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|27th Jul 2011, 05:09 AM||Give your opinion about my story please :) #1|
Join Date: Mar 2010
Ok, I've made during Janaury and Febraury some chapter of this novel with one friend. If you are bored why dont you give your opinions about it? Thanks!!
CATHY BENTLEY, CHAPTER 1 ENGLISH
It was a rainy evening in spring. I was coming back from school in my bicycle, and I stopped to have an ice-cream, as usually. Then, I continued my way home.
Let me get presented, my name si Cathy Bentley, I'm 14 years old, my hair is reddish, long, with some loops, depending the day, I have bright green eyes, my skin is pale, and I live with Andy, my aunt, and my older sister, Caitlin. Together we live in the eighth floor in a flat, in the fifth square, opposite to a huge store, there they sell electronic items.
I was lying in bed last week, almost sleeping, watching the rain fall, when suddenly I saw something in the sky lit up; for a moment I thought that it was shooting star, something rare, great, splendid, but then I realized, "It's a plane! What am I thinking?!"
So the I woke up next morning. I felt a strange feeling. It was a unusual and singular night. I dreamed with that plane I had sawn the previous hours. I dream that I was there, together with Derek Cramberg; Oh! Haven't I tell you about Derek? He is my platonic romance, he goes to the same school I go, but he is one year older… He is a tall boy, with relucent brown hair, and brown eyes. Im madly in love with him… Err… I was saying… back to my nightmare, or… actually dream… oh yes! I was there with Derek, and in the moment I could reach his cheek, I woke up.
They day passed, the Friday had arrived and all my friends were going to Ashley's party. I was invited too, of course, but as I told you, I was feeling bad, well, not bad actually, strange… I was feeling a rare sensation, like a clue, like a signal, that didn't allowed me, somehow, to go to that dance party, and asked me, rarely, to stay at home.
Again, alone in my room, lying in bed, watching the stars through the window, trying to fall asleep, OK, also trying to continue the last dream, I cant get it… I close my eyes and something totally strange happened, I felt my room lit bright, really bright, and brighter every second. It was the strangest feeling ever! I was scared, but I needed to know where was that glow from, so I decided to have a short view of the deadlight, of the window above my bed to check if it's figment of my imagination or there is something really happening. So there you have it. It was that again, the one of my nightmares and dreams, that thing (I don't know what) that was frightening me for days. That light, the light there far away, I suppose it was lighthouse, so I turned and got slept.
The light was closer. Closer and closer. More and every time more. I call my family but… apparently, the only one who saw the light it was… me. Scared I woke up. The alarm clock said it was five A.M. I tried to got asleep again but there was no case. The only thing I did was looking the ceiling, look at it, every second, for a long time… Until I decided to draw what happened. After a time, I fall asleep.
When I woke up it was inevitable no thinking about what I dream and the occurred. It was a horrible nightmare and I couldn't support it. I stayed a while in bed and then I went to have breakfast. My aunt was there waiting for me with delicious homemade food. But clearly she noted that I wasn't that good. She looked into my eyes, and I noticed that she knew I cried for a time. Cried a lot. And that it was.
-Cathy… what happened? You know you can trust me, I have always been with you when you needed it, I can see in your face you are not OK. What's going wrong sweetie?
-Oh… err… -I had to invent something, I couldn't tell her about the dazzling and bright light during the nights and less about the nightmares.- I just… just… I couldn't sleep well- I said, and created a little smile.
I didn't want to worry her about me. She already had many preoccupations to take care about. I was conscious that lying was worse but I felt that somehow, she already knew the truth. My aunt always helped me in everything. She took care of my sister and I when we were just babies, and my parents disappear. I didn't have a great children hood for that reason. Living without your mom and dad it's not easy, but Andy helped me to stay afloat. She never lies me. Never. So I couldn't, I needed to tell her the truth, so I started to cry. I told her everything.
My aunt, as seeing me so bad, let me do a slumber party with some friends. I decided to invite my five best friends, Miley and Diana, they are twins, both blonde, and with pale skin, they are really cute… they always looked wonderful. always looked so well and with a perfect dressing. Jennifer, a typical teenager capricious diva with shining brown hair and bluish, yellowish, and maybe greenish eyes… Miranda was blonde too, she had a small height and a tiny body, she was like a little doll, and not to mention her wardrobe! She always wore the typical dress in cream colors, light colors, like a doll indeed! Mindy was a surfer. Her older siter, Jade, and her mother, Alyssa, trained her since she was a little girl. She has tanned skin, shiny hair, brown eyes, and a great body. Then, I had to wait.
I'm about to finish chapter 2 (actually to traduce, I have done it in Spanish and I would like to traduce it on my own to English)
|29th Aug 2011, 09:57 AM||#2|
Join Date: Aug 2011
This is really good. And we all have that speacial boy! Not me, though.