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Replies: 538 (Who?), Viewed: 124679 times.
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#76 Old 24th Sep 2007 at 11:40 AM
This story is so cool. I luv noir!
#77 Old 24th Sep 2007 at 12:37 PM
Audrey II, LOL.
And poor preggers planty...
#78 Old 24th Sep 2007 at 3:26 PM
Love your story--can't wait for the next update
Top Secret Researcher
#79 Old 24th Sep 2007 at 11:57 PM
Audrey two? Little shop little shop of horrors little shop little shop o' terror whoa whoa whoa waho! Damn that song loses a lot when its not being sung... IS that going to be important? Or just a joke. And she's very pretty as a plant! Update soon and happy simsing!

The humor of a story on the internet is in direct inverse proportion to how accurate the reporting is.
Test Subject
#80 Old 25th Sep 2007 at 11:14 PM
Audrey II! That's even more funny since I'm wearing the crew shirt from when my high school did Little Shop as the spring drama right now. XD

I love this story!
Top Secret Researcher
Original Poster
#81 Old 26th Sep 2007 at 4:16 PM
Default Chapter 21 - Plant Pregnancies, Young Love, And Flower Gods.
You know, I think I’m starting to get a little numb about this. I was wondering how long it would be before my stomach started to swell, given my track record. Maybe I should be glad that there actually was a break between the twins and this pregnancy this time!

Luckily, Armando’s thrilled to be a daddy.

We got engaged, yadda yadda ya, and the weddings due soon but knowing my luck it will be postponed until I’m practically giving birth in the aisle. Oh well, at least Armando’s happy…

…Even if Justus is being a bit of an undead bastard about this! What is it with my ex-husbands all scaring me when I’m pregnant?

This is definitely going to be a new experience for me, as I’ve never been pregnant while being a member of the chlorophyll-able species while pregnant before. Apparently I’ve even started to smell different.

Whatever it is, it’s definitely not Armando-repellent, considering how much affection he’s been giving me and the lump recently! Lump’s not even that big yet and he’s already started with all the tummy rubs and nicknames.

“Who’s going to be a cute little rosebud! You, my little daisy, yes you!”

“And if it’s a boy?”

“…Well, he could always be my little Xochipilli...”

At least this pregnancy is different from the others, thanks to my lovely green-fingered state. I can even spend time with the kids rather than on the toilet or in bed. No more constant exhaustion or bladder problems!

Just the increased need for sunlight…

…And the increased amount of time looking like a dead whale in the pool…

…When I’m not taking over the bathroom. The kids have started to complain, especially Scorpio and Pisces. Pisces because she’s a good ordinary girl who needs the mirror and Scorpio…well…

Meet his girlfriend, Opal Raymond. For some reason, I don’t like her one bit. If she even THINKS of hurting my little boy’s heart, she’s seriously going to regret it!

Gack! Push off Talin, and why don’t you go bother that little bitch Opal instead of the heavily pregnant Mama!

Of course, the wedding had to be delayed due to Armando’s promotion to Lobbyist. With all the political turmoil Sim City is going through, he needs to be there most the day now, and he’s too busy gardening to get married, but in the end it did happen before I gave birth. Here you go, another picture of me, my loving new husband, and the ever-present Wedding Bump. It wouldn’t be a proper wedding if I didn’t have one!

Why did I let Armando talk me into this dress?

I would like to clear up the little matter of my sanity as it has come into question. I am not in any way, shape, or form, sane. Insane? Hell yes!

People keep calling me 'evil.' I must be doing something right.

SilentPsycho - The Official MTS2 Psycho
#82 Old 26th Sep 2007 at 4:20 PM
Definitely the best dress and her best look. *nods*
#83 Old 26th Sep 2007 at 4:26 PM
I think Plant-Noir looks nice in her dress!
Field Researcher
#84 Old 26th Sep 2007 at 4:27 PM
Noir looks good green! And the dress compliments her.

I can't wait to read more!
Test Subject
#85 Old 26th Sep 2007 at 5:03 PM
Awesome update! And I agree with sapphirexclaws about that being a nice look for her.
Top Secret Researcher
#86 Old 26th Sep 2007 at 10:25 PM
Lol.. "we got engaged, yada yada yada"? Such romance! Update soon and happy simising!

The humor of a story on the internet is in direct inverse proportion to how accurate the reporting is.
Top Secret Researcher
Original Poster
#87 Old 29th Sep 2007 at 4:09 PM
Default Chapter 22 - Growing Pains, Restless Widows, and Plant Fetishes.
I swear, sometimes it just feels like all you have to do is spin around and the whole world will change. Hair styles, clothing, houses, lovers, everything!

Take the twins for instance. It seems like only yesterday the twins were crawling everywhere and could barely say ‘Mama’, yet look at them now!

