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MTS speed build challenge results - posted on 11th Nov 2018 at 8:38 PM
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Original Poster
#1 Old 2nd Apr 2008 at 8:43 PM
Default Spanking your child?
Nowadays, most children in America have it easy. They're definitely not the 'seen and not heard' generation, so they have more leisures and privileges than their parents and grandparents did as children. This includes less physical punishment, such as spanking and hitting--which is looked down upon in these modern times.
So what do you think--is spanking and hitting your child as punishment OK or not? Does spanking work, or does it just set a bad example for your child? Should children be spanked from time to time, as discipline?
I'll post a poll.
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#2 Old 2nd Apr 2008 at 8:46 PM
Well.... I don't exactly think spanking is abuse or anything...
Bust most studies prove it's not really reliable.
It usually doesn't teach the kid not to do what they did, but to hide it better.

Really using reinforcement is better than punishment anyway, because it shows the kid what *to* do, instead of always what not to do.


And I'd rephrase the "Do what you want" answer up there... obviously parents should not be able to do anything to their kids. You should say "Spanking is an appropriate punishment" or something... because I don't think anyone really believes you can do ANYTHING to your kids.... they are people.
Mad Poster
#3 Old 2nd Apr 2008 at 8:50 PM
I don't see spanking as child abuse, but it's not something I would practice if I were a parent. When I was a kid, my mother spanked me on occasion, but I didn't really learn from it; the only thing I learned was to misbehave more secretly or do it when she wasn't around to spank me. I think spanking teaches a child to solve their problems physically, which is never a good idea. It isn't really positive reinforcement. If it were my child, I would put them in time out or take away a privilege as an incentive to never do that thing again. I just don't think I could bring myself to hit a kid, even if it's for a good reason.

Do I dare disturb the universe?
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Theorist
#4 Old 2nd Apr 2008 at 9:35 PM
I don't see spanking as child abuse, as long the parent doing the spanking isn't doing it out of anger, but rather to teach their child that with unpleasant behavior, comes unpleasant consequences. My parents spanked me, but they always made sure that I understood WHY I was being spanked...ie, they made me admit to the behavior that led to it. It was never "just because". Every time I got spanked, I knew exactly why I was being spanked, and they knew that I knew, because they made me confess first.

There is a potential that legitimate spanking can turn into child abuse though, so it should be done cautiously. An open palm, swatting a naughty 5 year old's behind? Probably okay. 100 lashes with a leather belt? Probably child abuse.

Timeouts, in my experience, simply don't work.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Obama on ABC's This Week, discussing Obamacare
What it's saying is, is that we're not going to have other people carrying your burdens for you anymore
umm...Isn't having other people carry your medical burden exactly what national health care is?
Lab Assistant
#5 Old 2nd Apr 2008 at 10:24 PM
This seems to be an ongoing debate in this country. I was spanked as a child when I really did something bad and or ran into the street etc.....I have a 3 year old and once she started her terrible twos's it was a question that came up as i think in most families it does. I do think it can teach a child to learn to hit but at the same time it might be necessary with some children. I see spanking and hitting two different things....a slap on the hiney I don't feel will "damage" your child, especially depending on the circumstance. I gave my 3 year old a swift spank on her behind when she blatantly ignored me and ran into the street...I felt it was necessary and it got her attention. I do think that sort of punishment is necessary if they might bring harm to themselves, ie, running into the street, touching the stove, grabbing sharp things off the counter...etc.....from experience just saying NO and HOT and DON"T TOUCH don't always work, especially with strong willed children. I also feel this is up to the individual parent and the government needs to mind their own business. What Davious said...there is a difference between a swat and a beating....of course unfortunalty some folks don't understand the difference and also not punishing your child out of anger, keep anger out of it...When I feel like I will explode I step away from her and calm my nerves....its been the naughty stool lately but she knows if she does something very bad she may get a spanking.
#6 Old 2nd Apr 2008 at 10:42 PM
Jenny, for little kids it's not so bad because it's hard to reason with a toddler. But as they age, it's better to teach, atleast studies show, what is the right thing to do in the situation.

