heaven
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Princess of Procrastination
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 2,191
Thanks: 11620 in 27 Posts
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 Round 1 Scores
Hello everyone and welcome to the first set of scores. I hope we didn't keep you waiting too long! First, let me just say congratulations on a job well done to each of you. Second, please be aware that individual scores are not in order of judges listed on the original post. Also, if you have an issue with your scores, please come to me instead of disgruntled posts here or trying to PM the judges.
The scores are averaged between all 3 judges. Instead of rounding to the nearest half point, scores are just rounded to the first decimal. Also, please remember that if everyone gets their next round in before the deadline, we can start Round 3 sooner!
| Contestant | Total |
|---|
| Spladoum | 94.7 |
| ReyaD | 94 |
| ForeverCamp | 96.7 |
| Melibee1323 | 93.3 |
| Ghost_sdoj | 88.7 |
| Viva1994 | 89 |
| Qnshr5 | 98.3 |
| waterjay | 97.3 |
| Tamlyn | 97.3 |
| Sabri5 | 89.7 |
| Prawler | 90.7 |
| Buckley | 98 |
| LadyAwesome | 89 |
| missroxor | 95.7 |
ForeverCamp
| CREATIVITY (45) | Originality (15) | Excerpt (10) | Character (10) | Event (10) | SCENES (30) | Pictures (10) | Mood (10) | Staging (10) | FLOW (20) | RULES (4) | CC (1) | TOTAL (100) | BONUS (5) | OVERALL |
|---|
| 43 | 15 | 8 | 10 | 10 | 29 | 10 | 10 | 9 | 20 | 4 | 1 | 97 | 0 | 97 |
| 42 | 14 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 29 | 9 | 10 | 10 | 19 | 4 | 1 | 95 | 0 | 95 |
| 44 | 15 | 10 | 9 | 10 | 29 | 10 | 10 | 9 | 20 | 4 | 1 | 98 | 0 | 98 |
Very well put together story! The way you flowed throughout the story was pure talent as well as your ability to keep me at the edge of my seat, wondering what night happen next!
LOVE how you started this. Your introduction sets the mood right away. I also loved how your main caracter started out all "Aw, isn't she adorable?" then turned into "Problem Child". I totally want to hate her, which makes this an interesting start indeed. Plus the cliffhanger! Very dangerous in a game where you're not sure what will be thrown you way next. I'm on pins and needles! Having said that, it seems clear that this chick wants to go it alone, and therefore no sidekick... though I can imagine Artie showing up later,whether she likes it or not. Or will he be a villain?
Can I just say how much I adore your heroine? She's extremely well-written and multifaceted for having just introduced her. However, I am a little confused as to which category your hero falls within - as of right now, she seems to be an amalgamation between the badass bookworm, the chosen one (it seems like a good setup for this anyway, given that she doesn't know who her parents are), and possibly even the knight in sour armor... I'm excited to read your heroine's shenanigans in future chapters. You already have (seemingly) unintended pregnancy covered. What else could go wrong?!
Very interesting start. Sapphira seems to be a vibrant character who is very well developed. I love the sarcasm she "thinks" with. It really makes her stand out. I'm still not quite sure which of the 4 types she is though which is the one downfall of your story.
Ghost_sdoj
| CREATIVITY (45) | Originality (15) | Excerpt (10) | Character (10) | Event (10) | SCENES (30) | Pictures (10) | Mood (10) | Staging (10) | FLOW (20) | RULES (4) | CC (1) | TOTAL (100) | BONUS (5) | OVERALL |
|---|
| 39 | 13 | 10 | 8 | 8 | 27 | 10 | 7 | 10 | 15 | 4 | 1 | 86 | 5 | 91 |
| 39 | 13 | 7 | 9 | 10 | 29 | 9 | 10 | 10 | 19 | 4 | 0 | 91 | 3 | 94 |
| 37 | 13 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 28 | 10 | 10 | 8 | 17 | 4 | 1 | 87 | 3 | 90 |
The flow of the story was a little iffy, but overall the story was great! There were certain spots that had me lost on who was talking and what was really going on. On the other hand, you staged the area quite nicely and I wanted to give you kudos for that! 
Before I begin, I want to thank you for the spoiler tag idea, that was a stroke of genius! Now, on to my critique... I assumed the clearly powerful Lord Alfric is NOT meant to be the sidekick, as that would be unusual. I found your prologue very original, and your main character rather sympathetic. Here's hoping she can find a bit of what she needs by the time the contest is over!
