I contemplated for some time about whether or not to post this, but I've PMed jhd1189 about it and he said it's fine as long as I don't get into anything too personal.

How do people feel about online relationships? I've had a lot of experience with them — at one point, two guys in Sydney and New Hampshire and a girl in Las Vegas were my life (the first one even had a crush on me) for over four years for all of them at the same time — but I was forced to drop everything. There's also people I had met in MMORPGs and forums.

I mean, it's sad because we can talk so much and everything, but what are you really supposed to do in the end? Does it just keep on going and going? I've heard stories about people who had online friends for up to ten years. It's hard, because sometimes the other person is just too far away. There was almost no chance of us meeting each other — ever.

Thoughts? Stories? I'm curious and I've been thinking a lot about this kind of stuff lately.

Do you mean romantic relationships or friendships? I've had online friends that I've known for extended amounts of time. I don't think I could ever handle a romantic relationship online, though. The guy I dated before I met my fiance ended up going to a different college two and half hours away and that was even too much for me.

Friends? Most of my friends are online friends.

Romantic stuff? Oh yeah, done my share of that too, still do. No one around here wants me, so I'm adapting...

Whatever floats your boat. Having extra friends never hurt.

I meant friendships, but I guess it could be both.

Yeah, it's challenging. I haven't had anyone in this side of the country, except for the Vegas girl. NH is too far from LA, you know!

Friendship: Awesome. I consider alot of online friends as real friends, because that's what they are/

Romance: Hell no. I mean, if you know that person but they moved away and went on holiday, that's fine. But just someon you don't even personally know that you met on myspace or something? Yuck.

What do you guys do with all of them? They don't ever break up...? It's hard, I can't keep in touch with people unless they live within fifty miles radius of me.

I've had lots of online friends over the years. Some have kind of passed by the wayside as real friends do, and some have stayed. You may never meet them in person, but you can still talk and have fun and enjoy each other's company online. And there's always webcams and voice chat too, so it's not just text.

Romantic relationships can work too... you just have to be careful about it. Don't open your heart too wide too fast, and recognize that people can be pretty different online than they are in real life - not even attempting deception, just acting different in text vs. in person. And however much you may find someone's personality online attractive, you really don't know whether there will be that special "spark" in person that makes a relationship worthwhile. You may be intellectually attracted, but in person, there's just no fire, no chemistry, so you have the leave the door open for that possibility.

You may not be able to meet up with your online friends -now- but things change. Situations change. There's international flights, changes of jobs, and life rearranging. Just go with the flow, and let life and fate take its course. You may be pleasantly surprised with the results.

Thanks for that, HP. I was told the same thing from my former psychologist, "You know, you've never even met this guy yet. What if he's not the same in person? He could just be projecting a different image online. You don't see each other the way a normal relationship would work for most people. Online, it's so easy to break up with somebody. Offline, it's not that easy."

I think it's because I was just really young when I started making online friends through blogging and Neopets waay back (only eight or nine) so it was a long way to go. I guess I'll just really have to see what happens in the future.

Well, I speak from experience here. My three major relationships have all been with guys that I met and became friends with online first. I've also met other people as friends/potential romantic interests that turned out to be not what I was expecting or were kinda creepy. Not axe murderers, just... not what it said on the box, so to speak. The previous relationships ended not because of any internet deception or anything, just... wasn't meant to be, just as it would have happened if we'd met in person. And with my current and permanent relationship, we met online and now we've got a kidlet together and are quite happy.

When it comes to online relationships, I tend to be pretty positive about the concept. Why limit yourself to just the people that are within a geographical radius of you? Online, you meet people with common interests and can get to know them pretty well before meeting.

Yes, I've read about your baby boy in your MTS journal (born December 2008, same time as Bristol Palin's son, Tripp).

It was hard, because two out of the three best relationships I've ever had so far were in New Hampshire and Sydney, as I've already stated. Even though the latter had a crush on me and we were really good friends, timezones and distance really complicated that (honestly, Australia may not seem like it, but Oceania is the farthest you can get from Los Angeles, California — 7,487 miles and a $1,268 USD plane ticket weren't exactly the most reasonable options).

