Mod The Sims - Story Time Contest - Round 5 Scores, Final Scores and BONUS!

Myshia

2nd Nov 2011, 01:15 PM

In the amount of time i have left, i don't think i'll be able to take screenshots.. again :/

theme: murder & meteor shower
previously used in round 1: hobo/homeless & chance meeting
word count: Pages (Macbook): 1178 / MS Word 07: 1173 / Official Online: 1173
CC used: none
summary: An eleven year boy is left abandoned in the shabby streets of Paris. After fumbling with the door to the orphanage, he happens to meet a girl about roughly his own age.

*note the characters are teens and up :) That's because in my eyes, 11 is a teen not a child. Also the [ ] are my thoughts and directions for the screenshots. If it helps you guys to judge... Also not included in the final word count.

---

[ teenagers walking up the hill, shot from village/town ]
Time had flown by so quickly and now it was already Christmas. It seemed only yesterday that I met this cunning cute child-like girl with such a bright and bubbly personality. I acted like her big brother and tried protecting her the best I knew how. Our friendship had grown over the weeks and we felt really comfortable around each other.

We walked up the hidden staircase, like we always did every night, away from the rest of the village. It was secluded. The Earth wrapped its mysteries around it, intertwining it with several layers of vines and rough pointy branches. It was such a rare and beautiful site to behold. It was hidden from normal view, your eyes had to squint carefully and you’d find it laying perfectly still in the mountainous forests of France. I was grateful and amazed this place had been left alone during the course of war.

[ camera from behind, both staring up at the sky ]
“Look at the sky tonight,” I whispered. “The stars are extra bright tonight.”
“Did you take astronomy lessons or something?” she questioned.
“No, I just had a quick peek at my brother’s homework one day.”
“You know... tonight their extra comforting, i think. They seem to be protecting us...”
“Do you think something’s bad going to happen or is it just our ancestors saying hello for once?”
“I don’t know,” she answered shrugging her shoulders. “It seems like they’re taken a long time to reach heaven, don’t you think?” she giggled. “What’s that in the sky?” she asked all of a sudden.

I looked up at travelling in a similar direction like her eyes. She was staring at a glaze of fireworks all lighting up the night sky. All of them were different varying in colour. They travelled at lightning speed, dancing for us in the sky. It was absolutely spectacular.
“It’s a meteor shower specifically the Northern Taurids. They’ve all travelled great distances to just be with us today. Quick, make a wish. Maybe one of them will carry your wish to become true when they reborn...”
“Wishes are fake. They don’t come true. Neither do promises,” she answered angrily her sweet smile vanishing of her face.
“I’ll prove it to you,” i said staring into her eyes. She slowly stared at me as if a trance bewildered by my statement.
“I don’t believe you,” she answered slowly. Memories she dreaded flashed through her very eyes. She was telling me her story. A story she had kept hidden and locked away. Tears started forming and water droplets gently ran down her cheeks and dropped onto the ground below. I wrapped my arms gently around her in an effort to protect her from the evil forces. We sat there been wrapped in each other’s thoughts and feelings. She soon fell asleep on my lap, exhausted by her miseries and dreadful experiences.

[ visible shot of boots, mainly dark.. densely covered with trees (forest) ]
As night moved on, it grew quieter and colder. I grabbed the blanket from the bag and softly draped it over her body. Her breathing quickly returned to normal and i could see the slow rising and falling of her stomach. The trees whistled in the distance and their leaves slowly formed a pile among us. I began to hear the noise of quick moving footsteps.

[ shot of moon ]
I felt so scared and afraid but i didn’t want to wake her from her slumber. She had been on night watch for many nights now and it was good to let her finally have her rest. The moon beamed its rays elsewhere and i was left in total darkness. I instinctively hugged her closer to me, grateful she was close by and safe in my arms.

[ light in the distance, hidden amongst trees ]
The rustling of the tree branches grew to close for comfort. I saw artificial lighting in the distance. I held my breathe waiting for the incoming intruders. Nothing. The men, I assumed, walked briskly through the forest. I could hear the whispers. More men were coming. I felt surrounded. My breathing escalated out of fear. I tried to desperately calm myself down.

[ shot of tree tops, somehow catch smoke in air ]
Through their snake like movements i knew these weren’t any ordinary nomads. They were trained for a duty. A strange feeling had suddenly taken over me. What were these men doing? Then I heard the sound of gunfire. There was a whiff of smoke in the air due to the lack of any wind. It didn’t stop. The sound of more heavy shooting and screaming raged throughout the forest like wildfire. Someone was screaming in pain and agony. I covered her ears. I didn’t want her to suffer through anymore nightmares.

[ shot of men - serious expression ]
The cries suddenly came to a halt. What was happening? I couldn’t leave her alone and do some investigation. What if they were close by? I would wait till sunrise after all we were the only ones who inhabited this place. The men as quickly as they came retreated. Many blinding flashlights were still in use. I held my breathe for what seemed like forever.
“The area has been thoroughly checked sir. What should we do, now?”

[ capture birds in distance and Judith sleeping ]
The men quickly hoped into their vans and closed the door with a loud bang. The huge swarms of birds quickly flew into the distance. The moon returned its light. All was peaceful and quite again. She stirred from her sleep.
“Shhh, they’ll hear us,” I whispered.
“They’re gone,” she mumbled.

Judith sitting on a rock with tears
“How do you know?” i asked confused by her sudden outburst. “What do you mean? Who are you?”
“Do you really want to know?” she asked staring into my soul.
It was better to know the worst than to wonder. “Yes,” i said nodding slightly.
“I’m Judith Campbell and my father, Jude Campbell...He made an agreement with the wrong people...His being living his life on drugs and alcohol after mom died... He doesn’t work anymore...His got no money to pay em back...They want me instead...”
“Matt, you’d protect me right? You insisted on your own free will,” she said sobbing, her voice barely audible and understandable.
“Do you want to go see what happened... and maybe wish him a proper goodbye?” i asked carefully trying to choose the right words.

[ teenagers walking together ]
Judith squeezed my hand tightly with every step we both took. We were in unison, in harmony with the music. Our beat was perfect as we touched the earth. Our tempo increased as our blood pulsated with a mixture of fear and love. We came to an open clearing and peered our eyes at the body. I glanced around slowly, Judith following my movements closely.

[ body laying on the ground, pool of blood ]
We walked to the pool of dried blood slowly. Our steps one foot in front of the other. Her face was a mixed bag of feelings. Under the twilight sky, her silvery blue eyes were cold and devoid of any emotion. She crouched beside her father and just stared at the men she thought protected and treasured her.

We said a few prayers wishing him a peaceful journey into the afterlife. Judith took my arms giving me the simple gesture that we needed to get going soon before they found us.

Elexis

2nd Nov 2011, 02:43 PM

Important note to the judges:
I used one of the events in it's another meaning - Dog Days as a period of inactivity. Please see this dictionary (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/dog+days) as proof that such meaning exists.
------------------------------------------------------------------------

Previously:

The biker crime gang named “Night Riders” rules the city of Bridgeport. They are cruel and fearless thugs who seek to fill their pockets. The new mayor of the city is trying to eliminate the gang, but the situation became even worse.
Young Han, whose parents were killed by the gang leader, joined the ‘Riders" to get revenge. He created a perfect plan to get close to the “Riders” and gained their trust very quickly. His wish of revenge was so strong, he was prepared to go trough anything, even to harm innocent people.

Chapter 2: Failed Business

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31419_1111020909461Ham.jpg

When the sun finally rose up, Han had arrived to the “Night Riders” headquarters.
It was an old apartment building in the most aloof part of the city. The perfect place to hide from cops, no one ever knew about the purpose of this building outside the gang circle. Its misleading exterior masked all the things that the “Riders” wanted to hide from society.
Moreover, there were many things to hide.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31420_1111020910292Parking.jpg

For one, there was the private underground parking garage. Their bikes were one of the most important things to hide. They were “Rider’s” visiting-card, too recognizable.
Han parked his bike and headed to his apartment. On the way, he noticed that one of the parking spaces was empty. Someone did not return. All “Night Riders” members must return to their hideout in the morning. He didn’t know what happened yet, but it was clear that something did go wrong.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31421_1111020910542Mad.jpg

Earlier, there was an important meeting in “The Emperor’s” office. The tension in the air was so strong that it was felt a mile away. The gang leader sat in his „throne“ with his men surrounding him, they were discussing the last nights fateful event. Event that will change Han’s fate.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31422_1111020911153Busted.jpg

One of the most loyal „Nigh Riders“ man was arrested that night. The mayor finally got him.
„Sharky“ was the oldest member of the gang, but he was also the most careless. He wasn‘t careful enough to notice the arranged ambush in that old drug factory that he planned to rob that night. This was a terrible loss to the whole „Riders“ gang.
„The Emperor“ felt very unsafe, he needed another member to replace „Sharky“, but first, he needed to know who is loyal enough to him.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31423_1111020911334Job.jpg

When Han was at the front door, he was stopped by one of the „Emperor‘s“ men. He looked worried.
– Han, some terrible shit happened while you were away, the cops got „Sharky“! – he sounded like it was the end of the world. Han quickly realized how serious this is.
– What did the boss say?
– He said that we need to arrange an exchange with the mayor to get him back, he won‘t last long in that prison hole!
– An exchange? The mayor won‘t give us „Sharky“ for anything, he hunted him for years! – Han felt that there‘s something more than just a trade. – Tell me everything you know.
– You see, that‘s the thing, the boss wants to get „something“ that is important to the mayor first. Something that will push him to make an exchange. – the man dithered before continuing. – He wants to kidnap his only child.
These words just stiffened Han, he knew that „Emperor“ was cruel, but this was way over the edge.
- Han, he wants you to kidnap that kid. We can only assist you.
- What?! Why me? – Han couldn‘t believe what he just heard.
- I don‘t know man, but you should hurry up, this job needs to be done by tomorrow. The kid‘s name is Alex Riley Hayden, you know what to do.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31424_1111020911525Hack.jpg

Han couldn’t believe that “The Emperor” chose him. He has never kidnapped anyone before and this was his first serious job after so many years. He realized that his Dog Days were over and he felt that this was just the beginning of troubles. The bad side of his personality needs to awake now.
Han started from his usual preparation, he needs to collect as much information about that kid as possible. “Alex Riley Hayden – what a stupid and snobbish name” – thought Han. – “That kid must be one of those rich sissy douchebags.”
After hacking the city hall database, Han scrolled trough the list of data to find anything that he could use as a starting point for kidnapping.
Bingo! „Bridgeport racing school“. That kid was a co-driver in the “X Games” junior rally team. One practice was planned on tomorrow afternoon and it would be a perfect opportunity for a kidnapping.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31425_1111020912136Place.jpg

Next day everything was prepared and all actions were concerted. The black “Riders” van was already parked near the school when Han arrived. The race practice should end soon, so they waited for the racers to get back from the track in to the main building.
It took a long time before they finally saw the last “X games” team member – the racer with number “42” on his suit was the one they needed. Han left his bike in the parking lot and headed toward the person.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31426_1111020912357Stalk.jpg

The school looked empty; everyone must have gone home already, so Han freely sneaked in trough the main entrance. Han kept his helmet on instead of a burglar mask, this way he could blend in without looking very suspicious. After all, this was a racing school, many people wore a helmet here.
On the way to the elevator, Han was finally able to have a closer look at his victim. The guy looked very skinny, probably still in his teens. Han was in a very good shape, so this kid had no chance to even resist. That would be a quick fight without guns, one good punch should be enough to knock him out.
– The subject is inside. – Han reported in to his headset and moved to the elevator.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31427_1111020912598Door.jpg

Han nervously waited for the elevator to return. The kid got out at the fourth floor, private changing-rooms floor.
When Han got up to the same floor, he quickly examined the surroundings. The whole floor was empty. Only one changing-rooms door glass indicated that someone was inside, the dim light was slightly visible trough it. “That’s just too easy” – thought Han. He felt more confident now; it was such a perfect situation for a non-bloody kidnapping. Just a few moments and everything will be over.
– I see the target, ready to attack. –Han reported once again.
– Do your job. – commanded the voice from his headset.
Han took a deep breath, clenched his fists and prepared for the attack.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31428_1111020913199Attack.jpg

Next, everything happened at the speed of light.
With one easy move he kicked out the doors, the door lock smashed like it wasn’t even there. Han ran into the changing-room straight to his victim. His mighty fist just flew in the air like an unstoppable rocket to its target. A short scream twanged in to the air.
Then, something unexpected happened on the way. Han’s shoe snagged in to a pile of clothing on the floor. He slipped and fell directly on his victim, squeezing it with his weight.
Moreover, that wasn’t the person that he stalked.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31429_11110209134510WTF.jpg

That was a girl. A beautiful girl. She looked half-consciousness; she banged her head in to the floor hard when she fell.
Han was shocked so deeply that he couldn’t even move. His consciousness left him for a moment; he forgot what he came for. He lied on the girl staring at her like a complete idiot.
The girl seemed to start waking up, though her sight wasn’t in her full control yet.
– Umgh… You smell nice. – she babbled with the strange expression on her face. Those words made Han feel even more confused.
– Hm, well… Thank you. – Han answered with a strangely calm voice.
– Is that the new “Simsache” perfume? - the girl asked casually, as if it was a usual conversation going on.
– Why yes, it is.
– Ha, I am damn right. – she smiled. Han stared at her smiling too, he forgot that she couldn’t see it trough the black glass of his helmet.
Few moments passed until Han started to revive his memory. His eyes were filled with horror when he realized what just happened. In that time the girl finally felt the pain from the fall.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31430_11110209140311Sorry.jpg

He stood up as quickly as possible for a human. He got the wrong damn person. He failed. Now “The Emperor” will definitely kill him.
He looked at the girl while she tried to get up; he harmed an innocent person. The terrible guilt filled his body.
– Oh my God, I’m so sorry! Are you okay? – he asked without even realizing that he was wasting his precious time to escape.
– I… I think I’m fine. – she answered when she finally was able to sit up.
– You have hit your head hard, are you sure you don’t need help? – Han was still controlled by the guilt.
– I said I’m fine. – this time her answer was clear and straight.
– I’m really really sorry, it was an accident! - said Han while moving towards the door.
The girl sighted.
– What did you do here anyway? – she asked suspiciously.
– Well… That’s a long story. – he answered in a hurry. The next moment he was already running down the stairs.
– Abort mission! Everyone leave NOW! – Han shouted in his headset while running toward his bike.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31431_11110209143112Fail.jpg

When everyone drifted away from the school, “The Emperor” invited them to his office for a report.
He looked mad; after all, his best men failed another important mission.
Han didn’t tell everything about what happened in the changing-room, he told them that he almost got the wrong person by mistake and he aborted this operation to exclude the risk being spotted.
But when Han thought that this day couldn’t be worse, “The Emperor’s” answer surprised him even more:
– You idiot, that was the right person! The mayor has a daughter, not a son! – these words struck Han like a bolt of lightning. – Now we have to do everything ourselves! You’d better fix this shit or you both will be buried with a bullet in your heads!
That wasn’t just a Chance Meeting, she was his victim. Han realized that he just brought himself more troubles; the mayor will now hire a whole army to protect her. He would probably die if he tries to kidnap her again.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31432_11110209145213Bar.jpg

He went to the personal “Riders” bar for a drink, he needed something to suppress his pain.
Jude Campbell, the bartender was the only man in this building who Han could trust. He wasn’t a “Rider”, but he worked for them. Years ago, “Riders” forced him to sell his bar, but Jude didn’t want to leave it, so they left him as their personal bartender.
– Han, you know, you can prevent that girl from being hurt. – said Jude when Han told him about today’s events.
– What? What are you talking about? If they get that girl, who knows what they will do to her!
– That’s what I’m talking about, you need to volunteer to kidnap her again. You said yourself that she doesn’t think about you as a criminal, so use it to make a deal with her. – Jude smiled at Han’s pop-eyed expression.
– You are crazy, what should I tell her? “Hi, this is a friendly kidnap”? – Han couldn’t believe how this man could be mentally well.
– You are the plan guy, just think of it.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31433_11110209151214Sleep.jpg

That day Han couldn’t fall asleep, so many things were circling in his head. The kidnapping, the girl, the plan. Jude’s words touched him so deeply, that he started thinking of a way to materialize them. But it seemed impossibly hard, Han wasn’t sure that he would be able to succeed. “Burdens are for shoulders strong enough to carry them.“ – that‘s what his father would say. Han was never as brave as his father, but at least he decided not to give up. He will try.
Han doubted a bit when he asked himself is that girl worth so much trouble. Rich and sassy, probably a typical arrogant girl, seemed like a low price for such risk.
But he was wrong.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Current Events: Chance Meeting, Dog Days
Previous Events: Emperor of Evil, Murder
Word Count: 1928 (MS Word)
CC Used: Allowed: Yes (Hair by Tum Tum Simolinio, Skin by Lemoleaf, other stuff by The Store), Penalized: No

LadyAwesome

2nd Nov 2011, 03:02 PM

Previously in This little light of mine...

Aiden and Elyssa had lost their parents and moved in with their Grandma Lara. We learned of the twins' bond and how much Aiden
had admired his sister. We ended off with the drowning of poor Aiden, and the struggle of the two women who were left to grieve
for his loss.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31363_111101000116-11.jpg

I felt I had awoken from a dream, like I was still here. But I felt a sense of floating. I looked down at my body and looked away into
the distance, frozen in shock. “Am I dead?” I thought to myself. Then I looked to the House, unsure of what to do next. I felt the
need to be close to my family, to my best friend. But what if I scared them or they didn't want to see me this way. This was just far
too much for one day. WHY is this happening to me, what did I do to deserve this?

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31364_111101000254-12.jpg

I wandered around for a bit, staring at the place where I took my last breath. But I knew this wasn't doing any good. So I trudged up
to the cozy bed room. It was so nice just being in the comfort of my own room and listening to the sound of Elyssa breathing.
Climbing up to the bunk I lay down, watching my sister for a few hours and fell asleep. I woke up before I had to encounter her awake.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31365_111101000339-13.jpg

Burdens are for shoulders strong enough to carry them. I just wasn't. I had been watching Elyssa for the last few months at a
distance. But I finally got the nerve to get closer. It is so hard to just watch someone you love so much, watching them grieve and
suffer for you. Not being able to cuddle them and tell them it will be ok. Knowing that their pain burns their chest, just as yours does.
“I know you're there Aiden, I can see you sitting there.” Elyssa spoke softly.

“Errrr, can you hear me?”

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31366_111101000436-14.jpg

“Of course I can hear you, I...I...I...I just didn't know what to do, or if you wanted to hurt me.”
Elyssa finally got up to look at me.
“What does it feel like? You know, being a ghost.”

“Like being a big hunk of wibbly jelly”
Elyssa giggled, then stood staring at me. Then her lips started to tremble and she burst into tears, throwing her face into her hands.
I jumped up to give her a hug, but was too scared I wouldn't be able too. So there we sat on the floor sobbing like two big babies.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31436_111102093917-15.jpg

It had been a few weeks since Elyssa and I had found each other again. It had been the most blissful few weeks in a while. But little
did we know that trouble was coming. Granny walked past the room one day. She had been noticing Elyssa had been doing some
strange things of late. Talking to herself, playing tea parties without her soft toys. What was the last straw was when she saw Elyssa
hug thin air. Granny could not see me; sometimes I wished she could, though. Granny decided enough was enough.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31437_111102093932-16.jpg

A couple of days later Elyssa was walking out to check the mail when she spotted Granny talk to a dark haired man. Granny spotted
her just as she went to run inside.
“Elyssa, sweet heart, this is Mr Jude Campbell. He is a very nice man and has come to meet you.” Granny Explained.
“Ummm why? I thought I was not meant to talk to strangers?” Elyssa snapped.
“Yes, very true darling. But that's not including people Granny has introduced to you. He is going to be helping us through some things.” Granny soothed.
“I've been trying real hard to do my homework and help around the house,” whined Elyssa.

I'd never seen the problem with Elyssa talking to me. She was happy and Granny was taking it all away, for what?

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31438_111102093953-17.jpg

“Hello Elyssa. You may call me Jude,” the dark haired man named Jude interrupted.

“Um, Hi,” Elyssa replied shyly.

“So what do you think? You can come and hang out with me for a couple of hours a week. We can play games and talk about things?” Jude encouraged.

“You do know I have friends,” Elyssa spat.

“Yes, well this will be a little bit different then that. I am like a fun kind of doctor who is here to help people when they have some tough times in their lives.”

Elyssa pondered that for a minute, and then agreed to meet with the man for Granny's sake.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31439_111102094008-18.jpg

I had been getting bored just floating around, pretending I didn't exist. So when Elyssa and I had time, she would teach me the stuff
from school, and bring extra homework home for me.

“So I think Granny thinks I am sick or something.”

“Why would she think that?” I replied, puzzling over some answers.

“Well, she brought over a doctor man, and I have to go have visits with him. I just don't understand why I have to do this,” Elyssa said as she frowned.

I sat there thinking how odd this was. Then it hit me. She can't see me, and has been watching us play. Well Elyssa playing by herself. I guess that would look crazy.

“Maybe . . . . . we should be more careful where we hang out from now on.” I suggested, hoping I wouldn't offend her.

“We could . . . . . but we shouldn't have to. Sometimes I am just so fed up with this, wish I was dead too.”

I glared at Elyssa for a moment, stunned that she said such things. “Never think that way. Never!”

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31440_111102094029-19.jpg

The dreaded day of the “meeting” come along fast enough. Certainly a dish best served cold.
Elyssa and Jude talked about a lot of things. Growing up, life with Granny, how school was. Then he got to the tough questions,
asking about me. Questions about swimming; he didn't make it easy for the poor girl.

“So your Granny is also worried about you talking to yourself.” Jude explained.

“I don't talk to myself, I just play games. It's kind of hard when you don't actually have anyone else. Especially after having no
one for so long,” she explained.

They contemplated over this a while, talking about Granny, and about her friends at school. They come to the conclusion that
she would soon be a teenager and hope fully she would progress, and let go of her dearly beloved brother.

“I know its hard to forget Elyssa, but time does dim the pain a little bit,” Jude said with a sorry look on his face.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31441_111102094045-20.jpg

When Granny and Elyssa got back from the office, Granny had a surprise. They walked down the stairs into the living space that
used to be Mum's. When Elyssa walked in, she was shocked. There was a beautiful bed with lovely patterned curtains. Someone
had painted a fantasy mural of a rainbow and castles on the wall. Curtains covering a mirror over the duchess. Lastly Draws for
her books and our parents' plant.

“Oh thank you so much, Granny!” Elyssa exclaimed, as she pulled Granny into a huge hug.

“You could never be more welcome sweet heart. I love you.”

“I love you too,” Elyssa croaked.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31442_111102094349-21.jpg

Once Granny had left, we FINALLY had some time to catch up. Elyssa was looking around the room admiring the veiw.

“Wow Aiden. I am actually shocked she did this for me. I kind of love the mural.”

“Eh, it is sooooooo girly.”

Elyssa giggled “Yeah, it so is, it's not going to be the same as our room though.”

“Nope it is not,” I said with a sad look on his face.

Elyssa pounced on the bed in front of me. Just staring for a few moments.

“You know, things will never change. You're going to be here with me forever and everything will be ok, right?” She questioned.

“I wish that I could say yes, but I haven't seen Mum or Dad yet. So there must be a place where we all end up.” Meanwhile I was
pleading for it to be right.

“I think . . . . . we could come up with a way to keep you here always.”

Then we spent the rest of the evening scheming and planning for the next few months.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31443_111102094406-22.jpg

The time had rolled around to Elyssa's birthday. Granny just had a small birthday for her, wanting to make it personal for them.
She came up with this great idea to get her a cat, which she adopted; they named her Nova. I overheard Granny talking to the
councilor on the phone. They thought that getting her a companion would stop her thinking she could see me. It seemed to
have worked. But then I felt put out of place. What if she didn't love me anymore? What if she just gave up on me? What if
she rejected our plan?

Current Events: paranormal character, dish best served cold.
Previous Events: Twins, funeral.
Word Count: 1456
CC Used: Allowed: Yes, Penalize - Yes I think I used a clothing that is cc by accident. And windows were used in Armi's world Charlton.
Which had to be moved to a ea world due to pets. Damn those bloody buggy expansions. But I have it in, and thats the main thing.

heaven

2nd Nov 2011, 03:04 PM

Round 2 is now officially closed for judging! Round 3 should be up in a few hours so, for now, just take time to relax and congratulate yourselves on a job well done!

I know there were quite a few people wanting extensions. I take the above back. I WILL allow an extension. Not 24 hours, not 48, not days. But I will give you a few hours. Those of you who have posted, you may edit and make any changes you see fit. Those of you who have NOT entered, at least give us what you have! Maybe a few hours can get enough of a finished work to at least get an entry in.

/me mutters "am too nice for my own good"

YOU NOW HAVE UNTIL 2 PM PST: THIS IS 7 HOURS FROM NOW.

LadyAwesome

2nd Nov 2011, 03:24 PM

lol omg, I stayed up till 3.30 (yes its 3.30 AMMMM) to finish this. And now you extend it lol *moans and groans* Thanks H - at least I have it in now, even if it is shit lol.

ReyaD

2nd Nov 2011, 04:57 PM

... I've re-read my story three times and suddenly feel the need to re-edit EVERYTHING after reading Buckley and Tamlyn's. I'm sure I can find something to fix.

waterjay

2nd Nov 2011, 05:00 PM

... I've re-read my story three times and suddenly feel the need to re-edit EVERYTHING after reading Buckley and Tamlyn's. I'm sure I can find something to fix.

I can see I'm not the only one who feels this way. Well afterall it's normal! They're currently the top 2!!

heaven

2nd Nov 2011, 05:51 PM

For those of you who have finished Round 2 and are satisfied, I am posting Round 3 now. There are only 4 hours left to submit or edit any entries so I don't believe posting now will give those who are not done a sufficient advantage.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31447_111102122637Round 3.jpg
Round 3 - Climax - Countdown (http://timeanddate.com/counters/customcounter.html?msg=Round+3+Deadline&month=11&day=12&year=2011&hour=11&min=59&sec=59&p0=770)
This should be the center conflict and turning point in your story. Leave your readers hanging on the edge of their seat? What could happen? Will things be resolved or not? You need a maximum of 13 pictures, minimum of 10 and a maximum of 1,500 words, minimum of 1,000.

Excerpt: “I wished to be loved by another, but I desire no man's pity.” J.R.R Tolkien, The Return of the King

Round 3: Bonus Worth 10 points
Include second excerpt: “Time doesn't seem to pass here: it just is.” J.R.R. Tolkien, The Fellowship of the Ring OR include an extra 300 words and 3 pictures (in black and white) of a flashback to a time before your story began. (If you choose the second option, you need a maximum of 16 pictures, minimum of 13 and a maximum of 1,800 words, minimum of 1,300.

Please include a brief summary (around 100 words) before your entry.

Also, please include information listed below your entry:
Current Events: What did you use this chapter?
Previous Events: Here you will keep a running list of what you have already used.
Word Count:
CC Used: Allowed ____, Penalized: ____ This can be as simple as a yes/no response

And now I am off to disappear in some stories for awhile.

Morphead

2nd Nov 2011, 06:37 PM

Late, botched, and relatively incomplete, I'm not feeling well enough to forward it, my story forthwith.

When we last left off, you were thrust to the funeral of Caress Lunrutcon, survived by his Wife and Son, Kawlin Lanrutcon. Caress, the CEO and Founder of NRAY Motors and 2nd largest car manufacturer in SimNation, was killed leaving his company to be run by his Son Kawlin. Kawlin sought revenge for his father’s murder, but seems lost as how to accomplish that. A surprise visit from F.P. Domynatum, CEO of Pwnonm Motors and the largest car manufacturer, has left Kawlin confused and Mr. Domynatum annoyed.

*~*-*~*

“Has he been located yet?”
“No sir. Sorry sir.”
“And word from the spy?”
“They have since stepped up security. We haven’t been able to make contact.”
“Increase your efforts. I will not tolerate delays.”
“Yes sir.”

*~*-*~*

The oppressing gray walls cast a bleak look in the small room on an already gloomy situation. A graying man in his mid forties fidgeted nervously in a hard steel chair in the middle. Sitting opposite of him was Head of Security, Chief Toft Cabadon. While Chief Carbadon was by no means a fearsome looking man, his attitude and “tactics of persuasion” were the focal points of legends. He stood up easily reaching 6’ 4” and slowly walked to a table; stocked with various steel tools. Very deliberately, he picked up one in the shape of a heavy duty crab cracker.

“You know, I’ve never thought that breaking fingers was a method of persuasion. It’s crude and inefficient.” He started. “Cutting off fingers isn’t that much better, what with all the mess involved and such.” He paused, meticulously staring at the instrument in his hand. “I call this baby ‘The Obliterator’. You see, I’ve found that breaking fingers doesn’t work because they can be healed. But absolutely crushing the digit, while more painful, has a far less chance of healing; making for a far more permanent reminder.”