I think what I like about this story the most is that Kylara's relationship with her new "father" is mysterious. I mean, I know I would be freaked out if someone was able to control my body as he did; Kylara certainly seemed a bit perturbed by it, and rightly so. My only nitpick is I'm not entirely sure what kind of sidekick her father is (or going to be), if he is one at all. My assumption is he's in the "hypercompetent" category, but only time will tell. A great first installment, Ghost.
What a fantastic use of the Makeover plot point! Very creative. I won't lie, some of the technical stuff made my head hurt a bit but I was able to follow. I think Kylara got in a bit over her head accepting this strange man as her father. I'm deciding on whether the father is a sidekick or villian. Maybe both?
Viva1994
| CREATIVITY (45) | Originality (15) | Excerpt (10) | Character (10) | Event (10) | SCENES (30) | Pictures (10) | Mood (10) | Staging (10) | FLOW (20) | RULES (4) | CC (1) | TOTAL (100) | BONUS (5) | OVERALL |
|---|
| 39 | 15 | 6 | 8 | 10 | 29 | 10 | 9 | 10 | 19 | 4 | 0 | 91 | 0 | 91 |
| 36 | 13 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 26 | 9 | 7 | 10 | 15 | 4 | 0 | 81 | 5 | 86 |
| 37 | 13 | 8 | 8 | 8 | 27 | 10 | 8 | 9 | 17 | 4 | 0 | 85 | 5 | 90 |
I really appreciated the originality of the story! The characters occasionally seemed to lack natural reaction, but most of it was very believable.
I got a little lost in your story, I'm not sure if it was rushed or what exactly happened there. However, I find the idea compelling, and that's half the battle, right? I didn't feel Suzanna's persona was explained well enough; to me there is a clear lack of depth. It's a sketch, not a full picture. I do like that the sidekick is in distress, that's a refreshing change. I look forward to the rest.
Woot for the Sims 2 entry! It's nostalgic, indeed. I enjoyed the premise of your story and your setup was well done. It will be interesting to read how Suzanna will save Bram from this situation - and whether she'll have to decide between her friend and her duty in the future.
Your story was a bit jumbled and Suzanna's thoughts were all over the place making her not as developed as she could have been. The excerpt was a bit awkwardly placed, rather as an afterthought. I do think this is leading up to something good, especially noticing her disappointment that Bram was getting lucky and her almost immediate thought that he was NOT a monster. Are we getting a love story? Definite creative use of the plot point. Kudos for that!
Qnshr5
| CREATIVITY (45) | Originality (15) | Excerpt (10) | Character (10) | Event (10) | SCENES (30) | Pictures (10) | Mood (10) | Staging (10) | FLOW (20) | RULES (4) | CC (1) | TOTAL (100) | BONUS (5) | OVERALL |
|---|
| 42 | 15 | 8 | 10 | 9 | 30 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 20 | 4 | 1 | 97 | 0 | 97 |
| 42 | 14 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 29 | 9 | 10 | 10 | 20 | 4 | 1 | 96 | 3 | 99 |
| 43 | 15 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 28 | 10 | 9 | 9 | 18 | 4 | 1 | 94 | 5 | 99 |
Amazing flow and choice of words! Already a couple of sentences in and I was hooked! I lost you near the end though.. but otherwise, you had me at the edge of my seat
Your story completely drew me in. The plot was fast-paced, interesting, compelling. Adding the introduction of the mystery woman (Is Lorie really Brio? Stayed tuned!) just put an exclamation point to the whole thing. It wasn't clear to me what kind of person your sidekick is, however, so I docked you a bit for that. I can't wait to read the rest!
What an exciting beginning! The setup for the robbery was flawless, building up the necessary drama beforehand, and Helena is the perfect heroine for such a story. It will be interesting to read how the rest of your (and Helena's) story unravels. I'm happy to be along for the ride!
Whoa, whoa, fantastic opening. The intro scene, the cut to two days later, it all flowed so well together. It was obvious who your character was though there is also the air of mystery about her. The cliffhanger is brilliant. I cannot wait to read more. Sarah as sidekick is still a little ambiguous though.
Tamlyn
| CREATIVITY (45) | Originality (15) | Excerpt (10) | Character (10) | Event (10) | SCENES (30) | Pictures (10) | Mood (10) | Staging (10) | FLOW (20) | RULES (4) | CC (1) | TOTAL (100) | BONUS (5) | OVERALL |
|---|
| 43 | 14 | 9 | 10 | 10 | 29 | 10 | 9 | 10 | 19 | 4 | 1 | 96 | 0 | 96 |
| 42 | 14 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 29 | 9 | 10 | 10 | 20 | 4 | 1 | 96 | 1 | 97 |
| 40 | 14 | 8 | 8 | 10 | 29 | 10 | 9 | 10 | 20 | 4 | 1 | 94 | 5 | 99 |
I loved the way your story flowed from one event to the next and how that allowed you to picture everything in your mind.. even the character's emotions! Awesome work!