A lesson lasts longer than the pain of being hit anyway.
Banned
#7 Old 2nd Apr 2008 at 10:42 PM
I don't think spanking is bad, I don't even see how it wouldn't work. My mother used to spank me and my brother with a paddle, it hurt and well I learned not to do whatever I got paddled for. Also, it's up to the parent(s) to decide what punishment is best for their child, as each child is different so should the punishment.
Lab Assistant
#8 Old 2nd Apr 2008 at 10:54 PM
I also got spanked with a paddle as a kid, and it's one of the reasons I am absolutely against spanking for my (future) children. Looking back I can remember times when my parents were just too angry with us to hold back like they should've, and really could have potentially hurt us. Plus it seems like there are just a ton of more creative ways to teach a lesson, that will last longer in a child's mind than a spanking.

I DO agree with Jenny about attention getting for toddlers/small children though. When a child blatantly ignores an adult and puts themself in danger (see Jenny's examples), a spanking should be used to grab their attention. It shouldn't be forceful or anything, just enough that the child will learn to associate the minute amount of pain with the danger they were in. Better than them learning by doing, and associating a street with getting hit by a car, or a stove with 3rd degree burns to the face.
Lab Assistant
#9 Old 2nd Apr 2008 at 10:56 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faithlove13xxx
Jenny, for little kids it's not so bad because it's hard to reason with a toddler. But as they age, it's better to teach, atleast studies show, what is the right thing to do in the situation.

A lesson lasts longer than the pain of being hit anyway.


well I have seen that depending on the child it dosen't always work....for us at this time, time outs on her naughty stool seem to be better, she hates it so it works for us...tried spanking and it kinda got us no where, guess i should have been more specific...BUT its a parents choice...one thing that really burns me if when I see a child being pulled by the ears by their parent! now thats barbaric!


Quote:
I DO agree with Jenny about attention getting for toddlers/small children though. When a child blatantly ignores an adult and puts themself in danger (see Jenny's examples), a spanking should be used to grab their attention. It shouldn't be forceful or anything, just enough that the child will learn to associate the minute amount of pain with the danger they were in. Better than them learning by doing, and associating a street with getting hit by a car, or a stove with 3rd degree burns to the face.


thank you, she hasn't run into the street since...dosen't mean it won't happen again....honestly, there is a fine line...when they are 2 sometimes you can get away with a little spank but closer to 3 they are too smart....its weird...taking things away always works in the end though.
Test Subject
#10 Old 2nd Apr 2008 at 10:58 PM
I was spanked and I never felt abused by my parents. Spanking was the last punishment, the big threat. It wasn't a regular thing, it was more a you didn't listen and I told you... I do think that without the spanking threat I would have done a lot more hooey, knowing that there was nothing preventing me from doing it.
I do think that there is a big difference between hitting a child and just spanking him, I agree with Jenny on that. Children don't listen to screams.
#11 Old 2nd Apr 2008 at 10:59 PM
I don't see whats wrong with it. Obviously, only when its needed, but it works. I would know!
Field Researcher
#12 Old 2nd Apr 2008 at 11:03 PM
We are not talking about walloping two year olds with paddles or leather belts (which is child abuse, I agree), we are talking about a firm, open handed slap to the butt in order to quickly convine the message of "No" better than the word.

