OK Here goes nothing.

‘Hello, Is this the matchmaker?...uh-huh, uhuh, when can you be here?’
‘I’ll be over shortly, your future is rapidly approaching’

Gee, thanks for the reminder.

I dressed in the same outfit I wore out with Emalita. It’s my favourite and hopefully, I have more luck wearing it than I did last time.



When the gypsy arrived I introduced myself.
‘Hi, I’m Jane’
‘And I am Carol Brachman’
‘I was hoping you could help me find a man, preferably tall dark and handsome…’
‘Only your cash can help my crystal ball piece the mists of fate that veil the inner nature of your perfect match.’



Blah blah blah, Steady on woman.This is the naughties. No need to speak in tongues. I knew it was only a matter of time till money was mentioned.
‘ok, how much?’
‘The more you have the better my crystal sees my dear’

What are we….in a fictional children’s story now?
‘Here’s a thousand, that should help your all seeing all knowing orb bring me the man of my dreams’



She really wasn’t joking about her crystal ball.
She pulls the ball out and mutters some whacky words and then out of nowhere, this guy falls face first onto the ground beside us.

‘Hey! Where did he come from?’
‘He has been sent to you my dear’
‘From the sky? Aren’t you meant to go back to your little office and type in my details or call me, book an appointment, something along those lines? Am I on candid camera? This is all a joke isn’t it’
‘Your match is waiting, my dear..goodbye’
‘oh crap!’



He introduces himself as Joel Brown. Doesn’t seem at all phased that he’s just appeared out of thin air onto my front lawn. He’s not bad looking I guess. Wardrobe is lacking some but then again, most men are like that.
The gypsy woman is still standing there.
Well this is awkward.



I politely asked her to leave before following Joel inside where he was already making himself comfortable on my couch and had turned on the TV.
‘So’ I asked. ‘Tell me about yourself’
He barely dragged his attention away from the television long enough to answer my questions with a grunt.



I could see we wouldn’t be spending our lives together this couch potato and I but I persisted anyway. I wanted to get my moneys worth.

I told a few jokes. He sort of laughed. I tried making conversation. He surfed through channels. All in all, this was the lamest date I’ve ever been on and it cost me a thousand bucks! This gyspy woman is having a good ol' chuckle right about now I bet!

‘So I guess it’s time to call it a night then’ I said sitting beside him trying in vain to catch his attention during a commercial. It was the best i could do not to tell him to F*** off.



‘ok, so uh, thanks I guess, but that could’ve been better you know’

Well yeah! If he hadn’t spent the whole date watching television!
First thing tomorrow I’m calling that gypsy woman and giving her the rest of my savings. I’m making it my mission to get that dream date!