- Site Map >
- Community >
- Sims Discussion >
- Joint Sims Contests >
- Closed Contests >
- Fantasy vs Science Fiction Story Contest
- Site Map >
- Community >
- Sims Discussion >
- Joint Sims Contests >
- Closed Contests >
- Fantasy vs Science Fiction Story Contest
#51
20th Jun 2015 at 7:58 PM
Posts: 4,776
Thanks: 1 in 1 Posts
Lol I was just about to ask about Round 2. Can't wait to get started
The Receptacle still lives!
The Receptacle still lives!
Advertisement
#52
20th Jun 2015 at 9:21 PM
Last edited by elphaba2 : 21st Jun 2015 at 1:59 AM.
Posts: 41
Eeee, I'm excited. Taking pictures for Round 2 now. :D
Edit: I have a question about the object thing. Does the object have to be present in the story? Like, can the object be something that is discussed, and the absence of said object is what has an impact on the story? I'm thinking of having a character lose something important, and because of that there are devastating consequences (for that particular character, anyway). But if that's not quite what you were thinking I'll come up with something else.
Edit: I have a question about the object thing. Does the object have to be present in the story? Like, can the object be something that is discussed, and the absence of said object is what has an impact on the story? I'm thinking of having a character lose something important, and because of that there are devastating consequences (for that particular character, anyway). But if that's not quite what you were thinking I'll come up with something else.
#53
21st Jun 2015 at 11:47 AM
Posts: 293
@elphaba2: There's nothing in the rules that says it has to be shown or be physically present. A quest/search for an object would work just well as an object weapon we don't see that is being built/used against our heroes. As long as it's important and impacts the story it'll work.
Memory Games A Sims 3 Thriller Mystery
Memory Games A Sims 3 Thriller Mystery
#54
24th Jun 2015 at 10:06 PM
Posts: 166
I have a question. My story is fantasy, but can I mix a little bit of sience fiction?
#55
28th Jun 2015 at 1:32 AM
Posts: 293
@Letcupcake: There's nothing wrong with having other genres in your story as long as it's clear that it is primarily a fantasy.
Scores and Comments will be up sometime between now and tomorrow. Sooner rather than later since I've got everything almost ready.
Memory Games A Sims 3 Thriller Mystery
Scores and Comments will be up sometime between now and tomorrow. Sooner rather than later since I've got everything almost ready.
Memory Games A Sims 3 Thriller Mystery
#56
28th Jun 2015 at 5:59 AM
Posts: 293
Round 1 Scores!!!!
ROUND 1 SCORES
Below you’ll find your final scores. In the spoilers is the averaged score rounded to the nearest decimal of each of the main criterion and the judges comments which are mixed up so they aren’t in any order. (If you add these points up they will not equal your final score as they are rounded up averages. Please see the Scores Breakdown for raw points.) For a breakdown of the raw points from the judges plus averages, click here for the score sheet: Scores Breakdown
Please note that while the scores on the spreadsheet are listed as per the contestant list, the judges have again been mixed so they do not reflect the list on the first post.
If you have any issues, questions or concerns with your scores or feedback, please PM me. Do Not Contact the Judges! You do not know which judge did what so speak with me privately.
Fantasy Scores
1. Bre814 | 2. Ghost sdoj | 3. Letcupcake | 4. lil bag2 | 5. hungryhippo |
---|---|---|---|---|
76.3 | 84.3 | 65.5 | 83.2 | 77.5 |
Main Criteria Averaged Scores
Bre814, “It’s All in the Eyes”
Creativity (15) | Character (20) | Story (20) | Atmosphere (20) | Genre (10) | World Building (10) | Presentation (5) | Total | Deductions | Bonus | Final |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
11 | 12.7 | 13.7 | 13.3 | 8.2 | 8 | 5 | 71.8 | n/a | 4.5 | 76.3 |
·Good plot- slightly overused. ·Left me wondering. ·Didn't feel the fantasy. ·Good quality pictures ·Not a great main character.
It was hard to tell which character was which, starting out. Dialogue ran together a bit and the mix of different points of view added to the confusion. Questions stemmed from Trevor watching her but then not knowing why his "influence" wasn't working. Was he watching her because he really was attracted to her and just wanted to mind warp her into going out with him? Or watching because he suspected she was like them? Though I think you did a good job shaking things up at the end, I do feel as though the "norm" could have been established a little better. I don't feel like I know Kris before all the shaking happens. Story improved as it went on though and by the end, I definitely want to know who/what these guys are and how Kris is connected to them.
I love the cliffhanger at the end. We don't know what the guys are or what they want with Kris, but what you have shown through the build up (their mind powers and stalker-like persistence) makes me have to know what's going to happen and what they are! Be careful about head hopping. We were in Kris' head then Wendy's then possibly the stranger's... it distracts from the story. Kris could narrate what she believes someone else is thinking or what their motivation is based on actions/expressions. Also, you forgot underline your quote in the story.
The opening dialogue and narration didn’t feel realistic to me. Given the peaceful surroundings, and with no indication of any reason for such tension, it didn’t ring true that there would be eye-rolling, the throwing up of arms, or that Wendy would have to calm herself. But the dialogue between Kris and The Stranger was nicely done. I also loved the ease by which he knelt in front of Wendy to tell her she would not remember him. Well done. (Kind of sexy, too.)
It was hard to tell which character was which, starting out. Dialogue ran together a bit and the mix of different points of view added to the confusion. Questions stemmed from Trevor watching her but then not knowing why his "influence" wasn't working. Was he watching her because he really was attracted to her and just wanted to mind warp her into going out with him? Or watching because he suspected she was like them? Though I think you did a good job shaking things up at the end, I do feel as though the "norm" could have been established a little better. I don't feel like I know Kris before all the shaking happens. Story improved as it went on though and by the end, I definitely want to know who/what these guys are and how Kris is connected to them.
I love the cliffhanger at the end. We don't know what the guys are or what they want with Kris, but what you have shown through the build up (their mind powers and stalker-like persistence) makes me have to know what's going to happen and what they are! Be careful about head hopping. We were in Kris' head then Wendy's then possibly the stranger's... it distracts from the story. Kris could narrate what she believes someone else is thinking or what their motivation is based on actions/expressions. Also, you forgot underline your quote in the story.
The opening dialogue and narration didn’t feel realistic to me. Given the peaceful surroundings, and with no indication of any reason for such tension, it didn’t ring true that there would be eye-rolling, the throwing up of arms, or that Wendy would have to calm herself. But the dialogue between Kris and The Stranger was nicely done. I also loved the ease by which he knelt in front of Wendy to tell her she would not remember him. Well done. (Kind of sexy, too.)
Ghost sdoj, “Between Two Worlds”
Creativity (15) | Character (20) | Story (20) | Atmosphere (20) | Genre (10) | World Building (10) | Presentation (5) | Total | Deductions | Bonus | Final |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
12.7 | 13.7 | 15.3 | 15.3 | 9.3 | 8.3 | 5 | 79.7 | n/a | 4.7 | 84.3 |
The way you weaved the details of the world was well done. Thralls, "fang-faces", the garlic/sword... these were introduced in a natural way. But it became confusing for me as so much was happening one after the other without explanation or reflection. Slow down the action, especially the important parts/ turning points so we can see what's going on through showing with description of actions and feelings. Show Amara's internal struggle with saving a vampire's life. What are her thoughts and emotions throughout? What is her motivation for fighting against the Lord Emperor?
I feel like you did a good job really establishing your world within the word constraints, while still meeting your objective. And though I think you did a nice job characterizing Amara (fearless, blunt, can show compassion), I don't think I really understand her goals. She's been thrust into this position and we heard why and how but Amara's thoughts on that and how it may conflict with the life she had planned are still unanswered. I know we're just in the first chapter so it's hard to fit everything in but I do feel as though the antagonist is rather cliched. I don't really feel like his threat is established enough to be believable, especially for Amara to take up arms against him (especially when she started out appreciating the fang-faces being controlled).
I felt there needed to be clearer breaks between scenes. For instance, Amara drifted off to sleep, but in the very same paragraph, she woke up elsewhere. It kind of popped me out of the story for a second. I really liked Rose’s exposition, and you did a great job slipping in the bonus phrase. It came across naturally.
·Maybe the cheat "hideHeadlineEffects on" should have been used. ·Interesting main character ·Fantasy was felt ·Exhilarating ·Great, detailed world
I feel like you did a good job really establishing your world within the word constraints, while still meeting your objective. And though I think you did a nice job characterizing Amara (fearless, blunt, can show compassion), I don't think I really understand her goals. She's been thrust into this position and we heard why and how but Amara's thoughts on that and how it may conflict with the life she had planned are still unanswered. I know we're just in the first chapter so it's hard to fit everything in but I do feel as though the antagonist is rather cliched. I don't really feel like his threat is established enough to be believable, especially for Amara to take up arms against him (especially when she started out appreciating the fang-faces being controlled).
I felt there needed to be clearer breaks between scenes. For instance, Amara drifted off to sleep, but in the very same paragraph, she woke up elsewhere. It kind of popped me out of the story for a second. I really liked Rose’s exposition, and you did a great job slipping in the bonus phrase. It came across naturally.
·Maybe the cheat "hideHeadlineEffects on" should have been used. ·Interesting main character ·Fantasy was felt ·Exhilarating ·Great, detailed world
Letcupcake, “The Linessis Chronicles”
Creativity (15) | Character (20) | Story (20) | Atmosphere (20) | Genre (10) | World Building (10) | Presentation (5) | Total | Deductions | Bonus | Final |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
8.7 | 11 | 12.7 | 12.7 | 7 | 6.3 | 4.3 | 62.7 | n/a | 3.2 | 65.8 |
The bonus phrase didn't quite jive for me. Kali was only answering the questions that Nova asked. I felt that Nova wouldn’t have made such a remark unless Kali had been going on and on, or had been volunteering information, unnecessarily. But having said that, the rest of the dialogue flowed very well. It was easy to read, and I found myself wanting to listen to their conversation.
·Thrown in the midst of things ·Very snappy, not much detail ·Unique plot
Not showing Nova's face until she sees herself was a clever touch. I can tell that the friends care for each other and are close. More background setup was needed to understand what's going on. Why were they ambushed? Are they fighting or in hiding? Kali's explanation was too brief. Since she lost her memory, Nova needed more than an update. The quote felt out of place as Kali was simply giving the information Nova herself requested. Nova has no reason to trust the other two more than Jax or her mother as they are all strangers to her. The dreams didn't help since Nova couldn't interpret what was happening because of her amnesia and her mom didn't explain them. They end up giving little background to the story.
Your story jumped around a lot. It was hard to really feel "in" the story with a lot of the shifting. Additionally, we're left not knowing much about the world or our protagonist, with Nova's head trauma. It can be an interesting way to introduce the world and rules, learning through the eyes of the protagonist, but remember this is only a short story. There's only so much time! For your next chapter, we're going to need to learn more about the true conflict. We're not really sure if the mom is our antagonist, or the Federation so the waters are still muddy and hard to sift through. Be careful about past/present tense when writing. I feel as though Kali didn't narrate enough to really fill the role of Ms. Exposition - she mostly just filled Nova in on the basics of what she should already know. Same goes for the use of the quote.
·Thrown in the midst of things ·Very snappy, not much detail ·Unique plot
Not showing Nova's face until she sees herself was a clever touch. I can tell that the friends care for each other and are close. More background setup was needed to understand what's going on. Why were they ambushed? Are they fighting or in hiding? Kali's explanation was too brief. Since she lost her memory, Nova needed more than an update. The quote felt out of place as Kali was simply giving the information Nova herself requested. Nova has no reason to trust the other two more than Jax or her mother as they are all strangers to her. The dreams didn't help since Nova couldn't interpret what was happening because of her amnesia and her mom didn't explain them. They end up giving little background to the story.
Your story jumped around a lot. It was hard to really feel "in" the story with a lot of the shifting. Additionally, we're left not knowing much about the world or our protagonist, with Nova's head trauma. It can be an interesting way to introduce the world and rules, learning through the eyes of the protagonist, but remember this is only a short story. There's only so much time! For your next chapter, we're going to need to learn more about the true conflict. We're not really sure if the mom is our antagonist, or the Federation so the waters are still muddy and hard to sift through. Be careful about past/present tense when writing. I feel as though Kali didn't narrate enough to really fill the role of Ms. Exposition - she mostly just filled Nova in on the basics of what she should already know. Same goes for the use of the quote.
lil bag2, “Anne Arbor”
Creativity (15) | Character (20) | Story (20) | Atmosphere (20) | Genre (10) | World Building (10) | Presentation (5) | Total | Deductions | Bonus | Final |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
12.7 | 13.7 | 12.2 | 16.7 | 9 | 9 | 5 | 78.2 | n/a | 5 | 83.2 |
Your dialogue is really natural and flows well between the characters. You've done a really good job at setting up the story. However, I do feel as though it's missing a little punch. Brandon's motivations are clearer to me while Aries is a more relatable character. As of now, there really is no clear obstacle or villain. We know something bad is coming, something bad enough for the family to consider it the worst day of their lives but we're completely in the dark about it right now. We could have used a bit more information and shaking things up this chapter, rather than waiting for the future chapters.
I love how clearly you defined your different characters in this family. One paragraph into Brandon’s narration, I was invested. Great work.
The setup of the status quo is nicely done. Brandon's POV especially as we dive into his perception of the world, his reasons for his choices, and the struggles in his life. So far, nothing has shaken the Garrett's world. Brandon's struggles were his past not his present. Aries biggest worry was waking her brother up, but nothing out of the ordinary happened. Since the family would end up not taking Micah seriously anyway, fully sharing what he saw wouldn't take away suspense from the story. It would add conflict you could show and the father's fear would make sense.
·First sentence drew me in ·History of the town and main character was wonderfully explained ·Vivid, interesting, descriptive ·Developed characters ·Fantasy was felt
I love how clearly you defined your different characters in this family. One paragraph into Brandon’s narration, I was invested. Great work.
The setup of the status quo is nicely done. Brandon's POV especially as we dive into his perception of the world, his reasons for his choices, and the struggles in his life. So far, nothing has shaken the Garrett's world. Brandon's struggles were his past not his present. Aries biggest worry was waking her brother up, but nothing out of the ordinary happened. Since the family would end up not taking Micah seriously anyway, fully sharing what he saw wouldn't take away suspense from the story. It would add conflict you could show and the father's fear would make sense.
·First sentence drew me in ·History of the town and main character was wonderfully explained ·Vivid, interesting, descriptive ·Developed characters ·Fantasy was felt
hungryhippo, “A Darthtopian Dream”
Creativity (15) | Character (20) | Story (20) | Atmosphere (20) | Genre (10) | World Building (10) | Presentation (5) | Total | Deductions | Bonus | Final |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
11 | 14 | 13.3 | 16.3 | 7.7 | 6.3 | 5 | 73.7 | n/a | 3.8 | 77.5 |
I would like to hear a single voice in your narrator and in your dialogues. It slips back and forth from laid back to a kind of grand sort of formality. Each character has a personality, and the way they talk and think needs to stay true to that personality and to your picture. This is your story. And also, it helps to think of your narrator as another character. That might sound odd, but think about how different this story would sound if one of your friends told it, rather than yourself. My favorite line in this story: Reve looked into the darkening water, expecting to be pulled down at any moment. Perfect. I really liked your use of light and its absence: the night sky, the water, the fog.
Your writing moved really well between different characters and your pictures did a great job of really selling your story. The switches between 3rd and 1st person (for thoughts) were a little jarring, mostly due to the formatting I would guess. However, with that many character viewpoints, we, the readers, are left unsure of what's really going on. We don't know a lot of things that are very important to the overall story - (who are the witches? the church? the ministry? why are people afraid of them?) Though your world feels real, right now it's lacking a true fantasy feel since I'm not sure exactly what makes it a fantasy world - you've got a boy who has dreams, a girl who's praying for help for her sick father, mention of witches, and a mysterious sudden relocation. It's definitely interesting but, for this chapter at least, it's missing the rules and strong fantasy elements to really fit in the genre. Also, with the many different points of view, none of the characters really came across to me as Ms/Mr Exposition. That said, for me, the quote -did- work because Kris seemed to know all that the barmaid was saying but didn't want to be reminded of it.