The man made a small half gasp, half whimper noise. Chief Cabadon turned to him with a warm smile and strode to his side.
“Would you and ‘The Obliterator’ like to get further acquainted or would you like to tell us everything?” he said, perhaps too, cheerily.
“I.. I. I’ll talk, just don’t hurt me!” The man squealed.
“OK. Tell us why you’ve been stealing data on our projects?”
“I was hired. My client wanted to know anything I could get access too.”
“Who?”
“I don’t know. We met in dark and he always referred to himself as 2E.”
“2E? How much does he know?”
“Heh, enough to know why the company is called NRAY..”
Chief Carbadon took that moment to bitch slap the man with ‘The Obliterator’. He cried out in agony as blood pooled in his lap drooling from his mouth.
“You wretched piece of lowly scum. Not only have you given Top Secret information away you made me void the warranty of ‘The Obliterator’ by using it in an unapproved manner.” He spat.

“I think that is enough for now Chief Carbadon.” I speak up. “We have what we wanted. Just kill him or something.”
“Wait! What? I cooperated, let me go.” The man screams. He tries to get up but the handcuffs disallow him.

A sly smile slides across Chief Carbadon’s face accompanied with a slow chuckle.
“I plan to do something alright.” He states. “Don’t worry about it President Lanrutcon.”

I leave the room, walking into an equally cold corridor, and head to my office. I take a moment to relax in my chair taking in the warmly decorated surroundings. It’s a pleasant switch from the Security Wing. Without trying I soon fall into a stupor heading fast for sleep.

*~*-*~*

I open my eyes to… nothing. I close them and open them again. Still nothing. I motion to get but of course I’m not sitting anymore, instead floating listlessly midair, as this is how it always starts. A swirl of gray mist begins to coalesce in front of me. It gathers volume until it becomes a scene, then an environment.
I find myself standing in an office behind the desk. It’s fairly plain with nothing of special interest. I walk into the main hall to see I’m standing in the NRAY Motors lobby. Outside I make out some figures in the dark night. I walk over ignoring walls and objects to find my Father and F.P Domynatum in a tense discussion.

Both men looked agitated and unwilling to give in. Mr. Domynatum, as always, as backed by his right hand man, Deleruis. Deleruis was a tall, burly man. He had the appearance of a fierce tiger and the attitude to match. Next to him was a petite woman. She was young looking with platinum blonde hair and striking facial features. Her eyes bled a sapphire hue and she maintained a sinister, yet beautiful, sneer.

“You’ve been growing for long enough Lanrutcon.” Said Mr. Domynatum. “It’s time you get out the business.”
“I don’t know where you get off telling me what to do Mr. Domynatum. This is a free country and I will do as I please.” My father retorts.
“You do not understand. This wasn’t a suggestion. I wonder how the misses would feel if she knew her long lost son wasn’t missing. But right under her nose the entire time. Or better yet, where exactly your fortune comes from.” Mr. Domynatum confidently explains. His expression turned from agitation to amusement. “I know about Kawol and his unique situation. It would be quite a fiasco if word got out to the public.”
My father and I both stare shocked at Mr. Domynatums revelation. The mere fact he knows I’m alive is enough to know he wasn’t bluffing. My father tightens his jaw and stays quite.
“What will you Lanrutcon? Make your decision quickly. I’ll even pay 50% of market price.”

My father scoffs, “You will not threaten me or my family with such ridiculous things. Even if you had the company it would do you no good. You’ll never have our knowledge.”
Mr. Domynatum’s faced twisted in anger. “I see we will have to use Plan B then.” He seethes. He turns to his henchmen and waves his hand. The woman walks forward, exaggerating her hip movements in clear seduction.
“You plan to seduce a married man now?” father balks. He tries to dismiss her, but she clings to him tightly. Attempting to remove her he doesn’t noticed Deleruis pulling out a silenced pistol.

I scream, knowing my words aren’t heard. I watch the past events unfold in their truth. He wasn’t saving a woman from an attacker like everyone thought. It was a setup. He was murdered in cold blood, as surprised as I am. Hel imply fell to the ground. Dead.

*~*-*~*

I’m thrust from the grisly scene by a load knock.
“President Lanrutcon? Are you available, sir?” Someone says from the office door. Weilhelm Markosvich, Head of Research, is the inquirer. He peers into the room waiting for confirmation to proceed.

“Yes, what is it?” I ask.
“We have completed the newest engine design. Would you like to oversee the testing?” he continues.
“Another time. There is something more important I must attend too.”
“Very well sir.”

He leaves, letting me back to my thoughts. With the identity and motive of the killer now know, I have to expose him for what he is. I gather my coat and head out down the hall towards the parking garage.
“Where are we headed today sir?” asks my personal driver.
“The Lanrutcon Manor.”

*~*-*~*

“We haven’t found the brother yet, but we found the spy.”
“Found the spy?”
“Yes sir. He’s dead.”
“Hm..”

- - - - - - - - - - -
Sometime this week I'll finish it, yes I know it won't count ;) , so that the third chapter makes sense correctly. This week sucked, so 'twas my fault this one tanked :p
- - - - - - - - - - -

Current Events: Paranormal Character, Murder
Previous Events: Evil Emperor, Funeral
Word Count: 1200
CC Used: None
Misc: Quote was not used; CAS/H still broken, no pictures

Shhh

2nd Nov 2011, 07:38 PM

I will have to withdraw, I have another exam tomorrow (pythagoras) and my game isn't starting up. I wish you all luck in this compition and wish Sims 3 would work.

Shhh :(

heaven

2nd Nov 2011, 07:45 PM

I will have to withdraw, I have another exam tomorrow (pythagoras) and my game isn't starting up. I wish you all luck in this compition and wish Sims 3 would work.

Shhh :(

We're sorry you're missing this round. However, you can still compete in the other rounds.

I think it is best if EVERYONE knew this. Not participating in one round doesn't disqualify you. Also, if you ever think you won't get it perfect in time, at least submitting something is fine. Some points is better than none at all.

2 hours and 15 minutes left. :)

ReyaD

2nd Nov 2011, 08:34 PM

Is it bad that the round hasn't even technically ended yet I'm already dying for the judge's comments and points? xD

LadyAwesome

2nd Nov 2011, 09:33 PM

Yes Reya lol. I don't want to see mine. I am so disappointed in myself. Next round. will be awesome sauce. ( I shall keep telling that to myself anyway)

heaven

2nd Nov 2011, 10:02 PM

Okay, it's for real this time! Round 2 closed. And no more relaxing. /me cracks whip. Get to work! :rofl:

whitewaterwood

2nd Nov 2011, 10:12 PM

Previously, Theodora attended the funeral of her father, who had abandoned her and her mother at a very young age. There, she got into an argument with her half-brother, who had loved and respected the father that Theodora despised. She later feels conflicted and guilty about the fight.

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/Sims/1ScreenShot1320.jpg
“Theodora! Wear a coat, Theodora! It's cold out there!”
“Mooooom. I'll be right back in! I'm getting the paper!”
Light snow padded the ground, dulling the echo of my footsteps against the cold metal of the stairs. A quick step outside was freezing, but my anticipation of the sunday comics outweighed the quick detour for a heavy jacket.

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/Sims/2ScreenShot1322.jpg
When a man passed me in the street, I didn't think much of it. Even when he came closer to the house, I assumed he was navigating a particularly deep drift of snow and had to work his way around it. However, when he stopped directly in front of me, that's when the alarm bells started to go off and the hair behind my neck prickled from more than just the cold.

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/Sims/3ScreenShot1329.jpg
“Can I... help you?” I asked, inching up the stairs.

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/Sims/4ScreenShot1334.jpg
The thing about bad guys is that they don't wait around. They don't want to banter with you, they don't want to pose and look cool and maybe get into a fight. When they have an advantage, whether it be size, or height or the element of surprise, they use it. When they have all 3 advantages, well, they're going to use all three of them.

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/Sims/5ScreenShot1332.jpg
It didn't take long for the man to drag me to a beat up pick up truck. There wasn't enough time for my mom to come out and rescue me. My head slammed into the edge of the car, and while that made me confused and groggy for a moment, it was the injection that made everything woozy and my vision dark. By the time the car had started, I was already unconscious.

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/Sims/6ScreenShot1322.jpg
When I finally came to, I didn't want to open my eyes. Partly it was my body. My eyelids were heavy and everything hurt and more than anything else in the world, I just wanted to sleep. I don't think the man had been careful with the dose of knockout drug. The other part, the biggest part, was just that I didn't want to know where I was. I wanted to be at home, with my mom, asleep in my bed and the sunday comics on the dresser.
I know that it was better to know the worst than to wonder, but... I kept my eyes closed for another minute.
Someone coughed. I opened my eyes.

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/Sims/7ScreenShot1322.jpg
“I know you're awake,” said a voice. I sprang to my feet. Sitting across from me was a man. A tall man. With a gun. I gasped.
“You okay?” he asked. My hands shook and my eyes began to water.
“Where am I?” I sobbed, “Who are you?”
“Jude Campbell,” he grunted, “and you're here because we need a ransom. Your father owes us a lot of money. 30,000 dollars for you. We're being pretty lenient with the amount.”

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/Sims/8ScreenShot1336.jpg
“I don't understand.” I whispered, tears dripping down my face and drying quickly into a sticky mess, “My dad left when I was 2. I don't even remember him! Why would he come?”
“Parents always come for their kids,” Jude grunted, “So quit whining, kay?”
“But he left! That means he hates me!” I cried, my nose clogged and tears still dripping from my eyes. Jude sighed, looking annoyed.
“No it- Listen. Lives are complicated, okay? Just because someone leaves don't mean they wanted to or they're never coming back. It just means something happened. Hating you has nothing to do with it. So, just- Shut up okay? He'll show up and you'll go home. We're not planning on killing you. This is just to scare him. Even if he shows up without the money it'll be fine. We just need a promise he's going to do things our way in the future.” He stared the other way, apparently done talking.

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/Sims/9ScreenShot1322.jpg
“So... even if he doesn't have the money, he'll still come?” I whispered hopefully, wiping my eyes.
“That's what dads do. So yeah.” He leaned down and patted my head roughly. “Don't worry about it kid.”
“Are you a dad?” I asked.
He gave me a distracted smile.
“Sorry, not in the mood for a life story, but you'll be fine, so don't worry about it. So be quiet, I think I hear something.”
We sat in silence for a moment.

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/Sims/10ScreenShot1322.jpg
“FREEZE!”
What happened next happened quickly. Shots were fired and red sprayed in the air. People ran, people yelled, and suddenly everything was hazy and painful and confusing. If I could have slowed down time, I would have seen what had happened as the police described it:
11:23 am: Police enter the building, following a license plate number given by the mother of a kidnapped child.
11:23 am: Child shot in leg as kidnapped attempts escape. Fired shot was made by kidnapper.
11:45 am Ambulance arrives. Child in stable condition. Not speaking much.

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/Sims/11ScreenShot1322.jpg
He said I wouldn't get hurt. He said my father would come. He lied. Twice. And for a little girl, who was scared and alone and helpless, who had latched onto any person who could possibly help her, the betrayals stung equally. I know now that I'm older that trusting people who kidnap you and people who abandon you are not acts of childish innocence. They are acts of childish ignorance. I never had any dramatic 'The world is evil! Trust only myself!' revelations after that day, but I think the revelation I did have, subtle as it was, held just as much weight.

“Not everyone deserves a second chance.”

-----------------------------
Current Events: Adventure, Betrayal
Previous Events: Funeral, New Addition to Family
Word Count: 944
CC Used: Yes

I apologize for the lateness and shoddiness of this. I'm really sick right now and it's hard to think. I hope it was acceptable, if not the best I could do. I shall try harder on the second round!

heaven

2nd Nov 2011, 10:49 PM

WWW, I'll allow this to go in as I realize that you were probably in the reply panel when I posted. I really hope you feel better soon!

Also, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to ReyaD. Excuse me for not singing. You don't want to hear it anyway. :beer:

ReyaD

2nd Nov 2011, 11:09 PM

<3 thanks for the happy birthday, heaven.

And since we're here, lets give Buckley a happy birthday as well. Hugs for all!

heaven

2nd Nov 2011, 11:15 PM

<3 thanks for the happy birthday, heaven.

And since we're here, lets give Buckley a happy birthday as well. Hugs for all!

And cake. Can't forget the cake.

leesester

3rd Nov 2011, 12:01 AM

Heaven said that there was cake
Buckley arrived and said "Hey Wait"
Reya dashed in,
But terrible sin,
It appears that the cake was a fake.

Tsk tsk Heaven. You break my heart with the cakes of not-cakeness.

GigaRevival

3rd Nov 2011, 02:35 AM

*bunkers down to start reading, judging*

Congrats on everyone making it through two rounds. And I hope you are able to make it for the third round Shhh. Good luck with school.

I've said this already, but happy birthday Cece and a preemptive happy birthday to Buckley. :)

Tamlyn

3rd Nov 2011, 02:53 AM

Happy Birthday Reya and Buckley (I'm sure I'm on the right day for one of you...)

Also, Reya - if it makes you feel better, I'm even less happy with mine after reading everyone else's. I think it's normal to dislike your own!

Question regarding Round Three: if we choose the flashback option, are we allowed to do the black and white as a photo edit or do we have to get exotic in game? (Maybe a silly question but I thought I'd ask!). Also, do the flashback photos have to be sequential or can I scatter them?

ReyaD

3rd Nov 2011, 03:02 AM

That does actually make me very happy, Tamlyn. Thank you <3.

heaven

3rd Nov 2011, 03:10 AM

whitewaterwood

3rd Nov 2011, 04:37 AM

*makes happy sleepy noises of thanks in heaven's direction*
Happy Birthday ReyaD. Happy Birthday to yooooooooo-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Myshia

3rd Nov 2011, 05:25 AM

Happy b-day, ReyaD :beer: It was extremely nice of you heaven for the extension :luff: , but it was already midnight over here, at the time ;D
Everyone's stories are so good.. makes mine look terrible...

whitewaterwood

3rd Nov 2011, 06:39 AM

I just realized, having read the round 3 rules, that I have terrible luck.
2nd round: Add someone with a different point of view from your character. (Did it in the first chapter)
3rd round: Add a flashback (Did it in the 2nd chapter)

I am now afraid of what the 4th round is going to ask of me. XD

LadyAwesome

3rd Nov 2011, 06:56 AM

Oh dubs, You shall be fine, We can work on our storied together :P

ReyaD

3rd Nov 2011, 07:36 AM

The bonus line actually made me happy because it helped me decide between two possible story lines. <3 And thankfully its the one I was leaning towards.

It's the necessary line that's giving me a headache.

leesester

3rd Nov 2011, 07:38 AM

waterjay

3rd Nov 2011, 09:27 AM

Happy Bday Reyaa!! Wooohoooo how old are you now? Like 8~9 or something?? Nyahnyah im evillll.. Ok enough -.- i was joking :D :D
I love all the new bonuses, they can all fit in my story :P besides i think choosing fantasy-sci fi based stories allows more flexibility... Oh by the way, scores and feedback will be posted soon right? :)

GigaRevival

3rd Nov 2011, 09:46 AM

Soon'ish. I believe heaven extended the deadline for us as well, to give us some time.

I know I won't have all of mine in until tomorrow afternoon sometime as I have homework to do; and I sort of took a prolonged break from reading since that's basically all I've been doing for classes this week. Blargh.

It's a good thing your guys' stories are interesting to read or I would have pulled out of judging in the first round. ;)

Keep up the good work everyone.

waterjay

3rd Nov 2011, 09:53 AM

Thanks Giga! :) I truly understand how the judging is difficult... All the stories are improving! Even though most of them posted them last minute and they said it was sort of a draft, you could still see something very interesting going on! Of course they would've turned out better with more time :P (I must say I am really lucky so far with the deadlines!!) sooo good luck in judging judges!!
Oh and heavean I have a question xD sorry I keep asking! For the flashback pictures, can they be edited, then re-edited to black and white? or just the basic black and white edit? yes, it sounds stupid, but who said that i'm not? ;) :P

heaven

3rd Nov 2011, 07:03 PM

Oh and heavean I have a question xD sorry I keep asking! For the flashback pictures, can they be edited, then re-edited to black and white? or just the basic black and white edit? yes, it sounds stupid, but who said that i'm not? ;) :P

The only editing allowed is to convert to black and white. No other editing allowed, unless it is the border which has always been allowed.

waterjay

5th Nov 2011, 11:06 AM

oh one more thing... may be this has been answered, so sorry if I ask: are custom makeups counted as cc?

heaven

5th Nov 2011, 04:28 PM

oh one more thing... may be this has been answered, so sorry if I ask: are custom makeups counted as cc?

Skin, eyes, hair do NOT count as CC.
Make-up, accessories, clothes DO count.
Hopefully that helps clear up the CAS CC questions which I am sure can get a little confusing. :)

waterjay

5th Nov 2011, 05:27 PM

Skin, eyes, hair do NOT count as CC.
Make-up, accessories, clothes DO count.
Hopefully that helps clear up the CAS CC questions which I am sure can get a little confusing. :)

Thanks Heaven! :) Oh and before I get deducted any points, the mask I gave to the demon is a base game makeup xD I just turned everything to black, just to point it out :P

heaven

5th Nov 2011, 08:11 PM

It’s that time again! Scores are now ready for your viewing pleasure. You will see more numbers this time, since we broke down the creativity and scene categories. Hopefully that will help you a bit next round! Again, the comments have been randomly entered so you can't figure out who is who. So don't try! :p

Out of a possible 300: Bonuses have been added in so perfect scores would be 330/300

Shhh: 0
ReyaD: 290
waterjay: 268
blackivy: 282
Myshia: 226.5
LadyAwesome: 271
Tamlyn: 306
Elexis: 296
whitewaterwood: 286.5
Morphead: 157
missroxor: 289
Buckley: 300

ReyaD
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
7,10,8,10,35,10,8,8,26,17,5,5,88,10,98
8,10,8,6,32,10,8,7,25,16,5,5,83,10,93
10,10,8,9,37,10,8,9,27,18,5,5,92,7,99
I wish you were able to expand Tyler and Janice’s character a bit, but given the word restrictions I know that would have been difficult. Your development of Jessie is both strong and enjoyable and I like that you made her fixed in some areas while more complex in others. Your inclusion of Jude and the excerpt were great and didn’t feel rushed or random while I was reading. However, the flow of the story was a bit jarring in some places due to missing words. I like that you expanded on the history of the city briefly; that was one of my main confusions from your last chapter. I can see that you are attempting to make a common genre (vampire and/or coming-of-age tale) your own and personally I think you are doing a fantastic job so far. Overall, a great second installment and I can’t wait to see what happens to Jessie/ now-Janice.

I really enjoyed the second installment, Jessie is quite a character! Great use of the quote/line and well done on fitting Jude in for the bonus points. I loved how this story has grown into a new direction and that it didn't head where i was expecting, which is a true gift as a writer to be able to surprise your readers. Well done :)

Nice use of 1st excerpt - really fitted well. I thought Jude got dropped in a bit - not really jarring, just a bit off.

Your character is so easy to relate to. Her conflicted feelings; the jealousy with the need to be independent. The need to be independent with the need to protect her father. The characters themselves are realistic and flawed. The audacity of Tyler makes me want to slap him! The twists and turns and emotions of this chapter kept me going. I think at one point, I actually dropped my jaw. I am ecstatic and anxious to read the next chapter. I’m actually worried about how they will pull off the tattooing without Edwin getting wind of it since the vampires have their hands in everything. Jude’s role was very nicely incorporated without throwing off your story. Also, FYI Jude is HOT as a vampire.

waterjay
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
9,8,8,7,32,10,7,10,27,14,5,5,83,10,93
6,7,6,6,25,10,6,7,23,10,5,5,68,10,78
10,7,8,6,31,10,10,10,30,17,5,5,88,9,97
Loved the pictures - the spell was excellent too, lots of creativity shown. The dish best eaten cold really threw me, and did seem randomly placed.

Your story is coming along but I feel like there could be more tidying up to do. I still don’t know quite who this child is and how they discovered him as the Emperor of Evil. I don’t quite understand your characters or their motivations so I recommend developing them a bit more. I think the introduction of Jude was well done and I am interested to see if he plays a more involved role through the story.

Again, there were a few awkward words here and there, mixed with some incorrect tenses (“letted” for instance and launch instead of lunch), but it didn’t entirely take away from your story. It did however, make the flow choppy here and there (again, some of what I said falls under grammar so I didn’t deduct points for those specific mistakes). I really like the plot you are setting up so far and you are doing a great job developing Marysa and Achille; especially Achille as he was lacking a bit of development in your starting chapter. Your inclusion of Jude Campbell was clever. Your cliffhanger, and brief interlude into the thoughts of Achille, made me feel for him at the end; you did a fantastic job with the emotional aspects of your story. I hope Achille is okay!

I felt as though you had all the right ingredients for this chapter but they just didn't quite come together as well as i hoped for. I really wanted more of the back story particularly in light of the new character of Jude and the history at the academy between all the main players. I want to know what are their relationships like, what are their powers. Also i needed you to expand on this evil child, who is he/she? What do they want what is at stake? I loved your shot of the demons and the spell was brilliantly written but i would like to see you focus more on developing your characters personalities and the dialogue between them.

blackivy
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
6,10,8.5,8,32.5,10,8.5,9,27.5,19,5,0,84,8,92
7,10,7,7,31,10,9,8,27,17,5,0,80,10,90
10,10,8,8,36,10,9,10,29,20,5,0,90,10,100
The excerpt was really well used - how did he mean it? Is it the child who IS a burden or HAS a burden - the excerpt really put some depth into the story for me and makes me wonder if Jack really is the villain.

The flow of your story was quite good, albeit there were a few missing words (or jarring tenses), but it didn’t take away from the story itself. The strongest point of your story, in my opinion, is the emotional appeal that you bring to the table. I could really sense the hopelessness and abandonment that Emma was feeling and I really like that you made her both a vulnerable and strong character (especially for her age!). You also did a great job setting up your pictures and making the scenes relevant to your plot. I can’t wait to see how Emma functions in this new environment; maybe her mother’s new marriage will be a blessing in disguise?

What mean parents! Especially Jack. He seems rather intent on isolating Emma from her mother which bothers me. I’ll avoid a rant off topic but poor Emma. I feel like Jude’s role was rather unexpected. I was curious to see how he would present a “different view” to a child but you did well. I do wonder what this is leading up to.

I instantly fell back into this story great job at following on from the first chapter. I began to sense to really creepy and sinister undertones to the relationship with the step Dad but i feel this was ended abruptly by her leaving for school. However the new location and setting is intriguing and i geniunely have no clue where this story is heading. You give little away in terms of plot and i did feel left wanting for something more to happen, but having said that i'm all in for the next chapter and can't wait to read it!

Myshia
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
8,8,8,10,34,0,9,0,9,15,2.5,5,65.5,8,73.5
9,10,9,8,36,0,10,0,10,17,4,5,72,10,82
9,9,7,9,34,0,10,0,10,14,3,5,66,5,71
A few sentences were rough around the edges and needed some more editing to keep the flow of the story, but it wasn’t anything too major. Your introduction of Jude Campbell into the story was interesting, and I like how you twisted the requirements for his introduction to fit your story, but it was also a bit confusing. I understand murder scenes in-game can be difficult to capture via pictures (and I’m definitely not condoning an overly violent story), but since you didn’t use any pictures this chapter you could have expanded that particular scene a bit, which would have helped you fulfill the minimum word requirement. Everything else was top-notch. I like how you’re slowly revealing facets of Matt and Judith and creating ample drama for your next installment.

It is getting harder to judge this story with no pictures - I think a lot of this sequence could have been done in a big lot. Some shaky dialog here - it needs to keep in period a bit more, some great descriptive scenes though.

I was very disappointed to see that you didn’t have pictures. I was looking forward to seeing this world your characters live in. I think otherwise, you did a great job. I would have preferred not reading what your screenshots would have been. It seems almost cruel to taunt us. I’m curious about Jude and not sure that he quite played the role he should have but still, a good job introducing a new character. I am not quite sure where the story is going though I am hoping to get a clearer picture in the next chapter.

Excellent writing here, totally engrossing. Again it was a little confusing in parts but for the most part i didn't care, i thoroughly enjoyed this chapter, so much so that i didn't miss the pictures! I adore the relationship between Judith and Matt and am so intrigued to see how they end up. Great work.

LadyAwesome
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
7.5,10,8.5,8,34,10,8,9,27,17,5,0,83,10,93
6,9,7,7,29,10,7,7,24,17,5,0,75,10,85
10,7,10,8,35,10,7,10,27,18,5,0,85,8,93
I find it very appealing that this story is written from a ghost’s perspective. The shot of Elyssa sitting there, with her back to him, even though she could see him was very heartfelt to me. When Aiden said being a ghost felt like wibbly jelly, I laughed out loud, for real. The humor you put in a story, even at some of the more somber moments really makes it a fascinating read. Jude Campbell as a psychologist was not particularly a twist I was expecting. I do wish the “dish best served cold” had felt a little more thought out as it felt forced to me, but otherwise, I am completely intrigued and interested to see what is going to happen now that Elyssa is a teenager.

I love her dialogue - it is all so natural and well done. The pictures are also excellently staged and tell a story on their own - with pics this neat maybe less descriptive words are needed but I penalised anyway cos I am mean. The dish served cold felt a BIT plopped in.

I loved how this started out with Aiden's sense of despair and isolation but i felt this was taken away too quickly with the revelation that Elyssa can see him, i would have liked this to be more drawn out. However this does introduce an interesting dynamic to the plot and i'm keen to see how this will all play out.

I like where you are going with your story, especially seeing it from the perspective of the now-deceased Aiden. Your flow was a bit awkward in places so I deducted a few points for that, but everything else was quite good. Personally, I think that your character development is the strongest point of your story as you are really good at portraying the emotions and opinions of the other characters (particularly Alyssa) without changing perspective (which was what threw me for a minor loop last chapter). How you included Jude was exceptional and really helped with your plot without forcing his character into the story awkwardly. I’m curious how Alyssa is going to deal with growing up and maintaining her “relationship” with her brother and I’m also wondering what their “plan” is. Good job.

Tamlyn
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
8,10,8,9,35,10,8,10,28,18,5,5,91,10,101
9,10,9,8,36,10,9,9,28,18,5,5,92,5,97
10,9,10,10,39,10,9,10,29,20,5,5,98,10,108
I am loving Sofie more and more, she is a fantastic character! Zayne is a great counterpart for her also and i love that he is showing her the light. I feel completely in Sofies shoes as she wants to know more and so do i, brilliant story and can't wait for some more

Cunning use of Jude Campbell - yes, she used him as a cliffhanger…the audacity.

I really like your expansion from the first chapter and the conversation with Zayne as well as the portrayal of Sofie’s emotions. I don’t have anything else major to add except that I enjoyed how you fulfilled the bonus (I can’t wait to see what part Jude is going to play later on in the story) and the excerpt. I’m looking forward to your third chapter.

The thing that gets me the most about this story is actually Sofie’s internal struggle with herself. Her rejection, her jealously, her beliefs. I can’t help thinking that, of course Zayne is good, wait, is he? Maybe Lily is a spy. There IS a spy. I love, and kind of hate, that I think I know where this is going one minute, and then the next minute I am making new guesses all over. I wish Jude had really done “his part” in this chapter as I feel that it’s more set up for him to make an impact in Sofie’s thoughts next round.

Elexis
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
7,10,8,10,35,10,8,10,28,17,5,5,90,10,100
6,10,7,7,30,10,7,10,27,14,5,5,81,10,91
9,9,9,10,37,10,8,10,28,20,5,5,95,10,105
Just GORGEOUS. The pics are stunning and the story is moving well. The plot is archetypal but is well done and the characters are coming together well. Good use of Jude as a story module.

Some parts felt a bit rushed here, but overall a good job which expandede nicely on your inital chapter. The only real problem was with the predictability of the plot line as soon as the kidnap came up i figured it would be a girl which left me a little deflated when i was right, would of liked to see you switch things up a bit, but i can't stay mad with Han i adore him and can't wait to see where he goes next!

Your use of scenes are brilliant. Again, am left practically speechless by your shots and use of angles to show your story. Added with those poses, you could almost get away with no words, which is a great thing for a sim storyteller. I think the story flowed nicely and intertwined with the last chapter well. The girl, Alex, as the child was rather predictable but I am unsure what Han will do. Is his need for revenge stronger than his sense of human decency? So far, the answer has been yes but I wonder what a pretty girl will do to him.

Seriously, your pictures are gorgeous. Ahem, now on to your story. The formatting of the conversations this chapter was a wee bit awkward, and for me, jarred the flow. It was really only a moderate issue once I started getting used to it, though. (I’m a fan of standard quotation marks). Moving on; the plot twist in your story was unique and it was interesting to read Han’s sudden hesitation when he found out his target is a woman (a pretty one at that… do I sense a potential future love interest?). Jude the bartender was clever and definitely fulfilled the requirement of proposing a change for the protagonist. You also tied your two themes together nicely. I’m looking forward to reading what trouble Han gets himself into.

whitewaterwood
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
8,10,8.5,10,36.5,10,9,10,29,19,4,0,88.5,10,98.5
8,10,8,8,34,10,9,9,28,17,2,0,81,10,91
10,10,10,8,38,10,8,10,28,17,4,0,87,10,97
Whoa. I was blown back. This was SUCH an unexpected second chapter and the fact that it went so well with the first one was so well thought out. I adored it. I wish there had been more because your style of writing and the fact that you completely took me by surprise held me at the edge of my seat. Your imagery as well was stunning. The shot of Jude by himself, head down with the gun was…wow. I can’t even imagine where you are going next which is a good thing.

