Specifically his "home from school" mods; 1 that stops the stupid "I got an A" Q-stomper, and also asks if a friend can come home, also it stops some homework. I had it (and some others) but only the "ask friend to come home" is working. I've seen a list of twoJeffs' stuff but can't find it.

ALSO: last person in a house died, but didn't get dialog asking where to move the graves...I used to have a mod that did that, don't know what happened to it. FOUND

IIRC, those'd be twojeffs' School Bus & Homework Hacks. For future reference, all of his stuff's been archived over here since Simbology closed; here's the greater Simbology archive.

I know you said you found this one, but for the benefit of future readers, this is arek_91's "Select your cemetery" after sims died.

You might have a mod conflict. TwoJeffs' mod also affects homework. So if you have another mod affecting homework or the sims playables bring home from school, etc., then you might have two mods affecting the same thing and that's why you might not see all of the features of TwoJeffs' mod.

If you have multiple homework mods like I do, then you have to play around with load order to get most of the features you want from the different mods. For me that means TwoJeffs' mod loads last.

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those last 2 links go to what LOOKS like a download screen which says something like "empty files"...?
when I downloaded the bus/homework by twojeffs, and the tombstone one, and a few other things...now I have a bigger problem. Sims will refuse to sleep in a bed "occupied"; not every bed in a house, not a particular type of bed,etc. Back up, start over...take out the latest downloads...bla bla

@grammapat Okay, for the SFS links: The links do work for me. I do see a message that says "No files in this folder!" but that's because you need to click on one of the subfolders above that message. As you go into each subfolder, eventually you should get to a download file.

Next, for the issue with the beds, it seems like you're having an issue with Twojeffs' Smart Beds. Part of the description: "Forces the bed ownership system already in the game to actually work. Sims will autonomously only use the bed they have the most ownership of. Also includes a couple new pie menu options on the sim menu to set/clear bed ownership."
So did you install that? That could be why your sims are refusing to sleep in a bed; they are seeing it as belonging to someone else.

I actually tried Smart Beds a long time ago and didn't like the way it worked--I believe because of situations like the one you describe. I found it too restricting. So, if Smart Beds is the root issue; I would recommend taking that out and trying Simler90's Sleep in Your Own Bed Mod instead. (I haven't tried the latest version yet--I'm currently using update 11, but overall, it's the best sleep mod that I've used.)

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Yes on both issues. Although even when I deleted/replaced the bed I got the same refusal?!Maybe I'll try the other one

When I start a new house (with SmartBeds installed), I usually have to direct them to the appropriate bed the first time, or they don't go to bed at all - because they don't 'own' one. After that, no problem.