·Interesting opening ·Amazing language that painted a vivid picture ·Drew me in ·Left me wanting more
You were able to move through multiple POVs fairly well, but name tags at the POV changes would be helpful. I really liked how each character had a dream or goal they wanted to accomplish and each had barriers to gaining that goal. The downside to the many POVs in such a short space is that there isn't enough time to really establish what, exactly, is going on or to get attached to anyone. How are stars going out and Micheal dying related? Are they all dying or just him? Is he the ruler or just a rich guy? Is it a downside to being upper class? Are the Ministry & the Church the same? Why would the Church and the witches both be after the innkeeper if word gets out about Reve? An enjoyable beginning, however, make sure to get the necessary information out.
Your writing moved really well between different characters and your pictures did a great job of really selling your story. The switches between 3rd and 1st person (for thoughts) were a little jarring, mostly due to the formatting I would guess. However, with that many character viewpoints, we, the readers, are left unsure of what's really going on. We don't know a lot of things that are very important to the overall story - (who are the witches? the church? the ministry? why are people afraid of them?) Though your world feels real, right now it's lacking a true fantasy feel since I'm not sure exactly what makes it a fantasy world - you've got a boy who has dreams, a girl who's praying for help for her sick father, mention of witches, and a mysterious sudden relocation. It's definitely interesting but, for this chapter at least, it's missing the rules and strong fantasy elements to really fit in the genre. Also, with the many different points of view, none of the characters really came across to me as Ms/Mr Exposition. That said, for me, the quote -did- work because Kris seemed to know all that the barmaid was saying but didn't want to be reminded of it.
·Interesting opening ·Amazing language that painted a vivid picture ·Drew me in ·Left me wanting more
You were able to move through multiple POVs fairly well, but name tags at the POV changes would be helpful. I really liked how each character had a dream or goal they wanted to accomplish and each had barriers to gaining that goal. The downside to the many POVs in such a short space is that there isn't enough time to really establish what, exactly, is going on or to get attached to anyone. How are stars going out and Micheal dying related? Are they all dying or just him? Is he the ruler or just a rich guy? Is it a downside to being upper class? Are the Ministry & the Church the same? Why would the Church and the witches both be after the innkeeper if word gets out about Reve? An enjoyable beginning, however, make sure to get the necessary information out.
Science Fiction Scores
1. blatant07 | 2. Freelala | 3. elphaba2 | 4. sionelle |
---|---|---|---|
69.3 | 99.3 | 86 | 80.2 |
Main Criteria Averaged Scores
blatant07, “Darkness Falls”
Creativity (15) | Character (20) | Story (20) | Atmosphere (20) | Genre (10) | World Building (10) | Presentation (5) | Total | Deductions | Bonus | Final |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
11 | 12.3 | 13 | 13.3 | 7.7 | 7 | 5 | 69.3 | n/a | n/a | 69.3 |
The story begins interestingly enough though it soon becomes muddied. Our aliens are fighting (and losing) a war and need recruits, but we don't know what for. Do they need recruits to fight for them? Or do they want to relocate to Earth and need recruits to help them transition? Zak, the general's son is sent on an undercover mission to Earth to do this but how? He spends a month as a bouncer at a club and, as far as the readers know, he's not really accomplished anything in that time. It takes him that amount of time to discover sleeping? With the large time gaps and missing vital information, the story became less of a narrative and felt more like a timeline - "so and so did this, then they did this, then this happened".
·Not really that fluid- a bit "this happened, that happened" ·Switches tenses ·Interesting plot, though
Zakeel is warm, caring and has fun. There are good details about him: he doesn't like dark places and is eager to help his people while still having a sense of humor. The set up appeared to be a "race against the clock" to save their people which is done quite well while on the ship, but once he leaves the story gets very confusing. His people are losing a war and need recruits (what the recruits are for is not explained), however, Zak is doing nothing on Earth that appears to have anything to do with research? Recruitment? Relocating? Once you start a mission with a countdown keep the pressure up by focusing on it. As she appears to be the story's villain, since Destiny was dead as far as everyone, including Zak, knew, why did he think anything could be done for her? Why did she assume he'd send a human corpse back to the Herzian ship? Explain characters' motivations.
You wrote some great comedic moments. I chuckled at Arey hinting that she might have deliberately made Zak’s leg shake. And it was funny to learn that Zakeel once had to assume the form of a slimy worm. As a reader, I felt that there were inconsistencies and things unexplained, like collecting data on the humans when they’ve already been chosen to be the recruits. I realize there's stuff happening off stage, but sometimes a reader needs to know what it is (or get some hint that such information's coming) to get invested in the outcome.
·Not really that fluid- a bit "this happened, that happened" ·Switches tenses ·Interesting plot, though
Zakeel is warm, caring and has fun. There are good details about him: he doesn't like dark places and is eager to help his people while still having a sense of humor. The set up appeared to be a "race against the clock" to save their people which is done quite well while on the ship, but once he leaves the story gets very confusing. His people are losing a war and need recruits (what the recruits are for is not explained), however, Zak is doing nothing on Earth that appears to have anything to do with research? Recruitment? Relocating? Once you start a mission with a countdown keep the pressure up by focusing on it. As she appears to be the story's villain, since Destiny was dead as far as everyone, including Zak, knew, why did he think anything could be done for her? Why did she assume he'd send a human corpse back to the Herzian ship? Explain characters' motivations.
You wrote some great comedic moments. I chuckled at Arey hinting that she might have deliberately made Zak’s leg shake. And it was funny to learn that Zakeel once had to assume the form of a slimy worm. As a reader, I felt that there were inconsistencies and things unexplained, like collecting data on the humans when they’ve already been chosen to be the recruits. I realize there's stuff happening off stage, but sometimes a reader needs to know what it is (or get some hint that such information's coming) to get invested in the outcome.
Freelala, “Avalanche”
Creativity (15) | Character (20) | Story (20) | Atmosphere (20) | Genre (10) | World Building (10) | Presentation (5) | Total | Deductions | Bonus | Final |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
14.7 | 18 | 19 | 19 | 10 | 9.7 | 5 | 95.3 | n/a | 4 | 99.3 |
·Beautifully detailed ·Unique, developed characters ·Detailed plot and background
Beautiful pictures. Even when characters are just sitting there, you made them interesting to look at through details and angles. You did a great job of balancing the development of plot and character.
It’s difficult not to rave about this entry - I was drawn in with the opening paragraph. And were this in a book and not on a computer screen, I would call it a real page-turner.
Whoa. Just...whoa. I need a minute to collect my thoughts. From the beginning to the end of this chapter, I was completely hooked. The way you introduced the background story felt natural and kept it interesting. For the plot objective - you shook up so much that I felt like I just lived through an earthquake (or perhaps avalanche, hurrhurr). I still have some questions, obviously, but I do think that they'll all be answered naturally as the story progresses rather than needing to remind you to clarify. Well done!
Beautiful pictures. Even when characters are just sitting there, you made them interesting to look at through details and angles. You did a great job of balancing the development of plot and character.
It’s difficult not to rave about this entry - I was drawn in with the opening paragraph. And were this in a book and not on a computer screen, I would call it a real page-turner.
Whoa. Just...whoa. I need a minute to collect my thoughts. From the beginning to the end of this chapter, I was completely hooked. The way you introduced the background story felt natural and kept it interesting. For the plot objective - you shook up so much that I felt like I just lived through an earthquake (or perhaps avalanche, hurrhurr). I still have some questions, obviously, but I do think that they'll all be answered naturally as the story progresses rather than needing to remind you to clarify. Well done!
elphaba2, “Isolation”
Creativity (15) | Character (20) | Story (20) | Atmosphere (20) | Genre (10) | World Building (10) | Presentation (5) | Total | Deductions | Bonus | Final |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
12 | 15.7 | 16.3 | 18.3 | 9.7 | 9 | 5 | 86 | n/a | n/a | 86 |
This is a nice start to the story. It certainly feels real and as soon as the shortcut was introduced, I felt a level of anxiety of what might be awaiting them. That route's not approved for a reason! Or perhaps I just identify with Riona. I liked that each character was memorable in their own way and your dialogue is great. I did feel that the round element was a little lacking to truly fit. After reading your A/N at the end, it makes sense as it was changed at last minute. Kind of happy though as I didn't want anyone to die (especially not yet)!
·Nice backstory ·Hard to get into ·I couldn't really feel the sci fi
The conversation between Leo and Riona didn't feel natural to me. But all other dialogue was great, especially the small argument concerning the change in plans. And when Ethan told Audra they were evacuating, all I could think was, “I want to know what happens next.”
The story ends at such a good spot! You did a great at showing the hardships of someone whose job requires them to leave home and loved ones behind for long periods of time. With nothing to do but sit around wishing you were home, I can understand why everyone wants to breakaway from protocol and take the shortcut. The element didn't work. There wasn't enough for it to feel like Ethan gave exposition.
·Nice backstory ·Hard to get into ·I couldn't really feel the sci fi
The conversation between Leo and Riona didn't feel natural to me. But all other dialogue was great, especially the small argument concerning the change in plans. And when Ethan told Audra they were evacuating, all I could think was, “I want to know what happens next.”
The story ends at such a good spot! You did a great at showing the hardships of someone whose job requires them to leave home and loved ones behind for long periods of time. With nothing to do but sit around wishing you were home, I can understand why everyone wants to breakaway from protocol and take the shortcut. The element didn't work. There wasn't enough for it to feel like Ethan gave exposition.
sionelle, “Erosion”
Creativity (15) | Character (20) | Story (20) | Atmosphere (20) | Genre (10) | World Building (10) | Presentation (5) | Total | Deductions | Bonus | Final |
---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
11.7 | 13 | 12.3 | 15 | 9 | 9.2 | 5 | 75.2 | n/a | 5 | 80.2 |
·I like how the backstory is explained at the beginning ·I felt the sci fi! ·Painted a vivid picture
The quote was worked in very well. It was funny and I liked how you wove it to point back to a past reference. The transitions from one POV to another weren't always smooth and the story feels rushed and not all connected. The twist with Patima was good, but would have packed a larger punch with more build up about the rebels.
I thought it was so cool that the rebel turns out to be the CEO’s fancy wife, a clever twist. And I loved how you worked the bonus phrase so playfully, right into their conversation.
I think you've done a good job of introducing your world and given us a great view into the norm of this world. I do feel as though your objective was a too undeveloped: the rebels don't know someone is on to them, Krannert doesn't know his wife is the leader, OdSec doesn't know they're looking into the wrong Krannert. The readers know more but, thus far, the world really hasn't been shaken up yet. I'd like to see a little more development and truly understand them, Patima especially. Growing up one of the privileged, what led her to lead a resistance? I think you have the good backbones of a story but, to me, this felt more like a prologue than a true dive-in first chapter.
The quote was worked in very well. It was funny and I liked how you wove it to point back to a past reference. The transitions from one POV to another weren't always smooth and the story feels rushed and not all connected. The twist with Patima was good, but would have packed a larger punch with more build up about the rebels.
I thought it was so cool that the rebel turns out to be the CEO’s fancy wife, a clever twist. And I loved how you worked the bonus phrase so playfully, right into their conversation.
I think you've done a good job of introducing your world and given us a great view into the norm of this world. I do feel as though your objective was a too undeveloped: the rebels don't know someone is on to them, Krannert doesn't know his wife is the leader, OdSec doesn't know they're looking into the wrong Krannert. The readers know more but, thus far, the world really hasn't been shaken up yet. I'd like to see a little more development and truly understand them, Patima especially. Growing up one of the privileged, what led her to lead a resistance? I think you have the good backbones of a story but, to me, this felt more like a prologue than a true dive-in first chapter.
Everyone has done a wonderful job with a unique story. We enjoyed reading all your stories. Beginnings are difficult so don’t be dismayed if you didn’t score as high as you hoped. Entries are scored based on how well they met the stated criteria under SCORES in the main post. They do not reflect the enjoyability of a story. In the comments, judges relate what worked in your story and where you can improve. Overall, they need more explanations and background to what was going on. Some ideas just need to be developed a bit more. Consider incorporating their advice and/or answering their questions in the next round to make your story stronger. Be encouraged by what you have done well. Not everyone has the guts to write and allow others to judge it. We can’t wait to see what happens next in round 2! Keep writing! If you have any questions, concerns, need a pep talk, feel free to contact me. Also, let me know if I input a number wrong. I'm half asleep and squinting at the screen so I can't tell!
Memory Games A Sims 3 Thriller Mystery
#57
29th Jun 2015 at 1:05 AM
Last edited by Letcupcake : 29th Jun 2015 at 1:39 AM.
Posts: 166
I'm crushed. I'm the worst of ALL genres. I got 4 points less than the second worst. And 12 points less than the second worst of my genre.
I don't want to keep writing 65% its really bad
I don't want to keep writing 65% its really bad
#58
29th Jun 2015 at 3:56 AM
Posts: 3,720
Thanks: 27115 in 66 Posts
No, don't feel that way. Look at the comments and the places where you lost points and see how you can improve on that. For example, you scored low in the character section: because of the situation Nova was in, it was hard to get to know her which cost points in that section. See about how you can improve her as a character. Look at each section of judging in the first post of the contest: they all have questions that we (the judges) are looking at when we read through the stories. Ask yourself if you answered those questions based only on what you wrote. Not what you know as the author. If not, evaluate how you can answer those questions and stick to your story.
Don't give up though! We have to find out what happens.
Don't give up though! We have to find out what happens.
Heaven Sims | Avendale Legacy
"On the internet, you can be anything you want. It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid."
"On the internet, you can be anything you want. It's strange that so many people choose to be stupid."
#59
29th Jun 2015 at 10:14 PM
Posts: 293
@Letcupcake: Please take heaven's advice! Don't give up. There's nothing wrong with your beginning if you were blogging the story as you'd have lots of space to slowly develop the plot and characters. In this contest, however, you need to develop the conflict quickly. Judges must score based on the criteria in the post. If you look at the SCORING section, you'll see that character and conflict need to be developed clearly enough that they can identify those points based off of what you actually wrote. Based off the entire story everything might meet the requirements 100%, but judges are scoring chapter by chapter. Start thinking in terms of chapters. Does my chapter have all the criteria in it? Where and how can I bring those out more? If you're still unsure if you've gotten those things across clearly in your writing, ask a friend to read it with the criteria. Another set of eyes that you trust will not only see what you may have missed, but might have ideas on details that would help. Focusing on improving one area for round 2 is a great idea. You may have started off with a 65, but you don't have to stay there. If you keep going and follow the advice/comments, you'll improve. Who knows what your final score will be?! You'll never know what you're capable of if you give up.
Memory Games A Sims 3 Thriller Mystery
Memory Games A Sims 3 Thriller Mystery
Test Subject
#60
30th Jun 2015 at 12:20 AM
Posts: 140
Story Title: It's all in the eyes
Genre: Fantasy
Round Element: Crystal heart shaped necklace
Word/Picture Count: 1320 words/13 pictures
Synopsis & Recap: Strange men with even stranger eyes have broken into Kris' home and claimed she is one of them. The question is, one of who...or what?
“What do you mean, one of you?” Kris asked, “I still don't understand what you are.” The purple eyed man sighed and studied her a bit before saying, “How about we start over. My name is Yin and you are?” “Kris,” she said unevenly. Yin nodded, “Well, Kris,” he cleared his throat, “the arrogant bastard over there is Trevor.” Trevor glared at Yin for a moment before turning back to Kris, “And I thought I made it clear.” He said still frowning a bit, “We are kind of human, only better.” Kris couldn't help but feel insulted and frustrated, “What the hell are you?” She demanded.
Yin spoke up again before his friend can anger this poor woman more, “You know how apes are related to humans and monkeys are related to apes. In all, we are said to be different results of the same shared ancestor?” Kris nodded remembering learning of evolution in school, “Well,” Yin continued, “What if vampires, mermaids, elves, and other humanoid mythical creatures were just like that? Different species of humans.”Kris stared in shock, “Wait,” she said slowly, trying to wrap her head around all of this, “does that mean, you guys are vampires?" Trevor grinned, "I'm of vampirine decent." Kris' eyes widened, "So, you drink blood?" She asked cowering, her back pressing onto the chair.
