Ok I've read through about 100 threads mentioning this issue if high counts
and I've seen vague mention of programs that help reduce vertex... but
nobody is sharing the names of these miracle programs. :err:

I really don't want to have to cut & split and resnap and weld in order
to reduce but I understand the need for reasonable sized meshes (I
have a CRAP graphics card that crashes all the time *sobs*) So is
there really a program out there that will do the trick without being
painful? Something cheap though... I don't like giving away my hobby so
much that I'm going to run out and pay big bucks for a program so I can
be a responsible mesh maker/sharer. :P

Also I have Milkshape... and really good comprehensive tutorials on using
that program to its fullest is SERIOUSLY lacking online. If there is a trick
within Milkshape I would love to know... Thanks!

Im pretty sure you can reduce polys in milkshape,its under Tools and I believes its "SelPolyCount" as I said im not fully sure this does the trick,considering I have never made mesh in milkshape.

From what I've heard (haven't used it myself), that tool is mostly useful for turning very high polygon meshes to moderate. It may not work as well on already moderate/low polygon ones (it'll lower the polygon numbers but it won't look very good). But, I suppose you can give it a try .

The tool in MilkShape is named "Directx Mesh Tool"

It depends on the particular mesh how well it will work, not on how many polys it has to start with.

I have had good results with meshes that were over 20,000 polys (got it down to under 3,000) and with a test on a mesh that had 600 polys (got it to go under 500)

Some meshes can be reduced amazingly with good results, others will get distorted or start showing holes with small reductions.

Select your whole mesh with "Select All" on the menu, then select that tool.

A window pops up, with a picture of your mesh, some buttons, and a slider bar.

The only ones you want to use are the slider bar and the save, the others increase the polycount.

Slide the bar to the left and watch the vertex count as it reduces - don't try to reduce too much all at once, that will usualy produce bad results. I never go more than 10 ~ 20% at a time.

Then click the Save button, the mesh comes back into MilkShape.

Do a Weld on it right away, then carefully examine the mesh in the 3d view from all angles to make sure it isn't looking distorted and has no holes. Hint - uncheckmark "draw backfaces" to make any holes more easily visible -

If all is OK, use the tool again - when you get to the point that the mesh looks bad when it comes back, use "undo" to go back to the last good one, and consider the reduction done.