Aries has turned out to be quite the creative one. If he isn’t painting, he’s tapping away at whatever surface he can get his hands on. If he isn’t doing either of those, he’s trying to dye Wolfie in rainbow shades. For some reason, I don’t think Scorpio’s too pleased with this turn of events.

Gemini is definitely a Mummy’s Girl. When she isn’t keeping me amused by telling jokes or dancing for me, she’s either rubbing the Lump or talking to it. Gemini also has the dubious honour of being the only one of my kids with a personality that matches her name!

The one person which has really driven the fact that time passes home is Scorpio though. I remember how much I panicked in my first pregnancy, all the near-breakdowns and problems with coping. Of course, that’s all old hat to me now, but even still, I’m sitting here wondering where that tiny little baby who first took my heart has gone. All grown up and able to look after himself, and is currently at this very moment is packing his stuff for University! He’s going to study Plant Biology, and his ambition is to find a cure for my condition!

I can’t believe the time has come for him to say goodbye. One last hug, one last gift of some cuttings from Audrey II, and final instructions on keeping Wolfie far away from Aries, and with a tear in his eye, my baby boy’s gone!

Please excuse me while I go find somewhere to cry.

In any case, time goes on and people come and go, especially lovers and husbands!

Speaking of lovers…

What can I say? I needed someone to chat to after Scorpio had gone, and Armando was too busy napping on the couch. Ab didn’t mind coming over so I could have a shoulder to cry on, and well…

…One thing sort of lead to another.

Damn it! Why do all my husband have the worst sense of timing? If only he had stayed asleep a little longer…

…This doesn’t look good. He looks furious!

Strangely, he lunged at Ab first. That’s a new one on me!

“What in Demeter’s name do you think you are doing with my rosebud!? If you want a plant wife, you can use the potion like everyone else!”


“Potion! What are you talking about!?”

“The potion that I placed in the salad I made for you that changed you into a plan…Uh oh…”

“Why, oh darling husband, did you do that?”

“I did it because you’re beautiful this way! That supple skin, those curling vines, those bouncy leaves, I had to have it!”

…Why do I always have to get the nut jobs?

Luckily for Plant Lover, he had managed to make his escape to the green house. Unluckily for him, I’m the one with the keys.


I do hope he’s got enough brain power in his insane mind to realise he shouldn’t annoy the plants in his attempts to get out. Audrey II in particular has been a little cranky recently…

…Maybe he’s teething?


Contrary to popular opinion, Revenge is surprisingly sweet.

…Especially cold and poured over strawberries.

I would like to clear up the little matter of my sanity as it has come into question. I am not in any way, shape, or form, sane. Insane? Hell yes!

People keep calling me 'evil.' I must be doing something right.

SilentPsycho - The Official MTS2 Psycho
#88 Old 29th Sep 2007 at 4:36 PM
I love her sense of humor
#89 Old 29th Sep 2007 at 4:43 PM
LMAO I love Noir...she's a great mix of evil and humour. :D

If wishes were fishes we'd all cast nets
#90 Old 29th Sep 2007 at 10:20 PM
Great story! I like your writing style.

Noir is truly a unique character. I never thought the Black Widow Challenge could be so funny.
Field Researcher
#91 Old 30th Sep 2007 at 10:34 AM
I've just read this through and I love it, it's hilarious! Looking forward to seeing the plantbaby!
Field Researcher
#92 Old 30th Sep 2007 at 1:46 PM
Wow! Excellent shot of the cow plant!
Top Secret Researcher
Original Poster
#93 Old 30th Sep 2007 at 5:51 PM
Default Chapter 23 - Family Goodness, More Dreaded Visits, and Annoying Girlfriends.
Oh well, another day, another ex-husband. I really do have a gift for picking them, don’t I? In any case, now that loony is gone I need to try and figure out what to do. Here I am, a single mother currently expecting the sixth new addition to the family, no job or lines of support, and a graveyard full of deadbeats who pop up from time to time.

At least the kids are always there for me. Little Aries and Gemini, my day-dreamer Pisces, and my growing Sagittarius, already taller than his older sister. I swear, I’ll do anything for them…

…Which includes the hated Headmaster’s visit! I just hope this freshly grown produce helps me get some extra points. Goodbye my little tomato friends, see you next year!

While I wait for him to arrive, I decide to check my emails. Look at this!

I can’t believe Scorpio cut his hair! I LOVED the shaggy sheepdog look he had before, and I thought he did as well. Apparently, ‘Opal decided I would look better with short hair’ and ‘She says my clothing was too baggy and scruffy’. Bah, stupid girl! Scorpio HATES having clothes that are too tight, but it appears he’s too much under her spell to complain. I can foresee having to do something about this…

Luckily, I’m not alone like last time. While I prepare a hopefully non-cremated dish of Bass with Squash, Pisces has taken it upon herself to give the Headmaster a tour of the house.

