Sue to Emma in Madonna: "You don't deserve the power of Madonna. Simply put, you have all the sexuality of all those pandas down at the zoo who refuse to mate."
Sue to Kurt in Laryngitis: "You know what, I checked out of our conversation about a minute back, so good luck with your troubles, and I'm gonna make it a habit not to stop and talk to students because this has been a colossal waste of my time."
Sue to Will in Journey: "Your hair looks like a briar patch. I keep expecting racist, animated Disney characters to pop up and start singing about living on the bayou."
Kurt: She changes her look faster than Britt changes sexual partners.
Brittany: It's true.
Kurt about Rachel in Hairography: "Rachel manages to dress like a grandmother and a toddler at the same time."
Quinn: You wanna name our daughter Jack Daniels? It's a girl.
Puck: Okay, fine. Jackie Daniels.
Puck from Mashups: "It was a message from God: Rachel was a hot Jew and the good lord wanted me to get into her pants."
About time to revive this thread, with a few quotes from A Night of Neglect...
Sandy: You're hunky and I'm what they call predatory gay.
Sandy: You just got poked. Poked by the Pink Dagger.
Dustin: I'm handsome, I'm good looking and I'm easy on the eyes. Also, I'm gorgeous. This hairline is 85% my own and my sperm count is off the charts. Let me tell you something about Will Schuester. That guy has tiny baby hands. Seriously, it's weird. Once I saw him try and pick up a Big Mac, he couldn't do it. He had to eat it layer by layer. Teeny, tiny, wee baby hands.
Lauren: I look like a lemon meringue pie.
Brittany: I think you look delicious.
Kurt: There is absolutely nothing off-the-rack suitable for the young, fashionable man in Ohio!
Finn: Dude, that rocks! It's like gay Braveheart!
Burt: I don't like it.
(LOVED this entire scene, BTW. But Finn just made the whole starting dialogue - nothing, IMHO, demonstrates just how great his brotherly relationship with Kurt has progressed than this.)
Finn: It's one of the good things about being in Glee club. You really get to know your way about a cummerbund.
Jesse: Now, they say that the best time to start a business is in a recession. I don't know why, or even what a recession is, but it's my understanding that we're in one.
Sue: Let me get this straight. I just threatened you, and you just told me what you really want. You're the worst POW ever! John McCain is rolling over in his grave!
Santana: As soon as we get to New York, I'm bailing to live in a lesbian colony. Or Tribeca.
Rachel: I should be mad that I got slapped in the face. However, I appreciate the drama.
BRITTANY: This relationship is really confusing for me.
SANTANA: Breakfast is confusing for you.
BRITTANY: Well, sometimes itís sweet and sometimes itís salty. Like, what if I have eggs for dinner, then what is it?
SANTANA: Hold up. Could we all just get real here for a second? I hear that Rachelís got a bit of a schnoz. I mean, I wouldnít know because, like Medusa, I try to avoid eye contact with her. But can we all just stop lying about how there arenít things that we wouldnít change about ourselves? I mean, Iím sure that Samís been at the doctorís office and rifled through pamphlets on mouth reduction. Iíll bet Artieís thought about getting his legs removed since heís not really using them anyways. And Iím definitely sure that Tinaís looked into getting an eye de-slanting.
At risk of being labelled a "Necromancer"... I had to put one of the best scenes from "Yes/No":
Artie - "I've been thinking, Mr Shue. The girls are going to try and neuter you with this
assignment by encouraging you to sing a sappy ballad... or maybe even cry during it. That's not only humiliating, it's predictable. Therefore, I'm proposing that you subvert expectations and lead with your hips."
Mr. Shue - "My what?"
Artie - "So modest. You have rock star hips, Mr. Shue."
Mike - "It's true. Mick Jagger hips!" *starts swinging his hips*
Artie - "Yeah. Unleash the moves we've been practicing on
, and she will swoon. Don't be alarmed by the disco ball."
Mr. Shue - "Huh?" *looks up to see the disco ball and his face goes alarmed*