It's the same when training a dog. My brother just go a golden retriver puppy. She doesn't respond to "don't eat the funiture" or "stop chasing the cat" or "heel". She does respond to the choke chain, which makes her uncomfortable if yanked (it doesn't really choke her). Over time, the choke chain is fazed out as the words recieve some meaning to her and she learns not to do these things form oral commands. And my brother will tell you that if it is good enough for his dog, its good enough for his kid (he jests, but the philosopy is still there).
Field Researcher
#13 Old 2nd Apr 2008 at 11:10 PM
Jenny, in my opinion, you've hit it right on. I am not a parent but I do plan to be someday. And if the situation warrents a spanking, then I will spank my child. And for me, that is if the child is placing themself in immediate danger, exactly like Jenny's example.
Theorist
#14 Old 2nd Apr 2008 at 11:23 PM
hszmv, I agree about the dog training comparison, I almost included it in my own original post...although I was gonna go with the rolled up newspaper swat, rather than choke chains...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Obama on ABC's This Week, discussing Obamacare
What it's saying is, is that we're not going to have other people carrying your burdens for you anymore
umm...Isn't having other people carry your medical burden exactly what national health care is?
Original Poster
#15 Old 2nd Apr 2008 at 11:34 PM
I asked my parents, and they told me that as a child, I was disciplined really easily. I would stop whatever I was doing even at the threat of a time-out, so they rarely had to bother with spanking me. Even when I was really being annoying, the worst they would ever have to give me was a quick slap on the arm, and that always worked.
So, depending on your child, I think that different methods of discipline have to be used. Some children will just respond to a simple threat without any punishment (like me) while other, more hard-headed children need timeouts and rare spankings...that kind of thing. I don't support spanking, but I do think it's neccessary for some kids, and it's really up to the parent.
#16 Old 2nd Apr 2008 at 11:43 PM
It just teaches chidlren not to act up. I don't think of it as abuse because it's not like the parents are hitting there kids for know reason. Most parents do it for discipline reasons.
Test Subject
#17 Old 2nd Apr 2008 at 11:43 PM
Well, I'm a single mom of two boys who are 4 and 3 years old. Things can get pretty hectic around here. I'm a very tolerant person though, but sometimes, enough is enough. I always warn them a couple of times, but if they really don't listen to me, they get my hand on their tushies. That usually does the trick. My mother lives right across me, so if I think I may explode, I send one to her so I can calm down a bit. I don't want to actually hurt them. I hurt my oldest son very bad last year, and I'm still not over it. He always hurts his little brother, steals his toys, ruins the artwork he brings home from school,... He's a very jealous kid. He can't even stand it when I hug or kiss his little brother. One day, when I was putting them to bed, he kept doing silly things on the stairs. He fell, and he was very lucky that I could grab him before he hit his head at the table that's right beneath the stairs. He was angry that he fell in the first place, even though I told him numerous times not to play on the stairs. His little brother 'backed me up'. The day after it, he pushed his brother off the stairs, and after I checked the little one, I got really, really angry... and I hit him in his face. I felt really bad about it, but if I think that my baby could have broken his neck because of his stupid 'revenges'.
I'm hoping that my boys will calm down very, very soon, but if not, I will keep on 'spanking' their tushies.
#18 Old 2nd Apr 2008 at 11:44 PM
Children are not dogs.....
Lab Assistant
#19 Old 2nd Apr 2008 at 11:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faithlove13xxx
Children are not dogs.....
true, very true.............
but its amazing how similiar they can actually be! haha.... I have 2 kids (3 & 6 months) and 2 dogs....a lab (we all know how they are!) and a retriever.....but yeah.....different nontheless...
Field Researcher
#20 Old 3rd Apr 2008 at 12:06 AM
Actually, a fully grown dog is about the same mental age as a human three year old so...

It's all about getting the message across. A two year old who has repeatedly shown s/he will not listen to their parents for matters like "don't cross the street," or "Hot stove, don't touch" and still attempt to do so should be given a message that will reflect the pain (and thusly the child won't do it again because no one likes getting hurt). Which is more of an abusive punish punishment: Risking the kid burning his/her hand or a swift pat to the butt?
Test Subject
#21 Old 3rd Apr 2008 at 12:18 AM
I was only ever smacked as a small child, and I am very close to my mum and grandmother (as my mum still lived at home when I was born so my grandparents helped raise me a bit). I was smacked once if I did anything naughty so that I'd know not to do it again. Children in my family are usually only smacked if they are either about to do something dangerous (such as play with the kitchen stove), repeatedly ignore their parents' or do something incredibley naughty. It's not often that smacking is used, only as a last resort. Older children don't get smacked as it's inappropriate and they can be punished in other ways (being grounded, being denied a fun outing that was planned, etc).