Voila! Bass et Squash a la Noir for your delight! Now to turn on the charm and unleash my magic upon Mister Headmaster. Hopefully the Lump won’t affect my smoozing ability, the little bugger’s been pretty active tonight. Ouch!

Kicks from unborn karate masters notwithstanding, the visit goes great and Sagi, Aries, and Gemini are all accepted into private school! Indeed, as I’m standing here watching the Headmaster drive away, I can’t help but feel proud of my brood of demon spawn.

Of course, Lady Fate would decide to break this loving moment with a splash as my water breaks!

No! I’m not ready for this one, I don’t have the support I need yet! Please…I don’t want to go through with this any more…

Meet little Taurus Cox. Please excuse me while I go have a breakdown.


A couple of hours later, I realise that if it wasn’t for my kids I’d probably be dead right now. Scared out of their minds, they still took control and called the doctor, who took one look at me and managed to snap me out of my breakdown. I still feel pretty rotten though…

…Nothing a few experiments in the new photo booth I bought with Ab won’t fix!

Oh yeah, it seems Ab’s decided to move in. There was a problem at his old place, something to do with an ex-girlfriend, and so I offered him a spare side of the bed for a while. Especially since he came into the house with 9000 simoleons! His stuff will be arriving in the next few days, so I’ll have that to look forward to!

Well look who’s at the door! It seems not even obsessive girlfriends can keep my little boy away when his Mama’s ill.

After a few hugs to make sure I’m alright, Scorpio suddenly bring out this gift-wrapped box!

Strange, I’m pretty sure it’s not my birthday. Maybe it’s a wedding anniversary gift? For some reason, I’m having trouble remembering those dates…

Huh? What’s this potion thingy?

One look at Scorpio’s grinning face, and I shrug and chug the liquid down in one gulp. Right away, I start feeling strange! Warmer, and my skin is all tingly too…

Wait a second…

I run straight to the mirror.

…Oh my…

I have to say it, I love my kids!

That, and you’ll be surprised about how fast and how long leaves actually grow!

I would like to clear up the little matter of my sanity as it has come into question. I am not in any way, shape, or form, sane. Insane? Hell yes!

People keep calling me 'evil.' I must be doing something right.

SilentPsycho - The Official MTS2 Psycho
#94 Old 30th Sep 2007 at 6:06 PM
Yay Blackie!
Test Subject
#95 Old 30th Sep 2007 at 6:18 PM
I foresee baaaad things to befall Opal and somehow I can't wait to see it happen. And yay! Noir is cured!
Top Secret Researcher
#96 Old 1st Oct 2007 at 10:46 PM
Opal's going to die. And Noir looks good with long black hair.

The humor of a story on the internet is in direct inverse proportion to how accurate the reporting is.
Top Secret Researcher
Original Poster
#97 Old 2nd Oct 2007 at 10:18 AM
Default Chapter 24 - Cute Kimonos, Mysterious Strangers, and Temptations to Kill
I still can’t believe it! After all that time as a member of the plant kingdom, I’m finally human again, thanks to Scorpio and his clever brain! Definitely gets it from me.

In any case, after my recent breakdown, it was decided that it would be best if I take a nice relaxing holiday with Ab before I start changing nappies.

So here I am, Takemizu Village, the land of mystery, tradition, and raw fish.

Jade’s Exclusive Villas looks a good place to stay, and I can’t wait to jump into the hot springs out back!

It’s also good that I don’t have to worry about Nanny bills this time as Pisces and Sagittarius are both old enough to look after the younger kids for a couple of days. Call it training for when they head to University and have to look after their older brother, who’s still under the spell of that harpy and seems to have lost all common sense since we last met.

Of course, one of the first things me and Ab do when we get there is go to bed. It was a long flight – at least that’s my official reason.

Yawn. That was a good ‘nap’. Time to go check out the local sites and activities while Ab is still asleep, such as the local tea…

…And to check out the locals as well!

I’ve managed to master the local gesture, something I initially learned from some guy who had gone to Takemizu before. Finally, I can look like a graceful dancer rather than a rag doll like I have since before my first husband died!

I also decided to stop by this Old Shrine I’ve heard about and pray for blessings. As I chuck my offering into the shrine, I wonder how much all the coins scattered around would be worth.

Suddenly, the whole thing started to glow green! I now feel more motivated, smarter, more able, and more successful in my chosen career!

…Pity I don’t actually HAVE a career…

I even managed to sneak into an actual Takemizu Training Dojo! The people there were really nice and even taught me a bit of Tai Chi! I wasn’t really that good at it at first though. For some reason, something was distracting me…


Anyway, it’s getting a bit dark now, so I’m going to head back to the hotel to see if Ab’s finally awake. Men, they just have no stamin…Huh? Is there someone behind that tree?