Perhaps it's just my current life situation. We're always... suffering from financial issues, so to speak, and we never really go anywhere as I'm still a student. It's hard sometimes.

I totally agree with you HP about not limiting yourself to people within a geographical radius of you. I've been talking to a guy for quite a while from several states away, who I met online, and we seem to hit it off, he even said he would be willing to move down here if he needed to.

I actually met my first boyfriend in a worldwide chat room, and he was from my very own city!

I'm with HP and joninmobile. I've formed a couple of long-term online relationships as well, and ironically they've outlasted most of my real-life ones. Maybe because as a person I need a LOT of space, and there are periods when I don't want much social contact, and it's much more difficult, in my experience, for people who live geographically near to deal with that.

One of the people I met online on a book discussion forum is my current boyfriend. We lived in two different countries across Europe (He in the Netherlands, me in Romania). At one point we met for real, we clicked and we moved in together short after. That was over 5 years ago.

I also formed several friendships, three very good ones, that lasted several years but two of those people have drifted away. One remains, even though he lives in the UK and we've never met in person. We'd like to, one day.

I do very much believe that online friendships can last, but it does depend on the type of person, too. If you're someone who needs a lot of face-to-face contact in a friendship, it might be more difficult.

Likewise, I do believe that if two people want to seriously pursue a romantic relationship, text and webcam aren't enough, not in the long run in any case. There needs to be actual contact, and chemistry, for that. As for people who want to live together permanently, well that brings about a whole new host of decisions to be made if they're separated by countries or even continents.

Not to get off topic, but it was probably closer than California and New Hampshire! Well, I still have faith in what you two have told me.

joninmobile, you're a girl? Your profile says "Male"!

I'm Gay! :P

You're probably right. Online romance is just a joke. People were telling me, "Move on, because this long distance stuff doesn't ever work out."

Yeah, we had jokes about moving in together and stuff. We're still really young, though, and there was school and money and it just wouldn't work out. The guy actually wrote me an email, part of which said, "This has gotten way out of hand. No way am I going to be able to fly over to the US, even if I wanted to. Really, I just cannot do this." It was sad, but that's really what happened. I started to think that I was really expecting too much out of it.

I need to have a lot of interaction with people. I already lead a very isolated lifestyle (not my judgments; two doctors have also told me the same) and words on a screen weren't doing it for me. My sister sat there, "Who cares? Are you ever even going to meet these kids?"

But there's always the future.

hmmmn....
as far as online romance goes, im weaned from it. i used to be really into this girl who lived a few states away... i fell in love with her, actually. we knew each other for many years, and were ' dating ' for 3 of them. we met face to face once... but she ended up dumping me. it was for the better: i realized that i could not hope to cultivate anything fruitful, emotionally or physically from such a relationship.

friendship, i still keep up. i have quite a few online friends. mostly because...well... im rather anti social. not in the sense that i hate EVERYBODY who crosses my path, but more along the lines of being between shy and put off.
i have two best friends. one is IRL, ive known her since middle school. the other lives in canada, and i, in california. ive known him for at least 4 years now, and i love him as i do my other friend.
i dont think people should feel inclined to limit themselves to what they have geographically, but at the same time, i dont think its wise to heavily emphasize on distance, either.
for example, i have a boyfriend. i met him online, and we've kept phone contact for...almost as long as my canada friend. he moved back overseas, to japan, but i'll be seeing him this year. im planning to stay with him for 3 months...so i cant say that was entirely in vain, either.

i guess it just depends on who youre dealing with.
i think the internet and RL have about the same ratio of fakers, liars, and honest folk. easier in some respects, tougher in others...all very possible. it just narrows down to what you prefer in terms of contact. like how i dont enjoy having to maintain 'real' relationships with local folks. it ends up stressing me out, so, internet friends are perfect for me, whereas when i long for more personal contact, i have my boyfriend, whom i'll be seeing face to face in a while.

