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Scholar
#26 Old 26th May 2016 at 7:00 PM
@Chax I appreciate what you said, but at this point in my life I don't think anyone can convince me that I'll ever find anyone. If I were younger I might have some hope, but I'm in my 30's now and every day that goes by I just keep losing hope. A band I like called HIM has a song called Sleepwalking Past Hope, the song title alone is practically perfect to sum things up for me. To quote another HIM song called Buried Alive By Love: "to cry is to know that you're alive, but my river of tears has run dry". If my life was a train it's not only fallen off the tracks but the tracks have been destroyed as well.

@EvilMcNastySim2015 That sounds all too familiar. Sounds like something I would type out.
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Instructor
#27 Old 26th May 2016 at 8:19 PM
Quote: Originally posted by haywud
@Chax I appreciate what you said, but at this point in my life I don't think anyone can convince me that I'll ever find anyone. If I were younger I might have some hope, but I'm in my 30's now and every day that goes by I just keep losing hope. A band I like called HIM has a song called Sleepwalking Past Hope, the song title alone is practically perfect to sum things up for me. To quote another HIM song called Buried Alive By Love: "to cry is to know that you're alive, but my river of tears has run dry". If my life was a train it's not only fallen off the tracks but the tracks have been destroyed as well.

@EvilMcNastySim2015 That sounds all too familiar. Sounds like something I would type out.


Yeah I am in my 30s too and I can't find work. I will not go into the details but I don't have the money to move to where the jobs are and I am so lonely it hurts. I have had some girl interested in me over the years but without work and a disability that keeps me from driving nothing ever came of it and they are all married now. I have had to make peace with the fact that I will never go on a date or have a life or family of my own and will die in a gutter. it's just a fact of life that I have to live with, nothing can be done about it so there is no use crying over it. I'll just let the life I have play out, no use worrying about things that can never be. Life is just life and it's not fair and some people have to live at the bottom and that is me. Life is life and it's not meant to enjoy, you just have to put up with it until you are released from it. There is no other way to live.

My PC specs.
Windows 7 64 bit,AMD FX 4300 quad core processor, 8 gigs DDR3 ram, 1 gig Geforce 9500 graphics card, patch 1.67.2
Every time I reinstall the game I run it clean without any CC, not even the store bought stuff so it isn't CC or mods that cause me trouble.
Scholar
#28 Old 26th May 2016 at 8:26 PM
To quote one of my favorite songs: "this world is a cruel place and we're here only to lose"
Theorist
#29 Old 29th May 2016 at 11:31 AM
I would install the Windows recycle bin in my brain so I could delete repeating, detrimental shit.
Scholar
#30 Old 30th May 2016 at 2:34 AM
I would certainly get rid of all of the anxiety and the feelings I have of me being entirely 'undesirable'.

...However, I came to these mindsets from experience, from reality. I'm socially anxious because I've been tossed aside by everyone. Most recently my 'BFF' of almost ten years. How, this came about I don't even know... She was supposed to be one that would never do this to me.

I suppose perhaps I should change what I'd change about my personality... I'd change it so I wouldn't care anymore. Clearly that's my biggest problem... I need to not have a heart anymore.

♫ Keeping this here until EA gives us a proper playable woodwind/brass instrument ♫
For now, though, my decorative Bassoon conversion for TS4. =)
Scholar
#31 Old 30th May 2016 at 3:58 AM
@bassoon_crazy That sounds all too familiar to me. I suffer from anxiety, even some of the simplest of things trigger it and no matter how hard I try I just can't shake it. Hell just the thought of certain things trigger it. I can really relate to the feeling of being undesirable, it's one of the reasons I've been so down lately. I just feel like no one wants to be around me for any reason. My depression has kept me from wanting to really talk to anyone which includes my friends, yet I haven't had one call from any of them. Makes me wonder just how much my friends actually think of me. A couple of them I've been good friends with (or so I think anyway) for around 15 years, yet I've heard nothing from them lately. Starting to wonder if some of my friends have tossed me aside as well.

