Well I got a little bored last night and couldn't sleep and decided to begin to write this story i had swirling around in my head. It doesn't have a name yet because I'm not very good at coming up with names. The main character is Lynney which is short for Kaytlynn.


I walked through the doors of Beamville's bowling alley. I went there every Thursday after school. As usual I was greeted by the guy at the food counter. "Hey Lynney," he said. I still didn't know his name so I just said "Hey."

I walked into the game room and watched t.v. It was usually quiet but if not i always had my mp3 handy to block out the noise with the sounds of Fall Out Boy.

After about fifteen minutes I walked out of the game room, for once my sleeves pushed up so that scars and other things were showing. I went up to the counter and stared at his beautiful blue eyes. For once they weren't looking back at me. They were looking at my wrists. He then looked at my hair and noticed it had been cut. What used to be long and straight was now short and layered. He said it was cute but immediately looked back to my wrists. I'd changed quite a bit in the last 2 weeks, and not just with my hair.

Change.

Change killed my best friend. Change made me cut my hair. Change put pain in my heart and scars on my arms.

I HATE change.

Apparently the guy had been trying to get my attention because he was repeatedly saying my name.

"Lynney."

I snapped back to reality and said "Huh?"

Then came the question.

"What happened to your arms?" he asked, touching the latest scar on my wrist. I'd flinched. But pretending nothing was wrong, or even there, I pulled my arm away, pushed my sleeves down, and said "Nothing." I then asked for a medium Mountain Dew. Walking back to the game room, I took a sip, realizing I still didn't know his name.


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So what does everyone think? Names would also be cool. Thanks!

Nice start. I would have to read more of the story to come up with a good name though.

Caitlin or Katelyn or Kaitlyn would be a thousand times better than Kaytlynn. Kaytlynn is trendy, mispelled, and makes the author look unintelligent. Lynney is just as bad. Lynnie or Lynni would be so much better.

Other names you might like: Jessica, Katherine, Ashlyn, Nicole, Kayla, or Lynn.

Well thanks for your advice. But I like the way I spelled them. I don't see how the spelling of a name makes a difference or makes me look unintelligent. I don't see Kaytlynn is mispelled when it sounds the exact same as the other spellings. So I appreciate the advice and all but I don't think I'll change the spelling.

I agree, the name seems a little busy. I think it might be either the two y's or the T and L combo.

Also, in this part of the story there are a couple things you could do to make it flow better.

I walked through the doors of Beamville's bowling alley, I went there every Thursday after school. As usual I was greeted by the guy at the food thing. "Hey Lynney," he said. I still didn't know his name I just said "Hey."

And maybe instead of the food "thing" you could change it to something like, counter.


edit: and if you are trying to find a name for the story, it would help if you said some things about the plot or some background info.

Yeah I couldn't really think of what to call the place where you get the food but I like counter. Yeah I'll change that and maybe I'll change the spelling of Kaytlynn to Kaytlinn. I want it to be unique. And about the whole I still didn't know his name thing I just forgot to put the I in there. A little typo. I guess I'm not really looking for a name now. I'm just gonna see how far it gets and stuff.

My advice is don't worry about naming the story until you're done with it. Then you'll have a better understanding of what the story means to you, and you can give it a name that really suits what you are trying to say. Characters' names are easy to change with a find and replace if you think of a better one, so just use whatever you like for now and when you finish it, see how well they fit.

Keep at it, and don't get discouraged. You've figured out a way to introduce a character that already has depth and history without boring the reader with details ... it's a challenge to do that well. Good job. For the rest of it, be willing to accept criticism, but use your common sense and best judgment over what anyone else has to say.

When I help my students with stories, the most common thing I have to tell them is to watch how often they use words that don't have a clear meaning, like "thing" (above post) or "he" or "she" when it isn't clear which "he" you are talking about. (You didn't do that). Remember the reader doesn't know everything you know, and you have to show them in a way that interests them.

Thanks that was really helpful. I dont think I'll worry about the title just yet. Yeah I'm planning on changing thing to counter. I'll do that in a sec.