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Forum Resident
#351 Old 9th Jun 2019 at 2:44 AM
We are in complete agreement simmer22. I don't understand why some people conflate the two. After all, I'm not attracted to blondes of my same race. My daughter isn't attracted to men of the same race as her. Preference, that's all it is. Like you, I don't go for the hunky type guys either. I'm more interested in shared interests/values as well. No one would accuse my first husband of being handsome. He had scars on both cheeks (one smaller, one bigger) and frankly looked scary and mean, plus he was quite a bit older. No one (even his friends) could understand why I went for him. But he was the most loving, tender, romantic, protective, respectful man I've ever been with. You're attracted to who you are attracted to. Maybe it is instinct as you suggest, who knows? But to call it racism, well that just doesn't make sense. Unless, as I said, the preference comes from a dark place of thinking your own race is superior to others. I'm sure there are probably people like that, but to paint everyone with the same brush, that's just stereotyping (which is rather akin to racism itself). Anyway, great post simmer22.
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Mad Poster
#352 Old 9th Jun 2019 at 3:42 AM
Of course, there are probably people out there who would never even consider being together with someone who's different from themselves because of all the wrong reasons, but those people tend to be misguided by hatred and prejudgement, and eventually end up with a very narrow preference for a certain potential mate, because they're led to believe anything else is out of the question. Those people, and the ones making them believe all this cr*p - that's racism. I understand how the two can be confused or intermingled (sometimes they are), but in essence they're quite different. If you all your life is led to believe chocolate icecream is poisonous, then you probably wouldn't be willing to taste it, and I think it would be difficult to trust people telling you it was safe to eat. Some people believe all these untruths about races and how someone is of a lesser worth just because they look different or have different beliefs or a different lifestyle - either because they're told, or because they're the one telling them. Racism is usually taught, and the only way to reduce it is to not teach it on to future generations, and that it shouldn't be allowed to dictate your preferences for a future mate. And just so it's said, racism does go quite a lot of ways. It's not just white people looking down on black people. Could be the opposite, and so many other things, too. Believing that a person or a group of people is beneath you or is worthless for whatever reason (skin, beliefs, social group, etc.), and using that as a reason for not danting to date them or being friends or socialize with them - that's racism.
Lab Assistant
#353 Old 30th Jul 2019 at 9:05 PM
As others before me have pointed out, attraction is a complicated thing. Everybody has preferences. Not being attracted to a specific race or gender or body type is fine as long as you don't believe that the person or group of people who you aren't attracted to are beneath you or is worthless. For example:
I've so far not felt attraction to someone with red hair.
I have nothing against redheads, and it has nothing to do with feeling superior...it's just a preference. I've just never experienced a redhead catching my eye in terms of attraction but I'm not closed to the possibility. There may very well be a soul mate or future spouse out there with red hair in my future
I think having preferences is fine as long as your preferences aren't being used to conceal bigoted beliefs and assumptions about entire groups of individuals who happen to share a particular physical characteristic.
Instructor
#354 Old 6th Aug 2019 at 2:34 AM
Answer - yes, it is. If you unequivalently wouldn't date a person of a certain race that is racist. I would date a woman of any race I was attracted to and I find women from every race attractive - though I do find Asian (East Asian) and Indian (South Asian) most often most attractive.
Forum Resident
#355 Old 26th Sep 2019 at 11:52 PM
If you find all women of all races attractive, then of course you would have no issue with dating any of them. However, to expect everyone to have the same attraction to all races is not realistic. If I didn't find Hispanics attractive (just an example, I actually do find Hispanics attractive), then I am not going to date them. I date men whom I find attractive (no matter the race). I don't date men who are unattractive to me and I don't expect men who aren't attracted to me to date me. Period. I don't think they are racist towards white women just because they don't find white women attractive. Maybe they just find Chinese woman attractive enough to date. When I was younger, a man preferred my Chinese friend to anyone of a different race. He was white, he just had a thing for Chinese women. I doubt he was racist. He just preferred Chinese women. It's all about attraction, not racism...unless they think other races are inferior instead of just not finding them attractive. It's a preference, not racism. Big difference.
 
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