“No,” Yin said softly, “that gene has long since mutated.” Kris frowned, “Mutated? What do you mean?” Trevor smirked, “You've already shown your human nature. How when humans get scared of these “things”, these beings that can do things they can't. So they kill them.” Yin looked a cross between angry and sad, “What he means is,” he interrupted, “beings like us have been killed off for many reasons.
But....you know how animals mutate and adapt? Birds get different beaks and claws for nuts and berries, big cats get speed, lighter bones to hunt their pray. What if these beings did that? Vampires that needed less and less blood until they barely or didn't need it anymore, mermaids that had no tail or scales, elves with normal ears...
All in the name of survival.” Kris nodded as it slowly dawned on her, “All you have left from your ancestors are your eyes and powers.” Yin nodded, “Correct. And by the way, I’m not a vampire. I’m a sandman.” Kris nodded again, “But, how am I one of you? My eyes aren’t weird, no offence. Plus I don’t have any strange powers.” Trevor chuckled, “Are you stupid or what?” he asked. Kris glared “Excuse me?” “Well,” he says, “Not everyone has a weird eye color. Elves look a lot like humans so they blended in better. Maybe the people with “normal” eyes blend in better too? Ever think of that?”
Yin had reached the end of his patience, “Trevor, you ever thought of being nice, maybe not being an asshole? Not everyone is born knowing now a days.” Trevor gritted his teeth, “Just because your father was human doesn’t make them all less despicable or discussing or-” “SLEEP!” “You son of a-” Trevor’s head fell back and he began to snore softly.
Yin turned back to a very unsurprised Kris who asked, “And you couldn’t do that sooner because?” They both shared a small laugh. Kris looked at her mother sleeping peacefully and felt her whole body finally calm. This was real, and panicking wasn’t going to help, so she didn’t. “What do green eyes mean?” she asked Yin. He thought for a long while, “Usually it means you have plant manipulation powers.” Kris grinned, “Like Poison Ivy?” Yin chuckled, “Yes, but have you ever had unexplained plant growths around you? Maybe in your room? Maybe you were outside playing and there was a garden patch in an area that wasn’t there before?” He watched as she shook her head as expected, “You can try and will that plant to move, but I already have a theory.”
Kris didn’t ask for the theory, she thought it would be best to at least toss out one possibility before opening another. She took a deep breath and stared at the plant in front of her on her mother’s coffee table, “Do I have to…?” she made a gesture to her mouth. Yin shook his head, “I recommend it, but it’s not necessary. Stuff like verbal commands and eye contact are mainly help with control and focusing power.” Kris nodded, “Grow.” Nothing happened, “Blossom?” Nothing, “Sprout…?”
Kris sighed and looked over at Yin, “So, you had a theory?” Yin nodded, “The reason Trevor thought you were so important we had to see you, was because of how you can’t be effected by our powers.” Kris shook her head, “If I’m one of you then I…” Kris trailed off looking at Trevor, he was still asleep. “Look,” Yin said, “I have a hunch that whatever you are, your power is to not be effected by anyone else’s power.”
Kris thought about this for a minute, “So, I’m like an invincible thing?” “Being.” He corrected, “You aren’t a human being, but you’re still a being. Nothing less.” Kris nodded, “Ok, so now what?” she asked, “Now that we might know what I am, what do we do about it?” Yin stood and loomed around Trevor, “Now,” he said eyeing Trevor up and down, “You have to be careful. You are the first of your kind, or at least the first I’ve seen, and I’ve seen a lot.” Yin picked up one of Trevor’s arms and lifted it up and down lightly as if weighing it. “We both thought, it’d be better if you found out about our kind this way. If another being found out what you were you may have a very different introduction to us.” Kris moved to sit near her mother in the free spot on the couch, “Yeah,” she said, “I’m so glad you just walked right in and scared the hell outta me.” They shared another small laugh and Yin reached into his shirt pocket, “Here,” He gave Kris a crystal heart shaped necklace. “It’ll help me keep track of you.” He stroked Trevor’s cheeks as if he was dusting sand off his face, and Kris could have sworn she saw some kind of purple dust flying off him.
“Do you think something’s going to happen?” Kris asked as Yin got a somewhat conscious Trevor onto his feet, “Do you think someone could find out what I am and come after me? Is that why you’re giving me this?” Yin let Trevor lean heavily on him as he turned to leave, “There’s one witch that definitely wants you for herself, her spells and contacts might even have told her you exist already.”
Kris stood abruptly, “Could she hurt me? Or my mom? Or my friend Wendy? Why does she even…how do you know?” Yin painfully turned to look at Kris with the dead weight on his side, “She wants a war among humans and other beings and she wants power. You and your ability could give her the advantage she wants to start this war. I don’t want to worry you, but I don’t want to lie to you, she would kill for you. But, it’s too early, she would have to watch and wait to be sure you’re worth it. That necklace, it’ll be our communicator and also a distress call.” Yin turned again, “Oh, and your mother will wake up in eight hours.”
With those words, he left with Trevor. Kris couldn’t think of any more questions until after he left. “Why am I what I am? My mom seems normal, she’s effected by them. Daddy seems perfectly fine, but maybe it’s time to visit.”
Kris’ stomach growled and she eyed the pot on the stove full of stew…or was it soup. She smiled to herself and walked over to the still hot pot to find out.
Genre: Fantasy
Round Element: Crystal heart shaped necklace
Word/Picture Count: 1320 words/13 pictures
Synopsis & Recap: Strange men with even stranger eyes have broken into Kris' home and claimed she is one of them. The question is, one of who...or what?
Chapter 2
“What do you mean, one of you?” Kris asked, “I still don't understand what you are.” The purple eyed man sighed and studied her a bit before saying, “How about we start over. My name is Yin and you are?” “Kris,” she said unevenly. Yin nodded, “Well, Kris,” he cleared his throat, “the arrogant bastard over there is Trevor.” Trevor glared at Yin for a moment before turning back to Kris, “And I thought I made it clear.” He said still frowning a bit, “We are kind of human, only better.” Kris couldn't help but feel insulted and frustrated, “What the hell are you?” She demanded.
Yin spoke up again before his friend can anger this poor woman more, “You know how apes are related to humans and monkeys are related to apes. In all, we are said to be different results of the same shared ancestor?” Kris nodded remembering learning of evolution in school, “Well,” Yin continued, “What if vampires, mermaids, elves, and other humanoid mythical creatures were just like that? Different species of humans.”Kris stared in shock, “Wait,” she said slowly, trying to wrap her head around all of this, “does that mean, you guys are vampires?" Trevor grinned, "I'm of vampirine decent." Kris' eyes widened, "So, you drink blood?" She asked cowering, her back pressing onto the chair.
“No,” Yin said softly, “that gene has long since mutated.” Kris frowned, “Mutated? What do you mean?” Trevor smirked, “You've already shown your human nature. How when humans get scared of these “things”, these beings that can do things they can't. So they kill them.” Yin looked a cross between angry and sad, “What he means is,” he interrupted, “beings like us have been killed off for many reasons.
But....you know how animals mutate and adapt? Birds get different beaks and claws for nuts and berries, big cats get speed, lighter bones to hunt their pray. What if these beings did that? Vampires that needed less and less blood until they barely or didn't need it anymore, mermaids that had no tail or scales, elves with normal ears...
All in the name of survival.” Kris nodded as it slowly dawned on her, “All you have left from your ancestors are your eyes and powers.” Yin nodded, “Correct. And by the way, I’m not a vampire. I’m a sandman.” Kris nodded again, “But, how am I one of you? My eyes aren’t weird, no offence. Plus I don’t have any strange powers.” Trevor chuckled, “Are you stupid or what?” he asked. Kris glared “Excuse me?” “Well,” he says, “Not everyone has a weird eye color. Elves look a lot like humans so they blended in better. Maybe the people with “normal” eyes blend in better too? Ever think of that?”
Yin had reached the end of his patience, “Trevor, you ever thought of being nice, maybe not being an asshole? Not everyone is born knowing now a days.” Trevor gritted his teeth, “Just because your father was human doesn’t make them all less despicable or discussing or-” “SLEEP!” “You son of a-” Trevor’s head fell back and he began to snore softly.
Yin turned back to a very unsurprised Kris who asked, “And you couldn’t do that sooner because?” They both shared a small laugh. Kris looked at her mother sleeping peacefully and felt her whole body finally calm. This was real, and panicking wasn’t going to help, so she didn’t. “What do green eyes mean?” she asked Yin. He thought for a long while, “Usually it means you have plant manipulation powers.” Kris grinned, “Like Poison Ivy?” Yin chuckled, “Yes, but have you ever had unexplained plant growths around you? Maybe in your room? Maybe you were outside playing and there was a garden patch in an area that wasn’t there before?” He watched as she shook her head as expected, “You can try and will that plant to move, but I already have a theory.”
Kris didn’t ask for the theory, she thought it would be best to at least toss out one possibility before opening another. She took a deep breath and stared at the plant in front of her on her mother’s coffee table, “Do I have to…?” she made a gesture to her mouth. Yin shook his head, “I recommend it, but it’s not necessary. Stuff like verbal commands and eye contact are mainly help with control and focusing power.” Kris nodded, “Grow.” Nothing happened, “Blossom?” Nothing, “Sprout…?”
Kris sighed and looked over at Yin, “So, you had a theory?” Yin nodded, “The reason Trevor thought you were so important we had to see you, was because of how you can’t be effected by our powers.” Kris shook her head, “If I’m one of you then I…” Kris trailed off looking at Trevor, he was still asleep. “Look,” Yin said, “I have a hunch that whatever you are, your power is to not be effected by anyone else’s power.”
Kris thought about this for a minute, “So, I’m like an invincible thing?” “Being.” He corrected, “You aren’t a human being, but you’re still a being. Nothing less.” Kris nodded, “Ok, so now what?” she asked, “Now that we might know what I am, what do we do about it?” Yin stood and loomed around Trevor, “Now,” he said eyeing Trevor up and down, “You have to be careful. You are the first of your kind, or at least the first I’ve seen, and I’ve seen a lot.” Yin picked up one of Trevor’s arms and lifted it up and down lightly as if weighing it. “We both thought, it’d be better if you found out about our kind this way. If another being found out what you were you may have a very different introduction to us.” Kris moved to sit near her mother in the free spot on the couch, “Yeah,” she said, “I’m so glad you just walked right in and scared the hell outta me.” They shared another small laugh and Yin reached into his shirt pocket, “Here,” He gave Kris a crystal heart shaped necklace. “It’ll help me keep track of you.” He stroked Trevor’s cheeks as if he was dusting sand off his face, and Kris could have sworn she saw some kind of purple dust flying off him.
“Do you think something’s going to happen?” Kris asked as Yin got a somewhat conscious Trevor onto his feet, “Do you think someone could find out what I am and come after me? Is that why you’re giving me this?” Yin let Trevor lean heavily on him as he turned to leave, “There’s one witch that definitely wants you for herself, her spells and contacts might even have told her you exist already.”
Kris stood abruptly, “Could she hurt me? Or my mom? Or my friend Wendy? Why does she even…how do you know?” Yin painfully turned to look at Kris with the dead weight on his side, “She wants a war among humans and other beings and she wants power. You and your ability could give her the advantage she wants to start this war. I don’t want to worry you, but I don’t want to lie to you, she would kill for you. But, it’s too early, she would have to watch and wait to be sure you’re worth it. That necklace, it’ll be our communicator and also a distress call.” Yin turned again, “Oh, and your mother will wake up in eight hours.”
With those words, he left with Trevor. Kris couldn’t think of any more questions until after he left. “Why am I what I am? My mom seems normal, she’s effected by them. Daddy seems perfectly fine, but maybe it’s time to visit.”
Kris’ stomach growled and she eyed the pot on the stove full of stew…or was it soup. She smiled to herself and walked over to the still hot pot to find out.
Author's notes: The scenes with the gun fire, the mother dying in front of her daughter, and that girl growing to put on contacts to change her eye color have little to do with the characters at hand. It was, as you may have guessed, simply to paint a picture of Yin's description of the fight between humans and other beings.Many thanks for reading!
#61
1st Jul 2015 at 6:45 AM
Letcupcake: I'm adding my voice to the choir here. Please don't quit. I used to enter every contest that I could. Most of the time I was where you are now. (It still floors me when I'm NOT 10 points in last place after the first round.) But you have a good story going; it just started more slowly than it could have. You've got advice on how to improve, and you could easily pull ahead. Relax, and have fun with the story. I've been in several contests where the main reason I did as well as I did was because I kept going and real life hit the other contestants hard enough to make them drop out or miss a round. (Although winning third prize in a contest that had gotten down to 3 participants still has me giggling about it.)
4 points is easy to make up. Bonuses are worth 5, and they are optional. If someone doesn't include a bonus, and you do, you've gotten a few points that they didn't bother with. Round 1 is not the end. You CAN do this. Double check to be sure that you are following all the rules, plan to add every bonus that is offered, listen to the judges comments and try to improve based on them, and work on fixing your lowest-scoring category in each round, and I would be astonished if you were still in last place by the end of the contest. Please don't quit just because you didn't do well in the first round. The contest is a LOT closer than it feels to you right now. (And I want to finish reading your story.)
I am Ghost. My husband is sidneydoj. I post, he downloads, and I wanted to keep my post count.
Group for Avatar Makers* Funny Stories *2017 Yearbook
4 points is easy to make up. Bonuses are worth 5, and they are optional. If someone doesn't include a bonus, and you do, you've gotten a few points that they didn't bother with. Round 1 is not the end. You CAN do this. Double check to be sure that you are following all the rules, plan to add every bonus that is offered, listen to the judges comments and try to improve based on them, and work on fixing your lowest-scoring category in each round, and I would be astonished if you were still in last place by the end of the contest. Please don't quit just because you didn't do well in the first round. The contest is a LOT closer than it feels to you right now. (And I want to finish reading your story.)
I am Ghost. My husband is sidneydoj. I post, he downloads, and I wanted to keep my post count.
Group for Avatar Makers* Funny Stories *2017 Yearbook
#62
1st Jul 2015 at 10:58 AM
Last edited by sionelle : 8th Jul 2015 at 10:00 PM.
Reason: added bonus info
Posts: 171
Thanks: 14304 in 25 Posts
STORY TITLE: Erosion
GENRE: Sci--Fi
WORD/PICTURE COUNT: 2,354 / 25
ROUND ELEMENT: Blue Datapad
SYNOPSIS AND RECAP: The Fourth Caerulean Commonwealth is a counterintelligence state built on slave labor and dominated by the government spy organization known as OrdSec. Tack Krannert runs a shipyard and mining colony on Timbok II, a planet inhabited by green-skinned locals. In an effort to stay in the good graces of the totalitarian government, he's taken on military contracts, sparking an argument with his anti-government second-in-command, Igna Kamiwix. Tack doesn't know that his aristocratic wife Patima is the leader of a resistance cell, she doesn't know that OrdSec knows the head of the cell is named Krannert, and OrdSec doesn't know that the Krannert in question is not the obvious choice, Tack.
The resistance is meeting in the mines this very night...
GENRE: Sci--Fi
WORD/PICTURE COUNT: 2,354 / 25
ROUND ELEMENT: Blue Datapad
SYNOPSIS AND RECAP: The Fourth Caerulean Commonwealth is a counterintelligence state built on slave labor and dominated by the government spy organization known as OrdSec. Tack Krannert runs a shipyard and mining colony on Timbok II, a planet inhabited by green-skinned locals. In an effort to stay in the good graces of the totalitarian government, he's taken on military contracts, sparking an argument with his anti-government second-in-command, Igna Kamiwix. Tack doesn't know that his aristocratic wife Patima is the leader of a resistance cell, she doesn't know that OrdSec knows the head of the cell is named Krannert, and OrdSec doesn't know that the Krannert in question is not the obvious choice, Tack.
The resistance is meeting in the mines this very night...