I don't want kids of my own, but if I did I'd certainly give them a smack if they are naughty or put themselves in danger. Sometimes smacking is alot less harsh than non-physical punishments either. Once you give your child a smack for being naughty, it's all over, and once they calm down from the shock all is fine. But a friend of my aunt's (I think) refused to kiss her daughter goodnight for ages because she was angry with her for misbehaving or something, I think that is meaner than a quick smack.

~Love is blind, i know this because you cant see me!~
Lab Assistant
#22 Old 3rd Apr 2008 at 12:21 AM
I agree Lollipop girl, emotional abuse is far different, screaming at a child..emotionally neglecting them...far worse consequences in my opinion.....
Top Secret Researcher
#23 Old 3rd Apr 2008 at 12:36 AM
When I was a kid I got spanked three times. I preffered that to the other things my aprents would do to me- taking away TV priveliges for a month vs getting spanked. Taking away pocket money vs getting spanked. Not being allowed to go to camp vs getting spanked. I was a very mercenary child and a spanking taught me nothing, it was by far the lesser of several evils.

The occasions I got spanked for were lying (check that, getting caught lying for the like 50th time), stealing (jewlery store... i was 5! it was shiny! cmon...), and bad grades (all N's in behavior [gad i ahted elementary school]). All the behaviors stopped after I was spanked,but I think it was outside factors. Lying continued on and off but I was maturing by then and my parents actually lsitened to my explanationa fter the instance where ig ot spanked, so that helped more than the spanking itself. Stealing... I got handcuffed by this six foot tall god only knows how huge cop... remeber I was 5? That scared me much more than the spanking did. And the behavioral marks went away because I learned to hide how upset I was instead of beating up people, frome xperience.

So... I say there's a correlation but there's so many other variables for real behavioral problems that I can't bring myself to say it helps.

The humor of a story on the internet is in direct inverse proportion to how accurate the reporting is.
Lab Assistant
#24 Old 3rd Apr 2008 at 12:51 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Faithlove13xxx
Jenny, for little kids it's not so bad because it's hard to reason with a toddler. But as they age, it's better to teach, atleast studies show, what is the right thing to do in the situation.

A lesson lasts longer than the pain of being hit anyway.


Yes, it does. And I agree that spanking is mostly an appropriate punishment for toddlers who refuse to listen to/can't understand reason. I remember in psychology learning about stages of child development, and that toddlers are very egocentric- they have a hard time stopping to consider things beyond their own point of view or the consequences of their actions on others or a future time. So sometimes, when the need becomes great because they're REALLY acting out or it's urgent (like running into the street) spanking is appropriate, because pain is an effective deterrent for children in a stage of egocentrism- it affects them directly and immediately.

I don't consider spanking to be child abuse, as long as it isn't done often. My parents spanked me, but I can probably count the number of times they did it on one hand, because they only did it when I was at my worst. I think it's a way of showing authority- that "no matter how bad you think you are and how much you think you can get away with, I am in control".
#25 Old 3rd Apr 2008 at 12:56 AM
I don't agree with smacking children. I don't have children, but if I did, I don't think I'd be comfortable doing it.

I'm a trainee primary school teacher, I regularly have to handle an entire class of 25-30 sometimes 30+ children, all without using smacking/spanking. I just feel if I can manage that successfully, parents can manage to discipline their children in other ways.
There are plenty of other ways of controlling bad behaviour, and I have learnt a lot of these and have been trained to feel comfortable using them and obviously never to feel the desire to want to smack as a punishment.
However, I realise not all parents are teachers, so they won't feel as confident in managing troublesome behaviour as I do.
Also, I understand that it can be harder to reason with children below school age (especially toddlers).

Therefore, I do not find it disgusting that some people do smack their children. But I do think if if it is done, it should be a last resort.

I was smacked as a child, but only on two/three occasions. This was by my dad, for being mean to my brother. It scared me... but didn't work well as well as it could have as my mum disagreed with it completely so she would argue with him after he had done it, which I think trivialised it as a punishment for me.
So I would say it is important that parents need to agree on their own preferences for their own children.
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