Nice…That loose clothing doesn’t hide the toned body from my special radar. Pity the guy was too much of a prude for some fun though. It’s a bit strange though, the question he’s asking me. Why does he want to know?

“Which is better in the face of adversity? Courage or Wisdom?”

“Wisdom, because without it Courage cannot hope to defeat a complex enemy.”

The Mysterious Stranger (TM) just smiled at me then leaned forward and started to whisper something in my ear. My eyes grew wide as I realise the possibilities this secret could offer me.

At the very least, being able to teleport will help me should any of my ex-husbands decide to give up on the scaring me when I’m about to give birth and try something more direct, such as locking the door of the room I’m in…

My new-found skills came in immediately useful, as I teleport back to the Villa to get some well-deserved rest.

…After I get in contact with the kids to make sure they haven’t burnt the place down yet. I even managed to get in contact with Scorpio for a nice chat, until his harpy of a girlfriend yelled at him to get off the phone and help her with her hair.

Sadistic Creator, I hate her! Death’s too good for her, and knowing my luck she’ll be like my ex-husbands and refuse to stay in her grave.

Oh well, it’s a nice challenge for me.


I would like to clear up the little matter of my sanity as it has come into question. I am not in any way, shape, or form, sane. Insane? Hell yes!

People keep calling me 'evil.' I must be doing something right.

SilentPsycho - The Official MTS2 Psycho
#98 Old 2nd Oct 2007 at 4:42 PM
I can't wait to see what happens to Opal
#99 Old 2nd Oct 2007 at 9:05 PM
I've been meaning to read this for ages after seeing all your wonderful marriage/pregnancy pics, and now I have and I love it! Noir is such a wonderful character, and you're a great writer - it's funny! The kids are all adorable as well. Can't wait to read more!
Top Secret Researcher
Original Poster
#100 Old 3rd Oct 2007 at 6:06 PM
Default Chapter 25 - Relaxing Techniques, Retail Therapy, and Fishy Problems.

Ahh, this is the life. No kids, no ex-husbands floating around and, most importantly of all, no non-human status. Just relax in the hot springs and drift off to sleep. Zzzz…

Well, I would if it wasn’t for fact that I’m starting to get hungry. Time to teleport back to the room!



Oh look, it seems my sudden entrance has startled my sexy lover. Time to use some of the calming techniques I’ve learned to help calm him down, purely in the interest of his health…

…Some very powerful techniques that should never be used for ebil.

Good thing I’m not an ebil person then.

What? It’s all for his health, I don’t want him having a heart attack on me. Pure altruistism, that’s me…

…Please excuse me while I go throw up.

No more Chirashi for me I think, I’ll stick to the vegetables for the rest of this trip. My stomach’s a bit on the upset side, probably thanks to all the raw fish I’ve been eating.

The locals say that the best cure for an upset stomach is gentle exercise and a tranquil heart, so I decided to take up their advice and spend a quiet afternoon raking this peaceful Zen Garden…

…Before I decided screw this and headed off to do some retail therapy. Let’s see, earrings for Pisces, butterfly bracelet for Gemini, kimono for Sagi, Dream Doll Thing for Aries, and a little Pagoda for Scorpio. Am I missing anything?

Unfortunately it seems I can’t take back a pet scorpion for Opal…

After an enjoyable massage, I feel better than I did before. Pity it was done by a girl, but I think the massage itself made up for that. Mmmm….You know, I actually think I’m feeling up for a quick tour.

Note to self: River boat tour + Dodgy Stomach = Bad Idea.

Maybe a nice walk will help my stomach settle down.

Hmm? Haven’t been here before…

Turns out there is this old hermit that lives here. After a few minutes of the Noir Charm Effect, he started rambling on about this old legend. It was actually quite interesting, but unfortunately I was more concentrating on the fact that I had just wet myself listening to him. A pox on that rotten fish!

Yeuch, I’m all wet…

After a shower and a few more tours in which I help the Takemizu government find an undiscovered tomb and learn a few tricks from the leader of the Yellow Rose Clan, it’s time to go home.

Okay, I admit it. The place, while more romantic, is too quiet without the kids.

It seems Wolfie missed me as well. I wonder if Sagi and Pisces remembered to keep him away from Aries…

Ugh! Stupid stomach problems! I haven’t thrown up this much since I was last preg…

Hell no…

I would like to clear up the little matter of my sanity as it has come into question. I am not in any way, shape, or form, sane. Insane? Hell yes!

People keep calling me 'evil.' I must be doing something right.

SilentPsycho - The Official MTS2 Psycho
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