Nice flashback :) I was a tad thrown off at first but by picture 2 I realised we were in the past. I think the Theodora character is developing well - I can already get a sense of hmm, she would do this but not that - and that is characterisation.

Beautiful pictures in this entry which really brought the story to life and helped keep the flow of the plot. I did feel as though Theodora had lost a little of her spark from the first chapter however, but her character arc is coming along nicely with her realisations of how the world works. Excellent use of both Jude and the quote, both worked well with your story and your writing is superb

You were below the required word count, so I deducted a point for that in the Rules category. Having said that, I know writing while sick is extremely difficult, but you managed to pull through well. Your development of your characters was great (even Jude, who despite not speaking much really had a lot to say!) and I like that you created a flashback instance that explains why your protagonist doesn’t care for her father. It definitely brings some complexity into the tale. Although a scenario in which kidnapping is involved isn’t original per se, you managed to make it unique in your own way. The emotional impact was also certainly felt; I could tell that this was an extremely painful memory for her and made me feel for her on a personal level.

Morphead
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
7.5,0,8,8,23.5,0,8,0,8,17,2.5,5,56,0,56
9,0,9,8,26,0,9,0,9,18,4,5,62,0,62
8,0,6,7,21,0,7,0,7,5,1,5,39,0,39
Just to get the obvious out of the way, there were no pictures so no points were given for those specific categories. Your flow was jarring in places, with incorrect tenses and missing words; so I deducted a few points for that. Now on to your story: you did a great job setting up the scenes despite your lack of pictures. Your events were okay logistically, but they were still a bit choppy and underdeveloped. I really enjoy the way you write your “evil” characters though (the torture scene was both brutal and interesting), and Kawlin’s revelation about his father’s death was intriguing; albeit a tad random story-wise. Does Kawlin have some sort of gift that allows him to tap into the paranormal and see past events/people? I’m hoping you expand that in your next chapter. You did however, fulfill the paranormal subject in an interesting manner. It is clear that you’re setting up for something big plot-wise, so I’m intrigued to see where your story goes.

I was completely lost in this episode, I see that Morphead was ill and kudos to him for getting an entry in.

I was glad to see you got an entry in, but disappointed to miss the quote AND Jude. I’m left trying to figure out how Kawol got the be president and where Kawlin now is. Unless I am reading it wrong. I feel like this story has a lot of questions remaining to be answered, which is great but I wish this chapter had been a little more clear. Hope for more information next go round!

Excellent writing in this chapter, i didn't miss the pictures too much at all and it followed on nicely from the last chapter. Still a little confused over the missing brother part of the plot line, not sure if this is intentional or if i was supposed to gauge more information from what you wrote? I fairly certain all will become clear though! Shame to have missed out on points over pictures and you missed the bonus too, but overall this is well written and intriguing

missroxor
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
9,10,8,8,35,10,9,9,28,18,5,5,91,10,101
7,10,7,7,31,10,6,10,26,15,5,5,82,5,87
8,10,8,9,35,10,10,9,29,17,5,5,91,10,101
Great job this chapter! You did really well developing your characters and I felt emotionally for all of them (especially poor Ophelia) being stuck in such a hopeless situation. Your staging of your pictures was fantastic, and the poses that you used really emphasized the different scenes and aided your descriptions. Both Jude and the excerpt were integrated seamlessly, and just when I thought the inclusion of Sadie’s lackluster situation with a crush was entirely random, you throw a curve ball and tied it nicely into your story. Well done.

Some great pictures used here which really set the scenes and added to the general feel of the plotline. I am starting to feel their desperation at their prediciment. Your characters are progressing nicely and you still have the plot left wide open for whatever crops up ahead. Nice job

Good use of Jude to build character and bring a little variation into the scenes. The dialog is crisper this time - and I don't trust that Kelly one bit :)

Amy’s innocence is charming and refreshing. I really enjoyed your use of dog days without being so overt about it. Use of excerpt, also well played. What a cliffhanger! I can’t help speculating what MIGHT have happened (a polar bear perhaps) but I have no idea.

Buckley
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
6,10,9,8,33,10,8,8,26,20,5,5,89,10,99
7,10,7,8,32,10,8,9,27,17,5,5,86,10,96
8,9,10,10,37,10,8,10,28,20,5,5,95,10,105
Excellent characterisation and good use of the sims universe. Nice twist on Jude too - I thought he would be the good guy - but nope.

Poor Lily! She really just can’t catch a break, can she? You definitely did a good job with all of your characters, including Jude. That is certainly one of the strongest points of your story; you are quite good at portraying the different characters and different emotions without getting too wordy. The originality of the plot is where I deducted the most points; but that doesn’t mean it isn’t enjoyable. In fact, I like your story quite a lot and didn’t finding it lacking in any other aspect since you are certainly making the story your own. I am cheering for Lily to achieve some level of happiness in the future (and for her sister to jump off a cliff). I’ll cross my fingers for both in chapter three.

Of course Ava is a cheater. This was rather expected to me. I was almost rather hoping that Nathaniel would be the one to cheat and prove that he wasn’t so perfect after all. As I read, I was also hoping for maybe Jude to show Lily that more was out there and maybe she would see things different. Am curious how her silly sister Ava was careless enough to hook up with Jude when she should have seen Lily dancing on the tabletops! Made me chuckle…she’s not so smart. And that man moves on quick. It almost leaves me with more questions than answers, but in a good way. I’m really intent on seeing just what kind of person Lily is and what she will do with her new information.

The intrigue of the triangle has grown to a square! Great use of Jude here and always great to see some more of Mildred! My only issue is with Lily. We know she loves this Nathanial but no real sense of why, or if these feelings are returned. Lily i think seems a little too good to be true but i think that her decision over whether to tell on her sister and Jude or not will be a critical one for her development as a character.

Scores updated on first post as well.

Buckley

5th Nov 2011, 08:28 PM

Thanks for the scores Heaven! One quick note though: Unless I am confused about how the scoring works, I believe a perfect score would be 330/300. That is, if the 10 point bonus counts for each judge's score and not just once overall. Just thought I'd mention that, in order to avoid confusion. :)

heaven

5th Nov 2011, 08:30 PM

Elexis

5th Nov 2011, 10:07 PM

waterjay

5th Nov 2011, 10:46 PM

It's really sad that my points were reduced due to my dialogue scheme, seriously, this scheme is used in a literature, totally normal and legal, so I thought it wouldn't be something new to everybody.
Also, I'm not sure if reducing points due to personal preferences is very reasonable too. This is related to all stories.

Well I think the judging is going very personal. As an overall, scores should all be similar... but there's at least a 15-17 score difference and very diverse point of views. Some judges appreciate my story being mysterious, some of them absoutely want me to reveal all the past... What should I do? Of course, I joined for fun, but it's always a competition ;) lol

heaven

5th Nov 2011, 11:21 PM

Let me make one thing very clear. To all of my contestants AND all of my judges. My belief/theory on scoring is that, if my judge has actual reason for their scores, then I will certainly stand by it. You might not personally agree and even another judge may feel different. My OWN comments differ from those of some of the judges. If you look though, there are fairly similar scores across the board for each of you. If I feel that I have a question on why a judge scored a particular way, I ask, privately. And I have done this. They judge on the quality, not the contestant. Yes, some judges are more harsh than others which is certainly their prerogative. Please remember that they are doing this in their free time, just as you are competing in yours.

I am more than happy to make corrections if there have been mistakes; adding errors, me posting comments for the wrong contestant, (I almost did that earlier so it's plausible :rofl: ) etc. If you have questions about something that seems not quite right, feel free to PM me. That's what I am here for. However, do remember that the feedback is there so you can improve!

I hope this clears things up a bit. Good luck with Round #3! I can't wait to see what you come up with!

waterjay

5th Nov 2011, 11:36 PM

leesester

5th Nov 2011, 11:59 PM

Well, all I can say is I am glad I stayed as a judge and did not try and compete - I am definitely outclassed by the group here. Now, I don't know if I am supposed to say this, but this is how I judge :

I read the story, previous chapter, then this chapter. I go through the list on the front page. If you have all the pics then that's a ten -- I assess how well the pics tell the story in Props and staging, then I assess Mood - nice use of descriptive language, like if all the pics got eaten by crocodiles could I feel the mood of the story.

Then I do flow - does it make sense - does it jump around a lot - is this chapter logically following from the previous.

Creativity is clear - I check for nice dialogue, the events making sense, does the exerpt blend in and originality of story.

CC yes or no - bonus - yes or no and well used and POW - points.

heaven

6th Nov 2011, 12:03 AM

I feel like there should be a ninja doling out lee's POW points with fists of kung fu.

Tamlyn

6th Nov 2011, 01:17 AM

I... want my pics to get eaten by crocodiles just because that put some very amusing images in my head!

The excerpt for this chapter is very difficult. I like a challenge, but oh my ;)

ReyaD

6th Nov 2011, 01:59 AM

Oh gosh I know what you mean. I mean I have a couple of different ideas for how to include it... but they all feel so "plopped in", y'know?

Aaargh... at least the bonus fits in PERFECTLY with what I was planning. <3

Myshia

6th Nov 2011, 09:46 AM

I feel the themes list is slowly getting smaller, heaven would you mind if you put up some more options ;D

missroxor

8th Nov 2011, 06:16 AM

Gah, catastrophy! D: My game started crashing on me randomly and I assumed It'd DLd some bad cc so started removing recent DLs...this seems to have made it worse. In fact every time I try to fix it it seems to get worse to the point where my game won't even load...which majorly sucks 'cause I came home today to find a note from the postman about my sims pets having arrived at the post office and now I won't be able to play it :'(

Anyway, I'm gonna keep working on this but might have to do a complete re-install and hope my saves aren't corrupt in any way but it means I might not get pics for this round :(

LadyAwesome

9th Nov 2011, 07:07 AM

Oh no!!!

waterjay

9th Nov 2011, 10:29 AM

Talking about being lucky with the deadlines -.- I just remembered I have tooo much to do and I might not do my story :S or I could do it and let it turn out crap... ugh!! >.< I hate this...

heaven

9th Nov 2011, 02:23 PM

Oh no! I hope everyone is able to straighten things out and make it work! I'd be sad if I miss any climax chapters!

missroxor

10th Nov 2011, 05:26 PM

Well *crosses fingers* I think I fixed it. I got my game up and running (even installed pets without any problems) but it turns out the game wasn't my only problem, my computer was BSOD-ing D: I did a lot of googling and ended up rooting around in files I didn't even know existed and basically after almost a full day of scans, installing updates and running error checks I think it's fixed. At least I had the computer on for an hour last night without a BSOD so I'm hoping it's fixed :lol:

So before all this happened I'd only got 2 paragraphs written D: so I now basically have to write pretty much the whole chapter as well as make sets and take pics in the next 2 days (is my own fault for taking a break for the first 5 days :rolleyes: ) so I'll try to get as much done as possible but just so you know, might not be entirely complete or polished, lol

ReyaD

10th Nov 2011, 06:53 PM

On the upside, Roxor. I'm pretty much in the same boat as you except my problems just come from exams and lazyness. But tomorrow's a holiday so I think I can finish it all up then.

LadyAwesome

11th Nov 2011, 06:16 AM

does the flash back have to be exactly 300 words? Or is that just another guide line?

heaven

11th Nov 2011, 02:35 PM

does the flash back have to be exactly 300 words? Or is that just another guide line?

You have leeway since you need between 1,000 and 1,500 for the round. So with the flash back it would need to be between 1,300 and 1,800. As long as it falls between those limits, you're good. :) You don't have to point out the flashback in italics or bold or underline or anything and give a separate count for it. So...I guess what I am trying to say, in my heaven-drags-things-out-too-much way is that, yes, it's just a guideline.

So...I have noticed that each round, entries come in closer and closer to the deadline. *looks around to see where the stories are hiding*

Tamlyn

12th Nov 2011, 01:20 AM

Mine is almost ready, but.... I don't like being the first to post one! It's silly, I know ;p

This chapter was hard - the excerpt especially, but just in general as well.

blackivy

12th Nov 2011, 02:01 AM

Previously we witnessed Emma's rocky relationship with her mother and new stepfather and followed her emotional roller coaster as she got a new sister and was sent to a private school owned by a man named Jude Campbell. As horrible as it sounded in the beginning, Emma soon adapted and now awaits to see how her new life will develop.

http://i40.tinypic.com/rrtora.jpg
The next morning when I woke up, the first thing we had after breakfast was Ms. Keira's class. She was a strict old woman, always in her little red outfit, being a constant reminder of the devil she was. No one liked her, no one thought she was a god teacher and Jane told me that her lessons were the most horrid and boring thing that could happen to you. She was right. She spent the good portion of her time yelling at this guy for not bringing pencils to her class.

http://i39.tinypic.com/wv8pao.jpg
During her little rant I got a better opportunity to meet Jane's twin brother, Mark. He was adorable (although I would never say that to him or Jane) but he didn't have his sister's
adventurous spark. Jane defended him on that matter saying that he tries to be like her but usually just tags along while she does most of the silly things. I was still expecting the wonders she promised me in this tedious class just a night before. Nothing exciting happened, I thought she was going to at least try and pull a prank on the teacher, Jane seemed like the type to prank people in authority.

http://i44.tinypic.com/11aadxg.jpg
But the only thing that happened was a pop-quiz after Ms. Keira got too tired of yelling at the poor fellow in the front part of the class. I didn't know anything and saw no use of taking tests in the beginning of the school year but Jane later tried to explain that they help our teacher see how much has evaporated from our heads during summer. I had to agree with my mother on the fact that this school will give me a better education because I am pretty convinced that I failed that test. I felt a little easier when I heard Jane muttering some curse words as if her test could hear her. Fortunately, Ms. Keira couldn't or she would be in trouble. I got a note just minutes before the end of the class to meet up with Jane during recess.

http://i43.tinypic.com/141tlc9.jpg
When the bell ended our sufferings, I went outside and found a free bench with Jane and Mark. They were strikingly alike, down to their unusual blue eyes. Jane was quite angry.
"Giving us that test, we didn't even do anything, that old hag!" she yelled and flailed her arms, "She could have at least said something, but she prefers setting traps for us," she went on for a while until she cooled down a little.
"So, what do you guys do around here in your free time?" I asked her to change the subject.
"Free time?", Jane asked and giggled. "We're almost constantly bored, that's what it is, it's like time doesn't seem to pass here: it just is. Maybe it's to encourage us to study more," she shrugged. "Well, if you want to have some fun you can go and have a little adventure with us these days." she smiled at me devilishly.
"Adventure?" I already feared where this was going.

http://i41.tinypic.com/4fzyao.jpg
A week or two went by and we still didn't have our "adventure" but Jane swore that it would happen soon. I started to believe that she was only trying to get me excited about the school when one day during lunch she exclaimed: "It's going to happen tonight!"
She wouldn't say anything more but I felt like (and feel that Mark felt the same) I was obligated to show up and have this adventure with her, she just managed to draw you into stuff without giving you the option to think it through. One thing led to another and we were standing in front of the doors to Ms. Keira's private room just about to break in and snoop around. Adrenalin started pumping and fear crept in but I couldn't just turn around and leave.

http://i43.tinypic.com/14wvh37.jpg
We entered her small dusty old room and saw her desk cluttered with books and papers. One of those books had a regular blank cover and got me interested. Maybe that was where she wrote down her secret opinions about her students or something secretive like that. I was right. It really was secretive. I stumbled upon her diary. I started reading it, mostly out loud for Jane and Mark to be amused as well and completely forgot about my fear of getting caught. In one depressing entry, it said, and I think I'll never forget it: "I wished to be loved by another, but I desire no man's pity." Seeing how it came from a person who is considered to be an old maid I started to feel sorry for her and dropped her diary back on the table.

http://i42.tinypic.com/n39o4y.jpg
But we weren't lucky after all. Ms. Keira was obviously done with dinner and decided to go to her room right after only to open her door and find three children going through her things. She was shocked and appalled, started yelling at us immediately and sent us to the principal. He said that he was much smarter in the morning and that he hoped we would be as well and sent us to bed with a promise that we will see him tomorrow and that we were in serious trouble. Jane thought that we got away with it but I decided not to jump to conclusions because I realized that our "adventure" was really something forbidden for good reasons. I just wished she wouldn't accuse us of stealing anything.

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We saw Mr. Campbell one by one. When it was my turn he just crossed his arms and sternly explained that what we've done could be considered a crime and that he had given a lot of thought to expelling us but decided against it. He wondered if he should take us out of Ms. Keira's class and figured it would be best if we weren't there for a while but not forever because we need to work this out with her since she is, after all, an educational worker. He also informed me that my mother will be arriving soon and that she will be the one to make the final decision about my future stay in this school.

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He sat on my bed and told me that he will wait here with me and that Jane and Mark's parents are coming tomorrow because they live further away. I was on the verge of tears. What will my mother think of me now, that I'm just a delinquent. Will it be solid proof that I'm not needed? Will she send me even further away from home?

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The moment she went through the door to our bedroom in that awful old secretary dress felt like all of my fears came true. The furious expression on her face said it all. It was like she started yelling at me from the doorway but suppressed herself because of the principal's presence. For the first time ever I wanted him to stay because I feared my mother's reaction. What if she disowns me? What if she kicks me out? What if?

Current Events: Twins, Adventure
Previous Events: Wedding, New Addition to Family, Dog days, Betrayal
Word Count: 1198
CC Used Allowed : Yes, Penalized: Yes

ReyaD

12th Nov 2011, 02:12 AM

18 hours to go. Guess I should get started, eh? >_>

Oh man I only played Sims 2 one time on my friend's laptop like... 5 years ago. I can't believe how different the graphics are to the Sims 3. I do love your settings though, blackivy. I'm so jealous.

Buckley

12th Nov 2011, 03:38 AM

CRAP! I misread the countdown! I thought it said Saturday at 11:59 P.M.

...I really do need to get started. :faceslap:

ReyaD

12th Nov 2011, 04:06 AM

Promised
Round Three

~

RECAP: Born and raised in a small town where all your decisions are made for you, Jessie Jacobs is sure of one thing. She's not ready to be married. And when her promised husband proposes she tells him as much, and then suffers the consequences when her twin sister helps him grieve. A chance meeting with the vampire Jude Campbell opens her eyes to the idea of just leaving, and when her sister becomes pregnant with Tyler’s child she sees her chance. Now she just has to take it.

~

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The wedding wasn’t going to be anything spectacular. Just a private ceremony between Tyler and “Jessie” in my father’s bar. Nonetheless Tyler insisted everyone dress up for the occasion and who was I to deny his request? At the very least it gave me a reason to cover up every inch of my body, from neck to ankle. I’d never realized how many tattoos I had until I’d tried covering them up with whatever I happened to have lying around in my closet.

Finally though I’d found something to wear. All that was left was to see if it passed Tyler’s inspection.

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“It’ll... do.” He muttered, after checking to see if my birthmark could be seen from any angle. “And it does look like something Janice would wear.”

“I took it from her closet.” I admitted before looking down at my sleeves. “She’s downstairs waiting for you, by the way. As soon as your father’s officiator arrives we can begin.”

His face softened, looking at me with those sad eyes. “I truly am sorry for what all this. I just wish you would’ve given marriage a chance. I could have made you happy you know.”

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“I wished to be loved by another.” I admit. “But I desire no man’s pity. Especially not yours.”

“I wasn’t trying to pity you. I was just-”

I silenced him with an eye roll. “Just stop it Tyler. Your father’s officiator should be here by now. Let’s get this over and done with, and then we won’t be each other’s problem anymore.”

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Scratch that. Stupid vampires. I took a seat as he ordered a round of drinks, hands clasped on my lap. “Yes?”

“You’re a moron, you know that? This is NOT what I meant when I talked to you about leaving.”

“Would you have preferred me to just leave my family in a ditch?” I asked, honestly curious. “Mr. Campbell I don’t know how things work in your family, but I couldn’t just abandon them and run. I need to at least try and make sure they’ll both be alright without me.”

He sighed, seemingly contemplating his next words carefully. “I will not tell Mr. Stone of your switch... but he will still find out. Do not wait to leave. As soon as the wedding is over... just go.”

“Why?”

His face fell. “Just trust me, Miss Jacobs.”

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I tucked his words away when my sister came into the room, looking stunning in an old dress I’d bought months ago but never worn. Identical or no, I had the sneaking suspicion she looked better in it than I ever would. Tyler seemed to think the same as his eyes never even turned to look for me while they said their vows to each other.

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Jude took off almost immediately after to inform Mr. Stone that the marriage had taken place. I had my bags packed, money in hand and plane ticket to Champe le Sims bought. The only thing left was to say goodbye.

My sister’s face almost broke my heart. “I just wish you’d stay until the baby was born...”

“I wish I could...” I answered, Jude’s words ringing in my ears. “But if I don’t leave now I never will.”

A strange expression came over her. “Well then it looks like you’ll never be leaving.”

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For a moment I thought she was threatening me, but then her hands flew to her stomach and a groan from her lips.

Oh shit. The baby was coming.

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There were two hospitals in our town. The main one was where visitors were taken, and human children when they were ill. The second was a tiny underground clinic where human wives were taken to give birth to their vampiric children. The doctor had assured us that my sister and the baby would be fine, but he thought she was Jessie. He didn’t know the mark on her neck had been drawn by me the night before.

The curtains covered nothing but bare walls, no view of the outdoors to judge the time. How long had we been here? An hour? A day? Time doesn’t seem to pass here: It just is. We were three stories underground and the room smelt of death. How many women had lost their lives here?

Although the wall between us was too thick to allow noise I could hear Janice’s screams in my mind, could feel her fear. It was too much for me. I needed to leave, but I couldn’t bring myself to abandon my sister in her time of need.

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I didn’t remember standing but I found myself standing in front of Tyler. “Everything will be fine.” He promised. “You need to calm down.”

“I can’t...” My voice broke before I could finish my thought. “I just... what if she dies?”

“We’ll make it through.” He said with a smile, taking my hand before I could object. “We’ll raise the baby together, and maybe I can convince you to stay with me forever.”

My resolution was weakening and faintly I wondered if he was using some sort of mind trick over me. “Tyler-”

“Her death will be for the best.”

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I snapped.

“Tyler you piece of SHIT. Don’t you dare say that! You have no right!”

His face fell. “Jessie, I’m just trying-”

“Just stop!” I begged. “You have my sister, you have my past, my ties to everything I’ve ever known. Once I leave I won’t ever be allowed to come back! Just leave me with the belief that maybe, just maybe everything will come out alright! Stop trying to force me into this life!”

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I could tell he was losing his patience with me, but to his credit he didn’t raise his voice like I had. Instead he spoke in a pained whisper. “You’re such a moron, Jessie. You’re never going to escape this, no matter what. The only reason father hasn’t personally intervened yet is due to the fact that he finds your antics amusing.”

I felt my heart drop but I didn’t want to believe him. “You’re just saying that.”

“I wish I were! Dammit, Jessie. Why are you so stupid! Mr. Campbell tried to get you out when you still had the chance, why didn’t you just take it?”

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I was about the speak when the familiar squeak of the clinic doors opening attracted my attention. I turned, perhaps too suddenly as instantly I felt a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, an emptiness where my heart should have been.

It was not my sister who left the room, nor was it the doctor. Instead an ancient vampire who I’d only seen in photos before. In his arms the boy who belonged to my sister.

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Behind me I heard Tyler groan. I tried to keep my face emotionless but I knew the fear was showing.

The old vampire cleared his throat, his piercing eyes staring at me until I had no choice but to look away. “I would love to hear an explanation for this... now who will give it?”

Tyler spoke before I could even consider telling a lie. “It’s my fault. I accept full responsibility for everything... father.”

---

Current Events: Wedding, New Addition to Family
Previous Events: Betrayal, Chance Meeting, Twins, Paranormal Character
Word Count: 1301 words, 13 photos
CC Used:
- Allowed: CC world - Harmony by Magic_Dancer (On the EA Exchange)
- Penalized: None

LadyAwesome

12th Nov 2011, 04:11 AM

Current Events: Adventure, The emperor of evil.
Previous Events: Twins, funeral, paranormal character, dish best served cold.
Word Count: 1600
CC Used: Allowed: Yes (Store stuff) Penalize – No.

Previously, Aiden and Elyssa had lost their parents and moved in with their Grandma Lara. Went through the death of Aiden,
while watching the women of the family suffer. Elyssa learns that her brother is a ghost, while fighting for her sanity.
We ended the last chapter with Elyssa growing into a teen.

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“You know Aiden, I am glad you never had to grow up. I learnt some pretty yuck stuff about teenagers the other day.
And look at these” Elyssa points out her boobs “Ugh, so gross and weird.”
“Yes, well thanks for the chat. I appreciate it a whole bunch.” I said sarcastically, as I was flipping through a book.
After Elyssa got over gawking at herself, she came and sat on the bed with me.
“So, my darling brother. What have you found?” Elyssa questioned.
“Hmmm nothing so far, where did you get this book anyway?”
“School library,” Elyssa replied with a smirk on her face.
“No wonder there is nothing in here,” I said as I let out a sigh. “Let's head down to the library and see what's there.”
“Sure, I just need to put my make-up on.”
I rolled my eyes as I left the room.

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“If you hear someone walking over this way, make sure you put the book on the table. All I need is random people
thinking I am crazy.” Elyssa blubbered.

“Mmmmhmmmm, so what we need to look for is some kind of magic book,” I explained.
After hours of scouring the internet, I did find something. It was not really clear but it said something about a
book of laguini?

We sat in silence reading for a bit until . . . . .

“Hey, listen to this journal. A potion of resurrection has been filed, not easily acquired. It is hidden in the bounds
of The book of Lockheart. Dated 1955.” Odd name for a book I thought as I read.

Elyssa smacked her book shut to look for another journal of the same era. After reading through a few books and
spending 4 hours in the library, she announced “Screw this.! We need to look more on the internet I think.”

“Great plan, Stan.” I said as I jumped off the seat. Elyssa just glared at me as we set off for home.

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“Oh gosh Lissa, did you rip that out of a library book?” I asked.
Elyssa looked at me and smiled.
“Sure did kiddo, maybe I should become a secret agent or something.”
“a) I think you would make a pretty good secret agent and b) I am not a kid, we are the same age – or do you forget
we are twins?”
“Yeah but you're dead . . . . .” she said before the silence hit. “Don't worry, I will fix this I promise.”
I forced a smile as Elyssa started mixing chemicals. After a while I sat on the chair with Nova and fell asleep.
When I woke, Elyssa was shaking me.
“Aiden, honey wake up. I want you to test this.” Elyssa said and she passed me the flask of odd looking liquid.
I sculled the whole thing back, waited a couple of minutes and shrugged.
“You should probably get to bed, we can practice more tomorrow.” I suggested.
“You're right. Night night poppet,” and she kissed me on the head as she left the room.

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The next morning Granny and Elyssa had breakfast together.

“How come you never got another boyfriend after you and grandad split up Granny?” Elyssa questioned.
Granny choked on her mouthful of food “I wished to be loved by another, but I desire no man's pity. And then
there was everything that happened with our family. I have had no time for men.”
“I hope you find a man one day Granny, you deserve to be happy.”
“I would be happy, if your grades had stopped slipping.” Granny replied giving Elyssa the look.
“I am sorry Granny. But do you know how hard it is to deal with all this and the counselor who seems to
think I am crazy?” Elyssa let out with a fluster.
“We don't think you're crazy honey, we just think you need help to get past the loss of everyone.”
“I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF THIS CRAP. I WILL MAKE YOU ALL SEE!” shouted Elyssa as she stormed out the door.
She grabbed her bag and stormed out of the house.
Granny just sat there, thinking all she needed was space.

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It had been a day since we last saw Elyssa. Granny was getting worried, so worried that she had even called the police.
Gran was not coping with Elyssa running away. She was worried that she had got herself hurt or something. Granny
spent the morning ringing all Elyssa's friends. The only one who had heard from her was Georgie. Her family owned the
science facility. But she had nothing much to say on the subject.
When the police officer finally arrived
Granny was going hysterical. Sobbing, yelling and crying in no particular order. He was a really nice, patient soul and
proceeded to comfort Granny, even though he was feeling rather uncomfortable.
“Lots of teenagers do this Miss Croft.” he assured her. “I am sure she will be home within the next few days, once she
has gotten over her anger. But just in case, we will have all the car patrols looking out for her.”
Granny just nodded and wandered back inside.

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“Enough is enough,” I thought to myself, as I plodded down to Elyssa's living area. I stopped at the bottom of the stairs
noticing the big pile of books and folders of information everywhere. She must have done this after we left the library.
I flicked through a few pages of the files to see if she had printed anything of importance. But there was nothing
to clue me in as to where she went.
Then I started going through all the history of websites on the computer.
Nova padded over and started cleaning
herself among the papers. I looked over at her and sighed.
“You be careful over there, Lissa won't be impressed if you ruin her papers. Actually it probably serves her right for leaving them there.”
Then something caught my attention, I started reading more
“Oh no Elyssa, Please NO!” I begged, to no one in particular.