Cliffhanger! What we thought we knew is not the whole story! That's a good thing, of course. However, it wasn't clear to me what archetype the sidekick is, and honestly, given Matt's anger (who I presume is the sidekick), I wasn't sure he is or should be the sidekick. Nonetheless, I can't wait to see which direction you take this. Thank you.
You definitely fulfilled the "mysterious past" requirement. I'm itching to find out how (or why) Zoe got her power and what exactly is going on with these crazy fires. I do want to point out that your writing is stellar and I enjoyed reading your prologue from beginning to end - also, I love Matt. 'Nuff said. This is quickly shaping up to be a fantastic story and I'm looking forward to reading about Zoe's journey. (On a random note: Do I spot a Scott Pilgrim quote or are my eyes playing tricks on me? I love it either way).
Wow, I was completely drawn in. It seemed such an normal, natural day, albiet shitty because of wildfire. Then you hit us with that shocker. Now I NEED to know Zoe's past, find out what she is. Her character type is definitely clear. I'm guessing Matt is the sidekick though his type is obscure right now.
Prawler
| CREATIVITY (45) | Originality (15) | Excerpt (10) | Character (10) | Event (10) | SCENES (30) | Pictures (10) | Mood (10) | Staging (10) | FLOW (20) | RULES (4) | CC (1) | TOTAL (100) | BONUS (5) | OVERALL |
|---|
| 40 | 15 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 28 | 10 | 8 | 10 | 17 | 4 | 0 | 89 | 5 | 94 |
| 38 | 13 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 26 | 9 | 8 | 9 | 18 | 4 | 0 | 86 | 3 | 89 |
| 40 | 13 | 9 | 9 | 9 | 27 | 10 | 8 | 9 | 15 | 4 | 0 | 86 | 3 | 89 |
I have to admit, your story was a little confusing.. and I'm still trying to figure out what might be going on. Zombie Apocalypse, right? I was thinking it was leading to that.  That doesn't mean your story wasn't good or lacked originality! I really liked and and now I must know more!
I suppose we shouldn't praise you for the use of CC, since that docs you a point, but given that it's essential to your story, I kind of wish I didn't have to doc you. Now, for the actual critique of the story: I got a little confused about the introduction of Delaney; why is she strong? Is she the sidekick? If so, what kind of sidekick is she meant to be? Also, who got kidnapped and what does she have to do with anything? I guess I would recommend not being afraid to max out your word count. It's easier to remove a scene than to make up for it's lack.
I like the premise of a zombie apocalypse, which is perfect for this kind of story, but the story itself is a bit jumbled in places. There are quite a few time-skips and rushed character introductions that left me confused. However, since this is just the prologue, I'm willing to bet everything will be sorted as the contest continues. I'll admit that I'm excited for the possibility of seeing some zombified sims in your story and also learn more about both Ax and Delaney (do I sense a love connection?). Wonderful first entry for your story, Prawler.
I admit, your story was...confusing. I get that there was a zombie apocalypse. From there though, it gets jumbled. How Frank found Ax, how Frank got bit(?), was it Delaney or Ax that brought them back? Or Frank? Who is the sidekick? Is it Delaney now or Frank then? What type of sidekick? I have many questions with no answers so I hope that can be addressed next chapter.
Buckley
| CREATIVITY (45) | Originality (15) | Excerpt (10) | Character (10) | Event (10) | SCENES (30) | Pictures (10) | Mood (10) | Staging (10) | FLOW (20) | RULES (4) | CC (1) | TOTAL (100) | BONUS (5) | OVERALL |
|---|
| 43 | 15 | 8 | 10 | 10 | 27 | 10 | 7 | 10 | 17 | 4 | 1 | 92 | 5 | 97 |
| 40 | 13 | 10 | 8 | 9 | 29 | 10 | 9 | 10 | 20 | 4 | 1 | 94 | 5 | 99 |
| 41 | 15 | 8 | 9 | 9 | 29 | 10 | 9 | 10 | 19 | 4 | 1 | 94 | 4 | 98 |
The flow of your story seemed a little sketchy, but overall I loved it! Some parts I became a little lost.. but I would soon regain myself. Also, the end of the story made me wanting even more!
Before I comment on the story itself, I have to say, nice lot! I went and took a look, it's perfect for where you're going, and makes your picture-taking job easier! Now, on to my commentary. This story flows very well indeed. Your imagery at the very beginning ("Like maggots feasting on a lion's carcass...") gave me the shivers and certainly gives me hope for the future of your story. I look forward to more!
