Prompts
1 Drugs
2 Athlete's Hometown Word Count - 830 Headline Local Archery Ace Busted!
Article
It was a scene straight out of that much loved television series 'StrangeTown Vice' in sleepy Dragon Valley yesterday, and a double whammy for the Dragon Valley Narcotics team who have been working on codenamed 'Operation Nerbit' for months.
The successful conclusion of Operation Nerbit resulted in the arrest of local Elf and SimNation's Champion Archer Elessar Telrúnya for possession of 21 vials of an illegal substance and the closure of the Old Curiosity Shop, a Dragon Valley Elixir and Bric a Brac shop, which has been under surveillance for some time on suspicion of selling the illegal performance enhancing drug known on the street as WibWab. The Daily Sim was the only newspaper in SimNation to capture Telrúnya’s arrest on camera. The other cameras at the scene were victim to a mysterious outbreak of spontaneous combustion, which is currently under separate investigation.
Readers will remember how the local Elven Archer Elessar Telrúnya literally shot to fame for his astonishing acrobatics and bow skills at Dragon Valley's Annual InterSimNational Archery Contest, a contest nicknamed locally as TWANG. It is now currently alleged, pending further tests, that Telrúnya used WibWab during the competition and he has that to thank for his skills rather than the natural Elven gifts of agility and accuracy.
Historically, it is said that WibWab was used recreationally by Elves, before it was banned by the last Dwarven Government Health Minister for Dragon Valley, Granite Landdslide III. Found naturally in woodlands, where it grows like a weed, WibWab was reputed to improve reflexes in battle; legend has it that WibWab had other health giving benefits including glowing skin, bright eyes and the ability to wear a lot of white without every getting it dirty.
Elessar Telrúnya is currently being held at Dragon Valley Gaol (ironically a building commissioned by his own father, Elven Lord Darkwen Telrúnya, in the 4th Age) awaiting arraignment. Attorney to the Telrúnya family, Corrigan Brownleaf, made the following statement to the press at a packed press conference:
“Whilst I have little to say regarding the Old Curiosity Shop itself, I do have this to say. My client was completely unaware he was purchasing WibWab when he purchased what he believed were 21 travel size vials of 'Blonde and Bouncy for Elves' hair treatment.”
“Ladies and gentlemen of the press, my client is an innocent in the world of drugs and wrongdoing. It is not in his nature to break the law. My client loves his mother and regularly bandages the paws of injured puppies. It is my belief that he was tricked by the Dwarven shop assistant into purchasing WibWab out of pure, malicious, Dwarven spite to trick him, bring about his downfall and ruin his hair. Further proof of this Dwarven plot is brought about by the fact that my client beat Dwarven archer Grogein Strongintheknee into second place at Dragon Valley's TWANG this year.”
“Furthermore, my client applauds the closure of the Old Curiosity Shop if the allegations made against it are true, and wishes to co-operate in any way he can. He has asked me to make this direct quote on his behalf; “It is a well-known fact that the shop is run by a gaggle of elderly wizards who will do anything to bolster their street “cred” with the “cool kids” simply because they have to wear itchy robes all day and have terrible hair, and maybe selling WibWab was their way of being “rad”.” And ladies and gentleman, as my client so rightly says, “Wizards are the reason we can’t have nice things”. “
"For the record I would like to state that there is no truth in the rumor whatsoever that my client had what was quoted as a 'girly hissy fit' over being bodily searched by the two female arresting officers at the scene of the alleged crime and nor did he, as one of the officers alleges, cry out 'Hey! Don't touch the hair! Don't you know who I am?' A far more important note is that my client will be bringing charges against one arresting officer for giving him what the officer called ‘a clip round the ear ‘ole for being cheeky”. Police brutality is still police brutality even if it is administered by a woman old enough to be your auntie."
"Lastly I wish to state on behalf of Telrúnya’s family, no matter what recent rumors suggest, that no retribution whatsoever will be wrought upon the owners of the Old Curiosity Shop, their staff or the Operation Nerbit team simply because they are directly responsible for their son’s arrest, public shaming and ruination of the family name, despite that fact that the means to famine, pestilence and generally something to do with the four horsemen of the SimPocalypse are at the Telrúnya family’s fingertips 24 hours a day.”
Dragon Valley Operation Nerbit team were unavailable for comment at the time of going to press, but it is believed they are still actively making further inquiries.