The Book of Lockheart.

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The book of Lockheart is gifted to a descendant of an Escher god, who therefore is turned to a full vampire as an adolescent.
Escher people come from an island that once was positioned to the southwest of Laut Ocean. Somehow vanishing within a ball
of light, it was said that the land itself was taken for the gods. No one really found out the answer to this.

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It was said that a virgin was sacrificed to turn the vampire. The first time this was recorded was dated back 2000 years ago.
The Vampire Belzure had chosen the most important virgin sacrifice, the first born daughter of King Mahon. Belzure drank
the blood of the virgin, in a ceremony on the beach. The adolescent vampire took the girl as his bride and drank every drop of
blood the girl had, leaving her body lifeless. During the ceremony the vampire's watcher (who remains with him all his life) chants
the words of a sacred incantation, which binds their souls and blood together. When the binding is complete, the vampire and his
watcher say a prayer, as the vampire descends into the water, laying the sacrifice on a raft of flower,.sending her into the ocean
and giving her back to the gods. The result was Belzure becoming a full-blooded vampire and crowning him the Emperor of Escher.
Afterward the human king and his family were killed, and his slaves were taken for food.

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The stories over the years are similar, but the setting is either on the beach or on sacred ground, gifting the sacrifice to either
water or fire gods.
The book itself, believed to be full of potions and spells, was originally crafted by a high powered mage.

Please read comments for more information.

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Meanwhile, Poor Elyssa was locked in a cell, wondering where the hell she was. Then thinking yep this is what hell feels like.

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After reading all that information and the comments, there was a link that leading to a page which showed a picture of a house,
which I knew fairly well since becoming a ghost. I imagined the vampires had a spell on it so normal people can't see in.
I left that night, ended up getting lost in the forest. Then I started panicking. What if I was too late? By the time morning came
round, I was feeling rather down, slowly making my way down the street, not really sure where I was going.
Then I found it. . . . . the house in the photograph.

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After I walked through the front door, I expected to see people, well not people exactly – vampires.
I was worried that after I stepped over that threshold, those blood suckers would be on me. Then I remembered that I had no
blood, just my soul. They probably had some kind of motion detectors for security purposes. Once I got to the basement,
I still heard nothing. Looking around, I spotted a vampire coffin and shivered. As I was just about to turn around, I spotted a
curtain and behind it was a door.

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As I passed through the door, I saw cells they looked horrible and filthy. I turned to the voices I was hearing. WHAM I stood
still for a moment, shocked at the scene in front of my eyes.

“HEY, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOUR DOING WITH MY SISTER!” I screamed

“I am sorry.” The man whispered to my sister.

Then BOOM !!!!

Tamlyn

12th Nov 2011, 06:26 AM

In Chapter One: Shadows, Sofie and her family are introduced. As one of the people she’s been taught to think of only as the enemy chases a child into their territory, her beliefs take a battering.
In Chapter Two: Change, Sofie flees into the forest and encounters Zayne, who, rather than attacking her, offers her the option of discovering the truth.

Chapter Three: Secrets
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The database gave me nothing. I’d scanned the photograph in; the courtyard had been identified immediately and even dated based on the plant growth: pre-invasion. If the man – Zayne – had given me a name, I may have gotten somewhere. But how was I meant to find someone who had been dead for centuries, let alone have him give me some truth.

The photographed man was obviously medical or scientific personnel. He looked arrogant and sure of himself; perhaps in charge of a lab or clinic. My fingers flew over the keyboard as I thought, and my shoulders were tense as I struggled not to look furtively around. That would draw more attention to me than the research.

The database gave me information on the residence, since it found nothing on the man. Yet that too was surprisingly scarce. Until it threw an article at me and I understood why. I hadn’t realised the residence was so old. So old... and apparently, according to the article that probably only still existed because it was mostly paranoia, a prestigious research facility.
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Given the claims in the article and its obviously wild facts, there was no reason to believe that particular one. But I did – something rang true with it. I slipped up to Damian’s computer feeling like a thief. I’d used it before, of course, and I knew it had deeper access levels. Probably hacked, but he is a genius.

I shot a quick look over my shoulder before I sat in the cool leather chair. Again I knew, logically, that furtiveness would arouse suspicion. Damian would think nothing of me using his computer otherwise. But I couldn’t seem to help it: my hands were clammy and every tiny noise made me start. I wondered if this is what going into battle for the first time felt like.

I was both wrong and right in thinking I’d find answers through my father’s computer. It gave me an ID: Jude Campbell. Head of Research. Government funded. That was all. But it wasn’t in the database. It was on Damian’s computer itself. With it were blueprints for the original residence. At first, I couldn’t see why; then I spotted the architect’s name.
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I noticed an anomaly immediately. The original blueprints almost matched the building today, save for some surface buildings that no longer existed. And next to the elevators was an unmarked room.

I pushed my hands along the rough stone walls. Suddenly my nerves didn’t seem so silly. There was no way to make this look innocent. Something gave beneath my probing fingers with a loud click, and a thrill rushed through me as an entire slab of wall swung.

I hadn’t expected a secret door. I actually expected to have to take to a bricked up one with a power tool.
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The thrill turned to disappointment as I slipped through the thin gap into an abandoned security room. Everything was in a powered down state, except for a single server, and a fine coating of dust covered the old-fashioned computer systems. A stale smell hung in the air, and I sneezed. This was all?

A green flash caught my eye, and I turned. An operational Iris Recognition Accesspad, but access to what? I approached and ran my fingers over it. Two things were immediately obvious: one, it would take me days to hack it. Two, someone already had, and not that long ago.
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Zayne hadn’t given me a time limit as such, but I suspected he wouldn’t wait forever. I didn’t know what he would do – I still didn’t know what he wanted out of this. But I didn’t have time to do things carefully or properly. So rather than analysing and thinking things through, I followed a hunch.

My father knew something. It wasn’t just that he had the information about Jude Campbell on his computer; it was that moment when he saved Lily and I realised everything he wasn’t.

A quick grin crossed my face, so out of place amidst my seriousness that I felt almost guilty. But extracting Damian’s iris scan from his simulator was easy – he spent so long building his theories in it that it was practically burnt into the machine.
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I held the hastily created image to the Accesspad with barely steady fingers. I held my breath for one second, two, as the dust sifted around me. The green light flickered, then beat a steady pulse, and my breath exploded from me. The empty wall at my side swung to reveal another secret door and beyond it an overly normal elevator. The doors slid open with only a gentle whisper, and I stepped inside. There was only one option, and I chose it. I went down.

The short, empty hallway at the end of the ride didn’t deter me. I used my false eyes again on the conspicuous Accesspad and slipped through yet another secret door.
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I pulled back in shock. My eyes widened, and my heart slammed into my chest. The bright flare of electricity arced in front of me in a terrifying dance of blue and white. I stood frozen, watching the trap and listening to the crackle as it ate the stale air of the tunnels.

It took me another moment to turn and see the next Accesspad. As soon as I used it, the electricity died and the air settled. I moved on – much more carefully. I inched through the area, one eye on the now harmless conduits in case they should burst into life again. That the traps should still be operational... it was unbelievable.
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By the time I made it through the multiple halls and flaring traps that quickly became repetitive, the lights had brightened to a normal state of power. I slipped through a final secret door, pushing as it jammed – the first sign of the age of this place. I turned to view a small, bare room, with little more than a bed and sanitary facilities.

It was obviously a hideaway of some sort; for a political prisoner, perhaps, or an unwilling researcher. It made a certain sense. Before we fought the creatures, we fought each other. Something this well hidden was obviously important.

But it didn’t end with Jude Campbell, and so I was obviously missing something.
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The answer had to be here somewhere. I had nowhere to look if it wasn’t. So I started banging once more on the walls, the rough stone scraping my skin. At least the air in this room wasn’t so stale: somehow fresh stuff was recycled down even after all this time. I tried to ignore the queasiness in my stomach as I searched.
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It was another secret door, of course, and one I almost wished I hadn’t found. As soon as I stepped through it, I recognised what I was in. Even dark, with everything powered down, it had the distinct feel of a laboratory. I had spent half my life in one, due to whatever it was that made me ‘special’.

A secret laboratory; what else, in a prestigious research facility?

My queasiness turned to full on churning as I stood unmoving and stared around. My eyes gradually adjusted to the dark, and the muted light from the equipment illuminated something on one of the counters.
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An electronic journal. Jude Campbell’s. I didn’t have to look at it to know that. Was this what Zayne meant? But how did he know about it?

For a moment I was tempted to turn and walk away. Or run away. To pretend I had never seen this. To go back to being an echo of Shane and not, instead, become an echo of our father. Whatever he had found here, it made him what he was. Zayne had said I wouldn’t like this Jude Campbell’s truth.

I took a deep breath, picked up the journal, and booted it up at a random entry.
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A small success today... subject is emotional and uncooperative... extracted another chromosomal match and insertion was 80 per cent successful... that stupid woman threatened to withdraw funding. She doesn’t understand the life-changing work I do here... Strands Two and Eight collapsed upon being taken from refrigeration – the necessity for keeping them cold is holding me back.
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I flicked through a couple more entries, then stumbled back as the last snared me, my gaze no longer just skimming the words. I glanced up at the other end of the lab, finally seeing what was there. A cage. The air around me seemed to grow even colder.
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And so it is done. The funding withdrawn, the Research Centre to be shut down. Just as I’ve achieved success, as I’ve reached the pinnacle of new knowledge. They dare to say they no longer need me. Me. I have made their entire lives possible. And so I will show them just how much they need me. The subjects are functional. The virus has worked the change on their system fully. I was going to classify them, but let others do that. Let their fear name them.

I talked with the subjects, properly, for the first time today. They are full of anger and hatred, but they are also hopeless. In a way, I almost feel sorry for them. But their designated leader laughed at me. He spoke softly from the corner of the room. “I wished to be loved by another, but I desire no man’s pity.” He came forward to grip the bars with a strength that should have been beyond him in his emancipated state. The virus has worked its change well. “I wished to be loved by another – by you, brother. I would have given myself to your experiments for just a hint of affection.” His grip tightened and the entire room seemed to shake. “ But don’t give me your pity. You have no emotion to give beyond that, so do not demean us with it. Ever.” He wanted to scare me. He didn’t. His strength was good, his anger better.
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I sat in the dark. I stared at the cage, and the ghosts of the past clustered around me. I read more, skipping back and forth, but I barely saw the words. It had all been a lie. We fought and killed and died against those we’d been told were invaders. But they were just us.
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The creators will fight the created. The end will not come in my lifetime, but it does not matter. Revenge is worth waiting for.
______________________________________________________

Current Events: Tomb & Dish Best Served Cold
Previous Events: Twins & A Paranormal Creature; Addition to the Family & Chance Meeting
Word Count: 1755
CC Used: Allowed: Yes. Penalized: None.

missroxor

12th Nov 2011, 09:52 AM

Ugh, it's 0130am and I just don't think I can finish in time. Unfortunately it's my 3 bonus pics that I haven't done. Doubt I'll get time to get on the simming computer before midday tomorrow so I'm posting now :( ...Also, I've gone over on the word limit but again, just run out of time to go through and edit it.

---------------------------

Edited to change the themes used and add pics
---------------------------

Recap: The survivors have been on the island much longer than anticipated with no signs of a rescue party arriving any time soon. Attempts to help themselves by building an escape raft were thwarted when Kelly told the gang that the waters were shark infested. Meanwhile, Adrian is driving Sadie nuts with his stupid theories about them being sucked into an alternate universe by the Bermuda Triangle and later when Ophelia goes missing Amy overhears him pinning the blame on her. Upset she runs off into the woods and Sadie goes following after. Without her knowledge Kelly chases after them leaving only Aiden to man the camp. While running through the woods Sadie hears a scream and fears for Amy’s life.

Current Events: Paranormal Character and Twins
Previous Events: (Chapter 1=) Homeless and Adventure , (Chapter 2=) Dog Days and Funeral
Word Count: 2,081 not including this, the pre-amble or the image formatting
CC Used: Allowed yes, Penalized: no.

Oh God, where is she?! It’s so dark I might as well be blindfolded as I stumble through the trees in what I hope is the right direction. The scream definitely came from somewhere ahead of me; my instincts tell me to veer slightly left which I do. The urgency of her cry has my heart thumping and my legs outrun my mind: more than once I stumble over branches or rocks but if I’m bleeding I don’t feel the pain, I’m focused only on finding Amy.

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As my eyes adjust to the darkness I begin to notice silver highlights brushing over the scenery. Twenty or so yards in front of me I spot a pool, black as ink with moonlight rippling out to the water’s edge. Suddenly the stillness of the night is broken by what sounds like a stampede of horses coming from a gap in an outcrop of rocks overhanging the pool. I pause wide-eyed...it couldn’t have been horses, my mind must be playing tricks on me. I cautiously wade through the pool and over to the gap in the rock. Poking my head round the corner I see the faint glow of a distant flame. I feel my muscles tense and realise I’ve been holding my breath. Trying not to panic I remember why I’m here; Amy needs me. I take a deep breath and lift myself into the cavern.

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The cavern is small and I see the flame comes from beyond the crude doorway carved of rocks. I creep through the doorway and see the lit torch on the wall illuminating what looks like basic living quarters. This place is inhabited. How? Who?! The shock barely has time to register when a brilliant light shines out from under a large flat rock with foreign symbols painted on it. I edge towards it, beads of sweat forming on my brow... “Kelly?”

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Huddled over the light source, Kelly glances over his shoulder, only a brief acknowledgement of my presence.
“Kelly, what the hell is going on? You knew about this place? Please tell me you know where Amy is!”
“Sadie, It’s not what you think, I’ll explain but first I need peace to do this”
“Peace?...Peace?,” a slightly manic laugh slips out. All at once I’m relieved to see Kelly and not some monster but I’m still utterly terrified and confused by the situation, “I’m finding a little difficult to stay calm right now let alone be peaceful! What the hell are you doing that’s more important than finding Amy and Ophelia anyway?”
“I am trying to find them, trust me” he sighs, “getting upset isn’t helping”,
I walk over to him watching as he arranges the glowing crystals on the floor in front of him, “Trust you? Kelly, a minute ago you were just some hot surfer stranded on an island with us and now you’re lurking around in secret caves playing with rocks while half our people have mysteriously vanished into thin air!”
He places the last crystal completing a circle and finally looks me in the eye, “I know this doesn’t make sense now but I need you to stand in the middle of these crystals, it’s a protection circle”.
“What?...is this some kind of devil worship voodoo shit?!”
“Hardly” he scoffs.”Please just do as I say”.

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I’m debating whether to bolt or stay to ask more questions when Kelly catches sight of something over my shoulder and pushes me to the floor in the middle of the circle.

“Atlas, dear brother; you brought me a gift” I spin to see a man cloaked in black stood metres from us.
Kelly doesn’t seem at all surprised, “Eumelus, I knew it was you”
I’m dumbfounded, “What? You know this guy? Who are you?!” Looking to the dark one I see he’s the mirror of Kelly, “He...he’s got your face...”
Kelly doesn’t falter, Eumelus has his full attention, “No, Eumelus! Not these ones, not this time.”
“Why should these be any different? They’re only humans” Eumelus scoffs.
Kelly takes his eyes off Eumelus for the first time and looks at me intensely, his brow pinched. I can’t tell if it’s fear or anger I see on his face. Not for the first time I wish I knew him better, perhaps then I could tell the difference. Either way I should probably be running for dear life but my feet have grown roots and I stand like an old oak, stubborn and immobile.

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Eumelus looks from Kelly to me and back to Kelly before chuckling softly, “Oh, Atlas, how very touching but I see you didn’t learn your lesson: your soft heart is your biggest weakness. If you come back with me I can assure you, you won’t go lonely, you would have your pick of women, you wouldn’t need this one”

I can see Kelly is struggling to keep composed, “At least I have a heart, you abominable piece of shit.” He catches himself obviously not wishing to show his anger to this guy, “there have been times when I wished to be loved by another, but I desire no man's pity or charity, keep your filthy whores”
“Man? My brother, you forget that you are more man than I will ever be?” Eumelus’ sly smirk tells me he is taunting Kelly but I don’t get the joke.
Eumelus looks at me, or rather, through me; I get the feeling I barely register on his give-a-fuck-ometer. Still looking in my direction he addresses Kelly with a lazy sigh, “I guess I could spare one but it would come at a cost”
“Not one, all. This stops now” I’m sure Kelly’s voice just dropped an octave as he roared his demand.
“You’re hardly in a position to bargain, dear brother”
Kelly strains to even his tone, “Eumelus, you don’t need these, you’ve done enough”
“Ha! ...and you think I’ll just give up because you ask nicely?” He laughs aloud, “...If you want the little one and the old one as well as her; you will earn their freedom ...come”. He extends a hand to Kelly.
Kelly’s face is awash with anguish as he bows to toward Eumelus’ demands.

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For the second time in a matter of days I wake on this god-forsaken island to my name being yelled by a distraught sounding voice. I sit up bleary eyed and see I’m still in the centre of the circle of crystals only there’s no light in them now. I’m disheartened to see it’s only Adrian.
“What the hell happened?”
“I ...I don’t know” my head throbs as I try to remember.
“Did you find Kelly? Did you know about this place? Did he know about this place? Where the hell is everybody, I’ve been wandering around forever looking for y’all”
“Woah, too many questions, Adrian...I’m as clueless as you are. How did you find me anyway and how long have we been in here?”
He shakes his head, not sure where to start, “It’s been two days. I thought I should try to find you, you know, in case you were all living it up without me on the other side of the island or something. So I started searching the trees and...well, it sounds nuts but I...I thought I saw a horse: a big white horse. I chased it for as fast as I could then I saw it disappear into the rock. Obviously the horse wasn’t inside the rock but, well, I got curious and looked around and here you are”.

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I fill him in with the bits I remember, all this passing out is obviously not good for my memory!
Adrian’s face is a picture, “He actually called him Atlas?! Oh my god...do you know what this means? Oh my God, holy shit!-“
“Adrian! Calm down and stop pacing, you’re making me nauseous. Tell me what you’re on about.”
“Did you not listen to a word I said this last week? ...Remember, the theories; Bermuda triangle?...Atlas?”
“um...the titan? I don’t see – “
“No, the other Atlas; the son of Poseidon,...the first King of Atlantis? You don’t remember me telling you any of this?” He throws his arms in the air and sighs impatiently.
“Ok, sorry, I wasn’t listening then but I am now. Wait,...” I scoff, “are you trying to tell me Kelly is Atlas? Kelly is a god?”
“No. He’s the son of one. If anything he’d be a demigod but if the stories are true, Atlas had his most of his powers taken from him so...I guess he’s just a man now...immortal but still just a man.”
“...” Why do I feel like I’m the only sane one left in this hell hole? “Right...um, I’m not saying I don’t believe you but...this is all sounding a bit nuts. Who was this Eumelus guy and what makes you think Kelly is this Atlas demigod guy anyway? I was unconscious, for all we know maybe the whole Atlas thing was just me having a trippy dream about some daft story you told me that got lodged in my sub-conscious”
He thinks for a moment, “oka-ay...but we both had weird horse type encounters and where’s Amy and Ophelia?”

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Damn. This last couple of minutes since I came to have been so surreal I almost completely forgot about the reality of the situation. “...my dream or whatever...the guy; Eumelus. He said he had the young one and the old one...that’s why Kelly went with him; he said he was looking for Ophelia and Amy”.
“That might not be a good thing...”
“What do you mean?!” My head spins as Adrian starts to recount the story he’d apparently already told me back at camp.

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“So, thousands of years ago Poseidon, God of the seas was given Atlantis as his kingdom. He fell in love with a mortal called Cleito who bore him five sets of male twins. The eldest was Atlas who Poseidon proclaimed King of Atlantis and the great seas. Atlas was said to have inherited his father’s strength and confidence and his mother’s good heart which made him a kind and honourable leader to his people. His twin, Eumelus, is said to have inherited his father’s mean streak and changeable temperament along with his mother’s ambition. Eumelus was jealous, he always felt he would make a better leader than Atlas, If only he’d been born 3 minutes earlier”.

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“Instead, Eumelus was destined to serve under his brother as a mere Prince of Atlantis. All the bitterness and resentment that boiled beneath the surface eventually formed a dark cloud that shrouded his thoughts tainting his powers, turning his magic black. Soon Eumelus was teaching the secrets of dark magic throughout Atlantis, turning the simple, virtuous Atlantean people into greedy, power-driven, corrupt monsters. In time they turned against their King, the good and righteous Atlas and were chanting Eumelus’ name”.

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“The great God, Zeus saw what had become of the once peaceful and beautiful land and gathered together the other Gods to decide a suitable punishment. Soon, in one violent surge it was gone. The island of Atlantis, its people, and its memory were swallowed by the sea and enveloped by the underworld. Only one tiny outcrop of land remains, the most westerly point of the island near Bimini. Zeus had shown mercy to Atlas by sparing him from the underworld but as punishment for failing his people he was stripped of almost all his magic and commanded to remain on the island as a soul catcher”.

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“Soul catcher?” I say raising my eyebrows. “That doesn’t sound good”
“There’s theories that the island is...sort of a gate-way to hell” Adrian says laughing nervously, “Some say, Hades opened a portal on the island and that he uses Atlas’s natural command of the sea to ...you know, pull people to the island, like a magnet so he can take their souls. It’s one of the theories for why people disappear in the Bermuda triangle and given the evidence so far...I mean we were in the Bermuda triangle when the plane went down, this island must be in it too”.
“Wait, you’re saying we’ve literally washed up at the gates of hell...and Kelly is here to usher us through them?”
“I always knew there was something about him,” Adrian says, “didn’t I warn you not to get too close to him?”
Nothing makes sense, I can’t decide if I should be laughing or crying. Instead I just stare ahead in stunned silence.

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Myshia

12th Nov 2011, 11:31 AM

I've lost my muse and interest in my own story.. sorry but i'm going to have to pull out of this round :(

waterjay

12th Nov 2011, 04:10 PM

In chapter two, our heroes met by chance Jude Campbell, an academy companion who didn’t think twice before joining them. The new member Jude turned out to be very helpful, as he anticipated an attack by some demons. Achille, who had been evacuated due to his inabilities of fighting, has been kidnapped by an unknown person. Marysa, whose worries doubled, assisted to this kidnap “by phone”.
____________________________________________________________________

Chapter 3: "Not so Fast"

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…
“Sometimes I think I should just leave my soul rest in peace, so that I would drop these responsibilities off…” whispered Marysa
“What?” asked Layla.
“Nothing. Time is running out. Mimi and Pascal aren’t easy to reach for sure. We haven’t seen them for years and letting them know what we’re after will only render things worse.”
“What to do then?” she replied back.
“We cheat.” Suggested Jude.
“We must.” Confirmed Marysa with determination. “Candles Layla?”
“Yes I have some… what will we….”
“Just get them” interrupted Marysa. And so Layla got the candles, and she disposed them in a triangular way.
“Here we go.” Mumbled Marysa
“Their powers are a gift
Let there be a shift
What was theirs will be ours
By the time of two hours”
And the three of them received a shining aura at the end of the spell…

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“Don’t tell me you just…”
“Yes Layla, we stole their powers. You will have the ability to multiply yourself. I will be able to control lights and radiations.”
“That for sure is one hell of a cheat” declared Jude. We will soon get a warning by the magicians’ council.
“It’s the only way to proceed. We can’t be stuck any further.”
“BEFORE we proceed, I need to tell you that I have a really strange feeling” said Layla. “I know we’ve been through this last year, but it’s just like everything’s erased from my mind…”
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“Memories are intact,
Erase them from her mind,
Make them abstract
Or let them be blind
Reject negative impact
In her head something’s signed
Empty all, that’s the fact
Silence forever this hideous act…”
“No Marysa! NOOO!!”

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“Mary?”
“Layla please stop calling me—“
“You casted the memory erase spell on HER?!” shouted Jude.
“Wh-what?!” Asked Layla with surprise.
“Jude how did you—“
“Mind reading comes along with mind control. I saw everything you saw…”
“I-I’m confused!” confessed Layla. “Mary did you really do that?!”
“ I couldn’t do anything else. You were traumatized by what happened. You HAD to forget.”
“And what exactly happened?” asked Jude.
“Jude you’re not helping! We must focus on—“
“I want to know!”
“Enough you two! ENOUGH! You want to know what really happened? There you go!
A moment of past,
Seen in a blast,
It’s called déjà vu,
We wonder if it’s true,
Black and White,
In my sight,
End their lack,
In time take them back.”

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“Iris, Crystal, get out of my way!”
“No Layla! This world needs to start over! Too much pain, sorrow… This world needs to end…”
“That’s why you are protecting the new born?! This is NOT a reason! This world is ruled by humans! Humans make mistakes; demons take advantage of those mistakes! Now move!”
“Crystal, I’m afraid we’ll have to use our powers…”
“I know Iris, too bad! Seems we have to get rid of our third sister…”
“What? WHAT? Mom wouldn’t be proud of you! She wouldn’t! I cannot believe I’m letting my tears drop for you two!! Farewell…” As she finished those words, Iris and Crystal were already wrapped with fire…

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“NO!” Layla burst into tears.
I told you Layla… It wouldn’t have helped… I lied to you. Your sisters aren’t lost, they’re dead…
“You betrayed me! YOU DID! You always told me you would’ve said the truth! ALWAYS! YOU BETRAYED ME!!” she whined.
“Layla please!” interfered Jude. “I admit I would’ve never expected such a reaction…”
“I told you Jude. I told you. Her powers are uncontrollable when she’s angry. She’s dangerous now! Do you think she really wanted to kill her sisters?!”
“ I’m sorry… I really am… I wanted to know more but… and how dangerous could she be?”
“ Just look behind you. The new power she stole is already starting to take control…”

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“Oh my… Am I just seeing a million Laylas?!”
“YES YOU ARE. Impossible to fix. She has to learn how to control it, and for that we need her to calm down a bit…”
“Wait a minute…” thought Jude...
“What again?!”
“I was thinking about the setting we just saw… Even last year there was a born child?! And now, again?”
“I can’t believe you are talking about this while Layla is multiplying and Achille is taken!” said Marysa with disappointment.
“But I need to know! I am trying to find a way to fix this!” said Jude with innocence.
“Okay! Fine! Yes last year there was a born child. He wasn’t very dangerous, due to the fact that he inherited nothing but the inability to wield any kind of power from his father, but he was still able to discover his mother’s ones, so we had to have him dead. This year it’s different, it is said that the new born is a cross between the typical demoniac mother and a mortal wielding powers. You know what this means? The true total end of the world. He could kill all mankind and creatures. Happy now?”
“A Human wielding powers and a female demon… Isn’t that forbidden love?”
“It is… and along with that will come forbidden unstoppable abilities…”

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“Wow. So we have to get back Achille, calm Layla down and go to kill the child. VERY easy to do.” He said ironically.
“What were you expecting? And remember we will soon have a visit from the magicians’ council. We could stop that if we officially declare ourselves members of the Order.”
“We will do the ceremony as soon as Layla will be back in herself. In the mean time, you cast that spell on me again…”
“Why?”
“I want to know who the father of the new born is… It could help us!”
“I must admit that I didn’t think about it! It could be useful; I need some time though… It’s not any past I’m throwing you in, it’s the past of the mother… I have to intercept her memories and recreate a flashback again…”
“Take your time…”
As soon as Marysa was done, she said “Ok the spell is ready. While you will go through the mother’s past, I will prepare something for Layla… a potion maybe? Anyway you tell me what you see once you’re back…”

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“I wished to be loved by another, but I desire no man's pity. I wished to be loved by a creature, not by a mortal living in a city. But forbidden love let it be, my child will have the name of Calamity; just as the father’s main ability. Creatures of the underworld, I declare my union to this man officially!”

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Back to reality, Jude saw Marysa in front of him giving Layla a curing potion …
“So? Did it work?” she asked.
“Better than expected. The new born really is a cross between a mortal wielding powers and the demoniac mother. The father’s powers are calamity and they called the baby that way…”
At the end of this sentence, Marysa dropped the empty potion bottle, letting it shutter in a thousand pieces. “Ca-calamity?!” she said with hesitation.
“Yes!” replied Jude, “is there something wrong?”…
“ DAN IS THE FATHER OF THE NEW BORN?!”

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“Dan Packrox?” Interfered Layla. “ It must be him. He was the only one wielding the calamity power at our academy…”
“I see you calmed down a bit…” Remarked Marysa. “This means last year he wasn’t kidnapped. He went to her… And now I understand last day why he reacted that way and left running!! That bastard!! He betrayed us!!”
“Now YOU need to calm down” Added Layla. “I’m glad your potion worked…. Talking about kidnaps, there’s a mystery going on: she always takes a mortal with her when she has a new child… why?
“Nice question…” said Jude.
“Well we have magic and we can use it. Let’s see:
This whole situation became a riddle,
Solve it. Yes, no, I’m in the middle.”
And as this other spell was casted, a key appeared before our heroes…

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“A… key?!” said Jude with oddness.
“Now I understand.” Nodded Marysa. “ Those kidnaps she made… they are the key…”
“ THE KEY?!” repeated Jude with intrigue.
“So Achille is “a key” ? “ asked Layla.
“The key to her son’s success. Dan granted to the child very strong powers, so Achille has obviously something they need…”
“I see how it works now…” said Jude, “well then, we must hurry and get him back.”
“You know what that means don’t you… “ whispered Marysa... “This is the second time we try to put an end to her and her baby. We’re at daggers drawn now, we’re going to face something like never before…”
“But we still need to come back to halcyon days…” continued Layla. “I guess this will be the final battle”
“THE final battle of good against evil?” asked Jude. “ You can’t be serious… this means we will have to recruit all the creatures of the upper world….”
“And we will” Confirmed Marysa.