I don't think it's a joke, all online relationships that made it into real life started online after all, with the same dilemmas and limitations. My bf and I met within several months, however a friend of mine and her now husband nurtured a mostly online romance for nearly 3 years before he made the final trip to the US where she lived and married her. They must've met 3 times in those years, but they felt strongly about each other and were prepared to wait. Plus, what works for someone might not work for another. Personally I couldn't keep a romantic relationship online forever, that's one thing I need face-to-face contact for.

You are right though, for people who are young or don't have the means it's even harder, with school and everything too. A lot of people don't find it worth the trouble, like you said, I cannot really blame them. On the other hand, it's hard to make sweeping generalizations, I have also known two young people (late teens-early 20s) who eventually managed to arrange such a meeting, even if in the long run things didn't last. Everything varies from person to person, and situation to situation. I guess what I'm saying is, keep an open mind about it in the future, because you might never know.

Japan is still not as far as Australia (my doctors have told me it's one of the farthest places to go, and if you don't believe it go ahead and grab a map).

Yeah, I was in the same boat as you. I realized that nothing good would come out of it. What did I really want? We were two teenagers. We lived 7,487 miles away from each other. We talked once a month or sometimes even three or four months passed by with a complete silence. Even though his friends were dragged into the boat (and later out) and we spoke a couple of times on the phone, I didn't realize that he had basically already sacked the idea until many months later. I'm going to speak carefully now, as I know that personal topics are discouraged on gaming forums. Our conversations became more and more spaced out, random, and harsh until I finally called him up one night and told him I just wanted to stop, drop, and quit everything, even crying. He was, of course, only too happy to leave me. Dealing with the shock afterwards was painful, but here I am.

Yes, there's still a lot of dumbos floating around on the internet (I got asked out as a one night stand from a guy who lives ten miles from me and basically stalked me until I was forced to call the cops). I've somehow managed to find some good people, it's just too bad that our life situations forced us to end everything.



It might not be a joke, but the chances of two fourteen year old kids actually making it is very, very slim. I do know that such things can happen, because one of the guy's classmates was a boy whose parents moved to Australia from Johor Bahru on a single scholarship alone at the age of seventeen and had two boys and are now nearing fifty, but even then they actually had physical contact in Malaysia. In modern times, kids and situations have advanced (or decelerated, some would say) so rapidly that no one has the maturity, time, or money to carry out something like this anymore. Ironically, we have more resources and technology.

what does the distance actually matter? its the feeling of being apart. you could even just be like, 3 cities away, without transportation youd still be screwed in terms of seeing each other.
[ thankfully, the BF and i have webcams. a small comfort. ]
well... i could go on about the girl i was into, but, i dont think itd be appropriate. nothing GRAPHIC of course, just a bit far fetched. i can say for sure, though, that my relationship with her opened up my eyes to a lot of facts about life. one being that nothing is permanent. nothing is forever. nothing is guaranteed to last, even if you end up moving in together and get married. sadly, life is not a fairy tale, and it took me quite some time to accept it, but generally afterward i was more emotionally stable than ever.
i think it helped grant me a new perspective on how to deal with relationships. granted, im also WAAAAAAAAY more hesitant about who i decide to even pick up a relationship with. xD;; but everything has its pros and cons.
stick your hand in the fire, youll get burned, and likely have scars afterward. either display 'em proudly or hide them in shame. /random

but like i said. i think online relationships heavily depend on how much personal contact the individual[s] prefer. i dont enjoy a lot of face to face contact, so, i opt for online friendships.

You're right about that. Distance didn't matter for us at first. But eventually, it just didn't seem like a good relationship that we'd only talk once every three months and we'd never see each other. There was almost zero possibility of us ever meeting — too much distance, different schools and customs — unless something really big (like our parents moving) could bring us closer to each other. While it's true that even if we did meet up and live together and it might not work out, we didn't have such an optimistic outlook at the time. We were teenagers, students who randomly shared hopes and thoughts with each other. I really wish I had some perspectives of the people around me and posters on this forum — it would of saved me so much hassle, especially when I was in high school.

