I didn’t invite Jim over right away, in case I was being too hasty.
I wasn’t.
I went on a few dates, to restaurants mainly, and coffee shops and each and every date left me footing the bill. Not one of those cheap skates paid for a single meal. Those coffees don’t come cheap either at 20 bucks a pop. They’re more expensive than an alcoholic drink!



Actually, at one restaurant I went with the chef’s choice, and what do you think they brought us? Spag bol and omelet! THAT was the chef’s choice. But hey it was my cheapest date ever costing the same price for those 2 meals as a cup of coffee so who am I to complain.



Considering none of my dates found me exceptionally suitable I made a small fortune in gifts left on my lawn which I in turn sold for $$. Included in my assortment of gifts were a spa bath, a grand piano and a karaoke machine to name a few.
I’m surprised the neighbours didn’t come over thinking I was having a garage sale.



I was taking out my rubbish late one night after my last date had ended to turn around and catch him leaving me a red rose and crooning away to himself. He was smitten! Probably because I paid the bill. I was standing right there watching him and he didn’t even see me! Off in some lala land he was. Still in his kimono that he wore to our date.



Not all of the gifts my dates left me were as valuable. Take Leod the kilt wearing Jerk. He was rude, obnoxious and insulting. I threw my drink at him and he went and in my kitchen and cried like a baby.



Needless to say I ended the date early.
When I arrived home from work that night he left a flaming bag of poo at my doorstep. He was kind enough to leave a note with it and a little poem.
Dear Jane It read
The date we shared was worse than bad, it was the worst I’ve ever had.
An angry slap’s too good for you, here’s a flaming bag of poo.

Pity I didn’t see the note before I stomped on it..



Not all is lost. I’m saving that bag of poo to throw at his car next time he drives past.