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“Not so fast.” Refrained a hard voice. The three paranormals seemed to expect the arrival of this sentence. In fact, it was a tall old man who said it, a man who had an important position in the magician’s council….

____________________________________________________________
Word count: Short summary: 66 words. Plot: 1533 words.
Previous Events: Emperor Of Evil, Paranormal Character, Dish best Served Cold, Chance Meeting
Current Events: Betrayal, Forbidden Love
CC used: Allowed: YES Penalized: NO
13 pictures taken.

waterjay

12th Nov 2011, 04:13 PM

Oh my God. I made it! *fingers crossed* I hope I satisfied the judges' request about revealing a bit of the past...

missroxor

12th Nov 2011, 04:27 PM

Don't judge mine yet! lol. Dai's gonna take the wee one out food shopping so I can get maybe another hour in to work on this. I hopefully will get time to do the pics but either way as I was trying to get to sleep I kept remembering things I meant to do, like fixing the theme :/

Buckley

12th Nov 2011, 05:57 PM

I stayed up all night last night trying to work on my chapter so I'd at least have something to submit. Unfortunately, I didn't get it done, so unless I get a substantial extension (which I know is not going to happen) I'm going to have to withdraw. I'm posting this from my phone at work right now, and I will be here for the rest of the afternoon which means I won't even be able to turn in my rough (very rough) draft. Sorry guys. I'll hang around though and cheer y'all on. :)

ReyaD

12th Nov 2011, 06:56 PM

D : way to break my heart, Buckley. I wanted to beat you fair and square, not because you miss a round. Way to just ruin everything.

That said I still love you. PM me later and we'll talk about this new legacy plot lone I'm considering. I <3 you. Can't wait for your round 4.

Oh and 1 hr left, guys.

whitewaterwood

12th Nov 2011, 07:08 PM

Previously, Theodora's past revealed how she was kidnapped and held for ransom. In addition to getting shot, her father never showed up with the ransom, leaving little Theodora with the realization that her father was no good. Older Theodora's impression of her father, even after his death, is still very much the same.

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/1-2.jpg
It was early morning, and the sheets were warm and the air crisp. A yawn lingered on my lips as I put my feet against the cold floor and walked over to the bathroom. Today was the reading of the will. To me, it seemed like a bitter and unnecessary addition to the funeral. My father was too poor to have any money, and the house and most of his things would be going to his wife and his son, Colton.

Thinking about Colton made a small part of me itch with emotions I couldn't quite place, so I instead focused on mundane things like what I was going to wear and whether it was better to walk or drive. By the time I had finished getting ready, I realized it was getting too late to make many more credible reasons to stall. With a sigh, I grabbed my shoes and headed out.

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/2-1.jpg
When I entered the attorney's office building, Colton was already there. The moment I locked eyes with him there was this terrible awkwardness. It felt like we were both waiting for something to happen or the other person to speak. An apology was at the tip of my tongue, but was held back because if I apologized for saying those things about his dad, it would mean I, in some small way, hadn't completely meant them. I wasn't willing to give any leeway to my father, not even after death. It occurred to me that my father wouldn't have cared what I thought of him. The idea only made me hate him more.

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/3.jpg
“Theodora?” I winced. I had forgotten how friendly Colton was. If he was the type to talk to a 'grieving' girl atop her fathers grave, he was certainly the type to continue what was sure to be an awkward relationship.

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/4.jpg
“Why do you keep talking to me? I'm probably just going to piss you off again?” I muttered, maybe a little too willing to be honest. I considered it fair warning. If he wanted to make nice with me, not would not be the best time to do it. A headache was already starting to form. I blamed it on Colton.

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/5.jpg
“Nah, you didn't piss me off,” he said easily, smiling at me in an incredibly dopy way. I thought about the way his face had contorted in anger and his fist had raised. He was such a liar. I wish he would stop trying to be so nice. “Besides, if you keep walking around looking all tragic like that, I can't just leave you alone.”
I sputtered. I did not look tragic!
“That's- That's stupid!” I shouted. My cheeks were turning pink. From anger. Definitely anger.
“Oh come on,” he said with another easy smile and a laugh, “You've got this whole 'I wished to be loved by another, but I desire no man's pity' thing going on.”

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/6.jpg
Okay. This was easier. Now I was definitely mad.
“Are you making fun of me?” I growled. “What part of 'I hate my dad, don't you get? I didn't want him to love me! I wanted him to disappear!”
The smile slipped from Colton's face.
“He did disappear. Isn't that why you hated him?” My fist tightened. Stop talking stop talking stop talking.“Listen, I didn't mean it like that. I think it's cool how you're being so strong about this and I-”
I twisted my head to the side, preparing to turn away.
“Look, just... I don't wanna talk about this. Not right now. If you want, we can get coffee later or something and talk family drama.” As I spoke, I made a mental note to get out of this building as soon as humanly possible and avoid that actually happening. Cowardly? Maybe. Colton was a headache and a smile that couldn't take a hint. All his talk about 'family' and reconnecting with a dead man was really rubbing me the wrong way.

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/7.jpg
When I entered the will reading room, it occurred to me that not everyone who was here had attended the actual funeral. I picked out the new faces and filed them away in a folder of my brain called 'people to be avoided.' They could go right below Colton on the list. I didn't have a good history with debt collectors. The shot Jude Campbell (which I had learned was an alias) had made in my leg still stung when it got cold and made me limp every now and then.

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/8.jpg
“Theah-doooora!” Prouncing names wrong and wearing the latest in unusual makeup, it was my Aunt Madim. Calling her 'Aunt' was not actually correct, but she insisted upon it and calling her 'crazy friend of parents they had met in a red light district 10 years ago and had never managed to get rid of and still liked' was a title slightly too long. Also, very awkward to explain. She was a welcome distraction from all the drama and I smiled. Even if the last few days hadn't had been much indication, I wasn't usually this much of a downer. Funerals just have that effect, I guess, even if it's someone you hate.

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/9.jpg
“Auntie!” I said happily, hugging her. “What are you doing here?”
“Ahhhh, Theahdora,” she said sadly, “I'm so sorry I couldn't make it to the funeral. It was so important, but work is this and that, you know?” That completely explained nothing. Typical Aunt Madim. “Are you alright? This room is so depressing. All these drab colors and drab people. I have half a mind to spirit you away back to my house!” she smiled, “And why not? After this, why don't we go back to my house?”
I nodded, the corners of my mouth lifting into a smile on their own.
“That sounds nice. I'll tell my mom about it afterwards. She's already sitting down.”

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/10.jpg
Everyone inside arranged themselves into the circular chair setup, and I took a seat between my aunt and mother on an uncomfortable couch. A slim, official man stood up in the middle. He coughed weakly a few times and then began to read off a teleprompter on the wall. Facts and assets and small figures of money to resentful people who he stilled owed much more money to. Half of my brain was already phased off into space when I heard my name mentioned.

http://i365.photobucket.com/albums/oo94/WhiteWaterWood/11.jpg
“To my daughter, Theodora, I leave 30,000 dollars. In cash.”
My breathe left me. For a minute, I think the whole world left me. This was... I don't even know what it was! I wondered for a moment if it was an accident, or if he just left it in as a joke and no one had thought to take it out of the will? Could this even be real? I could feel my mother holding my arm, looking concerned.

30,000 dollars was the... exact amount. It wasn't even in the same amount. It was given in the same way.

30,000 dollars in cash: The ransom for my life my father had never paid.

Current Events:
-Chance meeting
-Financial Times

Previous Events:
-Funeral
-New Addition to Family
-Adventure
-Betrayal

Word Count: 1207

CC Used: Yes, I love it so.

I got really sick when writing this story, so I put it off until this morning. However, I spent all of last night dreaming about writing this story with the deadline fast approaching. Then I woke up and had to do it all again! Very strange things happen in life, no? Also, in this chapter I tried to show that Theodora is not always irritated or depressed. She's just carrying around a lot of bad feelings about her father and doesn't like it all being shoved in her face at once. I don't know if I'll ever get to show it, but Theordora is actually a fairly happy person and a serious athlete. She loves running and rock climbing and spends most of her free time breaking a sweat. I don't think it'll ever be shown, as there's not much call for running and rock climbing in a story about funerals. *laugh*

I think in this chapter, even if there's lots of things I would have done differently, I'm rather happy with it. Please excuse the fact that this chapter is mainly set up for the next chapters and a cliffhanger. Also, I want to thank the judges for being so kind with my last chapter. I really hated the rushed feeling of it, and you guys being so complimentary is really what kept me writing through a bad cold. I cherish every criticism as much as I do the compliments and I'm really thankful for your kind words!

missroxor

12th Nov 2011, 07:24 PM

Right, I don't have time to make much in the way of edits to my writing but I've updated 3 images and changed the theme to supernatural character :) Can't wait to see the new round so I can panic about where the hell I'm gonna go from here! :lol:

Elexis

12th Nov 2011, 07:59 PM

Previously:

Young man named Han joined “The Night Riders” gang to get revenge for the death of his parents.
Recently, one of the best gang men was arrested, so the gang leader decided to get him back in a very dishonorable way. He wanted to kidnap the mayor’s daughter in order to make a trade.
Han was sent to kidnap that kid expecting him to be guy, but he was shocked when he found out that it was a girl. One little mistake and Han failed at his task, the girl wasn’t kidnapped and “The Emperor” was mad at him.

Chapter 3: Spark of Humanity

http://img228.imageshack.us/img228/5026/1hill.jpg

It was a beautiful day. The warm and fresh air indicated that the summer has finally come. Everyone seemed to enjoy this day, except for the one lonely and woeful man.
Han was standing on top of a high and secluded hill. The whole city was visible from up there, its tall buildings just stood aside like huge concrete statues, absorbing the warmth of the sun. The only sakura tree, surrounded with countless amount of flower bushes, bloomed spreading its soft redolence around the hill. You could tell that this place was somehow special.

http://img225.imageshack.us/img225/8938/2flower.jpg

That place wasn’t magical, but it was very important to Han. It was also a very important day. Exactly 10 years past since the day when his parents died. Two polished marble tombstones glinted under the sunlight. The engraved letters said „James and Amaya Simmons“.
Time doesn't seem to pass here: it just is. Han was still a child on the inside when he was here. All the memories of his happy life circled in his head like an old movie, bringing him back into his childhood.

http://img43.imageshack.us/img43/849/3book.jpg

After a long period of strain and pressure, Han felt a big relief by coming here. This place was his little sanctuary, a place where he could hide from his troubles.
He brought his father‘s favorite book, which he wasn’t able to finish. Han read it to him every anniversary.
Page went after page, but Han couldn‘t concentrate on what he was reading, his mind was somewhere else. He couldn‘t explain why he felt that way, but that feeling wasn‘t new to him. His empty eyes scrolled through another page until he suddenly stopped. Han was unthinkingly repeating one phrase:
“I wished to be loved by another, but I desire no man's pity.”
That was it, the loneliness. He was lonely for a long 10 years by now. He couldn‘t imagine how someone would be able to love him, he was a criminal. Pity was the best what a criminal could get.

http://img12.imageshack.us/img12/3663/4house.jpg

Han‘s loneliness was even more justifiable that day, the gang members seem to keep their distance from him after his fail at the kidnapping. He hasn‘t heard from them for 2 days since that event, he wasn‘t sure, if they are still planning to kidnap that girl again.
That suspense drove Han crazy, Jude‘s plan on keeping the girl safe just started to fall apart. For the second night in a row, Han watched the mayor‘s residence in secret. He felt that he must be aware of what‘s going on.

http://img28.imageshack.us/img28/6906/5stalk.jpg

Everything was terribly quiet, like the silence before the storm.
Han was almost asleep when he heard that someone was at the door of the Hayden‘s residence. He was up all night and day, but the sleepiness went away as soon as he saw Alex, the mayor‘s daughter, heading to her car.
It was pretty late and she was all alone. Han couldn‘t believe his eyes, after the attempted kidnapping she didn‘t hire any protection and she wanted to leave the house alone.

http://img85.imageshack.us/img85/6796/6chase.jpg

The girl started the engine and slowly rolled downhill. Han jumped on his motorcycle and followed her.
It wasn‘t safe for him to do so, someone could spot him, either the girl or the gang members. Neither was good.

http://img257.imageshack.us/img257/8136/7shop.jpg

She stopped at the central Bridgeport shop. It was the most popular and most populated place at night. However, it still wasn‘t a safe place to be.
Han went far enough with stalking that girl, it was best for him to leave now, but the curiosity won and he stayed to watch if she would return home safely.

http://img689.imageshack.us/img689/9924/8van.jpg

Han waited for about 2 hours for her to return, hiding in the dark parking lot. It almost looked like there’s nothing to worry about, until something familiar flashed in his sight.
The black van slowly drove by the street.
The “Night Riders” van. Han’s stomach did a backflip, as he realized that they were still planning to kidnap her. The unthinkable horror chained Han onto the ground. He needed to do something; he couldn’t let them kidnap her without him.
That moment, the girl came out from the building. There was no time for Han to think, so he did what his instincts told him to do.

http://img11.imageshack.us/img11/5404/9attack.jpg

– Don’t move. – said Han with the most scary voice he could make. The girl just stiffened in his hands for the moment, but quickly nodded.

http://img64.imageshack.us/img64/6564/10show.jpg

– Do you see that black van over there? – he pointed towards the van parked across the street. The girl nodded again.
– That van is here because someone wants to kidnap you; you need to get out out here, quickly. Take a left! – commanded Han. It was a one-way traffic road, so the “Rider’s” van could not follow her.
The girl did as Han commanded, the engine roared and the car rushed away.

http://img3.imageshack.us/img3/4019/11talk.jpg

The awkward silence lasted for the whole ride. Han ordered to stop only when they were out of the city. The girl finally was able to talk:
– What the hell? Who would want to kidnap me? And why?! – she started. It almost looked like she didn’t even care about the guy who just “kidnapped” her now.
– You mean you don’t know? – asked Han. – Your father just got one of the most important criminals in this city, do you think this would go easy on him? – He sounded like it was the most obvious thing in the world. And it was.
– Oh, I see. – she said narrowing her eyelids.
– Why didn’t you hire any protection? It seems that you haven’t learned anything from the last time we met. – Han felt that he shouldn’t tell this, she knows too much already.
– Protection? I didn’t know anything about the kidnap until now, how could I have known that I needed it?
Han wanted to do a face palm, but his hand just smacked in to his helmet:
– What do you think was the reason that I broke in to your changing room before?
Girl’s expression changed from complaint into horror:
– You are one of them.

http://img651.imageshack.us/img651/7084/12helmet.jpg

The moment of silent was the most unpleasant thing in Han’s life. The girl just realized that he wasn’t her savior, he was something much worse.
– Why are you doing this? Why did you save me from them? Isn’t that a betrayal to your … Um, collaborates? - she finally interrupted the unpleasant silence.
Han didn’t answer straight away, he realized that this foolish move could cost him everything.
– I … I have my own motives to do so. – he said quietly. – You really need to get good protection. If I was able to get to you, then they could do that too. I can’t watch your back anymore, it probably won’t be such pleasant chatting if we meet again!
– You were watching me? – her eyes were so popped out that he could see his reflection in them.
– Yes, I had to. – slight guild rankled trough his chest when saying this. – Now do as I say, go home and hire an army!
After these words Han turned around to went away.
– Wait. – the girl stopped him. – What’s your name?
– Why do you want to know that? – that question left Han surprised.
– Since you were following me, I think I have the right to know. – stated the girl. She was right, it would be a fair price to pay to someone you have stalked, but it was too risky.
– I can’t tell you that. – said Han. – You could just turn me in.
– Okay, then at least can I see your face? I can’t turn in someone whom name I don’t know.
Han struggled for a while, the girl’s hands reached his helmet.
– I can’t let you do that either. – he bounded her hands. It was just too risky, by showing his face he could loose an opportunity to watch her again without being recognized. The girl looked a bit disappointed at first, then asked politely:
– Oh, do you have some sort of scar or something that you are ashamed of? It’s okay, you don’t have to do this. – she tried to smile.
– Yeah… I have. – Han thought it was a good reason to cover his real intentions. – Now go!
Another moment of silence passed until Han finally went away.

http://img257.imageshack.us/img257/9964/13girl.jpg

Han’s words didn’t creep the girl out, she seemed to maintain an unusual equanimity. The knowing that she has been watched somehow made her very curious, it was like a hide and seek game in her dull life. Being a mayor‘s daughter meant more than just being a good girl, it also meant that she couldn‘t do anything without the supervision of her father. Her freedom was a vague term. The bunch of unsmiling and boring bodyguards was the last thing she wanted.
Han may have made a foolish move, but not as foolish, as the girl will make.

--------------------------------------------------------------------
Current Events: Tomb, Betrayal
Previous Events: Emperor of Evil, Murder, Chance Meeting, Dog Days
Word Count: 1477 (MS Word)
CC Used: Allowed: Yes (Hair by me, Skin by Lemoleaf, eyes by Escand, other stuff by The Store), Penalized: No

heaven

12th Nov 2011, 08:13 PM

Round 3 is now closed for judging. Below, Round 4 is posted. It has also been updated on the main page.

Round 4 – Falling Action - Countdown (http://www.timeanddate.com/counters/customcounter.html?msg=Round+4+Countdown&month=11&day=23&year=2011&hour=06&min=59&sec=59&p0=770)
Your story should start coming together at this point. Will your conflict that has been introduced be resolved? Your readers should be able to tell where the story is going and if your character will be able to settle the issues. You need a maximum of 12 pictures, minimum of 9 and a maximum of 1,200 words, minimum of 1,000.

Excerpt: Choose ONE of the following quotes.
“Never take an oath unless you're sure you would rather die than break it” Ken Follett, Pillars of the Earth
“Hunger is the best seasoning.” Ken Follett, Pillars of the Earth

Round 4: Bonus Worth 10 points
Choose a third event/theme from the main list of 20 and incorporate it along with the 2 required ones.

Please include a brief summary (around 100 words) before your entry.

Also, please include information listed below your entry:
Current Events: What did you use this chapter?
Previous Events: Here you will keep a running list of what you have already used.
Word Count:
CC Used: Allowed ____, Penalized: ____ This can be as simple as a yes/no response

Tamlyn

13th Nov 2011, 12:18 AM

whitewaterwood, just curiously, how do you pronounce Theodora's name? I ask because I think I would say it the same way Aunt Madim is :) Maybe a slightly more 'oh' than 'ah' sound but otherwise.

heaven

13th Nov 2011, 06:23 AM

So, I promise I DID post Chapter 2 shortly after the round closed. I just forgot to link it. If you had wanted to read, here is chapter 2 (http://heavenslegacies.blogspot.com/2011/11/vengeance-chapter-2.html). Also, my chapter 3 (http://heavenslegacies.blogspot.com/2011/11/vengeance-chapter-3.html) is also up now. Enjoy. :)

LadyAwesome

13th Nov 2011, 11:57 AM

I WASSSS planning to go to bed now..... but ..... :P

missroxor

14th Nov 2011, 06:01 PM

Bad news again: I thought I'd fixed that problem because I didn't have any more BSoDs for a while but it's come back with a vengence D: We're pretty sure my RAM is dying so I have to stop using that computer until we can get it fixed so I don't kill the computer entirely :'( Unless we some how manage to magically get it fixed this week I'm not gonna be able to take pics. I could possibly continue writing but I only have notepad on this notebook and writing on that would drive me nuts. If anybody knows of a word type program that's a)safe to DL, b)not taxing on the computer (the notebook is just a shitty little thing that just about manages having the internet open) and c) has better layout/a few more functions than notepad then I could give it a try. Otherwise I think I have to withdraw :(

heaven

14th Nov 2011, 11:00 PM

Out of a possible 300: Bonuses have been added in so perfect scores would be 330/300

Shhh: 0
ReyaD: 288
waterjay: 282
blackivy: 284
Myshia: 0
LadyAwesome: 301
Tamlyn: 319
Elexis: 309
whitewaterwood: 259
Morphead: 0
missroxor: 304
Buckley:

ReyaD
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
8,8,7,8,31,10,7,9,26,16,5,5,83,10,93
8,8,9,10,35,10,8,8,26,16,4,5,86,10,96
9,9,8,10,36,10,8,8,26,19,5,5,91,8,99
Janice is dead? I would really love to slap Tyler. He “loves” her, then thinks that her death will be for the best. And I KNEW the vampire father would find out. Your use of the quotes was good. I would have liked some explanation as to why Jude is helping. His interference seems rather random. Overall, good chapter. I think you did a nice job of fulfilling the climax, leaving us wondering what will happen next.

Nice use of bonus, the story line is going well, I think the 2 main characters are well defined, Janice is a bit flat. Maybe I'm old fashioned but I felt the yellow training shoes on the boss vampire decreased the menace a bit.

waterjay
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
9,8,7,8,32,10,6,10,26,13,5,5,81,10,91
9,7,7,8,31,10,7,8,25,12,5,5,78,7,85
10,10,10,10,40,10,8,10,28,20,5,5,98,8,106
Go ON Waterjay - this story is getting really exciting - excellent use of the sims world and I love the insight into Layla's character. I also really like the way you got the flash back in and the spells are creative and cool.

There were a lot of great parts and I can see that this has the makings of a great story. The flow is the rough part as it seems to jump around a bit, making it hard to follow. The jumping around of the bonus section was rather hard on the flow but I do like how you used it to show the different events from the last battle.

blackivy
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
6,9,9,6,30,10,9,10,29,18,5,0,82,10,92
9,10,9,10,38,10,8,8,26,17,5,0,86,10,96
9,10,9,10,38,10,9,8,27,18,5,0,88,8,96
I love that you’ve kept your character’s point of view since it must be difficult writing through the eyes of a child. I feel like your characters are nicely developed that I have an understanding of each of them. You fulfilled the requirements nicely, melding things together to make them seem natural. It doesn’t have the oomph or shock value as some of the other entries but it fits perfectly with your story and does give us a feeling of wondering what her mother will do. Nicely done.

Some excellent well laid out shots, the first quote was well integrated into the diary sequence. I like how the writing in this episode is really giving a "looking back on the past feel" but we still have the cliffhanger ending. Nicely done.

LadyAwesome
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
9,7,8,9,33,10,7,10,27,16,5,5,86,10,96
9,9,10,8,36,10,9,10,29,17,5,5,92,10,102
10,8,9,10,37,10,10,10,30,18,5,5,95,8,103
Vampires? That was unexpected. 10 points. Excellent screen shots, love the vampire house.

What an interesting turn! Certainly it was unexpected. I think Elyssa’s development into a teen is quite realistic from the disgust with her breasts to the mood swings at breakfast. The pictures were great for setting the scenes. I do feel the events used were rather forced a bit since they both just popped up at the end but, otherwise, awesome job!

Tamlyn
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
9,10,9,9,37,10,8,10,28,20,5,5,95,10,105
8,9,10,10,37,10,10,10,30,19,5,5,96,10,106
10,10,10,10,40,10,10,10,30,20,5,5,100,8,108
Sofie’s point of view is as honest and realistic as always. The power tool bit made me laugh but your writing makes it easy to see things her way. The trek through the tomb was very well executed as was the bonus. Your climax gives us just the right balance between information and questions. Can’t wait to see what Sofie does with this knowledge.

So cool, I love the screenshots, the lab was excellently done, just great.

Elexis
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
7,8,7,9,31,10,8,10,28,17,5,5,86,10,96
8,10,10,8,36,10,10,10,30,18,5,5,94,10,104
10,10,10,10,40,10,10,10,30,20,5,5,100,9,109
Some lovely descriptive writing, breathtaking screenshots - what impresses me the most is how Elexis has read the comments on each round and taken action to improve that aspect in the next.

Do your pictures even need a comment this time? Stunning as usual. Makes me want to play in Bridgeport. I really loved seeing this other side of Han. I don’t particularly know how it will end for him, but I like the show of humanity. The use of both excerpts was nicely incorporated.

whitewaterwood
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
7,9,8,8,32,10,9,9,28,16,5,0,81,0,81
9,7,10,10,36,10,9,9,28,18,5,0,87,0,87
9,10,8,10,37,10,9,10,29,20,5,0,91,0,91
I love that you used a rather unexpected event as part of this chapter and you did it in a great way as well. Even without your blurb at the end, I do feel like, without this incident, Theodora is a different person but I like how I can understand her. Same with Colton, even with she hates him. I can’t wait to see what comes about after this revelation.

No bonus given - but the first was SO well integrated I nearly gave it double points. A nice cameo by the auntie - so detailed I wonder if she will be playing a bigger role in next chapters.???

missroxor
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
8,8,9,9,34,10,8,9,27,17,4,5,87,10,97
9,10,8,10,37,10,10,9,29,19,3,5,93,10,103
10,9,9,10,38,10,10,10,30,20,3,5,96,8,104
Well, that was even MORE unexpected - mythology now. It’s a definite twist and I am intrigued to see how it ends - even without pics. Nice use of description to set the scene.

What a left turn! Definitely NOT what I was expecting. However, I think you pulled the execution off well. The use of the excerpt was excellent, imo. I really want to know why, if Kelly/Atlas is a soul catcher he is now trying to stop it. And if he was to remain on the island, how did he get off to be on the place? So many questions I want answered!

Scores updated on first post as well.

leesester

15th Nov 2011, 10:50 AM

waterjay

15th Nov 2011, 11:36 AM

Omg I can't beleive I got that score!! I did the story like in such a hurry! Oo I expected much less!! Well guess I'm loved *.* kidding kidding =D

Tamlyn

15th Nov 2011, 12:28 PM

Aww only two judge comments? I take it the judges are a bit pressed for time? ;)

I hope we don't lose any more people; the stories are at the exciting parts now! (And I'm still majorly jealous of the picture taking skills shown here - I wouldn't even know where to begin for half of that posing.)

LadyAwesome

16th Nov 2011, 12:10 AM

.... most of mine are not posing, until I got to the vampire shots.

I have lost inspiration though. I have no idea what direction to take in this next chapter....

ReyaD

16th Nov 2011, 12:38 AM

missroxor

16th Nov 2011, 02:41 AM

Aw noooo...don't everybody give up now! :'( Only two rounds left to go!

Thanks Lee for the link, I was also told about open office but I happened to check your link first and it appears to tick all the boxes :) I've been out all day so not had the chance to check it out but I did DL it. Just gotta decide wtf I'm gonna do now and how I'm gonna start tying up all my millions of loose ends D:

As a rough guide how many points do I stand to lose from not having any photos at all (bearing in mind the bonus round doesn't require photos specifically this round)? ...and is it worth adding a description of what I would've done if I'd been able to take pics the same way Morph did?

GigaRevival

16th Nov 2011, 02:57 AM

It depends on the judge. I generally take off some points in the Rules sections [since in-game shots are essentially what makes it a TS2/TS3 story] and you would get 10 points off in the picture category since, ya' know, there won't be any. The Props/Staging category wouldn't get any points for the same reason...
If you look at Morph's scores from Round 2 with the new scoring template; you can get a general idea. ;) I had to look back to see what I gave since my memory is horrid.
>>Rough running total would be 20 + however many points in the Rules section.<<

I hope this doesn't turn you away from finishing your story though, because I want to see how it ends. That extends to Cece. :) Only two more rounds guys!

Elexis

16th Nov 2011, 04:40 AM

Most of the contestants can already guess who will be the winner, because they are behind with very big difference of points, which isn't possible to receive in 2 rounds.
Some of them just don't feel the spirit of the competition anymore, which should make it fun and interesting to continue. It never was easy to create, no matter what is it: the story, CC, or other forms of art; so it may not look worthy all that time they spend to do this.
Like someone else said here before, less different results from the start could leave the intrigue till the end of the contest, even when there's a clear leader.
I believe even more people will leave this contest after this round, and I can't blame them, nobody likes to watch an interesting movie when they know how it will ends, it spoils all the fun.
Hope that this won't happen.

LadyAwesome

16th Nov 2011, 05:45 AM

CECE! YOU WILL NOT QUIT.

Also we are doing this for FUN are we not? I may be at loss for things to write now, but I will not quit. I am not a quitter and never will be. and that in itself is what I believe as being a winner....

WHO CARES WHO WINS...... you all are creating amazing stories for everyone on MTS to enjoy. and yes everyone of our stories have bought something different to the mix. and finishing half way and quitting for reasons other then your dieing sick or too busy at school..... that there is being a looser. The rules state that if you can't stick at it don't join.

Also I want to know what happens at the end lol.

I love all you guys, it has been a hard competition, but fun all at the same time. I love you all,

Elexis

16th Nov 2011, 06:25 AM

Also we are doing this for FUN are we not? I may be at loss for things to write now, but I will not quit. I am not a quitter and never will be. and that in itself is what I believe as being a winner....

