There was a cow at Michael Simnitch’s college house.



She - somehow he knew it was a she - would show up day and night. Digging through his trash. Standing outside his door.



Watching. Waiting. Always there.



He tried to confront her.

“This is a private property.” he said. “You can’t just sit around here all the time.”

She farted. Then she tried to convince Michael that it was him who had farted.



She called him. All the time. She’d just moo into the receiver.

Mooo.

Mooo.

Mooooooooooooo.



He tried to ignore her, but she kept showing up in his thoughts. In his art. He drew her with a bouquet of flowers. Flowers for who?



There was a llama as well.

The Llama wasn’t important.

Not as important as the Cow.



Then one night, Michael heard a commotion outside. He found the Llama beating up the Cow. He just watched, spellbound.



The Cow fled the scene of her defeat. The Llama remained victorious. Over the next several days, the Llama would come by daily and perform a strange dance in front of Michael’s house.



The Cow did not return.



“It would be better if you forgot about the things you had seen”, the Llama told him. “Lest you meddle with forces beyond your understanding. I have made sure that the Cow will no longer plague your waking hours.”

Michael wasn’t sure about this. He had wanted her gone. But he also wanted her to return.



And one night she did.

Standing on the edge of his property, barely touching the ground.

“I returned to see you, Michael.” she said. “I have been chased away from here by my ancient foe and it will take me a while until I can regain enough of my strength to come back.”

“What is going on here?” Michael said, grabbing his head. “I don’t understand any of this. Who are you? Who is he?"

“He is the Llama. I am the Cow. That is all we can ever be to you, Michael.”

He was silent.

“I have to go now. I was… happy, being near you, Michael. I love you. But I can only ever be the Cow.”

And with that she disappeared into the darkness.



“I see she has tried to return to you.” the Llama said. “I only wish you well, Michael. Don’t let her fool you. Most important, do not let her get close to you.

She will only break your heart.”



Michael did not ask the Llama what he meant by this.

He already knew what the Llama would have said.

“You know the answer already. You have seen it and affixed it to your kitchen wall.”


So, remember how I said the game sometimes writes stories for me? Michael, originally Daisy Simnitch's unimpressive older brother, spent his first year of college being stalked by the Cow. She was always there. She'd yell at his door for hours, leave and be back in the morning. Every single day. Then the Llama started to come visit as well. And then she disappeared.

As for why I have all those cow paintings in my Paintings folder, that's a whole different story.


Coming up next: The Arty Party!