He was telling me, "We were so young. All of those things we did in those four years, it was life experience for both of us. I'm not going anywhere. I think it would be nice to end this relationship. Please find somebody else and move on, because there's nothing we can do at this point. I'm sorry."

I'm also a very picky person, but I put more faith into the ones I trust and love than anything supernatural. Too much, I'd say. I take it all to heart, and I really did expect more than what I received.

If your theories are right, we must of been the "need physical contact" types. For once, both of us.

no, not really. i was actually quite satisfied with being physically apart from her for those years. what i wasnt satisfied with was the days that she failed to appear, or would randomly vanish for a few days, turning me into a complete worrywart.
ive never really enjoyed being touched, or touching others. in middle school i was the type to hit rather than hug. [ meant the same to me, blah. not like PUNCHES or anything, but smacks. ] only in my most recent years have i come to sort of welcome the idea of my mother hugging me now and then.
ive always had a predisposition to distance over contact, but... i guess i just rather fancy the idea of being able to share a presence with someone WHILE talking to them.
sure there are a lot of aspects about the physical that can be misinterpreted, or just things that can go wrong, but... im the type who's ok with not talking all the time [ while offline ].
i do, however, need to talk to my friends a lot when i AM online, to feel like we've actually connected in some way.

I was agreeing with you as in, we did think the way you are describing right now. But we were much younger and naive. Therefore, a couple years passed and we changed and "woke up". Your thinking is due to your personality; ours was due to youth. There is indeed a difference.

I would say that online or long distance relationships tend to suit your lifestyle very well, then.

Hard but not impossible! I live in Australia and my boyfriend was living in California when I met him. We got to know each other online, met each other while he was on holiday here and became great friends. One thing led to another and in a couple of years he moved to Australia so we could live together. Yes, the money we both dropped on plane tickets was insane (I remember one direct return flight cost me around $3,000 AUD one of the times I flew over!) but absolutely worth it in my case. However, I don't think I could have had an online romance if I was unsure whether I'd ever actually get to see that person.

As for online friendships in general, I believe they can be successful depending on the person. I've met some great people online over the years and still keep in touch with some of them but I do find myself a lot closer to the friends I can talk face to face with. :D

In my opinion online friendships are nice, sometimes last a long time, but in the end your going to drift apart. Years ago when i was about 15 i used to go on this chat called TeenToday. I met loads of people and just stayed up late talking to all of them. Eventually, one by one they were all floating away and not coming on the chat as much and then not at all. So i left too. There is one person who i still keep in contact with from it, i talk to him on facebook and we text aswell, after all these years, (im 20 now). We are very close. But he lives in Ireland and i live in England. One day i might go to vist him but who knows.

Romantic wise, Ive tryed that too. And it just does not work no matter how hard you try. Online relationships are missing the most important thing, just being together, hanging out, cuddling. And in the end it's just going to fizzle out because you don't do these things.

To be honest a lot of my friends online are either friends in real-life, or friends who know my friends from real life. If I do consider someone a friend online, that I've never met personally, I try to break the barriers of internet impossibility by meeting them, grab a cup of coffee, see a movie, catch a game. They've worked out well, but I do try to remain local, however I do live in a pretty big city.

In the end it's nothing to be ashamed of or look down on, I actually find it a lot easier to meet people online first, rather than the other way around, especially since I'm an Aries and I tend to be a little too highstrung/intimidating when meeting new people.

Now as for the relationship side, I met my current fiance online when I was young...as I'm sure we've all done. Heheheh, eventually things got bad at my house ( my parents had an ugly divorce ) and the only place I seemed to find comfort in was in his care. He was older than me, so he was able to take care of me, I was finally legal so it didn't seem so taboo...and since then we've been living together for five years, in love for eight, and friends for ten. So yes, it is possible...just gotta learn to take chances. :D