I'm glad that you have such enthusiasm in you, I envy that.
But winning to me has a different meaning. To keep things the way you want them to be and stay yourself - now that's what I understand as "win". Even if you don't actually win. The reason why I continued my story is that I chose to tell it "my way", no matter is it good or bad, as it's very important to me.

missroxor

16th Nov 2011, 06:31 AM

Well said that girl :p I wasn't sure I'd make it this far since I've never joined a contest that involved more intellectual creativity than visual creativity. I’ve found it really hard going at times but I actually feel more in competition with myself than with any of you, lol. It’s a challenge to keep the continuity and still try to keep it interesting but it feels awesome when I finally manage to come up with something at the end of the round (just!).

I know it can be disheartening if you point watch but I also know from experience how disheartening it can be as a host to see contestants drop like flies or as a judge to feel like you put in a lot of effort on judging entries only to feel like it’s gone to waste so I really hope for all of our sakes we all get a big boost of inspiration and enthusiasm :) Good luck with this round!

Tamlyn

16th Nov 2011, 09:14 AM

LadyAwesome

16th Nov 2011, 12:08 PM

..... just so we are all clear...... My comment is not ment to be as bitchy as it sound..... It is just my opinion and nothing more then that.

I had just felt like my first comment triggered a whole lot of stuff, that lead to that....

Sorry.

leesester

16th Nov 2011, 01:33 PM

None of mine are posing. I just have a good memory for useless stuff like what interaction will have what posing xD.

That said I will most likely be bowing out for the rest of the competition. I know what I want to do for the next two rounds but I've just lost steam. I see no point in continuing.

I don't understand - why is there no point? I know that this is a TOUGH contest (I am so glad I only have to judge - it would have taken over my life I think) but we can ask heaven (the moderator not the place) for advice on timescales.

waterjay

16th Nov 2011, 02:22 PM

Ugh actually I really dont know how to proceed... as most of you said, my muse faded away... Though it's nice to know that without having english as mother language I participated in this. I consider myself as a winner for having the COURAGE to compete against amazing guys like you =) I wish my story turned out better, but you always learn in life and this will surely improve my english! Thank you :)

heaven

16th Nov 2011, 02:59 PM

Sorry, sorry! Heaven was a bad girl yesterday and didn't work out so wasn't on the computer. Am here now and will be in chat in a few for anyone that has any questions, etc. I DO want to say that I am proud of you ALL. You've each done an amazing job and, even has just a host/EJ, I have enjoyed reading each of the stories to see what happens next and where they each go. I KNOW this isn't an easy contest and takes a lot of work. I'm extremely happy my chapters aren't being judged. :P I do hope each of you can find the spirit and inspiration to continue. I don't know what I will do if I don't know what happens!!!

missroxor

16th Nov 2011, 08:30 PM

Weeee...good news! :D Well,...potentially good news at least. We took the computer to the shop today expecting not to be able to pick it up 'till the end of the month (because of time to order parts and that being when pay day is) but the guy reckons as long as there's no unexpected issues he can have it back to us tomorrow with shiny new upgraded, good quality RAM :) Took some work convincing hubby to dip into the emergency fund but in my books no sims for two weeks is an emergency!! :lol: Gah, now I have to hurry up and figure out where my story's going so I have time to build sets and take pics! D: *crosses fingers for tomorrow*

LadyAwesome

17th Nov 2011, 07:26 AM

YAY for Miss. I should really read up on these stories untill I find my mojo.

whitewaterwood

21st Nov 2011, 07:50 PM

I've been really busy all week, and I don't think I'll be able to get it finished either. For this, it was really a matter of time. Every round took an extremely large amount of time to do, and now I'm burned out. I think everyone else feels the same. Making sets, stories, and sims in that small amount of time.... More and more people have been barely making the deadline. For me, at least, more time for each round would fix it. Not one or two more days, but something like a week more per round. I really want to finish this story, but when you're spending most of your time rushing through it, it stops being fun.

If it would help, I could get some of my friends together and for each person who finishes (not wins) we could make take a sims request. (Or, if they can't, I could do it on my own, though it would mean waiting a bit) I have both sims2 and sims3 and if they wouldn't mind waiting, I think it would be lots of fun to give something back to all of you for all your hard work! :D

missroxor

22nd Nov 2011, 05:22 AM

aww, www, that sucks :( We're so close to the end it's a shame to see all your work so far go to waste.

Well just to confirm, I finally fixed all my computer problems and I am still in, just got 5 more pics to take and some minor editing. Now that I've decided on how my story is going I'm actually more excited about it.

PS I also kinda broke my modem so it was only working for wifi on the laptop, not on the big computer and when Dai was fixing it last night he managed to lose all access to the internet completely, lol so very nearly didn't have any way to upload my stuff. We had to steal somebody else's internet so we could DL the software to fix ours D: Is done now and fingers crossed we won't have any more faffs :rolleyes:

heaven

22nd Nov 2011, 03:01 PM

Miss, you really just might be death to computers. :P

Because of Thanksgiving here and the holidays, I will extend the contest to Monday. Here is the new Countdown (http://www.timeanddate.com/counters/customcounter.html?msg=Round+4+Countdown&month=11&day=28&year=2011&hour=6&min=59&sec=59&p0=770). FYI, you guys have a special friend on your side who appeals to my better nature. ;)

leesester

22nd Nov 2011, 03:24 PM

/lee strolls past looking kindly

Elexis

22nd Nov 2011, 06:23 PM

By posing I do actually mean ingame shots too - I'm just not that familiar with them, so I don't know that there's a perfect moment if a Sim, I don't know, dances and it looks like they're strangling someone. Or something.
I believe you are talking about my screenshots here :D
I make poses for my story, because my memory is horrible and I can't sit and play around with in-game animations to achieve the needed action, this would take forever :lol:

LadyAwesome

22nd Nov 2011, 11:57 PM

........ i was looking forward to the 2nd round tomorrow *sad face* oh well gives me time to work on my houses and ect. oooooor Can we still get round 5 tomorrow??

missroxor

23rd Nov 2011, 08:47 AM

Previously:
Searching for her missing sister, Amy, Sadie stumbles across a cave that looks like it’s inhabited. Venturing deeper she finds Kelly arranging a circle of crystals which he forces her to stand in telling her it’s a protection circle. From nowhere appears Eumelus; a mysterious man who looks a lot like Kelly. He argues with Kelly, referring to him as Atlas. They seem to be discussing the fates of the other survivors when Kelly is convinced to go with Eumelus in order to save them. Some time later Sadie wakes up realizing she’s been unconscious and finds Adrian there. After sharing their odd experiences Adrian tells Sadie the mythical story of how Eumelus stole his twin brother, Atlas’ throne and drove his kingdom to evil. All of Atlantis was condemned to eternity in the underworld except Atlas who was banished to the only scrap of Atlantis left above the surface to work as a “soul catcher” as punishment for failing his people.

http://i859.photobucket.com/albums/ab154/missroxor/Contests/Story%20Contest/Chapter%204/1-Cantdoit.jpg
"You first, Sadie".
"I... I can’t".
"You want to spend the rest of your life on this island with just me for company?"
That would be a fate worse than death. The familiar saying feels clumsy given the circumstances.

http://i859.photobucket.com/albums/ab154/missroxor/Contests/Story%20Contest/Chapter%204/2_Portal.jpg
The last thing I remember before passing out is Kelly walking towards Eumelus then a light so bright I had to avert my eyes. Adrian thinks it was Hades' portal to the underworld opening; that’s where Eumelus resides now along with the rest of Atlantis. If we find him we should be able to find Amy and Ophelia. “Should”. We should be able to find them and we should be able to challenge Hades to release us afterwards. We probably won’t die from the toxins we’re about to ingest. That’s a lot of assumptions but one thing’s for sure: Amy is in danger. If we got rescued tomorrow I couldn’t face Dad knowing I hadn’t tried everything in my power to save Amy.

Father always says, “Never take an oath unless you're sure you would rather die than break it” and I swore to Amy that I would keep her safe. Taking a coin from Adrian I say solemnly, “On three”…

http://i859.photobucket.com/albums/ab154/missroxor/Contests/Story%20Contest/Chapter%204/3_dizzy.jpgPanic sets in when I feel my consciousness start to slip. The coins we each hold in our mouths are coated with poison. Only a few days earlier Kelly had scolded Amy for picking some red flowers growing near camp, “Never touch these", he’d ordered, “their pollen is toxic, it’ll send you to sleep for a long time and give you terrible nightmares". I’m grateful the pollen works fast.

http://i859.photobucket.com/albums/ab154/missroxor/Contests/Story%20Contest/Chapter%204/4_Arrival.jpg
Adrian explained how the myths go: For mortals to enter the underworld without actually dying they must induce a coma. We’ll wake on the banks of the river Styx which divides the world of the living from the world of the dead. Then we’ll take the coins from our mouths to pay Charon, the ferryman, who’ll escort us to the land of the dead. I’m surprised and terrified when it happens almost exactly as Adrian said it would. It’s real, in all its horrifying glory; we’re in the underworld.

http://i859.photobucket.com/albums/ab154/missroxor/Contests/Story%20Contest/Chapter%204/5_Entrance.jpg
Charon’s boat creaks and groans across the murky river for what feels like an eternity. I barely see the water for the fog but I get the feeling I should be grateful; the boat isn’t the only thing groaning and I’m sure it’s not Adrian or Charon either. Stiff as a corpse I close my eyes trying to imagine I’m anywhere else. Then with a jolt we arrive on the opposite bank. One look from Charon’s soulless, black eyes and we know he wants us gone. Clambering up the bank in the darkness towards what can only be the entrance to hell we see a rabid looking, three-headed hound. Adrian assures me it’ll let us pass adding, “It’s getting out you need to worry about!”

http://i859.photobucket.com/albums/ab154/missroxor/Contests/Story%20Contest/Chapter%204/6_Palaceruins.jpg
I expected untold horrors. Instead we pass emptiness and decay; a world crumbling under the weight of its own bitter resentment of life. We wander a while, lost and scared. Or rather, I do. Adrian seems in his element, “How can you look so happy, have you forgotten where we are?!” I ask aghast.
“Are you kidding? All of the bullying and name calling I’ve endured in life because I lived in a fantasy world of gods and heroes...it wasn’t for nothing, they’re real! We’re in the underworld searching for the Gods. What a rush, I feel like Hercules!” He beams flashing me his ‘guns’
Suddenly I see something that seems oddly familiar, “Is that the palace you told me about from the stories: the one with the twin doors leading to Poseidon’s fountain?” The Palace of Atlantis: in ruins now but still recognizable from the description Adrian recounted to me earlier.

http://i859.photobucket.com/albums/ab154/missroxor/Contests/Story%20Contest/Chapter%204/7_AdrianBows.jpg
I’m bracing myself for what lays beyond those big heavy doors when a deep, gloating voice calls from behind us, “So you decided to join us in the underworld after-all”. I spin to face Eumelus who’s stood next to another...being; not overbearing in stature but shrouded in a darkness blacker than the depths of the ocean. A cold fear grips me that seems to touch my very soul.
Adrian falls to his knees beside me, I think he feels it too until he speaks, “Oh dark Lord, Mighty angel of the night, Emperor of Evil, please allow me to serve you”
What the hell?
He continues, “My Lord, I’m honored to worship-”
“Shut the fuck up you dribbling moron”, Eumelus roars shocking Adrian to stunned silence. Turning to me he sneers, “you’ve arrived just in time, we’re about to settle our deal with Atlas. Come, he’ll be delighted to see you”.

http://i859.photobucket.com/albums/ab154/missroxor/Contests/Story%20Contest/Chapter%204/8_Cell.jpg
Thrown in a holding cell we’re told to wait ‘till they’re done.
“What the fuck Adrian? Are you a Satanist?” I fume.
“Why the hell else do you think I’d come here with you?!”
“I guess I mistook you for someone with a shred of decency!...Wait…you want to die?”
“I’m sick of being the butt of everyone’s joke. Is it really so bad to want to be part of something, to be powerful, to have friends in high places?”
“You have friends in high places, what about Kelly, I mean Atlas?”
“Pft! I only met him 5 minutes before you and he can‘t stand me”
“Oh? I just...I assumed- wait, you want to stay? That means you never planned to leave here…Is there even a way out?”
“Sure... if you’re a mythical hero”
“What?! You sold us out? What about Amy? She’s only a kid”
He shrugs nonchalantly, “You’ve been a stuck-up cow to me since the day I met you and that little bitch of a sister of yours is no better”
The following minutes are a blur, in the distance I hear screaming and yelling. It’s only when I’m gripped by a pair of strong hands and yanked off Adrian that I realize it was me screaming. I slump to the floor a defeated mess.

http://i859.photobucket.com/albums/ab154/missroxor/Contests/Story%20Contest/Chapter%204/9_death.jpg
The rough hands throw me over their shoulders, I don’t fight it. When my feet touch ground again I’m in what looks like the throne room.
“Sadie!”
“...Kelly?” I don’t know what’s real anymore, “Is that you?”
He frowns, “What are you doing here, you shouldn’t have come.”
“Somebody had to, it’s not like the Satanist and the soul collector were gonna help.”
”Soul collector?...I’m not-”
“Just tell me, is it too late!? Is Amy...is she gone forever?” The words sting.
Eumelus silences Kelly, saying, “She’s back on the island with the old one.”
“Really? Can I go to her?”
Eumelus and his shadowy companion chorus in mocking laughter. “That’s not how we do things here, we trade in souls. Your hero here has given his soul to me as my personal slave in exchange for the other two”, he sneers, “Pity, he has nothing left to exchange for you”.
Kelly looks at me pained, “I didn’t know”.
The shadowy figure raises his boney finger at me and I know eternal damnation awaits me.

--------------------

Current Events: Emperor of Evil, Chance Meeting (meeting Eumelus in the underworld) and Betrayal
Previous Events: Chapter 1=) Homeless and Adventure , (Chapter 2=) Dog Days and Funeral, (Chapter 3 =) Paranormal Character and Twins
Word Count: 1,179 (UNDER!!! OMG!)
CC Used: Allowed Yes, Penalized: No

missroxor

23rd Nov 2011, 08:48 AM

I know we have a new deadline but I wanted to get this done :) Might still edit but if I do I'll make a post so judges know to go back and check. PS Can't wait for the next round!! :D

LadyAwesome

23rd Nov 2011, 09:16 AM

Previosly....
Aiden and Elyssa lost their parents and moved in with Granny Lara. Aiden downed and returned . . as a ghost. Granny Lara thought Elyssa was going crazy
and got her a shrink. Elyssa got pissed off and ran away. Along the way the two kids were trying to find a way to cure ghost. But ran into vampires instead.

Current Events: Meteor Shower, Mysterious Gnome and Betrayal
Previous Events: Twins, funeral, paranormal character, dish best served cold, Adventure, The emperor of evil.
Word Count: 1193
CC Used: Allowed: Yes (Store stuff) Penalize – No.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31970_111123033905Screenshot-2.jpg

The floor started vibrating, as I looked up, to see if I knew where the explosion came from. Not seeing anything I eyed the vampires. The younger one,
holding onto Elyssa,had dropped to the floor covering my sister as to protect her. Then I noticed the two big vampires stalking my way. I panicked and
squeezed my eyes shut. Taking a deep breath, I opened my eyes slowly and as I opened them, I seem to have teleported over to the vampire and my sister.
Woah I thought.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31971_111123034313Screenshot-5.jpg

I started to feel tingly as an odd looking Gnome growled “keep as still as you can!”
Turning back to look at the other vampires to see if they had noticed my dissapearing act. I watched as a meteor exploded right through the roof of the basement,
devouring everything in its path including the vampires. None of the debris was hitting us, so I just assumed that Mr. Gnome had used his magic to save us.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31972_111123035016Screenshot-10.jpg

After everything had time to settle and the meteors had finished, I started looking for ways to get everyone out. First I tried teleporting out with Elyssa,
but that did not seem to work with solid objects.

“I can get us out, but I expended so much energy protecting us all that I need to rest for a bit,” groused the Gnome

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31973_111123035137Screenshot-13.jpg

I looked at Elyssa who was passed out. I assumed they had drugged her with something. She looked so peaceful. Who knows what would have happened
if I had not turned up? I let out a sigh and looked at this vampire. More like glared at him.

“So what is the deal you asshole? I want to know everything!”

“How much is everything?”

“Like from what was written on the website of the history of Escher.”

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31974_111123035639Screenshot-15.jpg

The vampire looked to the ground and let out a sigh then stared into my eyes. But it felt more like he was sucking my soul.

“How anyone put that stuff on there without the vampires finding out is beyond me. But I took an oath and I can not speak of it.”

“Just tell me!” My patience was wearing thin.

“Never take an oath unless you're sure you would rather die than break it”

“Look buddy, if you don't give me some information soon I will light you on fire like your friends and you can all be dead together.”

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31975_111123035914Screenshot-16.jpg

“Okay . . . . . My name is Ashan, I am the only son of Master Sebastion and Lady Serenity. So of course, being in the bloodline of Balzure, I was chosen to
take the place of Emperor and Balzure was to become my Watcher to teach me all the
things I needed to know, and still have control over me. He was a 2000
year old Vampire after, all and his powers were coming to a stand. There was word of an ambush. Other vampires did not think that an emperor from another
place should be able to take over the whole world. They wanted a bit of the punch too. So the day I was born, I was chosen.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31976_111123040004Screenshot-20.jpg

I was brought up being taught to fight, lead and rule. But I did not want that life, I wanted to be free and live my own life. I did not want some poor innocent
soul to be forced into marrying me, nor did I want to drink her blood. Living with someone like that, making children with them, when you don't love them?
I just can not understand it.”

Aiden butts in “Don't you have to drink all their blood though?”

“No, those were the old times. These days the women are too precious. It takes her to turn you into a fully fledged vampire. Anyway, the ceremony is started
with a chanting spell which joins your souls together, then the vampire bites into the virgin sacrifice; she has to be pure and of pure blood. Both the vampire
and the virgin are always teenagers also, about 15 years old.”

Hmmmmm interesting I thought.

“He drinks enough of her blood to make her unconscious. That joins them and announces them.... Married I suppose you would call it. Then the ceremony is
completed by taking her virginity, that in it self is the sacrifice. She needs to be the one to birth the vampire's children and no one else.”

“So how come you're using Elyssa then?” Aiden asks

“You both are the descendants of King Mahon.”

“But didn't his whole family get killed?” I wondered.

“Yes, all but a secret son of his brother's that no one knew about, until it was too late and the boy's mother had taken off with him. Over the years, the
bloodlines have been followed to keep up with them. It comes from your father's side of the family.”

“Well thats bloody weird. How did you know it was her looking for the book then?”

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31977_111123040704Screenshot-21.jpg

“Watcher was at the school library looking for any signs of your family, as we knew that you two would be teenagers, but didn't exactly know where you lived.
Anyway he saw what Elyssa was searching for and planted a false website to draw her here.”

“That is some screwed up shit!” we sat in silence for a bit. I sat staring at the book; it looked as it if had cast a protective shell over itself. This supernatural
stuff was getting seriously crazy. It was bad enough I was a ghost, but vampires, magic books and Gnomes?

“So is there really a potion in that book to bring me back to life?” I asked the vampire.

“I have no idea, I was never allowed to go near it. It is the first time I have been in here.”

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31978_111123041403Screenshot-18.jpg

It was then Elyssa started to moan and open her eyes. I jumped at the noise and grabbed her hand.
“It's ok Liss, I am here.”
“Ughhhhhhh. What the hell happened?” she asked groggily.

“Shhhh, don't worry about it too much just now.”

That is when the Gnome piped in “Right! Is everyone set?”

“The book,” Elyssa slurred.

Ashan went and picked up the book before scooping up my sister in his arms.

“Ready” I chimed in, just in case it was not clear.

“Right,” said the gruff Gnome, “where are you guys heading too?”

“Ummmm home?”

“You really think that is a great idea? You know the vampires are going to be after to you!”

“Well how on earth are we meant to explain this to Granny?”

“I can use my vampiric magic to hypnotise her into leaving. But it will work better if I had some human blood.”

“Don't you think you're touching my sister buddy!”

“Shut up Aiden!” Elyssa croacked as she tried to yell at me. “This is to save all our lives, including Granny's, right? I'll do it.”

“Look, I am really glad you love each other so much, but we really need to get the show on the road.” said the Gruff Gnome.

I closed my eyes and turned away as the vampire bit into Elyssa.

I could not watch.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/31979_111123041518Screenshot-17.jpg

heaven

23rd Nov 2011, 02:40 PM

Since I love you guys and I know how hard you have worked, I am posting Round 5 now. Yes, that means that there is an overlap between Round 4 and Round 5 but I don't see it giving anyone an unfair advantage. I'll post a countdown later but, for now, just work on Round 4, and have fun! Don't stress too much over the next deadline.

Round 5 – Conclusion
This is the final series of events. Will your characters have a happy ending? Is everything all wrapped up in a neat bow? Whatever direction your story took, your readers should feel some sense of closure. If you choose to make it a cliffhanger, close out the direction your story took to begin with and make the cliffhanger a new twist. Maximum word allowance is 2000, maximum picture allowance is 15.

Excerpt: Choose ONE of the following quotes.
“You've got to be quick on your feet in this world if you want to survive. Though once you know the rules, it’s not too hard to play the game.” Bryce Courtenay, The Power of One
“I learned that in each of us there burns a flame of independence that must never be allowed to go out. That as long as it exists within us we cannot be destroyed.” Bryce Courtenay, The Power of One
“But I was still alive, and in my book, where there's life, there's hope.” Bryce Courtenay, The Power of One

Round 5: Bonus Worth 10 points
Pick a quote. Any quote. Yes, I mean any. Choose from a book that you like and use it.

Please include a brief summary (around 100 words) before your entry.

Also, please include information listed below your entry:
Current Events: What did you use this chapter?
Previous Events: Here you will keep a running list of what you have already used.
Word Count:
CC Used: Allowed ____, Penalized: ____ This can be as simple as a yes/no response
Bonus Quote: If used, state the quote, author, and book, like each excerpt has been formatted previously.

missroxor

23rd Nov 2011, 07:57 PM

Woo! I'm loving the large word and pic max :D Also, I love all the quotes you provided, I can see ways to fit them all in to my story so my problem is gonna be deciding which ones not to use :p but That bonus round is haaaard. lol I'm gonna need the overlap of extra days to read some books to find a quote D:

LadyAwesome

23rd Nov 2011, 08:01 PM

....... Your a flippin odd woman......
But yay no unexpected twist of impending doom!

Maybe in your story Miss.

Tamlyn

25th Nov 2011, 09:57 AM

heaven

26th Nov 2011, 07:02 PM

Just want to check in and see how everyone is doing. I know that there are still about 2 days left (minus a few hours) but I did want to wish everyone good luck in finishing this next chapter. I enjoyed reading the ones that have already been posted and look forward to the ones that haven't. Also, I have posted my 4th chapter as well, which can be found here (http://heavenslegacies.blogspot.com/2011/11/vengeance-chapter-4.html).

blackivy

27th Nov 2011, 07:07 PM

I'm afraid I won't be able to make this chapter. It's like this contest is cursed. My schoolwork is overwhelming and I had absolutely no time this week for The Sims. I would have been able to make it tomorrow but the countdown ends at noon my time and that's when I'm at school. I will probably join the final round but it saddens me that I will have to compress the rest of my story.

LadyAwesome

27th Nov 2011, 08:22 PM

Sorry to hear that blackivy. I am glad your willing to carry on with your story though!

Elexis

28th Nov 2011, 02:44 PM

Previously:

Han suffered from unspeakable loneliness after failing his task for “The Night Riders“. After that, the gang members seemed to keep their distance. Han started stalking the mayor’s daughter to be sure that the gang won’t hurt her. “The Riders” tried to kidnap the girl without Han’s help, but his sharp eye let him notice the danger before it was too late. Han saved the girl by kidnapping her before the gang was able to do it, he explained the need for protection and all dangers that will await her if she doesn’t do as he says.

Chapter 4: Decisions

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32088_1111280924451Cafe.jpg

Han was so tired that he couldn’t even think clearly. Almost a week without proper sleep was a real torture, every thought that flowed through his head seemed to shatter like a thin glass bubble. He was almost snoozing right at the table of a local cafeteria when something interesting caught his hearing.
- So, your Night Savior hasn’t shown up after that last time? – two girls chatted behind him.
- Shhh! Sia, I don’t want someone to hear us! – hushed another girl. Her voice was filled with concern as if that question was somehow painful to her. – And no, he hasn’t.
- Don’t worry, I’m sure he won’t miss the opportunity to see you in that slutty dress tomorrow. – said the girl named Sia. The careless and casual tone left Han a little confused.
- My dress is not slutty! – reprehended the second girl. – I‘ve seen a lot worse dresses for a graduation party!
The graduation party. The sudden wish to be there tomorrow stroke Han like a bolt of lightning.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32089_1111280925012Call.jpg

Before Han was able to hear more, the cell phone rang. The lump of anxiety stuck in his throat when he saw who was that call from.
- Yes? – Han answered as quiet as he could.
- The boss has another job for you, be sure this time you won‘t fail. – as far as Han could tell, this didn‘t sound good. – The Hayden girl, tomorrow, 7PM, club „Royal Orchid“, free pass to guests. Be there and prepare a good disguise.
That was worse than the Armageddon. Both sides expected him to be there tomorrow. He wasn‘t sure which side he needed to choose.
After the two girls, Alex and her best friend Ambrosia left the cafeteria, Han still sat there with mental war going on within him. Saving the girl from the gang again was the right thing to do, but the consequences could be lethal. The first „Riders“ rule - never take an oath unless you're sure you would rather die than break it. If he breaks it again, they will be aware of that.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32090_1111280925193Gal.jpg

As another day slowly crawled in, the club „Royal Orchid“ was ready to receive it‘s guests. The happy chatter and convivial music created a special elation in the hall room. It was a special feast for Alex, which marked a long waited start for an independent life. The first day of never ending adventure, just as her rebellious nature would want. She didn‘t know yet, that the special guest would bring her an „adventure“ she will never forget.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32091_1111280925374Sexy.jpg

A young tall man in his splendid tuxedo looked like a guest of honor. At least all the girls in the room thought so. All of them, except one. Alex seemed to didn‘t even noticed him, she expected to see an unattractive guy with a scar on his face. It was the only face she could picture.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32092_1111280925535Angry.jpg

It was a good feeling to be wanted, something that Han hasn‘t felt for years. It gave him hope that maybe some day he won‘t be lonely anymore. But the euphoria didn‘t lasted for long.
He saw Alex dancing with another guy, the beast woke up inside him and started scratching his guts with sharp claws. It was a new feeling, very strong and unpleasant. The wish to protect her from any danger must have gone too far, because now he wanted to protect her from that guy.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32093_1111280926126Message.jpg

Han headed to the bar, the drink should have made the beast go away and forget about the new feeling. Another „Mojito“ and he almost forgot what he came for.
Then, of all sudden, the girl walked by to the back door. Before she sneaked though the door, her jumpy look scanned the hall room carefully as if she didn‘t want to be followed.
It was Han‘s chance. Either he wanted to save her or turn her in. He stood up to follow her, but on the way, his sight caught the guy she danced with. The inner beast growled loudly and Han‘s mind went black again.
- The target is at the back door. Take it now. – Han said to the hidden mic under the collar of his jacket.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32094_1111280926277Thugs.jpg

„The Riders“ didn‘t hesitate, an empty and quiet street worked for them perfectly. Three dark shadows scrolled towards the girl.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32095_1111280926478Trouble.jpg

The cool breeze licked her skin when a dark silhouette wafted nearby. The girls eyes flicked with panic when she saw that the man wasn‘t the one she expected.
Alex didn‘t even have time to scream.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32096_1111280927019Chair.jpg

The rusty metal walls and cold humidity didn‘t gave any coziness to the environment. Alex was locked in a basement God knows where. The victorious mood was on all of the mens faces, „The Emperors“ smile was wider than a kid‘s smile on Christmas.
- Let me go you filthy scums, my father will kill you for this! – shouted the girl. Her hands were tied behind her, there was no use trying to resist.
- Now now sweetie, behave yourself. – said „Emperor“ with his creepy voice. – You will make one little call for us and we make sure that the rest of your visit here is as short as possible.
He dialed the number and handed the phone to her.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32097_11112809271610Phone.jpg

- D-ddad? – Alex asked the man, she was shaking.
- Alex?! My dear, where are you? What do they want? – the man sounded like he already knew what happened.
- Dad, they got me! They want you to let go their man. An exchange tomorrow, 11AM at the local cemetery. – she repeated every word she was told.
- Oh pumpkin, I can‘t do that, he‘s a bad man like all of them. But don‘t worry, I sent the whole unit to search for you, I will save you from them, I promise.
- B-b-but dad!... – „The Emperor“ ended the call. His expression was terrifying. The girl’s eyes sparkled with tears.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32098_11112809273311Enter.jpg

- What should we do now boss? – asked one of the men.
- We rip that bitch apart and send her back to her father in pieces! – shouted another. The room filled with angry men shouting awful things.
- Leave her to me! – said the deep voice in the back. – I have unfinished business with her.
Han stood in the middle of the room with his helmet on again. „The Emperor“ thought for a moment and then said:
- Leave the bitch to him. After all, he served us well today, he deserves a reward for his loyalty. Now, everybody out! To my office, now! – commanded „The Emperor“. – Jus leave the helmet on, we don‘t want you to be recognizable. Enjoy your reward.
Everybody left the room with an unsatisfied murmur.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32099_11112809274612Chim.jpg

As the last man was gone, Han locked the heavy door lock. Nobody could hear anything outside these thick walls. The lights went out, the room sank into the soft light from an old chimney. So many things circled in his mind that moment. He was the criminal and she was his reward.
The beast inside him purred with satisfaction.

