This is the synopsis I have written up for the first act for a musical-to-be, titled Shellshock, which is set in World War One. If anyone has any tips on how to write a sucessful musical, please speak up. Now, this synopsis is only the first act, but it's incredibly long. So make sure you have time for it. However, I would like some advice and tips on how to refine the first act's plot, and some constructive criticism on the plot. If anyone would like to make a rude and abusive post, then don't say anything at all. :taekwondo Anyway, happy reading, and remember: if you say you like it, then say what and why you like it-nothing annoys me more than someone posting "it's cool, I like it!" and not giving an explanation why. I always do that to everyone-friends and family alike. Anyway, here it is:

ACT ONE
Damian is left at the altar, only days before he sets off to war. He is upset by this, but refuses the suggestion of 'taking revenge' by asking the next pretty warnurse he sees to ask her hand in marriage, but he refuses, believing that Shelley will come to her senses. On the train that will take them to France the soldiers attempt to cheer him up by boasting that France has the sexiest girls alive, and so forth. On that same train, Damian meets a veteran sergeant who takes an interest in Damian's view and attitude on the war that so many young boys had.
Meanwhile, back home in Britain, Shelley feels guilty at what she had done, and tries to mend things by indulging so much in shopping for something to send him on the Front that it's ludicrous. She attempts to go into a flower shop, but is shooed back out by one of the more boisterous and...Factory Girl-ish...bridesmaids there who had also witnessed the embarrassing incident at the wedding-that-was-not-to-be. Her guilty conscience and mortification at this spurns her to show them 'what for' by indulging in buying whatever takes her fancy.
Back in France, Damian talks with others of the war, boasting of the adventures he'll tell his ex-wife, at the same time avoiding any of the vets of war. A small scandal involving a whore claimed to be a spy sees him out on the streets with a small mob, which he breaks away from, and runs into some soldiers wandering as if lost and far away. The mob continues after the poor whore, and an older woman approaches Damian, telling him how she has seen more and more soldiers wandering the streets as if lost and not quite right in their minds. Damian tells her with confidence it won't happen to him, and leaves, not hearing the woman's final words 'he will see, he will see'.
Back home in Britain, it seems Shelley has nabbed another guy, Justin, and seems to 'love' him, but there's something odd about it. She assures herself this is the right thing to do, as Damian will die anyway. Justin asks her what is wrong, but she says nothing...he's not so sure, and believes it's got to do with the wedding fiasco and Damian.
Meanwhile, at the Western Front, Damian is selected to be amongst those to infiltrate the Germans' trench at night. As he is about to finish off a Hun, the soldiers begs him to spare his life, saying something in a mix of German and English about having a family back home. Damian hesitates, and lowers his rifle, sparing the soldier's life. However, an ally pushes past Damian and finishes off the German, remarking how they always plead in that manner anyway. The infiltration successful, the allied soldiers pickpocket the dead, and the ally who had finished off the German shoves a photo in Damian's hands: a picture of the Hun's family.
Back in the allied trenches, Damian, still thinking about the soldier's family, attempts to sneak back to the Germans' trench to return the photo to its rightful (albeit dead) owner. However, this plan is foiled when a Sergeant stops him and advises him to go back to his dugout if he wants to stay alive. A small quarrel about whether it was an act of treason ensues between the Sergeant and another high-ranking officer.
Back in Britain, Shelley is reading the newspaper, and comes across a list of soldiers under suspicion of treason...and Damian's name is amongst them. She is shocked to see this, and wants to find out what exactly what he'd done to offend the Allies, but apparently not the Germans. When she tells Justin this, he is immediately alerted-why would she pick out just ONE soldier's name from many others? His suspicions are aroused, and waits for the clues to arrive.
A few months pass, and Damian has completely changed-and seems scared of everything, even a rat passing over his boots. The other soldiers talk of shellshock, and artillery bombardments scheduled by both the allies and the Germans. There is a bombardment and everyone ducks for cover. As the smoke rises, there is a shout and confused chaos as some haphazardly goes Over The Top, except for Damian who remains there, quaking in terror, and unable to stand up. There is a shout about an execution happening at dawn, and one of the Sergeants approach Damian telling him he will be shot at dawn the next day for suspected treason and cowardice. He never seems to hear them. Everything settles down and finally dawn arrives. Soldiers sneak out again into No-Man's-Land, as if in revenge for the unexpected bombardment by the German soldiers. Damian follows them in a lost sort of manner, and a shot goes off, and he collapses, wounded. He lies very still, and watches as another soldier is carted out into No-Man's-Land and is executed for cowardice by two Brit officers. This is the end of the tether for Damian who collapses and passes out in terror and shellshock from the execution and the horrors that he had seen in the past.

As no one seems interested in providing some feedback for this, may I request that a moddie lock this, please? Thanks!

:locked

Don't lock it just yet, give people some time. I personally thought it was an interesting story.

Well, I am a Theatre costume designer and have an art-school degree in film, and new-media. I've written a few scripts, worked on some short movies and I've written tons of fan-fic.. lol. Anyway, I would say I have some experience with theatre and musicals and writing and I do have an opinion.

I've read through your summary. And I would say that even though there are quite a few gaps in the story, it has potential. Your summary reads as a nice rough idea.

But for it to become a musical I am still missing quite a few ingredients. Which is probly due to the fact you only posted the idea for act 1. So I can't really give any contructive crit on this yet, because the story can still go anywhere. I'm also not sure if this has to be a movie-musical or a stage-production.

What I've read until now reminds me more of something that could be a theme in a Peter Greenaway film than a musical, though. This is because it gives me the impression of being an intruiging and interesting story, a bit dramatic and over the top. You will be facinated, or you hate it and it's usually half an hour too long.

My experience with musicals is that the story must not be too complex, with an easy to understand plotline that functions as a frame for all the other fuss that happens on the stage.

So my advice to you would be:

Write out the summary of the total plot, empazising the important points and key moments in your story.

Figure out the main themes: Love, Honour, Death, Life etc. etc.

Make a list of characters and their most important personality features/ their role in the story. Remember, musical characters are a bit more of a stereotype than characters in books or movies. (Just because you don't have the time to go deeply in to character in the 2 hours a play lasts, if you want to have time for some songs too.)

Also keep the cast to a minimum of characters, you can't have 20 complex character introductions in a play.

Write out the sets: Battlefield/ hospital/ church etc. Remember, for a play, the more sets the more productiontime, stagechanges etc.

After you figured out the character list and all the places this is taking place, I think you should try to write out the story as a descriptive script instead of as a story. This way you can write out the dialog directly and pick the places for songs.

Okay, I have more.. but it's almost 4am on my side of the world.. so I shall go off to bed.

I hope this helps you a bit. If you have questions.. feel free to ask.