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Alchemist
Original Poster
#1 Old 11th Sep 2009 at 5:40 AM
Default " would you like a bigger... "
;D
if youve ever gotten junk mail, you know the rest of the title.

ANYWAY, i think its hilarious. though nowadays some of the junk mail titles are starting to bother me. like, marriage. o_O; they went from trying to sell me viagra for my non existent penis, and now theyre trying to solicit MARRIAGE to me?
i mean, even if i were financially secure, emotionally stable, and all that.... isnt marriage a little too serious for the internet? IMHO it should be a decision made between two adults of the same mindset, not SOLD via the internet. i have no idea how that would work, anyway. >_>;
*imagines*
" hey, want a husband/wife? "
" ....uh....sure? "
" well here you go! and now youre married. "
" .... that was fast. what's their name? "

could you IMAGINE the kind of desperate people who fall prey to those kinds of traps? i mean, ads like that shouldnt even exist. people should feel good enough about themselves on a regular enough basis that they dont need to rely on the internet for the serious sides of life, like taxes and marriage.

but who knows. maybe one day in the future, marriage ads will become commonplace, like porn supplements and " tips for the bedroom " type pamphlets. o_o

so then, whats the funniest junk email that youve received? maybe theres one that never fails to make you laugh? (; list 'em here.

"The more you know, the sadder you get."~ Stephen Colbert
"I'm not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance." ~ Jon Stewart
Versigtig, ek's nog steeds fokken giftig
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Scholar
#2 Old 11th Sep 2009 at 7:16 AM
That's usually because they target to the old, divorced, or "55 year old virgin" types.

It reminds me of The Joy Luck Club, "What, how the hell did we even get married? Did you just say 'I do!' because the minister said 'Repeat after me'?" I wonder that about most couples and parents I see today (including my own).

Luckily enough, I changed email addresses about three times last year and don't receive spam.

"Pay us $50 USD for herbal supplements to enhance and lengthen your dick!" and the terrible porno sites that expose teenage girls giving oral and virus-infected porn. (Yeah, I just went there.) I'm a girl...
Alchemist
Original Poster
#3 Old 11th Sep 2009 at 7:20 AM
it all very much reminds me of this Red vs Blue Internet PSA . it really nails everything, and does it with a laugh. (:

"The more you know, the sadder you get."~ Stephen Colbert
"I'm not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance." ~ Jon Stewart
Versigtig, ek's nog steeds fokken giftig
Lab Assistant
#4 Old 11th Sep 2009 at 1:22 PM
I get the viagra email alot, and I'm a woman.

I also get emails that have to do with bank accounts, insurance, or credit report, but I'm not the kind of person who has to deal with any of that stuff because 1. I'm on my parents' insurance until I get the kind for people with disabilities. And 2. I don't have a bank account. I even got these when I was still a teen.

I also got some email that had to due with getting a sex-date, and there was one that had a picture of naked woman. I think I also got some diet ads, and believe me, I look like someone who should gain weight, not lose it. If I lost any more weight I'd be a pencil.
Field Researcher
#5 Old 11th Sep 2009 at 3:43 PM
Quote: Originally posted by 1ove
T

It reminds me of The Joy Luck Club, "What, how the hell did we even get married? Did you just say 'I do!' because the minister said 'Repeat after me'?" I wonder that about most couples and parents I see today (including my own).



I love that book/film
Theorist
#6 Old 11th Sep 2009 at 4:20 PM
Quote: Originally posted by MoonWarrior Autumn
I get the viagra email alot, and I'm a woman.


Funny, I get the breast enlargement ones, and I am a man, lol

Quote:
Originally Posted by Obama on ABC's This Week, discussing Obamacare
What it's saying is, is that we're not going to have other people carrying your burdens for you anymore
umm...Isn't having other people carry your medical burden exactly what national health care is?
Alchemist
Original Poster
#7 Old 12th Sep 2009 at 5:11 AM
Quote: Originally posted by HaphazardSim
I also hate chain mail, most of the spam goes in my junk box and I never check that but I sometimes get 10 chain mails emails....and nowadays that has migrated into text messages as well.


i hate chain letters, too. >_> such a waste of space.
but then, i generally dont keep contacts who send chain letters, to anyone, much less me. i tell them off if they send that superstitious nonsense my way.

*glad to not have a cell phone*

"The more you know, the sadder you get."~ Stephen Colbert
"I'm not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance." ~ Jon Stewart
Versigtig, ek's nog steeds fokken giftig
Scholar
#8 Old 12th Sep 2009 at 5:24 AM
Quote: Originally posted by SuicidiaParasidia
i hate chain letters, too. >_> such a waste of space.
but then, i generally dont keep contacts who send chain letters, to anyone, much less me. i tell them off if they send that superstitious nonsense my way.

*glad to not have a cell phone*


SuicidiaParasidia, don't read or you'll be dead afterwards!

In 1880, a girl named Jane Sims was murdered! Now find her or she's behind you and she'll be THE RING at night! Ooooh I had to repost this!


and then, "Your crush will come! He will come to you!" Then come already...