I just want to take a moment to admire both your pictures and your writing - both are wonderfully descriptive (visibly for the pictures, of course). Emmeline seems like a strong, sensible, courageous character that is willing to do what needs to be done (to exact revenge and deliver that letter, in this case). I love Calix. I dont' have much else to say except "two thumbs up, would read again"!
What a brave setting for a story and you totally pulled it off. Gorgeous screenshots really made me feel IN it. You've set the scenes quite well with both your words and pictures. Calix is a wonderfully creative Sidekick. I find I have a real connection with Emmeline and am hoping for her success. More please!
LadyAwesome
| CREATIVITY (45) | Originality (15) | Excerpt (10) | Character (10) | Event (10) | SCENES (30) | Pictures (10) | Mood (10) | Staging (10) | FLOW (20) | RULES (4) | CC (1) | TOTAL (100) | BONUS (5) | OVERALL |
|---|
| 38 | 13 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 26 | 10 | 7 | 9 | 19 | 4 | 0 | 87 | | 87 |
| 38 | 13 | 9 | 8 | 8 | 25 | 8 | 8 | 9 | 18 | 4 | 0 | 85 | 5 | 90 |
| 38 | 15 | 8 | 7 | 8 | 28 | 10 | 8 | 10 | 17 | 4 | 0 | 87 | 3 | 90 |
I got a little confused near the end, but I suspect that is because there is more to be explained. I really didn't learn that much about the character, or get a chance to bond with her either. Overall, it was a well put together chapter, though the character bonding might need to be your main focus next time
I got a little confused near the end. I want to know where wolf is too, and if the girl isn't wolf, who is she? WTF is going on??? Still, I'm definitely intrigued, I love how you started, the transition from Ala the observer to Ala the protagonist (Main character) is a great device. Can't wait to read on!
I'm throwing out a complete guess here, but I'm assuming Dog is a shapechanger or something equivalent? If so, that is certainly an interesting development; especially since it (she?) is Ala's sidekick. Your story is a tad confusing in places and character development should be worked on, but given that this is just the prologue, that's only natural. You definitely left me curious as to where your story is going; that's for sure.
Ala definitely seems as though she is struggling with nature. Lottie's role as Moral Compass wasn't quite made clear in this chapter though. Your plot point was somewhat underdeveloped so work on that next chapter. I do like your use of scenes, especially of Ala sitting high above the city. There are a lot of things I am curious about and hope will explained, such as Lottie showing up and who she is that Ala should remember and if she is indeed wolf.
missroxor
| CREATIVITY (45) | Originality (15) | Excerpt (10) | Character (10) | Event (10) | SCENES (30) | Pictures (10) | Mood (10) | Staging (10) | FLOW (20) | RULES (4) | CC (1) | TOTAL (100) | BONUS (5) | OVERALL |
|---|
| 45 | 15 | 10 | 10 | 10 | 28 | 10 | 8 | 10 | 19 | 4 | 0 | 96 | 0 | 96 |
| 43 | 15 | 9 | 9 | 10 | 28 | 9 | 10 | 9 | 20 | 4 | 0 | 94 | 2 | 97 |
| 41 | 15 | 10 | 8 | 8 | 28 | 10 | 8 | 10 | 18 | 3 | 0 | 90 | 4 | 94 |
Might I say, your story was extremely original and very "pulled my emotion strings" feeling.. ha. what? you know what I mean I really could connect with the character and it left me aging on for more! the flow was a little off, but I still could transfer from one scene to the next. Excellent work!
I want you to know I did doc you for the use of Photoshop, but recognize that it was necessary to illustrate the story properly. No worries there! Otherwise, great introduction. Your main character is well developed, and the use of the excerpt isn't too clunky. It's not yet clear that there will be a sidekick, let alone what his (?) role will be, but that's ok because the story is concise and leaves us wanting more. Well done.
Gingers! Gingers, everywhere! ; ) The Reds' past and how they came to be is certainly intriguing as well as the familial/genealogical connection that your heroine seems to share with a particular Red. Your sidekick introduction is rushed, assuming the guy who gave her the letter *is* her sidekick at all, but other than that - it's a fantastic start. Can't wait to see what those Reds and Jada get up to in the future.
Your character makes me laugh. I love her spunk and determination but have sympathy towards her when she is in the thick of things. I'm quite curious about these Reds and how they came to be savages. Your sidekick introduction is a bit unorthodox and stretching things a bit without the real introduction. Your scenery and set up is perfect for this and I feel as though I could look at the pictures and have a good sense of what is going on. Well done.
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