | CC = 5 | Total = 100 | Bonus = 10 | OVERALL TOTAL |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 7 | 10 | 7 | 7 | 31 | 10 | 7 | 10 | 27 | 16 | 5 | 5 | 84 | 10 | 94 |
| 8 | 10 | 8 | 9 | 35 | 10 | 8 | 9 | 27 | 16 | 5 | 5 | 88 | 10 | 98 |
| 11 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 35 | 10 | 8 | 10 | 28 | 16 | 5 | 5 | 89 | 10 | 99 |
This story has really changed from it's original direction and lead me to somewhere entirely unexpected. I feel slightly that the ghost element of the story is almost forgotten and that the vampire angle which you introduced has taken over, however the rich back story you created for the vampires and their rules is intresting and i like how you've woven your characters into this new reality. The relationship between brother and sister is what underpins this story and it flows well throughout your chapters, my only concern regarding flow is the abrupt way in which the angle of the story changed, i hope you will bring it back around to deal with aiden's ghostliness before the end.
I LOVE LA's chracterisation - she is so funny and her use of dialogue is excellent. I demand the right to give her 11 points for the Gnome. I NEVER saw that coming.
Ahaha, the Gnome, the gnome! Really great use of screenshots and lighting. The vamp is a hottie. I am really interested how this all plays together: the ghost, the vampires, King Mahon. Can't wait for the end.
Tamlyn
| Originality = 10 | Excerpt = 10 | Characters = 10 | Events = 10 | Creativity = 40 | Pictures =10 | Mood = 10 | Staging = 10 | Scene = 30 | Flow = 20 | Rules = 5 | CC = 5 | Total = 100 | Bonus = 10 | OVERALL TOTAL |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 9 | 8 | 9 | 8 | 34 | 10 | 9 | 10 | 29 | 18 | 5 | 5 | 91 | 10 | 101 |
| 9 | 9 | 10 | 9 | 37 | 10 | 10 | 8 | 28 | 19 | 5 | 5 | 94 | 10 | 104 |
| 8 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 35 | 10 | 9 | 10 | 29 | 20 | 5 | 5 | 94 | 8 | 102 |
I thought the excerpt was a TAD forced - and I am interested to see what will happen next - will Lily tell? Why is she in the forest? Hmmm. Good use of creative writing in the descriptions.
Excellent chapter which really delivered in terms of the assignment. This story is wrapping up perfectly, although i may still be holding out for you to throw a spanner in the works or perhaps give us an upset ending! The relationship between the two main characters is superb and the world you have weaved around them is beautifully described and jumps into life for me. I loved the cliff hanger ending you have left and hope to see the conclusion to this excellent entry.
I feel like the real hunger with the "desire is hunger" was a bit literal. Also, I think I've been expecting this coupling for awhile so it didn't shock me. I do want to know what Lily was doing out there and what the consequences will be though.
Elexis
| Originality = 10 | Excerpt = 10 | Characters = 10 | Events = 10 | Creativity = 40 | Pictures =10 | Mood = 10 | Staging = 10 | Scene = 30 | Flow = 20 | Rules = 5 | CC = 5 | Total = 100 | Bonus = 10 | OVERALL TOTAL |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 7 | 10 | 8 | 8 | 33 | 10 | 8 | 10 | 28 | 17 | 5 | 5 | 88 | 10 | 98 |
| 8 | 10 | 8 | 9 | 35 | 10 | 9 | 10 | 29 | 17 | 5 | 5 | 91 | 10 | 101 |
| 10 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 40 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 30 | 20 | 5 | 5 | 100 | 10 | 110 |
Do the pictures need comments this go round? I love the ending of the story. Such an internal struggle for Han and I CAN'T wait to see how it ends.
Simply amazing pictures in this chapter which perfectly complimented your words, as always this story is such a pleasure to read and the effort you put into creating the characters and world is so rewarding for me as a reader. In terms of story and the assignment i think you delievered what was asked of you, i can see the story coming together however i am still left wondering how Han will save his girl, get his revenge and make it out alive? I must know so please continue with writing this story.
Wow. Great episode. The pics are as gorgeous as ever - and I like how we are left on the edge of our seats. He is a nice guy - he won't hurt her - will he? Good observation of character.
missroxor
| Originality = 10 | Excerpt = 10 | Characters = 10 | Events = 10 | Creativity = 40 | Pictures =10 | Mood = 10 | Staging = 10 | Scene = 30 | Flow = 20 | Rules = 5 | CC = 5 | Total = 100 | Bonus = 10 | OVERALL TOTAL |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
| 10 | 10 | 9 | 10 | 39 | 10 | 8 | 10 | 28 | 17 | 5 | 5 | 94 | 10 | 104 |
| 9 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 37 | 10 | 8 | 9 | 27 | 17 | 5 | 5 | 91 | 10 | 101 |
| 10 | 10 | 9 | 8 | 37 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 30 | 17 | 5 | 5 | 94 | 7 | 101 |
What a bastard. Though, he DOES have that nerdy, want to fit in anywhere and power is what I need aura about him. Can't say that meeting the king of the underworld in the underworld is exactly a chance meeting but…that was really the only major "ummm…" moment.
Miss Roxor is having a good time with this story - I think she and LA should write a soap pilot. I would watch it
Chance meeting? Hmmm. Some fantastic pictures in this which brought your setting to life for me. I have to admit that i never envisaged your story turning out the way it has, you've completely surprised me with the bigger picture that i am now getting to see. Again as with other entries this week you delivered on the assignment perfectly i can see your story wrapping up and the ends are starting to tie together, great job.
Scores updated on first post as well.
Heaven Sims | Avendale Legacy
"On the internet, you can be anything you want. It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid."
"On the internet, you can be anything you want. It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid."