It is now Thursday. I had the day off yesterday so I spent most of the day adding the finishing touches to my car.



And spraying it orange.



I 'm heaps proud of my baby. I took her for a spin. She goes like a dream.



When I brought her back in I saw that the cow thing had its mouth wide open, dangling what looked like a slice of cake on the end of its tongue…since when did plants have a tongue even? This was getting more bizarre by the minute.

Tiffany had left for work and now it was just me and the freaky cow plant.



Back inside I went, in a hurry, showered and waited for Josh to get home. Peeking out through the blinds occasionally to check it hadn’t grown legs and was trying to get in the house.


I finally hear Josh’s carpool horn so I go out to meet him, passing the fish on the way and see they are floating on the top of the tank again and wonder how many times a day I’m meant to feed the bastards.



Josh is standing by the letterbox rejoicing in the fact that he loves his job, his daily ritual. I ask if he’s seen the cow plant yet.
I wanna know why it has a humungo piece of cake hanging out of its mouth.



Josh and I walk around to the front of the cow plant and take a look. Josh thinks the freaky cow plant is thanking him for the chunk of meat he fed it yesterday. By offering him cake? Where did the thing even get it from??



Despite my warning, Josh makes a grab for the cake. The freaky cow plant seems to be nudging Josh in the ribs.
‘Look’ Josh says. ‘He’s nuzzling me, he likes me’
'Yes' I say. ‘It probably does like you. Probably thinks you’re good enough to eat!’



I almost think it looks cute when Josh gives it a pat under its chin. I said almost.



I back off a bit and suggest Josh do the same. Josh laughs at me and as he does so the cow plant opens its gigantic jaws and in one swift motion snaps up my best mate! One minute he’s there, patting the freaky cow plant and the next….



Holy fucking cow plant!