#1814

27th Dec 2012 at 9:59 PM
Last edited by MinghamSmith : 27th Dec 2012 at
10:10 PM.
At the moment, I'm wondering what it says about me when the very first thought to cross my mind upon gaining control of an adult alien sim for the first time was "will the game let me successfully drop a meteor on somebody and kill them?"
Because that's
exactly what happened a few weeks ago.
It turns out that yes, the game
will let you do that. But because this is my absurd mess of a town, nothing significant can ever happen without some kind of baffling disaster occurring along the way. And thus began one of the greatest chain reactions of ridiculous autonomous sim moments I've ever seen.
Things began somewhat logically. I selected my alien, went into town and found a worthless game-generated pudding-faced townie to test this out on. Because let's face it, puddings don't count as people. Puddings are useless subhuman blobs that exist solely to be bashed into an acceptable shape via Master Controller or eternally tormented and killed for the amusement of the sim gods looking down from on high.
Puddings are clay, and we are the hands that mould or crush them. So sayeth myself.
SUFFER NOT A PUDDING TO LIVE
So the sky soon went dark, my alien hid in a toilet, nearby inactives and NPCs began to freak out and Indiana Jackass and Pudding McFashionSense here predictably abandoned all notions of self-preservation in favour of standing around to marvel at the multi-ton flaming lump of death plummeting through the atmosphere in their direction. Though at least the latter of the two managed to give a
vaguely appropriate response to it:

"My word, what a fascinating natural phenomenon! Isn't space just
awe-inspiring?"
"BRO WHAT THE FUCK WE'RE TOTALLY GONNA DIE"
After this point, though, everything rapidly went to hell.

First, half the objects on the lot all exploded in unison about two seconds after the initial meteor impact, leaving the ground permanently scorched and replacing most of the deckchairs around the pool with burnt-out piles of miscellaneous garbage. Most of them are still there. So, for that matter, is the meteor itself. Catastrophic property damage is a wonderful, wonderful thing.
I then sent my meteor-dropping mistress of destruction back over to inspect her handiwork, and-
...Wait a minute, who's that coming round the corner? What on
earth is going on behind my alien? That's Mortimer Goth, surely he's not
actually going to-
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING MORTIMER GOTH
Yes, your eyes do not deceive you: As far as Mortimer Goth is concerned, the most appropriate response to witnessing a nearby meteor strike is apparently to wander right up to the smouldering crater and drop a newborn baby on the floor next to it so it can take in the lovely aroma of smoke, ashes and interstellar dust for the first time. Bugger safety, forget fire hazards, this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for your little one! Trauma?
What trauma?
Unfortunately, I was too busy laughing at this point to keep pressing the capture button, but within the next minute the following things also happened. And no, I am not exaggerating any of them:
- Death arrived for the crushed pudding, and the baby began screaming. And screaming,
And screaming.
- Torrential rain began despite the weather having been sunny less than a minute ago. Baby is soaked and still screaming.
- Mortimer Goth inexplicably became singed and ran off home for a shower. Baby is abandoned, soaked and still screaming.
- Every NPC nearby got stuck panicking outside in the middle of the road. Baby is abandoned, soaked, soiling itself and still screaming.
- A nearby SimBot suddenly short-circuited. Baby is abandoned, soaked, soiling itself, still screaming and surrounded by sizzling scrap metal.
...I don't even need to say it, do I?
QUALITY PARENTING
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But wait, there's more! Because
two catastrophic events occurred in my town that day. One involved a traumatised NPC floorbaby that I couldn't do anything about. The other? Well, it can best be described as an overlooked threat that's been on the horizon for a while...

...Because
somebody's just had a birthday.
What? SPROG is evolving!
SPROG evolved into TEENSPROG
...Well, I guess that's it, then. We're doomed. We're utterly,
utterly doomed.
Goodbye, world. It's been nice knowing you.