I did a little research for this chapter...believe it or not, most of it is real.

I’m a freakin' French fry! Can life get any worse than this? Someone up there is playing a really big joke on me.



My fries are so big they stuck out of the car in all directions….and darling Victor never uttered a word. I tried taking this stupid costume off earlier but couldn’t get the damn thing off!
So here I am for all the world to see, well, my neighbours, dressed like a clown with giant French fries protruding from my head and hamburger patties on my knees.
Life is just peachy!



I can’t tell you what a relief it is to be home. I somehow struggled out of my costume and into a very welcoming hot shower.



'www.matchmaker.com'

Please choose a username and password.
Hmm ‘not getting any’? nope, better not use that. Someone might mistake me for being easy. Although, it’s beginning to get to that point. Ok umm ‘JuicyJane’? oh god I don’t know…I can’t believe I’m sinking this low.



Header. They like making things easy these people don’t they. I’ll just leave that blank for now.
Age, height, weight, religion, hair colour, sexual preference. Wow they don’t want to know much do they!

Right then, all done…for now.


‘Hi Em…come in. I was just about to make lunch, oh and I just signed up with an online dating agency’
‘you what!’
‘yeh I know, desperate and dateless…you hungry? Grab a plate.’



‘so tell me more about this online dating thing…having any luck?’
‘haha no not yet I only just signed up and then you turned up’
‘sorry’
‘don’t be, I’m grateful for the distraction. My love life, or lack thereof is really getting me down….did you know you’re mouth makes funny shapes when you eat’
‘shut up’



‘Let’s go and see what this dating site has to offer then’
‘do we have to?’
‘you joined it didn’t you?’
‘guilty as charged. Can I plead temporary insanity?’
‘haha come on, you never know…your knight in shining armour could be but a click away’
‘don’t poke fun’



‘I’ve narrowed it down into age group and location’
‘hmm well you've got Feelin lonely, the robbo! Sexybeast and a bunch of guys who are downright full of themselves’
‘wonderful’
‘Lookingforyou-header: Single guy looking for very first relationship…ohmygod’
‘haha then there’s energizerguy, header: Check me out, any regrets….ah yes I regret signing up to this stupid site already. Muffin 71-Honest guy looking for honest girl…yeh right. Helmut36, Helmut! I hope that’s not his real name…or worse, some other reference’



‘BWAHAHAHAHAHA…
...ashamajik: me simply the best, spiritualguy: on top of a mountain waiting for you….these people cannot be serious, wait click on that one. He looks kinda cute’
‘ok, profile….aspiring monkey trainer seeking refined lady. …mmm good luck with that mate’
‘hey, it looks like you have a message, open it’

We have found you a match!
‘already?’
Click on members name to see profile.
‘ok’
‘Lukker…scroll down…looking for women to have hours of hot sex….
…And this is who they matched me up with! What sort of signal am i sending here??’



‘so much for my knight in shining armour’
‘well it was worth a try hun….and there’s always tomorrow. Have you still got that love potion?’
‘oh yeah, I completely forgot. I’ll test it out tonight. I’m heading down to the bowling alley, coming with me?’
‘uh uh, no way that place may be full of men but it’s also full of dog piss and pick pocketers. I’d be careful if I were you’
‘Don’t worry I will….so I’ll call you tomorrow?’
‘yes do, I want to hear how it goes…and good luck’



‘Thanks…..i need it!'