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- Writing - Poetry - poems by ink
Replies: 8 (Who?), Viewed: 3424 times.
#1
19th Oct 2007 at 3:52 AM
Posts: 252
poems by ink
I'm a bit hesitant to post my poetry, actually I'm really nervous about it. Not many people have read my poems, so it would be interesting to see what people think. My favorite kind of poetry is very simple, yet descriptive and so this is the style I try to emulate. My poetry is not about my feelings, rather it is meant to make you feel the moment I was in.fragments
I woke this morning
to the sunlight in my eyes,
my dream on my lips.
Through the dank and dense
peers the sun
a watery smudge
on the edge of the sky.
Outside my window
could be South America,
with an orange tree and the rain.
Theories of the Universe
Perhaps it is flat
lying on the back of a tortoise
held in the palm of a hand
on the outstretched arm
of a spinning galaxy
encased in a celestial sphere
in which we are at the center
Early Memory
Early morning
first sunrise
colors tickle the horizon
slowly
as I watch
cradled in the arms
of a poplar tree
Spider
Under stars that cannot be seen.
Against a sky made brown by streetlight and smog.
Between two trees shaped like poodles.
I sit with the air wrapped around me,
a heavy blanket I try to shrug off.
Above, a spider silently tends
to its garden of sticky strands and silken bugs.
Transfiguration
The foam is snow upon the sand.
The clams, pebbles beneath my feet.
I am a mountain, laying on my back--
I am bathing in the moonlight,
while breathing in the night.
I woke this morning
to the sunlight in my eyes,
my dream on my lips.
Through the dank and dense
peers the sun
a watery smudge
on the edge of the sky.
Outside my window
could be South America,
with an orange tree and the rain.
Theories of the Universe
Perhaps it is flat
lying on the back of a tortoise
held in the palm of a hand
on the outstretched arm
of a spinning galaxy
encased in a celestial sphere
in which we are at the center
Early Memory
Early morning
first sunrise
colors tickle the horizon
slowly
as I watch
cradled in the arms
of a poplar tree
Spider
Under stars that cannot be seen.
Against a sky made brown by streetlight and smog.
Between two trees shaped like poodles.
I sit with the air wrapped around me,
a heavy blanket I try to shrug off.
Above, a spider silently tends
to its garden of sticky strands and silken bugs.
Transfiguration
The foam is snow upon the sand.
The clams, pebbles beneath my feet.
I am a mountain, laying on my back--
I am bathing in the moonlight,
while breathing in the night.
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#2
20th Oct 2007 at 9:03 PM
Posts: 151
Thanks: 144 in 4 Posts
those are quite beautiful actually. I really like the one about the spider, and i HATE spiders
Eagles may soar, but bunnies don't get sucked into jet engines
Eagles may soar, but bunnies don't get sucked into jet engines
#3
20th Oct 2007 at 9:52 PM
Posts: 79
The "spider" poem is my favorite too. Very evocative imagery without hammering us over the head. The way the final two lines about the spider, though a simple image, sort of come out of nowhere (the poem sets us up for an extended exploration of you in the blanket and what you're feeling) and redirect the reader's attention is very haiku-like. Very nice.
#4
20th Oct 2007 at 10:02 PM
Posts: 252
Thank you both--it's really nice to hear what people think, especially when it's such good things .
Fluid, I read a lot of haikus and try to make my poetry in that style (not really the syllable count, more the simplicity), so I'm glad you could see it in there.
Fluid, I read a lot of haikus and try to make my poetry in that style (not really the syllable count, more the simplicity), so I'm glad you could see it in there.
Lab Assistant
#5
22nd Oct 2007 at 2:01 AM
Posts: 380
Thanks: 96 in 2 Posts
Your poetry is really fantastic, and I love the simplicity. Am I right in assuming that this is Bluebottle? Or am I just kind of making mistakes with identity?
In any case, I think I like the first poem best, especially the last lines.
"LMAO wtf r u syaing?!!1!"
The above sentence is not english. I only understand english. Thank you.
In any case, I think I like the first poem best, especially the last lines.
*counter culture since '03 and counting*
"LMAO wtf r u syaing?!!1!"
The above sentence is not english. I only understand english. Thank you.