If you ever want someone to talk to you can send me a private message, or even email me since I have my email public on my profile, and that goes for anyone that just wants someone to talk to. I may be a miserable and depressed piece of trash right now but I'm an honest person and I like to think I'm a good person deep down inside, so you won't get a lot of BS from me and you'll never have to worry about me putting you down because it's something I just won't do. Too many people online like to mock and bully people because they can hide behind that anonymous identity, I'll never do that no matter how terrible I may feel.

It may sound silly to some, but reading the responses people have given me seems to be helping me to calm down a bit. I don't feel nearly as bad now as I had been the last few days. So if you or anyone wants to talk I'll be more than happy. Helping people makes me feel good, so if I can help anyone else then I'm sure it would help me with my depression as well.
Scholar
#32 Old 30th May 2016 at 4:51 AM
I would change my crippling social anxieties. My fiance and I got into a bit of a verbal tiff earlier today because I had a slight panic attack over having to make a phone call and I almost completely shut down around people I don't know and that's proven to be a bit problematic when I'm trying to land a job, especially a job in retail.

The secret ingredient is phone.
Growing up means watching my heroes turn human in front of me.
Thank you, O Mighty Doom Deity! - BL00DIEHELL
Instructor
#33 Old 30th May 2016 at 6:16 PM
Quote: Originally posted by IAmDeath
I would change my crippling social anxieties. My fiance and I got into a bit of a verbal tiff earlier today because I had a slight panic attack over having to make a phone call and I almost completely shut down around people I don't know and that's proven to be a bit problematic when I'm trying to land a job, especially a job in retail.


I have panic attacks all the time and I can relate. For some reason making phone calls is one of the things that can bring them on, and it drives me and others nuts. I am sorry you had to go through though that

My PC specs.
Windows 7 64 bit,AMD FX 4300 quad core processor, 8 gigs DDR3 ram, 1 gig Geforce 9500 graphics card, patch 1.67.2
Every time I reinstall the game I run it clean without any CC, not even the store bought stuff so it isn't CC or mods that cause me trouble.
Mad Poster
Original Poster
#34 Old 30th May 2016 at 8:37 PM
Even I am guilty of random panic attacks...if I forget to eat, which happens when I am consumed in a project, I panic. When under duress, panic. If my medicines are late...you guess it.

I currently am recovering from these bad panic-induced behaviors.

Personal Quote: "I like my men like my sodas: tall boys." (Zevia has both 12 and 16 oz options)

(P.S. I'm about 5' (150cm) in height and easily scared)
Scholar
#35 Old 30th May 2016 at 8:47 PM
Right now I feel like I'm in a constant panic attack. I'll settle myself down for a bit, but no matter how hard I try something else triggers it again. Yesterday was a pretty good day, but for some reason today is right back to being lousy.
Lab Assistant
#36 Old 8th Jun 2016 at 9:57 PM
I wish I could stay motivated for longer. I lose motivation to do something within like.....30 minutes to a day. It sucks. I never finish projects because of this.
Test Subject
#37 Old 17th Jun 2016 at 6:50 AM
I honestly wish my mind would slow down a bit. While it's great for planning things and giving people advice, it also means negative thoughts just warp into these blasted tornadoes before I've even realized I'm having the negative thoughts.

I'd also definitely get rid of my tendency to procrastinate.
Test Subject
#38 Old 10th May 2017 at 7:46 AM
Nothing. Yeah, some traits, like introversion, make things difficult, but I don't dislike my personality itself, so I wouldn't want to change it.

"The call isn't out there at all! It's inside me!" - Moana
#39 Old 13th May 2017 at 3:47 PM
I would change it so I could deal with stress better. I absolutely suck at it.
Mad Poster
Original Poster
#40 Old 21st May 2017 at 4:20 AM
I can be a bit of a crybaby. I also have paranoia involving the squeaky top step on the stairs. I get needy if something is uneven in medicine levels.

And I guess part of me wishes I wasn't made a wreck so easily like a feather landing on a heavy pile on weakened infrastructure.

Personal Quote: "I like my men like my sodas: tall boys." (Zevia has both 12 and 16 oz options)

(P.S. I'm about 5' (150cm) in height and easily scared)
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