------------------------------------------------------------
Current Events: Graduation, Adventure, Ambrosia (Bonus)
Previous Events: Emperor of Evil, Murder, Chance Meeting, Dog Days, Tomb, Betrayal
Word Count: 1178 (MS Word)
CC Used: Allowed: Yes, Penalized: No

heaven

28th Nov 2011, 03:02 PM

Alright everyone, Round 4 is closed for judging. Keep working on round 5 and we'll hopefully have the scores soon.

LadyAwesome

28th Nov 2011, 09:38 PM

*sigh* Only 4? Oh well.
I just wanna say thanks to everyone who gave this a go. It has been amazing seeing what everone has come up with, especially with the limited tools we have. Each one is so personal and different. and I love every single one. I know I am a contestant myself. But I have run/judged contests. And it is as much work for them as it is for the contestants, if not harder. Especially in this contest.
And as much as I have moaned and bitched about this contest being so much work. It has been fun, also good to see everyones writing styles.
I have personally gained alot from this contest, in terms of writing and incorperating stuff into stories. I would like to thanks Jaguwar especially, for being my editor and teaching me grammar and things. because I really do suck.

And Heaven, who I have personally come to know and adore through the realms of #create. Thanks for giving us a chance to do this. It has been an amazing ride from an amazing woman. You give us so much in this comunity. Also I FREAKING LOVE your story - if any of you have not read it, I suggest you do so now.

Also Fish, Angie and Giga. Hands up to you girls. This is one of those comps that zap all your brain cells trying to make decisions. Well that is how I see it.

Also to Miss and WWW my darling friends, who helped me get ideas and being there. Sorry to see you couldn't get yours done hon.

I think you have all had enough of my bla bla bla for now.
Love you all xx

Jaguwar

28th Nov 2011, 10:06 PM

*sigh* Only 4? Oh well.
I just wanna say thanks to everyone who gave this a go.
[...] I would like to thanks Jaguwar especially, for being my editor and teaching me grammar and things. because I really do suck.[...]

I think you have all had enough of my bla bla bla for now.
Love you all xx
Aw! *HUGS* You're more than welcome, I had a great time (and enjoyed your story, too!) You're a good storyteller. Thanks for making me a part of your project. :)

heaven

29th Nov 2011, 11:42 PM

Official Countdown is...24 hours! Let's see who REALLY wants to win.

Am just kidding, of course. I'm too nice for that. The countdown is located in the usual spot (http://www.timeanddate.com/counters/customcounter.html?msg=Final+Round%3A+Champagne+Upon+Completion!&month=12&day=10&year=2011&hour=06&min=59&sec=59&p0=770).

However, IF everyone gets their entries in before that, we can submit them to the judges if everyone is too anxious to wait almost 2 more weeks. It's up to you and your fellow contestants. Either way, I'll be waiting!

heaven

30th Nov 2011, 01:05 AM

Out of a possible 300: Bonuses have been added in so perfect scores would be 330/300

Shhh: 0
ReyaD: 0
waterjay: 0
blackivy: 0
Myshia: 0
LadyAwesome: 291
Tamlyn: 307
Elexis: 309
whitewaterwood: 0
Morphead: 0
missroxor: 306
Buckley: 0

LadyAwesome
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
7,10,7,7,31,10,7,10,27,16,5,5,84,10,94
8,10,8,9,35,10,8,9,27,16,5,5,88,10,98
11,8,8,8,35,10,8,10,28,16,5,5,89,10,99
This story has really changed from it's original direction and lead me to somewhere entirely unexpected. I feel slightly that the ghost element of the story is almost forgotten and that the vampire angle which you introduced has taken over, however the rich back story you created for the vampires and their rules is intresting and i like how you've woven your characters into this new reality. The relationship between brother and sister is what underpins this story and it flows well throughout your chapters, my only concern regarding flow is the abrupt way in which the angle of the story changed, i hope you will bring it back around to deal with aiden's ghostliness before the end.

I LOVE LA's chracterisation - she is so funny and her use of dialogue is excellent. I demand the right to give her 11 points for the Gnome. I NEVER saw that coming.

Ahaha, the Gnome, the gnome! Really great use of screenshots and lighting. The vamp is a hottie. I am really interested how this all plays together: the ghost, the vampires, King Mahon. Can't wait for the end.

Tamlyn
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
9,8,9,8,34,10,9,10,29,18,5,5,91,10,101
9,9,10,9,37,10,10,8,28,19,5,5,94,10,104
8,9,9,9,35,10,9,10,29,20,5,5,94,8,102
I thought the excerpt was a TAD forced - and I am interested to see what will happen next - will Lily tell? Why is she in the forest? Hmmm. Good use of creative writing in the descriptions.

Excellent chapter which really delivered in terms of the assignment. This story is wrapping up perfectly, although i may still be holding out for you to throw a spanner in the works or perhaps give us an upset ending! The relationship between the two main characters is superb and the world you have weaved around them is beautifully described and jumps into life for me. I loved the cliff hanger ending you have left and hope to see the conclusion to this excellent entry.

I feel like the real hunger with the "desire is hunger" was a bit literal. Also, I think I've been expecting this coupling for awhile so it didn't shock me. I do want to know what Lily was doing out there and what the consequences will be though.

Elexis
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
7,10,8,8,33,10,8,10,28,17,5,5,88,10,98
8,10,8,9,35,10,9,10,29,17,5,5,91,10,101
10,10,10,10,40,10,10,10,30,20,5,5,100,10,110
Do the pictures need comments this go round? I love the ending of the story. Such an internal struggle for Han and I CAN'T wait to see how it ends.

Simply amazing pictures in this chapter which perfectly complimented your words, as always this story is such a pleasure to read and the effort you put into creating the characters and world is so rewarding for me as a reader. In terms of story and the assignment i think you delievered what was asked of you, i can see the story coming together however i am still left wondering how Han will save his girl, get his revenge and make it out alive? I must know so please continue with writing this story.

Wow. Great episode. The pics are as gorgeous as ever - and I like how we are left on the edge of our seats. He is a nice guy - he won't hurt her - will he? Good observation of character.

missroxor
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
10,10,9,10,39,10,8,10,28,17,5,5,94,10,104
9,9,9,10,37,10,8,9,27,17,5,5,91,10,101
10,10,9,8,37,10,10,10,30,17,5,5,94,7,101
What a bastard. Though, he DOES have that nerdy, want to fit in anywhere and power is what I need aura about him. Can't say that meeting the king of the underworld in the underworld is exactly a chance meeting but…that was really the only major "ummm…" moment.

Miss Roxor is having a good time with this story - I think she and LA should write a soap pilot. I would watch it :) Chance meeting? Hmmm.

Some fantastic pictures in this which brought your setting to life for me. I have to admit that i never envisaged your story turning out the way it has, you've completely surprised me with the bigger picture that i am now getting to see. Again as with other entries this week you delivered on the assignment perfectly i can see your story wrapping up and the ends are starting to tie together, great job.

Scores updated on first post as well.

LadyAwesome

30th Nov 2011, 01:16 AM

OMG whoever wrote that thing about me and miss joining for a soap pilot... I think you must read minds or hang out in chat or something,

Tamlyn

30th Nov 2011, 08:26 AM

Trying to find a quote is hard... so many options, but I want to find a decent quote (not just a three word sentence or something just to fudge it).

LadyAwesome

30th Nov 2011, 08:34 AM

Lol, I found the most perfect one, from a whinnie the pooh book :P

missroxor

30th Nov 2011, 07:40 PM

Thanks for the scores and lubbly comments judges :)
lol@the soap pilot comment, it would be totally kickass! lol
Chance meeting might have been a bit of a stretch, lol but I hadn't even thought about the death looking character, I meant Eumalus and how mighty convenient it was for Sadie to bump into the one person who not only knew where Kelly, Amy and Ophelia were but had motive to help them re-unite (even if only briefly) I can see why yous said that though (/me is not very good at getting my meanings across) >.< I thought I was gonna get stick for the Emperor of evil bit, not that, lol

Anyway, good luck to everyone for the last round, can't wait to see all the endings :) Hope some of those that missed a round will come back and finish too.

Tamlyn

3rd Dec 2011, 10:17 AM

I'm struggling with inspiration here at the moment, but hopefully I'll pull some together before the deadline - I think I've got a quote at least. That's a start, right? xD
I'm too stubborn not to get something done, but I'd rather get something done I'm happy with :)

LadyAwesome

6th Dec 2011, 02:42 AM

Current Events: Chance Meeting, New Addition to the Family.
Previous Events: Twins, funeral, paranormal character, dish best served cold, Adventure, The emperor of evil, Meteor Shower, Mysterious Gnome, Betrayal.
Word Count: 1463
CC Used: Allowed Yes, Penalized: no
Bonus Quote: "Promise me you'll always remember: you're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." A.A. Milne, Winne the Pooh

Previously - We met the Ginger haired tiwns, Elyssa and Aiden. Aiden falls into the pool and drowns. Granny and Elyssa are not coping too well. Aiden becomes a ghost.
Elyssa is determind to find a cure, to make him human. Granny and Elyssa have a fight, Elyssa runs off. Elyssa is kidnapped and Aiden finds her, in the company of
vampires. A gnome saves them.

(((Play this song while reading - :) Sweet Surrender - Sarah McLachlan (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h2JWJYLNUq4&ob=av2e)

6 Months Later. . . .
http://i790.photobucket.com/albums/yy187/klarox/mtsstory/chp5-1.jpg
I never found out why the gnome was around to protect us. After he got us to the front lawn, he just blurted out
“You've got to be quick on your feet in this world if you want to survive. Though once you know the rules, it’s not too hard to play the game”.
Then he vanished. Once we had made it inside, there was no sign of an intrusion. So no one had found out about our escape, just yet.
After Ashan did his vampire thing with granny and we were all out safe. We decided that nothing was to be removed from the house, we were to have no trace
of our return. Elyssa then set fire to our home, she ran to the car and did not look back. The only person who did was Ashan; those vampires like to see
everything done perfectly.
http://i790.photobucket.com/albums/yy187/klarox/mtsstory/chp5-2.jpg
We had been moving around for a while, never really wanting to settle. Ashan was true to his word and used his vampire magic to force Granny to come. I didn't
really like the idea of forcing her to do things. But if Elyssa could sacrifice her blood, then I could let go of that, and knowing that Granny was safe was more then
anything. We finally decided to settle in a little island community. Elyssa cut and coloured her hair black, in hopes that it would hide her appearance. One day she
came home letting us know that she had got a job at the science facility. We had a big laugh about her sexy uniform. I think this was just so she had access to
chemicals and so forth. She was still hell bent on bringing me back to my human form.
http://i790.photobucket.com/albums/yy187/klarox/mtsstory/chp5-3.jpg
Ashan just tried to stay out of sight of people. Which is easy enough when you can't go out during the day. He had stuck to his word, but stayed around to protect
us. He really didn't have anywhere else to go either. So we all agreed that he could stay. Granny got into gardening, it started with a basic little garden, but everyone
loved her produce so she extended her garden and sold her produce at the farmers' market. She enjoyed it alto. Elyssa had started explaining things to Granny
about me and the vampires thing. She could accept the vampires, since she could see him. But she had let go of me a long time ago, and because I was not visible
she would not believe. I think that's what hurt the most. It is what I wanted most, for Granny to believe.
http://i790.photobucket.com/albums/yy187/klarox/mtsstory/chp5-4.jpg
Elyssa had tried the spell/potion in the spell book so many times. She didn’t know what was going on, and spent a lot of the time frustrated. I felt for her, I really did.

I started playing around with a chemical set that we had bought to replace the one we had lost in the fire. I found a couple of spells/potions in that book, none of them
really panned out though.

One night, the house was so quiet, I decided to go for a walk. Down on the beach I came across something so horrid, I swear, it ripped my heart out in a million pieces.
My sister was all over this vampire, and I think, they really had fallen in love for real.
http://i790.photobucket.com/albums/yy187/klarox/mtsstory/chp5-5.jpg
It was then I came up with a plan. To make things right and stop all this silly nonsense. I decided to put plan B into motion immediately.
I spent the next few days looking for potions in the magic book, while Elyssa spent less time at work and more time with Ashen. I knew that he would rather not
be a vampire, it upped his chances of having vampire babies and more chance of hurting his mate.
http://i790.photobucket.com/albums/yy187/klarox/mtsstory/chp5-6.jpg
Two weeks later, I sat watching Granny and Elyssa gardening. They were happy and glowing in the sun.
I sat down with Liss when she took a break. and we laughed and joked about stuff. Little did she know about this plan that was about to take effect.
http://i790.photobucket.com/albums/yy187/klarox/mtsstory/chp5-7.jpg
After Ashan had woken up for the evening, I sat him down and explained to him what my plan was and he accepted. I had made him a potion to take away the
vampirism and I was going to take a life tonic. I had written a note for Liss explaining everything.
http://i790.photobucket.com/albums/yy187/klarox/mtsstory/chp5-8.jpg
That was when we both took our potions and I smiled at Ashan, knowing that my sister was always going to be safe in his arms. My eyes started getting teary
and I knew it was time.
Together we drank from our vials together, I started to see Ash’s eyes start to flicker before I was suddenly surrounded by a whirlwind of colour.
http://i790.photobucket.com/albums/yy187/klarox/mtsstory/chp5-10.jpg
“Hey baby, we have been waiting for a while.”
I turned around to see my parents and felt the water works ready to flow. I ran up to them and gave them a huge hug.
“She will be fine Aiden, she has grown to be a strong woman, stronger then you will ever know., Mum explained.
I smiled at them and my non-existent heart felt tight. “I know.” I croaked.

Suddenly I was not afraid, not of what would happen

* * * Elyssa's point of view.* * *

http://i790.photobucket.com/albums/yy187/klarox/mtsstory/chp5-9.jpg
As I walked into the room, I saw two things happening: one, my brother’s ghost vanishing. Two, my boyfriend passing out on the floor.
Everything after that happened in slow motion.
http://i790.photobucket.com/albums/yy187/klarox/mtsstory/chp5-11.jpg
I fell to Ashan crying, not knowing what was going on. I was laying on his chest, screaming some absurdities. Then I finally let the fight go and just lay there.
That was when I felt him breathe.
“Ash.” I whispered.
“It's ok Liss, I am ok.” Ash managed to get out. He opened his eyes and they were no longer glowing, they were regular beautiful green eyes.
“That little shit figured out a cure, didn't he.”
“Where is Aiden?” asked Ash.
“I am not entirely sure.” I said, just as I spotted an envelop with my name on it, just laying on the floor.
http://i790.photobucket.com/albums/yy187/klarox/mtsstory/chp5-12.jpg
As I opened the letter I started to sob.

To Lissa,
It has been a tough road huh? I am sorry I didn’t say good bye in person, but I knew you would have talked me out of it. I made a potion to take me to the after
life, if there is even one. I couldn’t stay here and be invisible anymore, and as much as you say I wasn’t, it was a lie. Even if we found a potion to bring me back
to life, what would Granny say? She couldn’t even accept that I was a ghost. I would be still a child with an adult brain, and you would still be with Ash. I knew
after the day that I saw you two kiss that you were going to get through this. You and Granny are both strong and amazing women. I know you can get through
this Liss, and now you and Ash can be two normal people who fall in love and get married. It is a shame I will never get to see your kids, but I am sure you will
tell them all about me. Promise me you'll always remember: you're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
Love You Always.
Aiden

That selfish little bastard. That letter made me so angry. But I was still alive, and
I was about to live my life, as well as I could.
http://i790.photobucket.com/albums/yy187/klarox/mtsstory/chp5-13.jpg
Some time later.....

Ash and I did end up getting married, on the beach where we shared our first kiss. That one was a bit unexpected. Who falls in love with someone who kidnaps
you, right? To this day we have never had to worry about any vampires. I just assumed that Ashan’s parents think we all died in the meteor shower. I am yet
to see the Gnome pop up again; I guess that was a one time opportunity.
http://i790.photobucket.com/albums/yy187/klarox/mtsstory/chp5-14.jpg
Granny lived to see the birth of her grandchildren before she passed. She had a great life, she even found herself a lovely boyfriend. It still makes me laugh to
this day, Granny with a boyfriend! Hehe! They passed soon after each other, I guess we could call them soul mates.

Sometimes I still feel a little angry towards Aiden for what he did to me. But in the end, I should never let those things cloud the happy memories we had. It was
good while it lasted, and that is how I found my resolve.
http://i790.photobucket.com/albums/yy187/klarox/mtsstory/chp5-15.jpg

Tamlyn

6th Dec 2011, 08:15 AM

Found inspiration. Now I just need to find time!

Glad to see your last chapter, LadyAwesome. I'll have to read it when I'm not capped though ;)

Tamlyn

9th Dec 2011, 10:42 AM

In Chapter One: Shadows, Sofie and her family are introduced. As one of the people she’s been taught to think of only as the enemy chases a child into their territory, her beliefs take a battering.
In Chapter Two: Change, Sofie flees into the woods and encounters Zayne, who, rather than attacking her, offers her the option of discovering the truth.
In Chapter Three: Secrets, Sofie discovers a hidden lab in the residence, the remnants of the original building, and in it the secret to Zayne’s people’s origins and the beginning of the war.
In Chapter Four: Closer, Sofie flees once more into the woods and this time finds herself in Zayne’s arms, only to be discovered by Lily.

Chapter Five: Choice
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Time froze. Even the birds and the trees seemed to still. Zayne became a statue in my arms, or perhaps it was me that turned to stone. The world around seemed to leach to a dull and sick grey as the colour washed from it.

Then Lily moved, a flash of blue, and the world exploded back onto me in a disorientating haze. I scrambled to my feet, barely aware as Zayne rolled away silently. I suppose he slipped into the shadows. I don’t know. All I know was Lily was running, darting amongst the trees and around the bushes, running back to the residence.

I ran too. Somehow she always kept ahead. Every time it looked like I would catch her, she wriggled under a log I’d have to go round or darted between thorn-equipped bushes along a path I couldn’t see. The trees merged into each other and the ground was endless, my mind stumbling after my thoughts in the same way I stumbled after Lily. She could have been a wraith of the forest, if I had believed in superstitions our people had long since left behind.
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For a while I lost sight of her, but my unsteady flight didn’t cease. I was barely in control of myself – all I knew was everything was falling down around me. A flash in the shadows both almost tripped me and brought me to my senses. For a moment I thought I glimpsed someone. Either Zayne kept pace with me or another watched. I did not know. I did not care. I paused long enough to reorientate myself and then ran again. I burst from the woods, not far behind her. No doubt we’d already been seen and an alarm raised.
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Lily made it as far as the courtyard before I caught her. I grabbed her arm and jerked her up short. She didn’t make a sound, just pulling away, but nor did she keep running. Her eyes blazed with fury and determination in her pale face.

“Lily...” I trailed off. What could I say? That it wasn’t what she thought? That I hadn’t been doing anything? Turn on her and demand to know what she was doing in the woods? It was exactly what she thought, and yet somehow shame wasn’t one of the emotions battling through me.

“You’re disgusting. Don’t touch me, you... you pervert,” she hissed and I could hear the tears in her voice.

I stepped back with a slow shake of my head. Folding my arms across my chest, I suddenly felt cold to the bone. I waited for her to run or cry out. She didn’t. She stood facing me with clenched fists and shook even more than me.

“How could you? You... that’s...”

I stared at the ground and ignored the childish hurt in her voice. She was a child, and she had a right to be hurt. She was also everything they wanted. I had failed. “What were you doing in the woods, anyway? They’re dangerous,” I asked with a frown, the qualifier coming automatically, as if she hadn’t just caught me there.
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“I came out of the woods! I know it’s not as scary as people say. And I knew you’d go there. I thought you were brave. I thought you went because you weren’t scared of them. I lived there before, with my old family, to show them we weren’t scared and nothing was theirs. I didn’t think you were... weak. Disgusting,” Lily muttered. She didn’t seem to have another insult, but it didn’t matter. I wasn’t going to argue with her. I probably was.
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“I’m telling Shane.” Lily spun, stopped, and turned back to spit in my direction. Then she ran, her feet slapping on the metal of the stairs, running to a person she could trust.
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I collapsed to the ground and shook with barely contained sobs. My face was wet with tears that had crept unnoticed down my cheeks. I had not necessarily been strong in the past, but now I broke down at the slightest provocation. But then, my world was breaking down. Was the truth, such a nebulous thing, worth it? Was it worth everything?

You've got to be quick on your feet in this world if you want to survive. Though once you know the rules, it’s not too hard to play the game. Lily knew the rules and so did I. It’s just that I broke them, and now I would pay the price.

I rolled onto my back and stared up at the bright blue sky. The hot sun dried my face to a sticky dampness. The hard ball of pain in my chest eased with my crying.
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There was no particular sound or indication, but somehow I knew that Zayne had stepped into the courtyard. I slid a sideways look at him without moving. He sat on the fountain, his green skin gleaming and his amber eyes solemn, as casually as if this was a social visit.

“They probably won’t kill you if you let them kill me.”

I stiffened at his quiet words. His face was unreadable. For a long moment I didn’t answer – couldn’t answer.
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My thoughts turned to my father. We had never had a pet name for him – it was always Father or just Damian. In him were so many contradictions. He knew this truth too, and so he had chosen to step away from the war. He lived with everyone’s scorn because of it. I had always thought him weak, but perhaps he was the strongest of us all, save he did nothing more. But what more could he do? I would die for my scavenged knowledge – or, rather, for what that knowledge had led me to doing. If I revealed Damian, he would just die too and nothing would change. He had always been gentle and loving, if not openly affectionate. And I had mostly returned that love with contempt. Shane had given only contempt.
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Shane. Shane, who no doubt standing sentry on the walls. Perhaps Lily had reached him already and delivered her news. My soldier brother so brave, so strong, and so righteous. The disgust from Lily would be nothing compared to what Shane would feel. For him, this would be the ultimate betrayal. He was my twin, and he had been my everything. As a child, I followed him; everywhere he went, I went too. My moods bounced in response to his. The slightest hint of annoyance with me, and I would be in tears. Very little changed as we grew. And he was so proud of me, so proud that I went uncomplaining every day to the lab because of something I had no control over - my genetic code – an immunity I finally understood what was for.
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I wondered why they still needed to do so many tests. The virus change had been permanent. It was no longer something infectious, something that could warp us to them. Perhaps it was just backup. But I knew, with every fibre of my being, that Zayne was born as he was. Jude Campbell may have begun with a virus, but he ended up birthing a new race. And then he sent them forth – to fight. We obliged.
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I wondered what the people of his time would think of the world now. The sun that warmed my skin, the heat of the day under a pristine blue sky; this was dangerous for us. For them, though, the night was the danger. The converse held reassuringly true: daylight was safe. Daylight was always safe. I wondered how they’d survive in this world. I wondered if we would yet. Our peoples hadn’t destroyed each other, but we still had both time and inclination.

I was lost. It seemed I was losing everything, and I floated in a sea of possibilities, tugged by storms. I didn’t know what I could do besides wait to die. But I was still alive, and in my book, where there's life, there's hope.
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I rolled to my feet to face Zayne, who stood without moving. I traced the features of his face with my eyes. He was different to me, but only barely. He was still so very human looking. And he was something I may have gained rather than lost, both as himself and as a possibility that maybe one day things could change.

“Well?” he demanded after a moment, his voice as expressionless as his face.

“Would you have killed Lily?” I asked instead.

“Lily?”

“The little girl. When I first saw you.”

“She would have killed me,” Zayne said simply, and I understood.

I ducked my head, and tears threatened again. I blinked them back. “I can’t kill you,” I muttered. “Not even for that.”

“Can you trust me?”

I glanced back up at him, silent for a moment. “I don’t know,” I said with utter honesty.

A grin flashed across his face. “Will you just wait here then? They won’t actually kill you. You are precious to them in a purely practical way. You are more likely to be contained in a kind of house arrest, reviled by some, pitied by others.”
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I bit my lip as his words filtered through to me. He was right, and if I hadn’t been so filled with self-pity, I might have realised.

“Or you could leave,” Zayne continued, dropping his voice to an urgent tone I automatically listened to. “Before the little girl returns with your family to chain you. You’d be homeless and possibly hopeless. My people would no more accept you at the moment than yours could accept me – though I suspect mine will come round with time. But you won’t be alone. And you’ll be free.”

As if to refute his words, the alarm began to blare, filling the courtyard with its shriek. I don’t know why it was activated so lat, but I laughed, a bitter sound hiding relief. Suddenly having a choice was somehow harder than just waiting; it was a decision too difficult for me to make. “It’s too late now.”
http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c157/nylmat/Sims/Sofie%20Story%20Contest/Chapter%20Five/14Hand.jpg
“No, it’s not.” Zayne stepped forward and held out his hand.

I stared down at his long, green fingers as they caught the sunlight.

“Can you trust me, Sofie?”

I made a choice. I took his hand.
http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c157/nylmat/Sims/Sofie%20Story%20Contest/Chapter%20Five/15Away.jpg
He led me to the edge of the shadows. He held me close and took me through them.

__________________________________________________________________________
Current Events: Betrayal & Hobo/Homeless
Previous Events: Twins & A Paranormal Creature; Addition to the Family & Chance Meeting; Tomb & Dish Best Served Cold; Adventure, Forbidden Love & Ambrosia
Word Count: 1745
CC Used: Allowed: Yes. Penalized: None.
Bonus Quote: “The converse held reassuringly true: daylight was safe. Daylight was always safe.” Neil Gaiman, ‘Troll Bridge’ (Smoke and Mirrors)

So I may have used two of the quotes. Just because. I really enjoyed this challenge, though I'm not sure how much of a cohesive whole my story makes :)

heaven

9th Dec 2011, 06:04 PM

We've got some slow pokes, no need to name names, so I've given a 24 hour extension. The countdown will not reflect this unless someone REALLY needs me to update it. Let me know if you do. Otherwise, enjoy the extra time. And if you're done, enjoy the relief!

missroxor

10th Dec 2011, 07:12 AM

Slow poke...me? Never! Sorry guys. Had last minute company today which severely ate into my story time :/

On another note, it's absolutely no help now (except to me) but in future if anybody's looking to make a playable ghost I just discovered by accident it's an option in Twallan's debugger...just 3 clicks away :D (calm down Kayla! No need to get angry now, lol)

whitewaterwood

10th Dec 2011, 10:21 AM

I'm really upset that I'm not going to finish this on time. Last round my computer got infected and I was unable to do anything until I could get help fixing it and this round my computer problems ate into my time again and I got sick as well. (Like, stay in bed and whimper sick) Would anyone even be interested in seeing the end of my story put up later?

Either way, I just want to say that even if I can't finish on time, I love reading you guys' stories! They're all wonderful and it's great to see everyone pushing forward! Good luck to everyone! You can do it! <3

heaven

10th Dec 2011, 03:35 PM

Aww, WWW, I hope you feel better. Both you AND your computer. I, for one, want to know the endings to ALL the stories. :)

LadyAwesome

10th Dec 2011, 11:49 PM

OH MY GOD MISS!!!!.... Why did you have to mention it :(

missroxor

11th Dec 2011, 07:58 AM

PREVIOUSLY
When Eumelus and Atlas meet back in the island’s cave they argue. When he sees that Atlas has feelings for Sadie, Eumelus mocks him telling him, “Your soft heart is your biggest weakness” implying this was the reason he lost his throne/kingdom. Later Sadie and Adrian follow Atlas into the underworld where they come across Eumelus and a shadowy companion. Sadie is shocked to learn Adrian is a Satan worshipper who’d had an ulterior motive all along: to ditch Sadie as soon as they got to the underworld and make a name for himself among the residents there. Unfortunately for him he’d underestimated just how unwelcome fan boys are in Hades and is rebuffed by Eumelus.

Sadie is eventually taken to the old throne room where Eumelus, Atlas and the shadowy figure are. She’s delighted to hear that Atlas made a deal to free Amy and Ophelia then the catch is revealed: Atlas bargained everything he had to save them because he didn’t know Sadie was in the underworld, he has nothing left to bargain with for Sadie’s life. The final scene shows the shadowy figure raise his boney finger at Sadie.