#6
22nd Oct 2007 at 3:04 AM
Posts: 252
Julieth, I'm glad you enjoyed my poems and thank you for the compliment--it means a lot!
And you're confusing identities, because I'm not sure what (or who?) Bluebottle is, although now I'm curious !
And you're confusing identities, because I'm not sure what (or who?) Bluebottle is, although now I'm curious !
Lab Assistant
#7
31st Oct 2007 at 6:45 AM
Posts: 380
Thanks: 96 in 2 Posts
Hmm, well, now I feel a bit foolish. Bluebottle is someone on another forum who has a similar vocabulary but who writes prose. I'd be interested to see some more poems though...
"LMAO wtf r u syaing?!!1!"
The above sentence is not english. I only understand english. Thank you.
*counter culture since '03 and counting*
"LMAO wtf r u syaing?!!1!"
The above sentence is not english. I only understand english. Thank you.
#8
31st Oct 2007 at 7:29 AM
Posts: 252
Please don't feel foolish--I mean, hey, the names are identical except for the "ink" and apparently we have similar writing styles--it's an obvious connection. Actually, I'm curious to see this person's writing if you have a link. And since you asked, I'll some more of my writing tommorrow. Thank you for your interest in my poems, it's quite flattering !
#9
1st Nov 2007 at 6:46 PM
Posts: 252
These really aren't poems, more like poetic prose:
"Night Vision"
I'm standing in slow motion while everything around me moves in double-time. The weight of the music pushes on my eardrums,
breaking through to my brain, passing over the coils and crevices, settling into the recesses.
I feel my heart beating under it, a steady pulse always in time. And I try to see myself as everyone else does,
but no one sees me as myself and so they don't see me at all. So the people pass by,
with their eyes down and their teeth out, because everyone is afraid and we all try to hide.
"Rotterdam"
Their bright yellow and orange robes stood out against the drab grayness of the day.
The bells they wore jangled out the rhythm to which they walked. They held their faces
up to the sky and smiled, their mouths' full of joy. Flower petals were tossed up
into the air and swirled around them and passers-by who joined in on their parade.
From behind a window splattered with raindrops and drizzle, I sat and watched
as the steady flow of celebration passed me by. I sat silent and still,
taking it all in with a breath and a beer.
I'm standing in slow motion while everything around me moves in double-time. The weight of the music pushes on my eardrums,
breaking through to my brain, passing over the coils and crevices, settling into the recesses.
I feel my heart beating under it, a steady pulse always in time. And I try to see myself as everyone else does,
but no one sees me as myself and so they don't see me at all. So the people pass by,
with their eyes down and their teeth out, because everyone is afraid and we all try to hide.
"Rotterdam"
Their bright yellow and orange robes stood out against the drab grayness of the day.
The bells they wore jangled out the rhythm to which they walked. They held their faces
up to the sky and smiled, their mouths' full of joy. Flower petals were tossed up
into the air and swirled around them and passers-by who joined in on their parade.
From behind a window splattered with raindrops and drizzle, I sat and watched
as the steady flow of celebration passed me by. I sat silent and still,
taking it all in with a breath and a beer.
"Grunion"
We went down to the beach, armed with flashlights and hope.
The sky was black and open, the clouds having thinned out, leaving us with
only the stars and the bright disk of the full moon.
Up and down the beach we walked, trailing behind the beams of light that bounced before us.
Up and down the beach we walked, the tide coming in on our ankles and then to our knees.
I lay back on the ground, the damp sand a pillow for my head, to let the grunion come to me.
I closed my eyes for a moment, to see what the night felt like. When I opened them again,
I saw the stars begin to move and turn into birds flying along the Milky Way.
We went down to the beach, armed with flashlights and hope.
The sky was black and open, the clouds having thinned out, leaving us with
only the stars and the bright disk of the full moon.
Up and down the beach we walked, trailing behind the beams of light that bounced before us.
Up and down the beach we walked, the tide coming in on our ankles and then to our knees.
I lay back on the ground, the damp sand a pillow for my head, to let the grunion come to me.
I closed my eyes for a moment, to see what the night felt like. When I opened them again,
I saw the stars begin to move and turn into birds flying along the Milky Way.
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