Late that night, when most of the administrative and technical staff -- the office dwellers -- had returned to the planet, and when the second team of workers in pressurized suits was halfway through its eight-hour shift in the construction bays, Tack Krannert was still at his desk, pounding a much-abused keyboard into submission. The motion-sensitive lights had gone dark while he worked, but turned on once again as he shifted in his chair and called for his assistant.
"ARI!"
The indispensable young woman who ran the shipyards' front office strode in as if she'd been waiting outside the door. Which of course she had been. "Sir?"
"Who's still here from the R&D team? I went through the designs for the power conversion on the new engines and I am 99% sure we can--"
"Gone," she interrupted.
"What about Legal? I think I found a loophole in the--"
"Also gone."
"Disappointing..." Tack gave his keyboard one last thwack and then spun his chair around with a grin. "I'm being extremely clever up here and there's no one to stand around looking impressed. What gives you all the right to have lives outside the office?"
Ariana laughed as he slouched back in his seat, looking the very opposite of a pompous CEO. "The next thing you know, we'll all want a liveable wage," she teased him.
"No chance," he shot back in the same good humor. "But you can at least go home before third shift comes on. If you wait two minutes, I can give you a ride down." Standing up and slinging his satchel onto the desk, he gathered up the few items cluttering its surface. "Did you put the contract record in the secure cabinet? Blue datapad. It was here earlier."
"If it was in your outbox, I did. I can double-check if you'd like."
"No need," Tack replied, taking hold of the satchel and pushing in his chair. "I trust you. Let's go home."
Down below, in the mines, where Patima had gathered her ragtag team, the clandestine meeting of the local resistance cell was just getting underway. "...we have a lot to discuss. But first I am going to need everyone's promise that what you hear tonight stays within this group. There is to be no record of any of this activity on datarods, datapads or any other device. You will not communicate over any networks about it -- coded or not. You will not discuss it outside these meetings -- not with your spouses, not with your friends, not even with each other. Am I clear?"
A couple of the miners shot curious glances back and forth, but all nodded.
"Clear."
"Aye."
"Got it."
"Yeah."
"Good," said a sharp voice behind the huddled group. The sound of footsteps on gravel heralded the arrival of four other attendees, each carrying a backpack. "Shuttle got in late," the apparent leader said as she stepped into the pool of greenish light given off by the crystal lamp overhead. "Are we just going to lay it all out here, or is there somewhere more private we can take this party?"
Patima held out a hand toward a narrow tunnel, ignoring the murmurs among her team, and led the guests toward a small storage and maintenance room carved out of a dead-end rockface. The strangers took up position against the back wall, next to their gear, while Patima made her way to the front of the crowded closet.
"Thank you for coming," she said quietly. "We've been asked to help stage a dry run for an upcoming attack on the naval shipyards at Taradon. Our visitors are part of the team that will carry out the attack. They'll need your expertise in planning the operation. Aysa Etani, the commander of the mission, is here to give you the basics."
Some of Patima's team shared nervous frowns with each other, but all turned to size up the wiry young woman who stepped forward, hand resting on a pistol at her hip. "Right," she said tersely. "More than your expertise, you have two things we need. Shipyards, and badges." Her voice was mildly sarcastic, in what seemed to be its natural tone. "Krannert shipyard security is standard shipyard security, so if we can get in here, we can get in at Taradon. My team will work with four of you, in two teams, to infiltrate the yards on one of the cargo carriers. Your job will be to provide plausible cover if anyone detects us. Say we're trainees, come up with an excuse for us to be there. You get the idea."
"I know this is a new level of involvement for us," Patima said. "But--"
"But it comes with the territory, "Aysa interrupted. "Omlettes. Eggs. You've got to break them."
"--but I am hopeful none of you will want to back out," Patima continued, a small furrow of her brow the only sign she might be irritated by the brusque interruption. When none of her team budged, she nodded in approval. "Good. So. The plan..."
After the briefing, as the meeting broke up, Patima held out a hand, blocking Igna Kamiwix's path to the door. "You. Wait. We need to talk."
"Yeah we do," he answered. "Listen--"
"No, you listen. Stop fighting Tack on the naval contracts, and stop hinting about the resistance. You cannot drag him into this."
Igna scowled, crossing his arms over his chest as he spat back a reply. "Why not? He's got no love for the Commonwealth. If we bring him in to the resistance, he brings the shipyards. He brings the mines. He brings everything we need to get an actual fighting force off the ground."
"And in the time it takes to get a fleet here from Utopia Serenea, the Commonwealth will take it away," she hissed back. "He had to sign those contracts and you know it. You know what happened to KomoTech." The once-dominant tech giant had tried to thwart the government, had been accused of collaboration with terrorists, and had been nationalized. Stripped of all assets, its factories and facilities were closed. Its former executives and engineers were 'missing.'
"So you let a resistance team run all over his shipping bays in secret, and that's all right, but I want him to know about it, and I'm the one who's wrong?"
"He can't confess to what he doesn't know," she pleaded. "Please, Igna, you cannot tell him. If OrdSec ever comes looking here, he must not know anything. They'll kill him. They will haul him back to Utopia Serenea and make an example of him. They will take his shipyards. They will close his mines." It had happened before. To KomoTech. To countless smaller companies. Nearly to her own family's factories. "His company employs tens of thousands of people -- actually pays them -- and those people take care of their families. Those people and those families are what matter. He has a responsibility to them and to this planet. He can't do anything to jeopardize their future."
Igna listened patiently for a while, recognizing at least the practicality of her words, but he eventually cut her off with a roll of his eyes. "All right. Let's not cast him as some sort of socialist hero for the masses. He's a billionaire running a company his father gave him. And he's running it the wrong way."
Patima's cheeks flushed red in the dim light, and her lips set into a firm, thin line. "His family built that company over fifteen generations, yes, to make a profit, but also to provide for the people here. The economy of the entire sector relies on those shipyards, and he knows it. He is not some debutante hotel heiress, so don't make it sound like--"
"He's a capitalist, just like any other. He makes decisions for profit." Aysa stepped forward from where she was standing in the shadows.
Patima's voice was icy she turned to face the newcomer. "You don't know what you're talking about, and I don't recall you being invited to this conversation."
Aysa lifted a brow at the haughty tone as she held out a blue datapad, clearly marked with the Krannert logo. "I beg your pardon, milady. But you need to open your eyes."
"Where did you get that? And how did you open it? It's a secure file." Ignoring the jab at her aristocratic background, Patima snatched the tablet away, and scanned through the highlighted text.
...Part I, Subsection III, Production: Shipyard commits to production of no less than two (2) LN89 Cruisers and four (4) D73 Class Gunships per galactic cycle ... Part IV, Subsection II, Labor: Shipyard granted proportional license for unpaid labor, at a rate of no less than 25% of total up to 50% of total workforce ... Unpaid labor will be procured from indigenous local population 'Tendari' ...
She looked up from the screen, shaking her head, dismissively. "It's not real," she said flatly. "I don't know who told you this is true, but--"
"I told her," Igna said. "I gave her the datapad, straight from Tack's office."
Patima blinked at him for a moment, the muscles of her jaw clenching and unclenching in irritation. "It must be a mistake," she said eventually, leaving behind her anger at that particular betrayal of trust for the moment, and shaking her head again.
"They didn't force those contracts on him, or those terms, he asked for them," Igna continued. "Whatever his responsibility to the people who work for him, this can't be the way to run the company. If you don't want me going after him, then you need to, Patima. We just need you to explain--"
"Just wait," she said lifting her helmet back up to cover her head. "Wait, please. Let me find out what's going on." As she tucked the tablet into her mining suit, her eyes returned unbidden to the phrase 'unpaid labor.' Slave labor. "There's more to it. I know there is."
"You're going to let her keep that datapad?" Aysa asked, once Patima's heavy-booted footsteps had faded away.
"She knows what she's doing," Igna replied. "And she'll come around."
"Uh huh," Aysa said skeptically. "Well, whatever luck you live by, let's hope it lasts the night."
Pulling out a cigarette, she leaned back against the cold stone wall, and took a long draw. "What's her deal, anyway?" she asked as she slowly let the smoke escape. "Seems a little too well-groomed to be down here rubbing elbows with the proletariat."
Igna frowned at the sarcasm, waving away the smoke with an irritated hand. "Her family were well-placed in Parliament in the last Commonwealth. Social justice types."
"Ah. Got it. Drawing room liberals. They used to be all over Serenea, yapping on about the rights of the public, equality of the races... But I didn't see them jumping on any grenades when the tanks rolled in." Aysa drawled. "Wouldn't want to chip their manicures I suppose."
"Not everyone picks up a gun to solve problems." Igna cast a meaningful glance at the holster on Aysa's hip. "They're bot manufacturers. Anti-slavery from what I understand, which is why I know she'll come around. They tried pricing the bots lower than slaves for a while but got targeted for it, and had to stop. And anyway," he said with an irritated shrug. "She's running a resistance cell, isn't she?"
Aysa's teeth flashed white in the dim light as she laughed. "Maybe. But what have you done before now? Moved a couple of shipments? Hidden a couple of operatives? Don't kid yourselves. You're all just playing at it. A couple of your guys in there were about to wet their pants at the thought of a goddamn training run." She ground the cigarette out against the wall, and stood up, preparing to leave. "It's easy to hide underground and pretend to be rebels if it makes you feel like you're doing something. Some of us actually do what's needed."
That rankled, and Igna grabbed Aysa by the shoulder to spin her back around. "We've done more than that. She's done more than that. And you need to back off."
"Easy there," Aysa with her usual disdain. But this time there was a hard glint in her eye as she shrugged her shoulder to free it from Igna's grasp. "Didn't mean to insult your girlfriend."
Eyes narrowed, Igna gave her shoulder a hard shove before letting go. "All I'm saying is that you're going to need to work with her if you want her to convince Tack to take any risk."
Aysa's answering smile was more of a lopsided, patronizing smirk. "Well, all right. If that's what I want, then that's what I'll have to do," she parroted back. Turning on a heel, she slipped through the maintenance room door, gave a low whistle to call her team back to her side, and then disappeared into the darkness.
Jaff Braxton, her scruffy-haired pilot and oldest friend, stood up from his slouch against the rocks, and eventually caught up to her heels. "Intel checked out?"
"Yep."
"We're still on?"
"Yep."
"Wife didn't talk you out of it?"
Aysa gave a sardonic snort, and shook her head as she trudged through the mine. "Wife's delusional. As far as I can tell, she's just worried about telling her prince of a husband that she's been lying to him for years. I'm sure that'll go over well."
"What about Kamiwix?"
She halted her steps and turned around. "He doesn't know," she said. "Look, Jaff -- I'm not going to blow our chance at this by trusting some corporate hack playing freedom fighter, just so he can go earn a raise by telling his boss we're about to blow up his shipyards. For all they know, this is an actual dry run. And that's all they need to know."
She hefted her heavy satchel -- the one full of actual explosives -- higher up on her shoulder. "Come on. Let's see if there's a bar on this rock."
BONUS 1: "I'm being extremely clever up here and there's no one to stand around looking impressed." - Tack to Ari in his office
BONUS 2: "Whatever luck you live by, let's hope it lasts the night." - Aysa to Igna in the maintenance room
"ARI!"
The indispensable young woman who ran the shipyards' front office strode in as if she'd been waiting outside the door. Which of course she had been. "Sir?"
"Who's still here from the R&D team? I went through the designs for the power conversion on the new engines and I am 99% sure we can--"
"Gone," she interrupted.
"What about Legal? I think I found a loophole in the--"
"Also gone."
"Disappointing..." Tack gave his keyboard one last thwack and then spun his chair around with a grin. "I'm being extremely clever up here and there's no one to stand around looking impressed. What gives you all the right to have lives outside the office?"
Ariana laughed as he slouched back in his seat, looking the very opposite of a pompous CEO. "The next thing you know, we'll all want a liveable wage," she teased him.
"No chance," he shot back in the same good humor. "But you can at least go home before third shift comes on. If you wait two minutes, I can give you a ride down." Standing up and slinging his satchel onto the desk, he gathered up the few items cluttering its surface. "Did you put the contract record in the secure cabinet? Blue datapad. It was here earlier."
"If it was in your outbox, I did. I can double-check if you'd like."
"No need," Tack replied, taking hold of the satchel and pushing in his chair. "I trust you. Let's go home."
**********
Down below, in the mines, where Patima had gathered her ragtag team, the clandestine meeting of the local resistance cell was just getting underway. "...we have a lot to discuss. But first I am going to need everyone's promise that what you hear tonight stays within this group. There is to be no record of any of this activity on datarods, datapads or any other device. You will not communicate over any networks about it -- coded or not. You will not discuss it outside these meetings -- not with your spouses, not with your friends, not even with each other. Am I clear?"
A couple of the miners shot curious glances back and forth, but all nodded.
"Clear."
"Aye."
"Got it."
"Yeah."
"Good," said a sharp voice behind the huddled group. The sound of footsteps on gravel heralded the arrival of four other attendees, each carrying a backpack. "Shuttle got in late," the apparent leader said as she stepped into the pool of greenish light given off by the crystal lamp overhead. "Are we just going to lay it all out here, or is there somewhere more private we can take this party?"
Patima held out a hand toward a narrow tunnel, ignoring the murmurs among her team, and led the guests toward a small storage and maintenance room carved out of a dead-end rockface. The strangers took up position against the back wall, next to their gear, while Patima made her way to the front of the crowded closet.
"Thank you for coming," she said quietly. "We've been asked to help stage a dry run for an upcoming attack on the naval shipyards at Taradon. Our visitors are part of the team that will carry out the attack. They'll need your expertise in planning the operation. Aysa Etani, the commander of the mission, is here to give you the basics."
Some of Patima's team shared nervous frowns with each other, but all turned to size up the wiry young woman who stepped forward, hand resting on a pistol at her hip. "Right," she said tersely. "More than your expertise, you have two things we need. Shipyards, and badges." Her voice was mildly sarcastic, in what seemed to be its natural tone. "Krannert shipyard security is standard shipyard security, so if we can get in here, we can get in at Taradon. My team will work with four of you, in two teams, to infiltrate the yards on one of the cargo carriers. Your job will be to provide plausible cover if anyone detects us. Say we're trainees, come up with an excuse for us to be there. You get the idea."
"I know this is a new level of involvement for us," Patima said. "But--"
"But it comes with the territory, "Aysa interrupted. "Omlettes. Eggs. You've got to break them."
"--but I am hopeful none of you will want to back out," Patima continued, a small furrow of her brow the only sign she might be irritated by the brusque interruption. When none of her team budged, she nodded in approval. "Good. So. The plan..."
**********
After the briefing, as the meeting broke up, Patima held out a hand, blocking Igna Kamiwix's path to the door. "You. Wait. We need to talk."
"Yeah we do," he answered. "Listen--"
"No, you listen. Stop fighting Tack on the naval contracts, and stop hinting about the resistance. You cannot drag him into this."
Igna scowled, crossing his arms over his chest as he spat back a reply. "Why not? He's got no love for the Commonwealth. If we bring him in to the resistance, he brings the shipyards. He brings the mines. He brings everything we need to get an actual fighting force off the ground."
"And in the time it takes to get a fleet here from Utopia Serenea, the Commonwealth will take it away," she hissed back. "He had to sign those contracts and you know it. You know what happened to KomoTech." The once-dominant tech giant had tried to thwart the government, had been accused of collaboration with terrorists, and had been nationalized. Stripped of all assets, its factories and facilities were closed. Its former executives and engineers were 'missing.'
"So you let a resistance team run all over his shipping bays in secret, and that's all right, but I want him to know about it, and I'm the one who's wrong?"
"He can't confess to what he doesn't know," she pleaded. "Please, Igna, you cannot tell him. If OrdSec ever comes looking here, he must not know anything. They'll kill him. They will haul him back to Utopia Serenea and make an example of him. They will take his shipyards. They will close his mines." It had happened before. To KomoTech. To countless smaller companies. Nearly to her own family's factories. "His company employs tens of thousands of people -- actually pays them -- and those people take care of their families. Those people and those families are what matter. He has a responsibility to them and to this planet. He can't do anything to jeopardize their future."