~ ~ ~

My ability to love and to be loved is not a weakness; it is my greatest strength. I tell myself this as I unwillingly heel to my new master. Five minutes ago I took an oath: in exchange for Amy and Ophelia’s safe return to the island I will spend eternity in the underworld serving Eumelus. The idea fills me with dread but the thought of Sadie heartbroken with the grief of losing her sister was just too painful to bear. Now I see it was a trick, a ruse planned out for his entertainment. He hadn’t told me she’d somehow followed us down here. In pledging my soul to Eumelus, the only thing he felt worth bargaining for I’ve sentenced Sadie to a fate a thousand times worse than a life of grief and misery and there’s nothing I can do about it. Thanatos will not be bargained with. I repeat the mantra again trying to convince myself, “It is my greatest strength, love will overcome.” I have no idea how that will happen but I was still alive, and in my book, where there's life, there's hope.
http://i859.photobucket.com/albums/ab154/missroxor/Contests/Story%20Contest/Chapter%205/1.jpg

Thanatos raises his finger and I know what’s coming. The die is cast; Sadie is being banished to Tartarus, just another soul crushed in a sea of writhing agony. Tartarus is the most loathsome of places: the land mortals unknowingly refer to when they talk of ‘hell’: a fiery tomb of torment and chaos. I can’t bear to think of Sadie being thrown there like a defenceless rabbit tossed among the hungry wolves.
http://i859.photobucket.com/albums/ab154/missroxor/Contests/Story%20Contest/Chapter%205/2.jpg

Eumelus looks back at me savouring the agony etched on my face. Stoking my misery further he mocks, “Any last words for your fair maiden, Atlas?” He walks over to her, caressing her tear soaked cheek, “a farewell kiss perhaps? Oh that’s right, you can’t; I haven’t given you permission”
“Fuck you Eumelus” Ngh, I can’t lose control now I reprimand myself between terse breaths. Eumelus feeds off my pain and fears, puffing his chest in victory with every mental blow. My sorrow gives him strength and power. Watching him savour every last second of this waking nightmare I realise the only chance I have to stop it is to stop feeding his insatiable hunger for misery. For Sadie’s sake I must.
http://i859.photobucket.com/albums/ab154/missroxor/Contests/Story%20Contest/Chapter%205/3.jpg

Thanatos claims his prize, ripping Sadie’s soul from her body and condemning her to an eternity in Tartarus. Eumelus watches for my reaction a gleeful smile spread across his face. I feel sick to my stomach. It takes every fibre of my being to fight the intense urge to react: to yell and cry out and throw punches. My heart reels, inside I’m a turbulent storm of emotion but I know I mustn’t feed the troll. I raise my eyes to Eumelus, steady and deliberate as the corners of my mouth twitch into a crooked smirk. It’s as close as I can manage to a smile. I utter, “touché, master”.
His smile falters, “That’s it? That’s all you have to say? Does your feeble heart not break, weak one?”
“You said it yourself, she’s only human. They all come here eventually, why delay the inevitable?”
“Why did you fight so hard for the other two then?”
“The kid, she’s barely out the womb. Wouldn’t you rather she knew what she was missing out on when you take it from her?”
A tinge of confusion or maybe doubt washes over his face for a fraction of a second, “Hmm…indeed”
I have no idea what my next move is but trying to appeal to his darker side only seems to have pissed him off. It didn’t weaken his defences, but neither did I feed his hunger.
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Disappointed with my lack of performance Eumelus has me thrown into the holding cell until I’m needed again. Adrian cowers in the corner.
“K.. Kelly? …She’s gone isn’t she? Oh god…”
I know he’s speaking to me but it barely registers, I’m thinking through what to do next. If I can bring Eumelus down I can reclaim my crown…not that there’s anything left of my kingdom but with my crown comes power, magic, and the grace of the Gods. I don’t even know if it’s possible to rescue Sadie any more but I have to believe it is. Regardless I have no chance unless I have one or preferably all of those things.
“I …I’m sorry. I got it wrong” Adrian continues.
Violence won’t work. He’s my master now, he owns my physical strength; my body bends to his will. That’s part of the oath he tricked me into swearing. I am to serve him as though he were the elder son, as though he was the chosen one, not me. Besides, I think it would only anger him more.
“I thought …at least they’d accept me, you know?” Adrian persists, “I thought if only I could get here it would be easier to become somebody in hell than be nobody on Earth”
I need to catch Eumelus off guard, I need to do the unexpected…but what doesn’t he expect from me?
“I mean it’s hell, the door’s always open isn’t it? Turns out it’s not that easy. There are no vacancies in hell today. Atlas, I …I’m sorry. Please… forgive me?”
“Adrian, shut-up, I’m trying to think here!…Wait…what did you just say?”
“Eh...there’s no vacancies-“
“No, after that”
“um…I’m sorry?”
I suddenly remember the words I found scrawled in a book that washed ashore a few decades ago, “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that”.
http://i859.photobucket.com/albums/ab154/missroxor/Contests/Story%20Contest/Chapter%205/5.jpg

Several hours pass before I’m called to serve Eumelus. I’m escorted to the amphitheatre and made to kneel before him.
“Do you know how long I’ve waited for this day?” he gloats. I don’t answer. “The day I stand as King and ruler, my limp hearted brother in his rightful place; beneath me”.
“Is it really such a victory? Your Kingdom is dead and gone, your subjects…they’re just fading memories”
“You think I ever gave a damn about the people, Atlas? I have power, that’s all that matters; I own you. My darkness has at long last completely and utterly extinguished your light. All is as it should be”.
“Are you sure about that? What if your reign of darkness is nothing more than a...a solar eclipse: a temporary shadow just waiting to be flooded with light?”
http://i859.photobucket.com/albums/ab154/missroxor/Contests/Story%20Contest/Chapter%205/6.jpg

His eyes narrow on me, “Are you challenging me, slave boy?”
I can’t help but smirk, he’s predictably competitive but I’ve teased enough. I’ve riled his temper enough that what’s to come will shock but not so much that he’ll ignore it in a fit of rage. “I’m not here to challenge you, Eumelus…I’m here to forgive you.”
“…what?”

I can see in his face that was perhaps the last thing he expected from me. “You’re a cold, heartless bastard and you’ve committed untold atrocities against innocent people that really didn’t deserve to endure your wrath…but I see now that you were angry, you were lashing out.”
“How dare you speak to me like this, you forget your place!” he spits.

“It’s not your fault you turned out the way you did. I always knew I was ‘Daddy’s golden boy’, I watched as you were given my cast offs, as you were made to keep one step behind me, made to kneel before me like a servant boy, even when you were scolded for misdemeanours I committed. Only three minutes between us, it shouldn’t have made a difference but it did. It was wrong. I knew you were jealous, angry, unfairly treated but I did nothing. The truth is I didn’t want to jeopardize my privileged lifestyle, I…I didn’t want to be demoted to your position.”
“I command you to desist” The anger is dissipating from his voice but he remains stubbornly stern.

I’d intended to bluff my way into his trust but I find myself speaking truths I’ve never admitted before…not even to myself. “I wasn’t even angry with you when you spread your darkness over Atlantis. I feared for the few remaining innocents, sure, but the masses; they could think for themselves and they chose the darkness. No, I admired your ambition, your determination. Imagine how you could have united our nation if your message had been one of light instead of darkness. Love instead of hate. Maybe…maybe if you’d been shown love as I was you would have learned how to love as I did”.
“Why are you doing this?” I hear the slightest tremble in his voice.
“Eumelus, I understand why you’re angry, why you hate me, why my ability to love causes you pain...even why you love to cause me pain. I forgive you. For Atlantis, our people, all the innocents you snatched from the island...even for Sadie...but more importantly, I’m asking you to forgive me?”
http://i859.photobucket.com/albums/ab154/missroxor/Contests/Story%20Contest/Chapter%205/7_.jpg

For a moment he looks angry again then when I think he might lash out at me he lets out a sigh. As his shoulders sag he slumps down onto the steps and sits for a moment in quiet contemplation. Eventually he talks, “I never meant to condemn all of Atlantis to hell you know? I just…I wanted to feel important for once in my life. I wanted to be noticed.” He looks at me and laughs softly, “Well, I certainly got noticed, huh?...You know, having your Kingdom was never enough, I resented you for not being condemned to the underworld with the rest of us. Once again you had the favour of the Gods”
“I dunno, living alone on an island for eternity, trying to save lost souls before you guys suck them into the underworld isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. You guys made my job pretty goddamn difficult,” I chuckle.
“It couldn’t have been that bad...you found love...there’s no place for that down here”.
I don’t think he meant that as a dig but I still flinch.
“Atlas …I’m sorry” He says with a knowing look. “You know…it’s not entirely irreversible”
“…”, I almost forget to breathe as I struggle against getting my hopes up too soon.
“Between them, Hades and Thanatos will rip you in two if you try to steal a soul from the underworld but Zeus...he can be very persuasive. I know he’s had souls released from Tartarus before”
“What about-”
“We’ve made our peace, Atlas. I’m not saying we’re gonna be a big happy family or anything but…I think we can say we don’t owe each other anything. You’re a free man.”
http://i859.photobucket.com/albums/ab154/missroxor/Contests/Story%20Contest/Chapter%205/8.jpg

Zeus was impressed by the way I resolved our age old conflict in two simple words; “I’m sorry”. He offered to re-instate me as King and gift me back my powers but that was no longer the life I desired. I asked instead that he resurrect Sadie and that he wipe the horrors of Hades from the survivor’s memories. He obliged. Finally I asked that he grant me mortality. This last one puzzled him but I explained, “Zeus I’ve worked for you on that island for thousands of years now, it’s time to retire. Sadie...she’s the other half of me; I know she is, I felt it the moment we met. I just want the chance to grow old with her.”
“Very well” he consents, “but who’ll stay on the island to police that brother of yours and his crew of soul collectors?”
“As it happens I know just the guy. He was looking for vacancies just recently”
http://i859.photobucket.com/albums/ab154/missroxor/Contests/Story%20Contest/Chapter%205/9.jpg

7 years later…
Today we brought home our first born...and our second born. Twin boys: one fair, one dark born three minutes apart. When they were born, just days ago I took one last oath “I swear to you both, I will not let history repeat itself: both of you will always and forever be equally loved and adored by your family”. Now that is an oath I would rather die than break.
http://i859.photobucket.com/albums/ab154/missroxor/Contests/Story%20Contest/Chapter%205/10.jpg

Current Events: Tomb (Tartarus = fiery tomb of torment and chaos), New Addition to the family.
Previous Events: (Chapter 1=) Homeless and Adventure , (Chapter 2=) Dog Days and Funeral, (Chapter 3 =) Paranormal Character and Twins, (Chapter 4=) Emperor of Evil, Chance Meeting and Betrayal
Word Count: 1996
CC Used: Allowed: Yes, Penalized: No
Bonus Quote: “Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that “Catherine Claire Larson, As We Forgive.
(The words were originally written for a sermon delivered by Martin Luther King at Dexter Avenue Baptist Church on Christmas of 1957)

missroxor

11th Dec 2011, 08:24 AM

Wooo! Feels SO frickin good to be done with this! lol. Don't get me wrong, it was fun and I learned a lot: I'm astounded that I made it this far and came up with stuff I didn't even know I was capable of, heh, but it'll be nice to not have regular deadlines hanging over my head :D (she says even though she'll probably go and do something stupid like sign up for another 20 contests tomorrow :rolleyes: ) Thanks Heaven for putting this together and keeping it going even when it looked like we might not have any contestants left D: Thanks to the judges too for all your awesome feedback and insights!

Now I'm gonna take a break and then I'll need to come back and catch up with all the stories that I haven't finished reading :p

PS Sorry to dissapoint anybody that was hoping for a big fight scene, lol...I went a bit lovey-dovey in the end, not too lame I hope, heh

Elexis

11th Dec 2011, 02:57 PM

Because I like Kayla's idea for a theme song, I decided to post one for mine :D Click here. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S2xmueFjBXQ) I know, it's not a typical song, but it inspired me very much. :) (The guy's voice sounds in my head like Han's voice, lol)
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Previously:

Han experienced mixed feelings within him when he got his new assignment - kidnap the mayor’s daughter again. He was about to make the right decision and save the girl from a cruel gang, when jealousy darkened his mind when he saw the girl with another guy. “The Night Riders” have succeeded with Han’s help - the girl was kidnapped.
However, things went out of plan when the mayor refused to make an exchange, “The Riders” were mad. For good or bad, the girl was left under Han’s supervision…

Chapter 5: Black Parade

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32500_1112110938521Touch.jpg

An incredible heat burned Han’s skin under his thick black leather suit, the intense eagerness completely stole his mind that moment. All hidden feelings, which were kept somewhere deep for so many years, have finally broke free with an incredible strength. The invisible magnet forced him to go closer, to touch the soft pale skin, to feel another human’s warmth…
The girl sat motionless staring down at her feet. She didn’t even notice when Han’s hand touched her hip, it almost looked like she didn’t care of what’s going on.
The touch made Han even more exited, the beast inside him craved for more.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32501_1112110939282Hand.jpg

Then, something small fell on the ground, right from where the girl’s face was. For the moment, Han thought that it was a little diamond, but when he looked down, there was only a clear drop of water on the cold metal ground. It wasn’t a diamond, it was a tear.
Han’s hand slowly reached for the girl’s face and gently tilted her chin up. When his eyes met her sad and empty gaze, something happened.
In one second, the whole world turned upside down. There was no beast inside him anymore, only a little sad kitten wishing to be fondled. The girl’s sadness and pain was somehow transferred into his own emotions and suddenly, he wished to see her happy.
The big lump of guilt stuck in Han’s throat, he realized that it was his fault, he was the one who brought such troubles to this poor girl.
- Why didn’t you listen to me? Why did you go on that empty street alone? – started Han. His words sounded more like a charge than the question.
- I… I though I was everything to him. – said Alex with the same empty gaze. She didn’t answer his question. – I thought he would do everything for me.
- What did you expected? – he continued. – I told you that the next time we meet won’t be pleasant. You have no idea what those men can do to you! - he stopped his words right there, hiding the fact of what he almost did to her. He felt terrible shame.
The girl finally looked at him; her face was unreadable again.
- It’s better to be you than one of them. – she said quietly. There were no tears on her face anymore.
Han starred at her in confusion. After a moment of awkward silence, his hands reached for the girl again. Alex held her breath with tension, but she didn’t move away.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32502_1112110940023Hug.jpg

Han freed her hands.
Now it was he who sat with his head down. The girl looked at him and the little smile grew around the corners of her lips. Without saying a word, she jumped of her seat and wrapped her arms around him. Han just froze like a lifeless statue without even being able to breathe; few moments passed until he instinctively responded.
Han forgot about everything while he held her in his arms, the little kitten inside him jumped around with happy mew. It was a very light and pleasant feeling, which Han had never experienced before; but one thing he knew for sure – he wanted it to last forever.
Two bodies, tied with their hands in a tight ball, just sat in silence, as words weren’t necessary. Unfortunately, time flew by very quickly and Han knew that he will have to return to the gang’s office soon.
It took a lot of will to let the girl go, as it seemed much harder to leave her here alone. Han couldn’t afford to care about her so much, it could kill them both.
- I’m sorry, I can’t stay here any longer. – he said while standing up.
The girl just looked at him with a silent question in her eyes. Han didn’t respond, he opened the heavy door and disappeared in the darkness behind it. It was his silent goodbye.
He left the door opened.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32503_1112110940314Angry.jpg

Meanwhile in “Emperor’s” office, the gang members were arguing about their recent failure. Han knew, that they won’t leave it in peace; they will seek for an even more horrifying revenge.
And he was right, their new plan was ridiculously cruel – give the mayor their “Fire of Gratefulness”.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32504_1112110941005Hall.jpg

As the mayor’s status was the most important thing for the leader of this city, the gang’s main target was his lair – Bridgeport City Hall. Hundreds of people working there today would die painfully in the bomb fire, hundreds of innocent and good people.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32505_1112110941306Black.jpg

When Han was familiarized with the new plan, he knew that it would end up unpleasantly for him. This thought didn’t stop him, as it meant the end for the gang as well.
That morning everyone in the gang was prepared for their biggest massacre ever. Dozen of men, dressed in the same black suits looked like actors in a funeral play. The scary, black parade.
Every “Rider’s” move was relying on speed and accuracy, one little mistake and everything could go very wrong. You've got to be quick on your feet in this world if you want to survive. Though once you know the rules, it’s not too hard to play the game. The rules of this little game were simple – pairs of men running quickly to their indicated location in the city hall, setting up the explosives and running back to their van. For Han‘s surprise, „The Emperor“ choose him to set the bomb together, it was the perfect opportunity for him to finally confront his arch enemy.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32506_1112110941597Roof.jpg

All men entered the building so fast, like it was a drag race. The old, unused stage door kept the element of surprise on their side. Han‘s target was on the roof, a spot right above the mayor‘s office. However, Han had other plans for playing his role today. While „The Emperor“ was busy preparing the bomb, Han quickly dialed 911 on his cell phone. It was the distraction he needed, someone who would stop the bombs from exploding before it was too late. Then the time for his long awaited revenge had finally come.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32507_1112110942298Neck.jpg

The time seemed to slow down when the adrenaline rushed though Han‘s veins. His enemy didn‘t expected the attack, a glimpse of shock brightly flashed on the „Emperor‘s“ face under the sunlight. Han grabbed his neck and pushed him to the edge of the rail, the man‘s body dangerously hung above it, the five storey high distance separated it from the solid concrete ground.
Han looked his victim in the eyes – small, pathetic gaze of a fallen soul; but it was nothing compared to what his own face looked in the reflection of the man‘s eyes. A monster.
Han lost his will for a moment, time completely stopped around him, revenge seemed to have lost it‘s fuel for him. He tried to remember the face of his mother to bring his memory back, to wake the wrath again, but all he could imagine was a blank face. He couldn‘t remember how his mother looked like.
Then, a new face appeared in his mind. A young, pale and beautiful face, surrounded with a silky red hair rim.
His hands released the man.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32508_1112110942579Police.jpg

Time regained it‘s flow, but Han stood still with a dead look in his eyes. The police sirens were already near and there was no chance to escape.
Han didn‘t want to run, there was no need to hide anymore.
That day was the most glorious day in Bridgeport history, „The Night Riders“ gang seized to exist. The police caught all who assisted in the city hall bombing, the other‘s were taken right after that. It was the day, which every person in this city will remember as a Big Day of the relief; people could finally feel safe on the streets at night.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32509_11121109431910Mayor.jpg

It wasn‘t a happy day for Han, he was locked in a small interrogation room, waiting for his doom. He was in the middle of inner metamorphosis, all his priorities, values and feelings were changing, the hurricane of thoughts left him motionless. He wasn’t interested in what the detective was asking him, he sat with his face hidden in the shadows, without any will to do anything.
- Mister Simmons, we invited you here, because we have some very controversial witnessing about you. – said the detective. His words were a wakeup call for Han, but he still didn’t look up. - Our witness says that you didn’t work for the gang and you disguised yourself as one of them to help turn them in. – detective’s look was very suspicious, but he continued. – We also checked that you made the call about the bomb. Can you confirm all this?

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32510_11121109434811Detective.jpg

Han’s mind went clear; he realized that it was the thanks from the girl for freeing her. It was a very clever and noble thing from her to do. Now they were even.
Nevertheless, Han felt that those words weren’t exactly the truth - his motives were different. He realized it only very recently, so he felt that being honest was the least thing he could do.
Han finally tilted his head from the shadows; his blue eyes sparkled in a bright lamp light.
- No detective, while I confirm every other word, I must state that I did all this for other reasons. – his heartbeat increased tenfold as he spoke. Detective waited for the continuation, Han made a deep sigh and said:
- I did all this, because I have strong and doubtless feelings for your witness. My goal was to end the “Riders”, until I unconditionally and irrevocably fell in love with her.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32511_11121109441712Suprise.jpg

The reaction on the other side of the glass wall was electric.
Han didn‘t know who was watching him behind the speechless mirror, but his intuition let him know.
After confirming Alex‘s words, Han was totally „clean“. The police didn‘t have any proof to find him guilty: no fingerprints in the gang‘s crime scenes, no face recognition, nothing at all. As a co-owner of all „Rider‘s“ business objects, after arresting all other members, he was the only owner left.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32512_11121109445613Run.jpg

But Han didn’t want all that fortune, after leaving the police department, the first thing that he wanted to do, was sell everything and leave the city. Too many things were bothering him at the moment, leaving seemed to be the only rational decision.
Han was thinking of the way he could tell goodbye to Jude; he would be happy to finally get his bar back. When he started the engine of his motorcycle, he heard the worried voice behind him.
- Han! Wait! – shouted Alex, she was running towards him.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32513_11121109453014Confront.jpg

- What… Are…You… Doing? – she breathed heavily from the running.
- I’m leaving. – said Han. He felt uncomfortable seeing the girl’s stare at his uncovered face.
- Take me with you. – plead the girl.
- What? Why? – he asked suspiciously. - You belong here; this is your home, your family, your happy life. – there was a bottomless hole of confusion in Han’s head. Why would she even want to say that?
Alex sighted with a slight smile on her face.
- You don’t understand, don’t you? – she started. – You were watching me for so long and still haven’t figured out that the life I have isn’t what I want. You have no idea what it means to be the mayor’s daughter.– she leaned closer with those words. - I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for?
Han’s heart almost jumped out of his chest, everything went dark in his eyes, only the girl’s face stayed clear as the only star in the black night sky.
He took her with him.

http://www.modyourpanties.com/hosting/32514_11121109455315Paris1.jpg

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Current Events: Dish Best Served Cold, Forbidden Love
Previous Events: Emperor of Evil, Murder, Chance Meeting, Dog Days, Tomb, Betrayal, Graduation, Adventure, Ambrosia (Bonus)
Word Count: 1970 (MS Word)
CC Used: Allowed: Yes, Penalized: No
Bonus Quote: “I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for?” Stephanie Lennox, I Don't Remember You

LadyAwesome

11th Dec 2011, 08:24 PM

Oh Elexis - you better not ruining my brownie points lol. But Oh my God ..... YOU MADE ME CRY. I thought it was ment to end bad???? I love your story! it had the best ending ever.

Tamlyn

12th Dec 2011, 11:14 AM

Yay more stories! And i hope some of the other people who weren't able to finish will still post the rest of their eventually.

Missroxer - nothing wrong with ending on love rather than war ;) It was still exciting (I'm feeling the boring introspection of mine more and more :S). And Elexis, your scene setting and picture taking still makes me drool. No, really, look at the puddle.

Heaven, did you do a fifth chapter?

GigaRevival

12th Dec 2011, 11:31 AM

I just wanted to pop in before I finish up my final scores to say a thank you to all the contestants for being so awesome and making this challenge a lot of fun to judge. You all did great!

I also echo heaven in stating that I would absolutely love to see any belated endings to stories posted. ;)

Elexis

12th Dec 2011, 02:30 PM

Yes Kayla, the end should be bad, but since I've changed so much already, I decided to go on with something happier :lol:

I'm so sad that this contest had to come to an end, I enjoyed it so much that I forgot that it's over :cry:

I wanted to say HUGE thanks to our awesome judges, who gave me a chance to unbelievably improve my writing; and including the fact that few months ago I couldn't even write a proper sentence in English without a dictionary (lol), they did their work at the best :lol:

Also, thanks to all contestants who joined this contest and made it possible. Even bigger thanks goes to those who finished, it gave me so much joy reading your stories to the end :)

And of course, Heaven, thank you for making such an amazing contest :) Thank you for being so nice even when I persecuted you with so many questions and sorry if I bothered you too often :D

I agree with all comments above, I would love to see everyone's endings (wink, wink ;) )

heaven

12th Dec 2011, 05:33 PM

Tamlyn, I did do a chapter 5 (http://heavenslegacies.blogspot.com/2011/12/vengeance-chapter-5.html). Just got it up this morning. :)

Still waiting on scores but hopefully they will be here soon. :D

heaven

13th Dec 2011, 08:26 PM

Please, please EVERYONE! Even if you did not finish out the rounds, if you didn't have a name for your story, name it and let me know. I promise you will find out why shortly. :)

/me offers goodies.

heaven

14th Dec 2011, 04:41 PM

Out of a possible 300: Bonuses have been added in so perfect scores would be 330/300

Shhh: 0
ReyaD: 0
waterjay: 0
blackivy: 0
Myshia: 0
LadyAwesome: 302
Tamlyn: 315
Elexis: 311
whitewaterwood: 0
Morphead: 0
missroxor: 316
Buckley: 0

LadyAwesome
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
8,10,9,10,37,10,8,10,28,15,5,5,90,10,100
8,8,9,8,33,10,9,9,28,19,5,5,90,10,100
10,10,10,10,40,10,7,8,25,17,5,5,92,10,102
You tied everything together nicely and I was glad to see that Elyssa/Aiden/Granny got their happy ending. The last picture = tear jerker; so, so adorable. Your inclusion of a theme song was very clever as well. Great job!

Aww super sweet ending, nicely wrapped up! I really enjoyed your story Ladyawesome it had heart and great character development, nice work :-)

Awww. I actually had tears in my eyes when I read the end. A sad ending - but the right one. What I wanted to say - is that LA has the gift of storytelling. Spelling and grammar and continuity is what a good copyeditor is for - LA can generate the "gotta" - and that cannot be taught. She has taken us on a rollercoaster ride of laughter and tears and all in the sims universe, and that is why this is this judge's favourite story.

What a lovely ending. The selflessness of Aiden is touching even though he didn't like the vampire in the beginning. His joining with his parents and Elyssa's discovery was moving, almost to the point of tears. It was a lovely wrap up. Perfect, perfect choice for the bonus quote!

Tamlyn
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
9,10,10,10,39,10,9,10,29,18,5,5,96,10,106
9,8,9,8,34,10,10,8,28,20,5,5,92,10,102
8,10,9,10,37,10,10,10,30,20,5,5,97,10,107
This story really came full circle and although the ending for me was expected it did not dissapoint me. Your creativity in both the world and the characters you write is inspiring and you write simply yet beautifully drawing in your readers and making them commit fully to the story you tell, great job!

OOOH. What a fab mental image on the last line. "He led me to the edge of the shadows. He held me close and took me through them." I think Neil himself might be proud of that one. I liked how you wrapped up the story with a character review - a nice touch.

I feel as though the introspection matches well with the first chapter. She's been quiet and reserved and battling with herself in the beginning and does this again at the end. She finally made a choice of her own, with Zayne. The ending leaves for lovely follow up, wink, wink. Or at least where we can imagine what happens.

I love the cliffhanger you ended with. You did a great job explaining what her family’s reaction would have been without actually having to write that plot in (having her brother see her with Zayne and such) and keeping a bit of mystery about where/what Zayne and Sofie will go/do after this point was awesome. Two thumbs up.

Elexis
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
8,10,8,10,36,10,9,10,29,16,5,5,91,10,101
8,8,9,9,34,10,9,10,29,19,5,5,92,10,102
9,10,10,10,39,10,9,10,29,20,5,5,98,10,108
Beautiful, just beautiful. Yes, a dark ending might have been more expected by some, but the character of Han that you have painted so far - he just wouldn't. To me, it fits perfectly with the story of a good guy being slowly turned rotten by the thirst for revenge - but yeah, love conquers all. Great story, great pictures - thank you.

So sweet that a single, "diamond" tear dissolves Han's beast. I still rather wanted the leader to go "splat" but…I suppose this was the better way. Lovely last picture. I can just imagine them zooming around in Paris, both free to live their lives as they please, with each other.

Great ending, Elexis. Your theme song was great and the ending made me so happy for Han. I’m glad that he got some closure and was able to move on from his revenge; not to mention find a lovely lady in the process. The last picture was especially lovely and extremely well set-up; I think it’s my favorite one from your story (which was a difficult pick since all of your pictures have been gorgeous). Also, Han and Alex are so cute together!

Absolutely stunning last shot which summed up the ending brilliantly. I've said it before but i'll say it again i have loved the images that accompanied your story and the characters you created were just beautiful. Your writing has a great edge ad mood to it which i simply adore, great work ;-)

missroxor
Originality = 10,Excerpt = 10,Characters = 10,Events = 10,Creativity = 40,Pictures =10,Mood = 10,Staging = 10,Scene = 30,Flow = 20,Rules = 5,CC = 5,Total = 100,Bonus = 10,OVERALL TOTAL
9,10,9,10,38,10,9,10,29,18,5,5,95,10,105
9,10,9,10,38,10,9,10,29,19,5,5,96,10,106
10,10,9,10,39,10,8,9,27,19,5,5,95,10,105
First thought? The weasel got what he deserved! Your pictures were spot on for the scenes. I also love that Atlas was able to recognize his shortcomings. It wasn't just about forgiving to get what he wanted. He truly realized that he had been wrong which led to redemption. I like how you tied a previous quote in at the end of the story in his oath to his sons. Do we get a follow-up, perhaps in the eyes of the sons?

Another lovely ending from another lovely contestant! The way you wrapped things up was lovely and I’m glad that Sadie/Atlas were able to explore their relationship (and live!) after that chaos. Also, Atlas’ last oath to his sons was both adorable and uplifting (in the sense that he won’t repeat the mistakes of his parents/father). I was so excited when you took the story in the direction that you took it and I was definitely not disappointed with how you handled/wrote it all. Fantastic, simply fantastic.

Out of all the stories this one has taken the most unexpected turn and has kept me riveted to finding out it's conclusion. You didn't disappoint me either! Amazing use of the quote, it fit superbly. The imagination which it must of taken for you to even think up the turn of events in your story is enviable, i very much enjoyed this story great work :-)

MISS ROXOR - you are amazing. When this story opened I expected a simple lost on a desert island story. I was stunned by the plot twists and turns and I liked the idea of forgiveness and true sorrow being the key to it all, a story for our times :)

Scores updated on first post as well.