"Oh sh!t! Someone's breaking into the house! Quick, get up and call the police!....HURRY UP!.... Look, this is NO time to make the bed! Call the police RIGHT NOW!...... Can you not see this guy tip-toeining through the hallway grabbing random furniture?! CALL THE *)@(&(! POLICE!!....... Good! Yes! Call them!....Ah hell-o kitty! He already left. Well now I'm going to get fined. Classic."


"...If you don't put that &*&^# teddy bear down already...(Talk through action)"

"NO! That cow mascot will NOT come into my dorm! ASK TO LEAVE!! ASK HIM TO LEAVE!!"

"Stop going in the fridge and getting things out! *Insert name*'s already cooking food for everybody!"

"....If this toddler doesn't shut up, I swear...."

"Did this (*&$(@# just kick over my trash can?!"

I laughed so much over this thread as I can identify with so much of the despair of Sims behaviour, but the thing I mostly find myself saying while playing Sims 2 is
"Oh my good God, is that really the time? I have to get up in two hours!"

"Kicky bag??? Again with the kicky bag? I'll kicky-bag you in the ass if you don't quit with that s***"

"You left the kid on the floor in a pool of its own feces this morning and now you're all affectionate with nooboo???? I hope you're ready to have a serial killer for a son, jackass"

"Oh sick dude, you wanna bang a robot???? I thought you'd be turned on by peeps who OWN robots, not ROBOTS THEMSELVES! Oh sick....wait....can I actually make her bang this servo???" *investigation commences*

"OH MY GOD, THE PENGUIN IS TALKING TO THE SNOWMAN!!! Oh dude, dude, dude......video capture....wait....oh sweet...oh holy god I love this f****** penguin so hard right now!!"

"I went to hell and back installing those paintings and now you don't even LIKE THEM??? Whatever, fine, that's fine jerk-ass, no more nice house for you. Mama's going shopping at the 99 cent store now, beeyotch. Hope you like poverty, you ungrateful bastard, because it's gonna be your best friend now"

"Oh that's great, you wanna hook-up with your fossil father-in-law now?? Gotta get your kicks in before the old man snuffs it? Oh pardon me for not realizing the "Romance Aspiration' meant "I'll bang anything"

"Still fascinated by the rain, huh? Just can't stay away from that g*****mn window?? How about dying? Are you fascinated by that?? Are ya, fella? ARE YA????"

"Wow, I re-hea-heally hate this kid. Like, I really hate this friggin' kid, I don't know why. Dude. I'm not even waiting to see if she turns out pretty, I'm social-workering this demon ASAP"

"(to my simming friend) "You're going to the bathroom? Right now are you thinking you're a sim and someone just put the 'USE' direction in the queue for you? Dude, I totally know you're thinking that"

And of course, the compulsive shouts of "GOOO-SPAGANDOOOO!", timed carefully so I get to say it before the cooking channel sim gets to (and I never get tired of it)

Also, this thread is awesome.

"No no no and no, Ripp! I know you like woohooing but Juliet will have to do for you now! You're on academic probation, dammit!"
"Calm down, just conjure that grilled cheese out of your ass now!"

"Puffy vest? Again? Why do you hate my guys?"

I got some new things i said. These ones will be a bit more... excessive.

-"Well if youīre tired go to bed already and donīt you dare to... faint. OF COURSE! LIE DOWN IN FRONT OF THE STAIRS!"
-"How did you accomplish THAT?!" (I always say that when my sims fail totally)
-"Hey donīt use that kite! Itīs a f*bleep* storm out there!" *sim gets struck by lighting* "You got what you deserved you idiot!"
-"So... you expect me to call a maid to clean up the mess you did last night?" *my sim looks at me through the camera* "Dude, donīt do that thatīs creepy. Also itīs not like you can boss me around." *I order a maid almost autonomously* "Why the f*bleep* did I do that?"
."So, one of your best friends dies tragically in a fire accident and after 5 minutes youīre over it, but when you see roaches itīs like if you find out that all your friends and your family have been eaten by zombies. I donīt understand you."
-"Why do you want to buy stuff for toddlers and kids when youīre single? Oh no donīt even think about it."
-"Donīt faint on the side of the bed, donīt faint... ugh, you could have atleast fainted on the other side... where your wife didnīt sleep.
-"Okay I let you loose for 10 minutes now, donīt f*bleep* your house up or your family." *10 minutes later* "Okay, why is the kitchen reduced to ash, the living room almost empty and why is the social worker standing on the door?! Canīt I leave you for 1 f*bleep* second?! Good thing I... saved... of course I did. F*bleep* THIS! IīM OUT!"

So thatīs what I said the past days on Sims 2. I lose more and more the faith in my sims.

After seeing a sim scold theier pet and one of my RL cats jumps up on my desk:
"FIE! GARFUR! MOSTOVESTO!"

After a somewhat unfortunately-named plot was the first place in 3 years to suffer from lot corruption:

"Why oh why did I have to call a house Finagle Land?!?"

(Finagle being a reference to Finagle's Law - the one that says "Anything that can go wrong, will, normally in the worst way possible".

Finagle? That's Murphy's Law.

Finagle's Law is a corollary to Murphy's Law
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Finagle%27s_law

"No. No... Stop it. Stop it. STOP IT!" Me, trying to make all the sims in the household stop harassing the new baby. What a queuestomper, I swear. >_<

stop looking at the camera!

Stop holiding the freaking baby, can't you see he/she is TRYING to sleep!

Stop whining about needed a shower when you are heading towards the shower, gosh

(When a townie does something obnoxious)
Oh no you did not. Say goodbye cause your mofo ass is dead!
Nighty-night, beyotch!
And yeah, I'm kicking your gravestone before I send it to the cemetery.

- Kiss the damn maid NOW. Your wife has arrived!!

- I really hate you, cow.

Is that - whoa - Ruby, you just ventrilofarted a burgler!

You leave that child alone. He only needs one person to put him to bed.

Is that any way to talk to your boyfriend's father?

"If you don't want the baby to cry in your arms, then change it's diaper!"
I hate it when Sims do this!

"Oh hell no, I am not playing University all over again!"

This is after my semester meter reset itself to freshman year.

Talk to who? At 3.30 a.m?? You're kidding...

Would you mind stop playing piano and take care of the baby, pleeeeeeeease?

I said "I wish our life would be like the sims, getting job by just reading a newspaper and using the computer, Yes I want a car, CTRL+SHIFT+C, motherlode, zooooooom a new car. Sims life rocks."

WOW he IS gorgeus! Picture!Picture!Picture!

StopStopStopStopStop-where-u-are!

Last night, I had taught two toddlers how to walk about a sim day before they aged up, and upon aging up, they would not walk anywhere. Just run.

"WHY ARE YOU RUNNING? IS THERE A FIRE AGAIN? I THOUGHT I GAVE DAFF ENOUGH COOKING SKILLS? GOOD GOSH, WHY CAN'T YOU JUST WALK UNTIL I FIGURE OUT THE PROBLEM? WHAT THE EFF IS WRONG WITH YOU?"

My language was much more colorful, though.