Igna listened patiently for a while, recognizing at least the practicality of her words, but he eventually cut her off with a roll of his eyes. "All right. Let's not cast him as some sort of socialist hero for the masses. He's a billionaire running a company his father gave him. And he's running it the wrong way."
Patima's cheeks flushed red in the dim light, and her lips set into a firm, thin line. "His family built that company over fifteen generations, yes, to make a profit, but also to provide for the people here. The economy of the entire sector relies on those shipyards, and he knows it. He is not some debutante hotel heiress, so don't make it sound like--"
"He's a capitalist, just like any other. He makes decisions for profit." Aysa stepped forward from where she was standing in the shadows.
Patima's voice was icy she turned to face the newcomer. "You don't know what you're talking about, and I don't recall you being invited to this conversation."
Aysa lifted a brow at the haughty tone as she held out a blue datapad, clearly marked with the Krannert logo. "I beg your pardon, milady. But you need to open your eyes."
"Where did you get that? And how did you open it? It's a secure file." Ignoring the jab at her aristocratic background, Patima snatched the tablet away, and scanned through the highlighted text.
...Part I, Subsection III, Production: Shipyard commits to production of no less than two (2) LN89 Cruisers and four (4) D73 Class Gunships per galactic cycle ... Part IV, Subsection II, Labor: Shipyard granted proportional license for unpaid labor, at a rate of no less than 25% of total up to 50% of total workforce ... Unpaid labor will be procured from indigenous local population 'Tendari' ...
She looked up from the screen, shaking her head, dismissively. "It's not real," she said flatly. "I don't know who told you this is true, but--"
"I told her," Igna said. "I gave her the datapad, straight from Tack's office."
Patima blinked at him for a moment, the muscles of her jaw clenching and unclenching in irritation. "It must be a mistake," she said eventually, leaving behind her anger at that particular betrayal of trust for the moment, and shaking her head again.
"They didn't force those contracts on him, or those terms, he asked for them," Igna continued. "Whatever his responsibility to the people who work for him, this can't be the way to run the company. If you don't want me going after him, then you need to, Patima. We just need you to explain--"
"Just wait," she said lifting her helmet back up to cover her head. "Wait, please. Let me find out what's going on." As she tucked the tablet into her mining suit, her eyes returned unbidden to the phrase 'unpaid labor.' Slave labor. "There's more to it. I know there is."
**********
"You're going to let her keep that datapad?" Aysa asked, once Patima's heavy-booted footsteps had faded away.
"She knows what she's doing," Igna replied. "And she'll come around."
"Uh huh," Aysa said skeptically. "Well, whatever luck you live by, let's hope it lasts the night."
Pulling out a cigarette, she leaned back against the cold stone wall, and took a long draw. "What's her deal, anyway?" she asked as she slowly let the smoke escape. "Seems a little too well-groomed to be down here rubbing elbows with the proletariat."
Igna frowned at the sarcasm, waving away the smoke with an irritated hand. "Her family were well-placed in Parliament in the last Commonwealth. Social justice types."
"Ah. Got it. Drawing room liberals. They used to be all over Serenea, yapping on about the rights of the public, equality of the races... But I didn't see them jumping on any grenades when the tanks rolled in." Aysa drawled. "Wouldn't want to chip their manicures I suppose."
"Not everyone picks up a gun to solve problems." Igna cast a meaningful glance at the holster on Aysa's hip. "They're bot manufacturers. Anti-slavery from what I understand, which is why I know she'll come around. They tried pricing the bots lower than slaves for a while but got targeted for it, and had to stop. And anyway," he said with an irritated shrug. "She's running a resistance cell, isn't she?"
Aysa's teeth flashed white in the dim light as she laughed. "Maybe. But what have you done before now? Moved a couple of shipments? Hidden a couple of operatives? Don't kid yourselves. You're all just playing at it. A couple of your guys in there were about to wet their pants at the thought of a goddamn training run." She ground the cigarette out against the wall, and stood up, preparing to leave. "It's easy to hide underground and pretend to be rebels if it makes you feel like you're doing something. Some of us actually do what's needed."
That rankled, and Igna grabbed Aysa by the shoulder to spin her back around. "We've done more than that. She's done more than that. And you need to back off."
"Easy there," Aysa with her usual disdain. But this time there was a hard glint in her eye as she shrugged her shoulder to free it from Igna's grasp. "Didn't mean to insult your girlfriend."
Eyes narrowed, Igna gave her shoulder a hard shove before letting go. "All I'm saying is that you're going to need to work with her if you want her to convince Tack to take any risk."
Aysa's answering smile was more of a lopsided, patronizing smirk. "Well, all right. If that's what I want, then that's what I'll have to do," she parroted back. Turning on a heel, she slipped through the maintenance room door, gave a low whistle to call her team back to her side, and then disappeared into the darkness.
Jaff Braxton, her scruffy-haired pilot and oldest friend, stood up from his slouch against the rocks, and eventually caught up to her heels. "Intel checked out?"
"Yep."
"We're still on?"
"Yep."
"Wife didn't talk you out of it?"
Aysa gave a sardonic snort, and shook her head as she trudged through the mine. "Wife's delusional. As far as I can tell, she's just worried about telling her prince of a husband that she's been lying to him for years. I'm sure that'll go over well."
"What about Kamiwix?"
She halted her steps and turned around. "He doesn't know," she said. "Look, Jaff -- I'm not going to blow our chance at this by trusting some corporate hack playing freedom fighter, just so he can go earn a raise by telling his boss we're about to blow up his shipyards. For all they know, this is an actual dry run. And that's all they need to know."
She hefted her heavy satchel -- the one full of actual explosives -- higher up on her shoulder. "Come on. Let's see if there's a bar on this rock."
**********
BONUS 1: "I'm being extremely clever up here and there's no one to stand around looking impressed." - Tack to Ari in his office
BONUS 2: "Whatever luck you live by, let's hope it lasts the night." - Aysa to Igna in the maintenance room
#63
1st Jul 2015 at 5:04 PM
I almost forgot the reason I came here last night. I have one mostly black picture with a dark green dragon tail from Esmeralda's ridable dragon on a tipsy OMSP. I have another picture with Nathaniel hiding in the shadows at the side of the screen and, thanks to the game mechanic where putting one light in a basement makes the whole place darker, he's doing a wonderful job of hiding. Even after I brightened it so that he actually showed up as more than a couple of orange dots, 90% of the picture is solid black.
Would it be permitted to use the huge black area at the left side of the picture with Nathaniel to crop in the portion of the other picture that shows the dragon tail which is also mostly dark so I can turn two boring black pictures into a more interesting one? Or should I just skip that scene altogether?
I've attached my edited photo. I promise that in the original screenshots everything to the right of the dragon tail is more dark brown rock, and everything to the left of Nathaniel is more black.
I am Ghost. My husband is sidneydoj. I post, he downloads, and I wanted to keep my post count.
Group for Avatar Makers* Funny Stories *2017 Yearbook
Would it be permitted to use the huge black area at the left side of the picture with Nathaniel to crop in the portion of the other picture that shows the dragon tail which is also mostly dark so I can turn two boring black pictures into a more interesting one? Or should I just skip that scene altogether?
I've attached my edited photo. I promise that in the original screenshots everything to the right of the dragon tail is more dark brown rock, and everything to the left of Nathaniel is more black.
I am Ghost. My husband is sidneydoj. I post, he downloads, and I wanted to keep my post count.
Group for Avatar Makers* Funny Stories *2017 Yearbook
#64
1st Jul 2015 at 5:18 PM
Posts: 166
Thanks to everyone's support. I just don't think I can take another rejection again, but... I'll .... try?
T^T
T^T
#65
1st Jul 2015 at 6:39 PM
Posts: 171
Thanks: 14304 in 25 Posts
Quote: Originally posted by Ghost sdoj
I almost forgot the reason I came here last night. I have one mostly black picture with a dark green dragon tail from Esmeralda's ridable dragon on a tipsy OMSP. I have another picture with Nathaniel hiding in the shadows at the side of the screen and, thanks to the game mechanic where putting one light in a basement makes the whole place darker, he's doing a wonderful job of hiding. Even after I brightened it so that he actually showed up as more than a couple of orange dots, 90% of the picture is solid black. |
Ghost, I had similar issues in some of the very dark scenes in my screenshots. I spent a lof of time fiddling with buydebug lights to illuminate things so they showed up properly in the shots (I mean, a lot of fiddling. In the one shot where they are walking into the maintenance room, there are about 8 buydebug lights, four ground level outdoor lights and three Showtime stage lights. Each one was indivisdually tweaked for intensity and color.) If you think like a movie director with the lighting, you can probably get the effect you're looking for. The overhead spotlights from Town Life or Late Night are also awesome helpers for this kind of thing.
But on the other hand, it's probably a lot easier to mash 'em up in Photoshop if allowed. If not, you may want to try some of the above.
#66
1st Jul 2015 at 8:45 PM
Thank you, but I've got something weird going on in my game. It often refuses to save. If I've used any cheat mode at all, it won't save even after the cheat is turned off. If I've used CAST (which I use a lot of) it refuses to save. If I've added any debug objects, it refuses to save. If I put my contest family into a lot, it refuses to save (probably because most of them have CASTed clothing? Or maybe one or more of them is glitched?) And I seem to have to build the entire lot all over again every time I take a picture because I can't even go to Edit Town to put it in the bin. Regular screenshots are still darker than they should be, so I have to use the in-game camera and often crash to desktop after the picture is saved to the screenshot folder. And it sometimes, but not always, happens when all CC is removed. It's happening more often now that the weather is hotter, so I'm guessing there is a heat issue going on as well. I'm not going to try re-staging either of those pictures because it was too much work for a picture that ended up kind of dull anyway, and that particular lot ceased to exist 4 days ago. If my mashup isn't allowed I just need to get 8 more pictures instead of 7. I figure that if I can get one usable picture a day, it's manageable. But I don't have the time or inclination to do the rest of the Game Problem FAQ right now. Last time I had to go through everything it took me 3 months to track down the problem(s.) I would rather not have to ask for a 3-month extension, especially if my problem turns out to be hardware related...
And after this contest I'm not playing any more Sims for at least 6 months.
I am Ghost. My husband is sidneydoj. I post, he downloads, and I wanted to keep my post count.
Group for Avatar Makers* Funny Stories *2017 Yearbook
And after this contest I'm not playing any more Sims for at least 6 months.
I am Ghost. My husband is sidneydoj. I post, he downloads, and I wanted to keep my post count.
Group for Avatar Makers* Funny Stories *2017 Yearbook
#67
1st Jul 2015 at 10:53 PM
Posts: 293
@Ghost sdoj: Yikes! You are a champ to keep doing this contest with all those issues. Selfishly, I do want to know what happens and am glad your continuing despite it all. As far as the picture goes. Putting two pictures together is against the rules, however, it falls under "Presentation" and each judge decides if something is a violation, whether or not to count off for it, and how much to take off. At most, one picture might cost you 1 point, but it could be less or nothing at all. It depends on how big or little an issue the judge thinks it is. So, it's up to you to risk it or not.
Memory Games A Sims 3 Thriller Mystery
Memory Games A Sims 3 Thriller Mystery
#68
2nd Jul 2015 at 8:34 PM
OK, if I have too much trouble getting picture number 12, I'll use it. Otherwise, it's just another experimental outtake. But I managed three pictures last night, so I hope I won't need it.
I am Ghost. My husband is sidneydoj. I post, he downloads, and I wanted to keep my post count.
Group for Avatar Makers* Funny Stories *2017 Yearbook
I am Ghost. My husband is sidneydoj. I post, he downloads, and I wanted to keep my post count.
Group for Avatar Makers* Funny Stories *2017 Yearbook
#69
8th Jul 2015 at 3:26 AM
Posts: 4,776
Thanks: 1 in 1 Posts
Sooo between working extra hours to go to my friend's wedding and....going to the wedding. I may need a bit more time for my entry. Is it okay if mine is late?
The Receptacle still lives!
The Receptacle still lives!
#70
8th Jul 2015 at 4:16 AM
Story Title: Between Two Worlds
Genre: Fantasy
Word/Picture Count: 2500 words; 12 pictures
Round Element: newspaper
Synopsis & Recap: In a world ruled by a necromancer who uses the undead as his enforcers, Amara discovers that she is destined to bring change, whether she wants to or not. Now the Lord Emperor is forcing the issue, and her life is on the line.
Antoine approached Camilla with a folded jacket. "Do you know anything about mending clothes?" he asked.
"YOU want something mended!? Who are you and what have you done with the real Antoine?"
"Ha ha. It tore when I tried to wash it."
"Again I ask: Who are you and what have you done with the real Antoine? Washing and mending clothes? I didn't think those terms were even in your dictionary."
"I have a rain barrel, you know. And I like Amara. I'm trying to impress her."
"Amara? Save your energy. As far as I can tell, the only reason she is still around is because she thinks that baby dragon is cute and she enjoys playing with him. That, and she doesn't have room in her apartment to keep a renegade vampire hidden and I took shameless advantage of the fact that she feels responsible for keeping me safe now that I'm dependent on her. You, my friend, are just another "fang-face." She's not even responsible for you the way she is for me. She may be willing to acknowledge you as a person, but you've probably got a snowball's chance of actually impressing her."
"I've got to try. What's the worst that can happen?"
Camilla grinned. "You get shot down in flames, and I'm not there to see it?"
"And I end up in exactly the same situation that I'm in now. I've got nothing to lose."
Camilla shrugged. "Fine. I'll mend your clothes for you. Just promise that I can watch you trying to impress her. A vampire trying to impress someone who hates vampires promises to be a pretty good show."
"You're all heart," Antoine said sarcastically as he handed her the jacket.
Later, after he had gotten cleaned up, he found Amara busily making more bottles of blood for Camilla. She glanced at them as he and Camilla entered the room. Camilla grabbed a chair and dragged it into a corner, saying "Don't mind me. The last two chairs I sat in lost a leg as soon as I sat down."
"They don't ALL do that!" Antoine protested.
"I was planning to find you anyway," Amara said. "I've got classes, and I've got a job. I'm making enough blood for Camilla to last a couple of months, so there shouldn't be much danger of running out before I can make more. But I can't afford to just vanish like this."
"You can't afford to go back, either. Have you seen the newspaper? It even has a good picture of you." Antoine handed it to her. "Read the headline article."
Amara took it and began to read. "But this says that I'm a dangerous rebel who calls myself Nemesis, and am responsible for that plague that killed all those people when I was a baby. It's all lies! And he's offering a noble title and a chance at immortality to whoever turns me in. But...." Amara sighed. "He's reasonable. He has to be. If I were to surrender myself and explain that I have no quarrel with him and no desire to overthrow him, he would listen. Wouldn't he?"
"A statement that even I find overly optimistic," commented Antoine. "You really believe that a man who would try to kill his own bastard child would politely listen when that child shows up on his doorstep?"
"There is such a thing as a truth spell," Amara said thoughtfully. "I could allow him to cast it on me."
Camilla laughed. "You are probably immune to it, and even if you aren't he's had so many dealings with demons that he wouldn't trust a truth spell."
"But why is he hunting me NOW? I've been a law-abiding citizen all my life. I've had no quarrel with how the government is run. I still don't! I would be perfectly happy to consider this all a misunderstanding and be done with it. Why won't HE? And why hasn't he come after me before if he wants me dead?"
"He did," Camilla replied. "The Red Plague when you were a baby? He thought it had worked, until your teachers reported a student who appeared to have fey blood and still possessed a strong but latent potential for necromancy." Camilla shrugged. "Your description had been quietly circulated among all of us for the past three months. I guess having one of his own vampires stolen from him has forced him to move more openly. You were originally supposed to become "the victim of a regrettable accident, and the vampire in question has been dealt with appropriately." She smiled. "That is the standard wording for such incidents, yes? With no actual description of the way the vampire was dealt with, nor the fact that most of those incidents are either authorized or actually commanded?"
"But I'm NOT HIS ENEMY!" Amara threw the paper across the room.
Antoine shook his head. "Good luck convincing HIM of that. You may not be his enemy, but he is certainly yours."
He smiled and bowed to her. "And I had actually been hoping to invite you to play a game of chess with me. I've salvaged most of a chess board, and we have some pebbles that can stand in for the missing pieces."
"NO, I don't want to play chess. I WANT my life to go back to normal! I WANT to go home!"
She looked at the paper on the floor.
"Where my neighbors will all instantly turn me in for the reward, and then give interviews about how surprised they were, and how I was the last person they would have expected to be a master criminal and they hope I die slowly for the plague I caused... although I see those interviews are already starting. I guess what I -really- want is for things to be better. And that isn't going to happen like this." She tried not to cry.
Antoine came over and gently took her hands.
She looked up at him and smiled. "Thank you. You do clean up nicely, by the way. I just wish you weren't a vampire."
Camilla chuckled. "Apparently, so does he."
Just then Rose burst into the room. "They've begun tracking you," Rose said fearfully to Amara. "And they know where we are! They have all the exits covered." She looked apologetically at Amara and Antoine. “We cannot get out... they are coming.
"But we can't stay here, either." Camilla looked around frantically. "Antoine and I are renegades, and Amara is Nemesis." She gave Rose a look of desperation. "Can we get them all to bite her so she can steal them the way she stole me?"
Amara winced. "How long was I asleep after you bit me?"
"Well, isn't any hope better than none?" Antoine asked her. He turned to Rose. "Would blood bottles work instead?"
Rose shrugged. "Can you think of a way to convince them to drink it?"
Suddenly the dragon poked his head through the door. "MEEP!"
"Can you really carry us all?" Rose asked.
"Meep."
"You understand him?" Amara asked incredulously.
"It takes a bit of concentration, but yes. He says he can get us all out safely."
Amara grinned. "Ok, then I vote that we try getting out with Gaius. If he's wrong, then he can help pin vampires down while we pour bottles of blood down their throat."
Antoine looked at her. "Gaius? I thought we were calling him Draco."
Nathaniel grinned. "I call Vreykar. Means Bottomless Pit."
"MEEEEP!"
Rose giggled. "He prefers Gaius. Draco is like naming a dog Canine, and he's only a bottomless pit because he's so young. Although he really is being overfed."
"Meep?"
"You are ten times your birth size in two days. It's time for your growth spurt to slow a bit or you will be too big to fit anywhere. Not to mention the difficulty of bringing you your body weight in food every 4 hours once you weigh more than a herd of cows does."
"Meep!" Gaius turned into a small green snake and wrapped himself around Rose's arm.
"Very nice. But you were saying that you could get us all out of here?"
Gaius gave an apologetic "Meep" and grew much larger.
Nathaniel looked at him. "I unimportant. No like flying. I hide and run. I good at hiding." He proved his statement by ducking into the shadows, and even knowing where to look he was hard to spot.
The rest climbed onto the dragon, and he began to fly...straight for the ceiling. "That's NOT the secret door!" Antoine shouted.
"Meep," Gaius said happily as they found themselves flying straight through solid rock. They shortly emerged on the surface with a proud "Meep!" from Gaius.
"Gaius," Amara said somewhat shakily, “A straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting.”
"Is she saying that she didn't find flying through solid rock to be interesting enough!?" Antoine whispered to Rose.
"Are you saying that you want him making a habit of it?" Rose replied. "She's discouraging it."
Camilla nodded. "Good point. There's a lot to be said for the nice scenic route that doesn't involve flying through solid objects when you aren't being hunted." She smiled. "And I never thought that I would be jealous of Nathaniel, who avoided this experience." She looked at Amara. "So where are we going now?"
Gaius began doing loops and barrel rolls with happy "Meep"s.
"Apparently we are going sky-dancing. Gaius, sweetie, We are all very impressed with the way you are managing not to drop us, but you might find it easier if you weren't spending so much time UPSIDE DOWN!"
"Meep!?"
He leveled out. "Meep," he said apologetically and landed. There was an impromptu race to be the first to get off his back. Gaius turned back into a small snake, wrapped himself around Amara's arm under her sleeve, and fell asleep. Rose handed Amara a bag of sausages. "Feed him now, while he's small and too sleepy to go back to full size. He'll stay fed longer. And then we really do need to find a place to hole up."
"I don't know of any safe place," Amara commented while tucking bits of sausage down her blouse where they were gobbled by the sleepy Gaius. "Do you have a suggestion?"
"Oh, this is just wonderful!" Antoine commented sarcastically as he sagged to the ground. "I'm already missing my nice, dark tunnels." He looked around. "I don't see much in the way of shade in those ruins. I really hope there's more that I'm not seeing."
Camilla sneered at him. "Beds cobbled together from stuff that the nobility have scrapped, with bedsheets made of old curtains and blankets made of old rugs? No two chairs matching, and most with at least one unreliable leg? A toilet that only avoids being called an outhouse by being set up inside the sewer? Nowhere to wash unless it happens to be raining? And the list goes on. I can think of nothing that I will miss."
"Nothing?" asked Antoine slyly.
"Alright, yes. ONE thing. In a few hours, I'm going to miss the darkness unless we can find shelter."
"The light in the fey realms is not true sunlight," Rose said slowly. "You could try taking us there if you had the spell."
"How? I know basic household cantrips. I have managed to memorize that blood spell. But I've never even seen a dimension travel spell! That's forbidden magic!"
"So is the blood spell, actually," Rose said with a smile. "It should be safe for me. I know where I can find a copy. Wait here."
"So now we hide again?" Antoine asked her gently. Amara nodded.
"Forever?"
Amara sighed. "No. Just until we get strong enough to end this. Permanently!"
Rose returned with a book shortly before dawn. "I'm sorry. I took longer than I expected to. Is Gaius awake yet?"
There was a sleepy "Meep" from Amara's sleeve.
Rose smiled. "He can shelter them if the sun rises while you are learning the spell."
Antoine stood up. "I hope you aren't suggesting having him take us back into the rock!"
"MEEP!" said Gaius happily as he regained full size.
Just then Nathaniel caught up with them, carrying a side of beef. "For Vreykar" he said as he dropped it in front of Gaius.
Rose stepped in front of Gaius. "Wait before you eat that!"
"Meep?"
"You heard me. You're going to need to learn to go longer without eating. You've just been fed. You aren't hungry."
"Meep," he said sullenly, but shrank back down to a small snake and coiled around her arm. A moment later there was a surprised "Meep!"
Rose chuckled. "I told you so."
Amara was looking over the spell. "There's a problem. It says I need a focus. It has to be something special to me which resonates when I think of the spell, but the only things I have that are special to me are back at my apartment. And I can't go there. Otherwise it seems simple enough."
Nathaniel looked over at her. "I can go."
"But can you find something which resonates when I think of the spell? It could be anything there, and I have no idea what it is."
He shook his head. "Need to know what. Or could bring back lots of things, you see if one good."
"Even with your skills, multiple trips would be dangerous," Rose said. "I could try to see if I can read the fate lines to find out what would work, but that will take some time."
"I have an idea," Antoine said thoughtfully. "It's a gamble, but it's better than spending all day inside a rock with a hungry dragon."
He whispered to Nathaniel, who nodded, ran off, and returned with the newspaper. Antoine took it. "I hope I can finish this before dawn," he muttered under his breath as he headed into the ruins. Half an hour later he returned. "I got lucky. I even found something to decorate it with." He knelt in front of her and held out a ring made from folded strips of newspaper which was decorated with a sparkling stone.
"My lady, would you do me the honor of accepting this trinket as a token of my esteem? It would not have been a ring, but I was afraid that a necklace would take too long to make. No strings attached, just a gift from one friend to another?"
Camilla muffled a snicker.
Amara looked at the sky, which was getting visibly lighter. "It's lovely. Thank you. I hope it works." She put it on her finger, and concentrated on the spell. There was an answering tingle from the ring. "IT WORKS!"
Antoine smiled. "Good. Now get us out of here. Please?"
Amara nodded and cast the spell. There was a shimmer in the air in front of her. They stepped through.
* “A straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting.” Amara to Gaius
* “We cannot get out... they are coming.” Rose when they are trapped in Antoine's cavern/tunnel complex.
*Author's Note: The palace in the final picture is one I was working on before my game went haywire. It -is- my own creation. I mention this now because there is a possibility that it may figure as a character in a later chapter, unless round requirements change my mind and leave it as just a nightmare of a building.
I am Ghost. My husband is sidneydoj. I post, he downloads, and I wanted to keep my post count.
Group for Avatar Makers* Funny Stories *2017 Yearbook
Genre: Fantasy
Word/Picture Count: 2500 words; 12 pictures
Round Element: newspaper
Synopsis & Recap: In a world ruled by a necromancer who uses the undead as his enforcers, Amara discovers that she is destined to bring change, whether she wants to or not. Now the Lord Emperor is forcing the issue, and her life is on the line.
Antoine approached Camilla with a folded jacket. "Do you know anything about mending clothes?" he asked.
"YOU want something mended!? Who are you and what have you done with the real Antoine?"
"Ha ha. It tore when I tried to wash it."
"Again I ask: Who are you and what have you done with the real Antoine? Washing and mending clothes? I didn't think those terms were even in your dictionary."
"I have a rain barrel, you know. And I like Amara. I'm trying to impress her."
"Amara? Save your energy. As far as I can tell, the only reason she is still around is because she thinks that baby dragon is cute and she enjoys playing with him. That, and she doesn't have room in her apartment to keep a renegade vampire hidden and I took shameless advantage of the fact that she feels responsible for keeping me safe now that I'm dependent on her. You, my friend, are just another "fang-face." She's not even responsible for you the way she is for me. She may be willing to acknowledge you as a person, but you've probably got a snowball's chance of actually impressing her."
"I've got to try. What's the worst that can happen?"
Camilla grinned. "You get shot down in flames, and I'm not there to see it?"
"And I end up in exactly the same situation that I'm in now. I've got nothing to lose."
Camilla shrugged. "Fine. I'll mend your clothes for you. Just promise that I can watch you trying to impress her. A vampire trying to impress someone who hates vampires promises to be a pretty good show."
"You're all heart," Antoine said sarcastically as he handed her the jacket.
Later, after he had gotten cleaned up, he found Amara busily making more bottles of blood for Camilla. She glanced at them as he and Camilla entered the room. Camilla grabbed a chair and dragged it into a corner, saying "Don't mind me. The last two chairs I sat in lost a leg as soon as I sat down."
"They don't ALL do that!" Antoine protested.
"I was planning to find you anyway," Amara said. "I've got classes, and I've got a job. I'm making enough blood for Camilla to last a couple of months, so there shouldn't be much danger of running out before I can make more. But I can't afford to just vanish like this."
"You can't afford to go back, either. Have you seen the newspaper? It even has a good picture of you." Antoine handed it to her. "Read the headline article."
Amara took it and began to read. "But this says that I'm a dangerous rebel who calls myself Nemesis, and am responsible for that plague that killed all those people when I was a baby. It's all lies! And he's offering a noble title and a chance at immortality to whoever turns me in. But...." Amara sighed. "He's reasonable. He has to be. If I were to surrender myself and explain that I have no quarrel with him and no desire to overthrow him, he would listen. Wouldn't he?"
"A statement that even I find overly optimistic," commented Antoine. "You really believe that a man who would try to kill his own bastard child would politely listen when that child shows up on his doorstep?"
"There is such a thing as a truth spell," Amara said thoughtfully. "I could allow him to cast it on me."
Camilla laughed. "You are probably immune to it, and even if you aren't he's had so many dealings with demons that he wouldn't trust a truth spell."
"But why is he hunting me NOW? I've been a law-abiding citizen all my life. I've had no quarrel with how the government is run. I still don't! I would be perfectly happy to consider this all a misunderstanding and be done with it. Why won't HE? And why hasn't he come after me before if he wants me dead?"
"He did," Camilla replied. "The Red Plague when you were a baby? He thought it had worked, until your teachers reported a student who appeared to have fey blood and still possessed a strong but latent potential for necromancy." Camilla shrugged. "Your description had been quietly circulated among all of us for the past three months. I guess having one of his own vampires stolen from him has forced him to move more openly. You were originally supposed to become "the victim of a regrettable accident, and the vampire in question has been dealt with appropriately." She smiled. "That is the standard wording for such incidents, yes? With no actual description of the way the vampire was dealt with, nor the fact that most of those incidents are either authorized or actually commanded?"
"But I'm NOT HIS ENEMY!" Amara threw the paper across the room.
Antoine shook his head. "Good luck convincing HIM of that. You may not be his enemy, but he is certainly yours."
He smiled and bowed to her. "And I had actually been hoping to invite you to play a game of chess with me. I've salvaged most of a chess board, and we have some pebbles that can stand in for the missing pieces."
"NO, I don't want to play chess. I WANT my life to go back to normal! I WANT to go home!"
She looked at the paper on the floor.
"Where my neighbors will all instantly turn me in for the reward, and then give interviews about how surprised they were, and how I was the last person they would have expected to be a master criminal and they hope I die slowly for the plague I caused... although I see those interviews are already starting. I guess what I -really- want is for things to be better. And that isn't going to happen like this." She tried not to cry.
Antoine came over and gently took her hands.
She looked up at him and smiled. "Thank you. You do clean up nicely, by the way. I just wish you weren't a vampire."
Camilla chuckled. "Apparently, so does he."
Just then Rose burst into the room. "They've begun tracking you," Rose said fearfully to Amara. "And they know where we are! They have all the exits covered." She looked apologetically at Amara and Antoine. “We cannot get out... they are coming.
"But we can't stay here, either." Camilla looked around frantically. "Antoine and I are renegades, and Amara is Nemesis." She gave Rose a look of desperation. "Can we get them all to bite her so she can steal them the way she stole me?"
Amara winced. "How long was I asleep after you bit me?"
"Well, isn't any hope better than none?" Antoine asked her. He turned to Rose. "Would blood bottles work instead?"
Rose shrugged. "Can you think of a way to convince them to drink it?"
Suddenly the dragon poked his head through the door. "MEEP!"
"Can you really carry us all?" Rose asked.
"Meep."
"You understand him?" Amara asked incredulously.
"It takes a bit of concentration, but yes. He says he can get us all out safely."
Amara grinned. "Ok, then I vote that we try getting out with Gaius. If he's wrong, then he can help pin vampires down while we pour bottles of blood down their throat."
Antoine looked at her. "Gaius? I thought we were calling him Draco."
Nathaniel grinned. "I call Vreykar. Means Bottomless Pit."
"MEEEEP!"
Rose giggled. "He prefers Gaius. Draco is like naming a dog Canine, and he's only a bottomless pit because he's so young. Although he really is being overfed."
"Meep?"
"You are ten times your birth size in two days. It's time for your growth spurt to slow a bit or you will be too big to fit anywhere. Not to mention the difficulty of bringing you your body weight in food every 4 hours once you weigh more than a herd of cows does."
"Meep!" Gaius turned into a small green snake and wrapped himself around Rose's arm.
"Very nice. But you were saying that you could get us all out of here?"
Gaius gave an apologetic "Meep" and grew much larger.
Nathaniel looked at him. "I unimportant. No like flying. I hide and run. I good at hiding." He proved his statement by ducking into the shadows, and even knowing where to look he was hard to spot.
The rest climbed onto the dragon, and he began to fly...straight for the ceiling. "That's NOT the secret door!" Antoine shouted.
"Meep," Gaius said happily as they found themselves flying straight through solid rock. They shortly emerged on the surface with a proud "Meep!" from Gaius.
"Gaius," Amara said somewhat shakily, “A straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting.”
"Is she saying that she didn't find flying through solid rock to be interesting enough!?" Antoine whispered to Rose.
"Are you saying that you want him making a habit of it?" Rose replied. "She's discouraging it."
Camilla nodded. "Good point. There's a lot to be said for the nice scenic route that doesn't involve flying through solid objects when you aren't being hunted." She smiled. "And I never thought that I would be jealous of Nathaniel, who avoided this experience." She looked at Amara. "So where are we going now?"
Gaius began doing loops and barrel rolls with happy "Meep"s.
"Apparently we are going sky-dancing. Gaius, sweetie, We are all very impressed with the way you are managing not to drop us, but you might find it easier if you weren't spending so much time UPSIDE DOWN!"
"Meep!?"
He leveled out. "Meep," he said apologetically and landed. There was an impromptu race to be the first to get off his back. Gaius turned back into a small snake, wrapped himself around Amara's arm under her sleeve, and fell asleep. Rose handed Amara a bag of sausages. "Feed him now, while he's small and too sleepy to go back to full size. He'll stay fed longer. And then we really do need to find a place to hole up."
"I don't know of any safe place," Amara commented while tucking bits of sausage down her blouse where they were gobbled by the sleepy Gaius. "Do you have a suggestion?"
"Oh, this is just wonderful!" Antoine commented sarcastically as he sagged to the ground. "I'm already missing my nice, dark tunnels." He looked around. "I don't see much in the way of shade in those ruins. I really hope there's more that I'm not seeing."
Camilla sneered at him. "Beds cobbled together from stuff that the nobility have scrapped, with bedsheets made of old curtains and blankets made of old rugs? No two chairs matching, and most with at least one unreliable leg? A toilet that only avoids being called an outhouse by being set up inside the sewer? Nowhere to wash unless it happens to be raining? And the list goes on. I can think of nothing that I will miss."
"Nothing?" asked Antoine slyly.
"Alright, yes. ONE thing. In a few hours, I'm going to miss the darkness unless we can find shelter."
"The light in the fey realms is not true sunlight," Rose said slowly. "You could try taking us there if you had the spell."
"How? I know basic household cantrips. I have managed to memorize that blood spell. But I've never even seen a dimension travel spell! That's forbidden magic!"
"So is the blood spell, actually," Rose said with a smile. "It should be safe for me. I know where I can find a copy. Wait here."
"So now we hide again?" Antoine asked her gently. Amara nodded.
"Forever?"
Amara sighed. "No. Just until we get strong enough to end this. Permanently!"
Rose returned with a book shortly before dawn. "I'm sorry. I took longer than I expected to. Is Gaius awake yet?"
There was a sleepy "Meep" from Amara's sleeve.
Rose smiled. "He can shelter them if the sun rises while you are learning the spell."
Antoine stood up. "I hope you aren't suggesting having him take us back into the rock!"
"MEEP!" said Gaius happily as he regained full size.
Just then Nathaniel caught up with them, carrying a side of beef. "For Vreykar" he said as he dropped it in front of Gaius.
Rose stepped in front of Gaius. "Wait before you eat that!"
"Meep?"
"You heard me. You're going to need to learn to go longer without eating. You've just been fed. You aren't hungry."
"Meep," he said sullenly, but shrank back down to a small snake and coiled around her arm. A moment later there was a surprised "Meep!"
Rose chuckled. "I told you so."
Amara was looking over the spell. "There's a problem. It says I need a focus. It has to be something special to me which resonates when I think of the spell, but the only things I have that are special to me are back at my apartment. And I can't go there. Otherwise it seems simple enough."
Nathaniel looked over at her. "I can go."
"But can you find something which resonates when I think of the spell? It could be anything there, and I have no idea what it is."
He shook his head. "Need to know what. Or could bring back lots of things, you see if one good."
"Even with your skills, multiple trips would be dangerous," Rose said. "I could try to see if I can read the fate lines to find out what would work, but that will take some time."
"I have an idea," Antoine said thoughtfully. "It's a gamble, but it's better than spending all day inside a rock with a hungry dragon."
He whispered to Nathaniel, who nodded, ran off, and returned with the newspaper. Antoine took it. "I hope I can finish this before dawn," he muttered under his breath as he headed into the ruins. Half an hour later he returned. "I got lucky. I even found something to decorate it with." He knelt in front of her and held out a ring made from folded strips of newspaper which was decorated with a sparkling stone.
"My lady, would you do me the honor of accepting this trinket as a token of my esteem? It would not have been a ring, but I was afraid that a necklace would take too long to make. No strings attached, just a gift from one friend to another?"
Camilla muffled a snicker.
Amara looked at the sky, which was getting visibly lighter. "It's lovely. Thank you. I hope it works." She put it on her finger, and concentrated on the spell. There was an answering tingle from the ring. "IT WORKS!"
Antoine smiled. "Good. Now get us out of here. Please?"
Amara nodded and cast the spell. There was a shimmer in the air in front of her. They stepped through.
* “A straight line may be the shortest distance between two points, but it is by no means the most interesting.” Amara to Gaius
* “We cannot get out... they are coming.” Rose when they are trapped in Antoine's cavern/tunnel complex.
*Author's Note: The palace in the final picture is one I was working on before my game went haywire. It -is- my own creation. I mention this now because there is a possibility that it may figure as a character in a later chapter, unless round requirements change my mind and leave it as just a nightmare of a building.
I am Ghost. My husband is sidneydoj. I post, he downloads, and I wanted to keep my post count.
Group for Avatar Makers* Funny Stories *2017 Yearbook
#71
8th Jul 2015 at 7:46 PM
Posts: 293
Quote: Originally posted by lil bag2
Sooo between working extra hours to go to my friend's wedding and....going to the wedding. I may need a bit more time for my entry. Is it okay if mine is late? |
Your entry can be late up to 3 days for -3 points a day or you can request an one time extension without penalty. If you need an extension please PM me with a request and how many extra days you will need (must be within the judging period, no more than 4-5 days so judges have time to read/score).
Memory Games A Sims 3 Thriller Mystery
#72
9th Jul 2015 at 7:15 AM
Last edited by Freelala : 9th Jul 2015 at 7:34 AM.
Posts: 218
Title: Avalanche
Genre: Science Fiction
Word/Picture Count: 2497 / 23
Round Element Object: S.A.R.A.
Synopsis: The Jovians came to Earth to escape slavery and genocide; instead, they found a more subtle form of both waiting inside their gilded cage. When tension between the humans and descendents of the refugees is higher than ever, a chance encounter between two wanted criminals championing the Jovian cause will have repercussions far beyond what either side could have imagined.
Recap: On a train heading north, in the aftermath of a terrorist attack, Shinobu Sato encountered Gael de Garmo and recognized him as one of those she was sworn to protect. While the mercenaries pursuing them were no match for her blade, things go from bad to worse when one of Shinobu's allies claims Gael is more than what he seems.
No. It couldn't be.
“That is enough!” I cried, finding my voice after a moment of stunned silence. “Put him down!”
Kosta lowered Gael a few inches and stepped closer to him. “I have the horrible feeling I'm going to have to kill you.”
“You tried that once,” Gael spat back. “Gotten any better at it?”
Massaud came forward and repeated my command. When nothing happened, he spoke again with increased volume and urgency. “Kosta, he will bleed to death in minutes without tetra. Whoever he is, he's no danger to anyone here right now.”
Kosta's shoulders slumped, and he dropped Gael. Unmistakable looks of disgust were on both of their faces as they regarded each other. “You had two eyes last time I saw you,” Gael continued. “What happened?”
His remark did not confirm, nor deny Kosta's accusation, though it did prove they knew each other's faces. Two eyes. That meant their last encounter was at least four years ago, for Kosta hadn't lost his eye until after taking up our cause. All it means is that their paths crossed when Kosta was hunting Jovians, I told myself. He couldn't be Avalanche!
Avalanche, the person who had taken more Jovian lives than any individual in history, a Jovian himself? I could not accept the possibility.
“Whoever you are, there are questions that will need answering,” Massaud told Gael as he delivered the injection of tetra. “No Jovian takes the risks that you did without great need.”
“You have no idea,” muttered Gael.
“Be careful where you place your good will,” warned Kosta. “All this monster knows is chaos and hate.”
“Thank you, Kosta. Your concerns are noted,” replied Massaud in a warning tone that declared the matter settled. “Henry, Dana, give him some water and another injection in ten minutes. Shinobu-”
Whatever instructions he meant to give me were lost to the wind as I retreated into the next car. I couldn't stay there another minute.
Hiro Hashimoto's private train took us directly to his sprawling estate on the outskirts of Fairbanks. I joined the twins' father, Dr. Henry Horn, in the engine, and gave my old friend my account of the events that transpired between San Francisco and here. The time was coming when I would have to share the story with persons less understanding of my presence. Should it become too much to bear, Horn was informed enough to tell the tale in my stead.
Thick steam obscured most of the platform as we disembarked, though the outlines of two figures could be seen awaiting our arrival. When the clouds dissipated, they were revealed: one silver, the other gold; one living flesh, the other cold metal. Silver eyes passed over each member of our party in turn, and when she did not find what she sought, concern wrinkled her brow. “Massaud, what happened? Where's Kosta? And Rocky?”
Before he could answer, Gael, supported by the twins, spoke up. “Ah, you have a pet Jovian. That explains a lot.”
Delaney, I recalled. Her name is Delaney. I knew little about her, for we had never officially met. She came to us days before my departure, battered and broken, in the arms of an enemy who said we could do whatever we wanted with him as long as we tried to save her. Unlike Gael, a son of stronger sires who almost looked human, Delaney's ghostly coloring and large, translucent eyes marked her clearly for what she was: a first-generation Jovian, not born, but grown in the nursery-factories of the far north. What I wondered, and never found out, was what about her compelled Kosta Broz to abandon his Harvester brotherhood and turn himself into the second-most wanted man in the world.
After Avalanche.
“I'll explain later,” Massaud told her, and then addressed the golden figure. “S.A.R.A., we have an injured Jovian. Advise.”
It twitched to life, and a flat female voice said, “I will scan him.”
My eyebrows lifted of their own accord. “I'll be damned.” I turned to Horn. “You finally cracked artificial intelligence.”
Horn half-smiled. “Not quite. This is S.A.R.A.; it stands for 'semi-autonomous robotic assistant.' She responds to orders, and collects and analyzes data, but she can't think or learn. In other words, she's a reactive entity, where true intelligence is proactive.”
“I'm still impressed.”
“Thank you. I try, but it just keeps happening.”
“Subject exposed to selenium dichloride thirty-two minutes ago,” spoke S.A.R.A. “Subject received two injections of tetra. Subject requires blood transfusion to replace lost blood.”
Horn nodded. “Very well. Get him a Bloody Mary, O positive.” To Gael, he explained: “Blood cocktail we give to people like you who get into situations like this. One part human, one part tetra, and one part something of my own creation.”
He excused himself, then followed his sons, Massaud, Gael, and S.A.R.A. into the manor. Delaney asked if I might like to clean up and change, an offer I readily accepted. Though she lived there, it was I who took the lead once inside, more and more memories flooding back with each step. The joy, sadness, hope, and fear these walls had seen was unmeasurable. What stories would they tell?
Maybe they would tell the story behind Rocky Hashimoto's last message to me: I need your help. Someone has betrayed us. Meet me on the 6:28 to Fairbanks in three days.
Delaney and I parted at a washroom. She returned to take my dirty, blooded clothes, and that was the last I saw of her. Washing and changing invigorated me, and instead of finding a bed, I took a walk. My wanderings took me to one of the smaller sitting rooms, where I lit a fire and stretched out on the chaise to collect my thoughts. It wasn't enough that I came all the way back here to find Rocky dead amid his fears of betrayal; now I had to deal with Gael and the implications of Kosta's claims. Who could I trust?
I didn't realize I had dozed off until the click of a latch caused me to sit upright. Massaud was in the doorway, and when I offered no objection to his presence, he came in. “I thought I'd find you here.”
“How long have I been out?”
“A few hours.” He had washed and changed as well, out of that unbecoming train worker's getup into something more befitting of his station. “Your Jovian is doing well.” He hesitated, then continued, “How did you get him to follow you off the train?”
“Feminine wiles, of course.”
He flinched, and I felt a rush of grim satisfaction. He had no right to ask me to employ other methods, and that was no one's fault but his own. Sensing this would take us down a slippery slope, I changed the subject. “I suppose I should do what I came here to do, shouldn't I?”
“He'd like to know what went wrong, yes, but if you need more time...”
“It's not that.” I sighed, and looked at the dying fire. “I know what I must do. It's just... I'm afraid to do it.”
Massaud stood, and offered his hand. “Boldly going forward...”
I smiled in spite of myself and took his hand, remembering the old quip we shared whenever facing something unpleasant. “Because we can't find reverse.”
Massaud led me into the lower levels of the manor, to a door at the end of a long hallway, where he announced our presence with a knock. Horn's voice bade us enter. I studied the room as we came in; based on the mismatched furniture and unpolished floor, it was one that had not been used often, or recently. Horn and S.A.R.A. were tending to Gael, also clad in fresh garments. And there, beside the bed, was the one I dreaded seeing, whose hurts toward me were exceeded only by those I caused him.
“I hoped you would come,” said Hiro Hashimoto.
I determinedly avoided his eyes as I acknowledged him. “Grandfather.”
Gael perked up at that word. “'Grandfather'?” he repeated. He looked at me, then at Hashimoto, and then back at me. “Ooohhh,” he said as comprehension dawned on him, followed by a smirk. “You're the infamous Rana Hashimoto, aren't you?”
“Infamous” took it a bit too far, I thought. True, I had been arrested so many times I lost count, and there was blood on my hands, but I never killed the innocent.
“That explains the false name, too,” he muttered. “You can't travel under yours.”
“It's not entirely a false name,” I grumbled, but offered no details. Only three people knew the name Shinobu Sato and what it meant to me. Two, I told in a fit of anger and grief that I never wanted to see them again; now, four years later, I stood between them. The third died in an avalanche.
“We have spent some time talking with your friend, and he presents us with an interesting problem,” said Hashimoto. “Kosta seems to think he is a certain marked man who, I admit, I did not suspect was a Jovian.”
I glared at Gael. “What does he say?”
“He has not denied it.”
“So it's true.” I didn't realize I was trembling until Massaud grasped my arms to steady me. “You are Avalanche.” Tears stung my eyes. Finally looking at my estranged grandfather, I raged, “WHY IS HE STILL ALIVE?”
“I am afraid,” Hashimoto sighed, “that it is more complicated than that.”
I failed to see how. By design or chance, Avalanche had fallen into our custody. “The hospital in Anchorage,” I choked. “That was you, wasn't it?”
“That 'hospital' was a front for the biggest blood trafficking ring in the north,” Gael snapped back. “I spent a year tracking Harvesters there before I made my move. Yes, five hundred Jovians died, but thousands more were saved, or avenged.”
“And the others? Mackenzie Mine? Beaufort Glacier?”
“Think about it.” It was Hashimoto who responded. “Every one of his attacks led to a surge in Jovian advocacy. Before Mount Juneau, legislation proposing every Jovian wear an armband in public, to easily identify those who looked human, was gaining in popularity. After hundreds were killed in an attack clearly directed at them, the bill died in the Senate. They said it would become too easy for anti-Jovians like Avalanche to locate and target them.”
“So that's it?” I asked. “We patch him up and send him on his way?”
“No,” chimed in Horn. “See, there's a problem: we know who he is. Avalanche's anonymity is a critical component of his legacy. We've become a liability.”
“So we are going to kill him.” I couldn't wait to tell Kosta. Come to think of it, where was Kosta? I hadn't seen him since we left the train.
Hashimoto shook his head. “No.”
“Then what-”
“For all his... misguided methods, Avalanche has proven one thing: when he moves, people rally around Jovians and call for their protection.”
“What's to stop him from killing us to keep his secret?” I snapped.
“S.A.R.A.,” Horn said simply. “She knows his identity, too, and I designed her well. She's practically indestructible.”
At the sound of her name, the robot began moving around the bed. “Avalanche requires fresh blood.”
“Speaking of blood, Hashimoto,” said Gael, “does your granddaughter know what you, the mad scientist, and the Golden Wonderbot cooked up last year?”
“Golden Wonderbot, I like that,” murmured Horn thoughtfully.
Hashimoto dipped his head – in shame? - and mumbled, “We isolated and synthetically replicated the components within Jovian DNA that create radiation immunity. Their blood is no longer necessary.”
I could not believe what I was hearing. “Jovians are suffering every day under the blood tax, and you can make the very thing for which they're exploited?!?”
The reply came from Gael. “And what happens to the Jovians if he goes public now? We'd no longer be useful. Why protect us?”
I didn't know what I liked less: my grandfather finding an ally in Avalanche, or the truth in his words. I turned to Hashimoto and spat out the tidings I had come to Fairbanks to deliver. “Rocky said there was a traitor. I never imagined it would be you.”
“Who's this Rocky you all keep going on about?” inquired Gael.
Anger beyond comprehension kept me from speaking. Massaud was my voice. “Her brother.”
Hashimoto stood. “I must speak with my granddaughter,” he said. “Alone.”
I followed him out of the room, no longer caring what happened, or whose side he took. Everything I thought we fought for was a game for people like him and Avalanche, and I was just a pawn.
“Rana.”
The name felt unreal. I hadn't considered it mine in four years.
“Rana, listen to me. We don't have much time.”
I glared at him. He interpreted the eye contact as permission to continue. “I know there is a traitor among us. I asked Rocky to contact you, since I knew you would ignore any word from me.”
He had that much right. “Why?”
“You are family. You and Rocky were the only ones I knew, beyond all doubt, that I could trust.”
“What do you want?”
“I need you to take S.A.R.A.,” he answered. “Henry claims she won't be easily destroyed, but information can be stolen, and she contains the anti-radiation formula. We meant for Rocky to pass her off to you on the train, but he felt it was too risky. He was right. Take her, and protect her knowledge until such a time as the world is ready to accept Jovians without conditions.”
“And Avalanche?”
“He's a red herring, and he can burn when we are finished with him. You must speak of this to no one. Not Henry, not even Massaud. Promise me, Rana.”
Before I could answer, I sensed movement behind us. I turned, and saw the Jovian, Delaney, emerge from around the corner. She was holding a gun.
“Give Avalanche to me.” Her voice was steady, but her eyes, and trembling hands, betrayed her fear.
Hashimoto frowned. “Delaney, what are you doing?”
“A Harvester strike team will be here within ten minutes,” she replied. “They want all of you, but they want Avalanche most. Give him to me, and get out while you still can.”
He took a step toward her. “Delaney, please-”
BANG!
Genre: Science Fiction
Word/Picture Count: 2497 / 23
Round Element Object: S.A.R.A.
Synopsis: The Jovians came to Earth to escape slavery and genocide; instead, they found a more subtle form of both waiting inside their gilded cage. When tension between the humans and descendents of the refugees is higher than ever, a chance encounter between two wanted criminals championing the Jovian cause will have repercussions far beyond what either side could have imagined.
Recap: On a train heading north, in the aftermath of a terrorist attack, Shinobu Sato encountered Gael de Garmo and recognized him as one of those she was sworn to protect. While the mercenaries pursuing them were no match for her blade, things go from bad to worse when one of Shinobu's allies claims Gael is more than what he seems.
Please enjoy Lady of Worlds by Miracle of Sound as you read this chapter.
No. It couldn't be.
“That is enough!” I cried, finding my voice after a moment of stunned silence. “Put him down!”
Kosta lowered Gael a few inches and stepped closer to him. “I have the horrible feeling I'm going to have to kill you.”
“You tried that once,” Gael spat back. “Gotten any better at it?”
Massaud came forward and repeated my command. When nothing happened, he spoke again with increased volume and urgency. “Kosta, he will bleed to death in minutes without tetra. Whoever he is, he's no danger to anyone here right now.”
Kosta's shoulders slumped, and he dropped Gael. Unmistakable looks of disgust were on both of their faces as they regarded each other. “You had two eyes last time I saw you,” Gael continued. “What happened?”
His remark did not confirm, nor deny Kosta's accusation, though it did prove they knew each other's faces. Two eyes. That meant their last encounter was at least four years ago, for Kosta hadn't lost his eye until after taking up our cause. All it means is that their paths crossed when Kosta was hunting Jovians, I told myself. He couldn't be Avalanche!
Avalanche, the person who had taken more Jovian lives than any individual in history, a Jovian himself? I could not accept the possibility.
“Whoever you are, there are questions that will need answering,” Massaud told Gael as he delivered the injection of tetra. “No Jovian takes the risks that you did without great need.”
“You have no idea,” muttered Gael.
“Be careful where you place your good will,” warned Kosta. “All this monster knows is chaos and hate.”
“Thank you, Kosta. Your concerns are noted,” replied Massaud in a warning tone that declared the matter settled. “Henry, Dana, give him some water and another injection in ten minutes. Shinobu-”
Whatever instructions he meant to give me were lost to the wind as I retreated into the next car. I couldn't stay there another minute.
Hiro Hashimoto's private train took us directly to his sprawling estate on the outskirts of Fairbanks. I joined the twins' father, Dr. Henry Horn, in the engine, and gave my old friend my account of the events that transpired between San Francisco and here. The time was coming when I would have to share the story with persons less understanding of my presence. Should it become too much to bear, Horn was informed enough to tell the tale in my stead.
Thick steam obscured most of the platform as we disembarked, though the outlines of two figures could be seen awaiting our arrival. When the clouds dissipated, they were revealed: one silver, the other gold; one living flesh, the other cold metal. Silver eyes passed over each member of our party in turn, and when she did not find what she sought, concern wrinkled her brow. “Massaud, what happened? Where's Kosta? And Rocky?”
Before he could answer, Gael, supported by the twins, spoke up. “Ah, you have a pet Jovian. That explains a lot.”
Delaney, I recalled. Her name is Delaney. I knew little about her, for we had never officially met. She came to us days before my departure, battered and broken, in the arms of an enemy who said we could do whatever we wanted with him as long as we tried to save her. Unlike Gael, a son of stronger sires who almost looked human, Delaney's ghostly coloring and large, translucent eyes marked her clearly for what she was: a first-generation Jovian, not born, but grown in the nursery-factories of the far north. What I wondered, and never found out, was what about her compelled Kosta Broz to abandon his Harvester brotherhood and turn himself into the second-most wanted man in the world.
After Avalanche.
“I'll explain later,” Massaud told her, and then addressed the golden figure. “S.A.R.A., we have an injured Jovian. Advise.”
It twitched to life, and a flat female voice said, “I will scan him.”
My eyebrows lifted of their own accord. “I'll be damned.” I turned to Horn. “You finally cracked artificial intelligence.”
Horn half-smiled. “Not quite. This is S.A.R.A.; it stands for 'semi-autonomous robotic assistant.' She responds to orders, and collects and analyzes data, but she can't think or learn. In other words, she's a reactive entity, where true intelligence is proactive.”
“I'm still impressed.”
“Thank you. I try, but it just keeps happening.”
“Subject exposed to selenium dichloride thirty-two minutes ago,” spoke S.A.R.A. “Subject received two injections of tetra. Subject requires blood transfusion to replace lost blood.”
Horn nodded. “Very well. Get him a Bloody Mary, O positive.” To Gael, he explained: “Blood cocktail we give to people like you who get into situations like this. One part human, one part tetra, and one part something of my own creation.”
He excused himself, then followed his sons, Massaud, Gael, and S.A.R.A. into the manor. Delaney asked if I might like to clean up and change, an offer I readily accepted. Though she lived there, it was I who took the lead once inside, more and more memories flooding back with each step. The joy, sadness, hope, and fear these walls had seen was unmeasurable. What stories would they tell?
Maybe they would tell the story behind Rocky Hashimoto's last message to me: I need your help. Someone has betrayed us. Meet me on the 6:28 to Fairbanks in three days.
Delaney and I parted at a washroom. She returned to take my dirty, blooded clothes, and that was the last I saw of her. Washing and changing invigorated me, and instead of finding a bed, I took a walk. My wanderings took me to one of the smaller sitting rooms, where I lit a fire and stretched out on the chaise to collect my thoughts. It wasn't enough that I came all the way back here to find Rocky dead amid his fears of betrayal; now I had to deal with Gael and the implications of Kosta's claims. Who could I trust?
I didn't realize I had dozed off until the click of a latch caused me to sit upright. Massaud was in the doorway, and when I offered no objection to his presence, he came in. “I thought I'd find you here.”
“How long have I been out?”
“A few hours.” He had washed and changed as well, out of that unbecoming train worker's getup into something more befitting of his station. “Your Jovian is doing well.” He hesitated, then continued, “How did you get him to follow you off the train?”
“Feminine wiles, of course.”
He flinched, and I felt a rush of grim satisfaction. He had no right to ask me to employ other methods, and that was no one's fault but his own. Sensing this would take us down a slippery slope, I changed the subject. “I suppose I should do what I came here to do, shouldn't I?”
“He'd like to know what went wrong, yes, but if you need more time...”
“It's not that.” I sighed, and looked at the dying fire. “I know what I must do. It's just... I'm afraid to do it.”
Massaud stood, and offered his hand. “Boldly going forward...”
I smiled in spite of myself and took his hand, remembering the old quip we shared whenever facing something unpleasant. “Because we can't find reverse.”
Massaud led me into the lower levels of the manor, to a door at the end of a long hallway, where he announced our presence with a knock. Horn's voice bade us enter. I studied the room as we came in; based on the mismatched furniture and unpolished floor, it was one that had not been used often, or recently. Horn and S.A.R.A. were tending to Gael, also clad in fresh garments. And there, beside the bed, was the one I dreaded seeing, whose hurts toward me were exceeded only by those I caused him.
“I hoped you would come,” said Hiro Hashimoto.
I determinedly avoided his eyes as I acknowledged him. “Grandfather.”
Gael perked up at that word. “'Grandfather'?” he repeated. He looked at me, then at Hashimoto, and then back at me. “Ooohhh,” he said as comprehension dawned on him, followed by a smirk. “You're the infamous Rana Hashimoto, aren't you?”
“Infamous” took it a bit too far, I thought. True, I had been arrested so many times I lost count, and there was blood on my hands, but I never killed the innocent.
“That explains the false name, too,” he muttered. “You can't travel under yours.”
“It's not entirely a false name,” I grumbled, but offered no details. Only three people knew the name Shinobu Sato and what it meant to me. Two, I told in a fit of anger and grief that I never wanted to see them again; now, four years later, I stood between them. The third died in an avalanche.
“We have spent some time talking with your friend, and he presents us with an interesting problem,” said Hashimoto. “Kosta seems to think he is a certain marked man who, I admit, I did not suspect was a Jovian.”
I glared at Gael. “What does he say?”
“He has not denied it.”
“So it's true.” I didn't realize I was trembling until Massaud grasped my arms to steady me. “You are Avalanche.” Tears stung my eyes. Finally looking at my estranged grandfather, I raged, “WHY IS HE STILL ALIVE?”
“I am afraid,” Hashimoto sighed, “that it is more complicated than that.”
I failed to see how. By design or chance, Avalanche had fallen into our custody. “The hospital in Anchorage,” I choked. “That was you, wasn't it?”
“That 'hospital' was a front for the biggest blood trafficking ring in the north,” Gael snapped back. “I spent a year tracking Harvesters there before I made my move. Yes, five hundred Jovians died, but thousands more were saved, or avenged.”
“And the others? Mackenzie Mine? Beaufort Glacier?”
“Think about it.” It was Hashimoto who responded. “Every one of his attacks led to a surge in Jovian advocacy. Before Mount Juneau, legislation proposing every Jovian wear an armband in public, to easily identify those who looked human, was gaining in popularity. After hundreds were killed in an attack clearly directed at them, the bill died in the Senate. They said it would become too easy for anti-Jovians like Avalanche to locate and target them.”
“So that's it?” I asked. “We patch him up and send him on his way?”
“No,” chimed in Horn. “See, there's a problem: we know who he is. Avalanche's anonymity is a critical component of his legacy. We've become a liability.”
“So we are going to kill him.” I couldn't wait to tell Kosta. Come to think of it, where was Kosta? I hadn't seen him since we left the train.
Hashimoto shook his head. “No.”
“Then what-”
“For all his... misguided methods, Avalanche has proven one thing: when he moves, people rally around Jovians and call for their protection.”
“What's to stop him from killing us to keep his secret?” I snapped.
“S.A.R.A.,” Horn said simply. “She knows his identity, too, and I designed her well. She's practically indestructible.”
At the sound of her name, the robot began moving around the bed. “Avalanche requires fresh blood.”
“Speaking of blood, Hashimoto,” said Gael, “does your granddaughter know what you, the mad scientist, and the Golden Wonderbot cooked up last year?”
“Golden Wonderbot, I like that,” murmured Horn thoughtfully.
Hashimoto dipped his head – in shame? - and mumbled, “We isolated and synthetically replicated the components within Jovian DNA that create radiation immunity. Their blood is no longer necessary.”
I could not believe what I was hearing. “Jovians are suffering every day under the blood tax, and you can make the very thing for which they're exploited?!?”
The reply came from Gael. “And what happens to the Jovians if he goes public now? We'd no longer be useful. Why protect us?”
I didn't know what I liked less: my grandfather finding an ally in Avalanche, or the truth in his words. I turned to Hashimoto and spat out the tidings I had come to Fairbanks to deliver. “Rocky said there was a traitor. I never imagined it would be you.”
“Who's this Rocky you all keep going on about?” inquired Gael.
Anger beyond comprehension kept me from speaking. Massaud was my voice. “Her brother.”
Hashimoto stood. “I must speak with my granddaughter,” he said. “Alone.”
I followed him out of the room, no longer caring what happened, or whose side he took. Everything I thought we fought for was a game for people like him and Avalanche, and I was just a pawn.
“Rana.”
The name felt unreal. I hadn't considered it mine in four years.
“Rana, listen to me. We don't have much time.”
I glared at him. He interpreted the eye contact as permission to continue. “I know there is a traitor among us. I asked Rocky to contact you, since I knew you would ignore any word from me.”
He had that much right. “Why?”
“You are family. You and Rocky were the only ones I knew, beyond all doubt, that I could trust.”
“What do you want?”
“I need you to take S.A.R.A.,” he answered. “Henry claims she won't be easily destroyed, but information can be stolen, and she contains the anti-radiation formula. We meant for Rocky to pass her off to you on the train, but he felt it was too risky. He was right. Take her, and protect her knowledge until such a time as the world is ready to accept Jovians without conditions.”
“And Avalanche?”
“He's a red herring, and he can burn when we are finished with him. You must speak of this to no one. Not Henry, not even Massaud. Promise me, Rana.”
Before I could answer, I sensed movement behind us. I turned, and saw the Jovian, Delaney, emerge from around the corner. She was holding a gun.
“Give Avalanche to me.” Her voice was steady, but her eyes, and trembling hands, betrayed her fear.
Hashimoto frowned. “Delaney, what are you doing?”
“A Harvester strike team will be here within ten minutes,” she replied. “They want all of you, but they want Avalanche most. Give him to me, and get out while you still can.”
He took a step toward her. “Delaney, please-”
BANG!
#1: "I have the horrible feeling I’m going to have to kill you." - Kosta to Gael/Avalanche
#2: "I know what I must do. It's just... I'm afraid to do it." - Shinobu to Massaud
#2: "I know what I must do. It's just... I'm afraid to do it." - Shinobu to Massaud
Round element - I know I'm taking a chance with making the round element object a robot. Since S.A.R.A. is essentially a tool, with no personality or motivation, who only speaks when spoken to, I reasoned that assigning her to the round element is within guidelines.
"Passion makes no accommodation for self-preservation."
#73
9th Jul 2015 at 7:11 PM
Posts: 166
Does anyone knows how to get creative again? I've been writing my story, but I just got blocked! I can't write anymore, and it's due tommorrow and I haven't finished my story or taken the pictures. Help ;(
Test Subject
#74
9th Jul 2015 at 10:19 PM
Posts: 140
Quote: Originally posted by Letcupcake
Does anyone knows how to get creative again? I've been writing my story, but I just got blocked! I can't write anymore, and it's due tommorrow and I haven't finished my story or taken the pictures. Help ;( |
Try finding background music that would fit the theme of your story, and then let the movie that is your story play in your head while you listen to it. It's something I sometimes do. You have a nice story going on, by the by.
#75
9th Jul 2015 at 11:53 PM
Posts: 41
Oi vey, my entry may be a day late. Or very close to late. It's taking longer than I thought to write one scene and I'm not sure it'll be done in time. Sorry. T_T
Who Posted
|