HAHA

I don't have a cell phone, either. I can't say I regret it.
Alchemist
Original Poster
#9 Old 12th Sep 2009 at 5:28 AM
Quote: Originally posted by 1ove
SuicidiaParasidia, don't read or you'll be dead afterwards!

In 1880, a girl named Jane Sims was murdered! Now find her or she's behind you and she'll be THE RING at night! Ooooh I had to repost this!


and then, "Your crush will come! He will come to you!" Then come already...

HAHA

I don't have a cell phone, either. I can't say I regret it.


he'll come if you gesture him over, but ive yet to see a chain letter that can actually summon people.
itd be cool if you could use them to summon monsters, though. *chaos lover*

"The more you know, the sadder you get."~ Stephen Colbert
"I'm not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance." ~ Jon Stewart
Versigtig, ek's nog steeds fokken giftig
Forum Resident
#10 Old 12th Sep 2009 at 5:31 AM
*is also glad not to have a cell phone*

Remember, being paranoid doesn’t mean they’re not after you.
Lab Assistant
#11 Old 12th Sep 2009 at 7:47 AM
Quote: Originally posted by davious
Funny, I get the breast enlargement ones, and I am a man, lol


That's hilarious! Apparently the people who send these emails don't realize what gender of the people they are sending these emails to.
Field Researcher
#12 Old 12th Sep 2009 at 8:02 AM
Yeah, sometimes when I'm on the internet, I see ads about marrying people from countries that I would probably never get to visit anyway. And when I receive chain mail from friends, I just send it back to them or delete it. Unfortunately, they don't automatically go to the spam folder.

Three equals four.
Scholar
#13 Old 12th Sep 2009 at 8:38 AM
Quote: Originally posted by MoonWarrior Autumn
That's hilarious! Apparently the people who send these emails don't realize what gender of the people they are sending these emails to.


Here's the better question: how do they even get our email address?

Me and my sister powerfully believed it was due to signing up for various forums and websites and maybe they just saw it, but my dad has a Yahoo mail account that he doesn't even use for anything (except his YouTube, which has zero comments posted or made and zero friends and basically zero contact with anyone else) except for keeping in touch with old friends.

Then a telemarketing "official" (oh, I am sorry... although this is quite possibly the funniest career ever) called me, "Hey, wanna work for us?"

Ehh, people are desperate.
Instructor
#14 Old 12th Sep 2009 at 2:57 PM
Quote: Originally posted by 1ove
Here's the better question: how do they even get our email address?
That is a good question. I once received a spam email on a newly created email address. It's not like it's a particularly common email address, either, given that it's a KoL reference.

Other than that, I hardly ever receive spam. Well, except for a spare that's practically unusable, since I had the bright idea to give that email address on my PSATs to allow colleges to send emails.
Field Researcher
#15 Old 12th Sep 2009 at 3:10 PM
The best one I got ages ago, I've since changed my email, was 'congratualtions you've won the nigerian lottery'. Yes obviously as I live in the UK and don't enter the lottery, but somehow miracously I've won the nigerian lottery. sure :/

My Sims 3 Creations
Nothing matters. We're essentially all highly evolved monkeys clinging to a rock that's falling through space and the rock itself is dying. Frankie Boyle.
Just call me sam its easier.
Moderator of Extreme Limericks
#16 Old 12th Sep 2009 at 11:03 PM
Since emails advertising Viagra are frequently blocked by spam filters, I've started getting emails asking me if I'd like to purchase VLIAGRA... you know, with an L. It's enough to bypass the spam filter though, so hey, whatever works.

The best spam email I've ever received though would probably have to be the faux Jane Austen novel I found in my inbox. It was a story using names and words and phrases that you might have found in Pride and Prejudice, but... the sentences were all nonsense. They were "technically" sentences if you just looked at the sentence structure, but they didn't mean anything. It was like Jane Austen had been playing Mad Libs or something.

There's always money in the banana stand.
Mad Poster
#17 Old 13th Sep 2009 at 12:36 AM
Quote: Originally posted by sammann89
The best one I got ages ago, I've since changed my email, was 'congratualtions you've won the nigerian lottery'. Yes obviously as I live in the UK and don't enter the lottery, but somehow miracously I've won the nigerian lottery. sure :/


Mwahhha! That's because I won the UK lottery TWICE. And as if those money were not enough to live lavishly forver some bank official from Nigeria offered to split with me the huge amount of money left in the bank by one of his clients who had no inheritors.
Nowadays I get daily price listings for Viagra, Cialis and some weight loss pills. Also, some beautiful lonely girl in Russia thinks she knows me and would like to talk to me. I think the funniest spam message I ever came across was one that promissed to make male organs as big as the Eiffel Tower. I wonder how much Viagra would be needed for that and whether they make discounts...
Field Researcher
#18 Old 13th Sep 2009 at 2:02 AM
Hah, spam emails can be so hilarious. :D

Three equals four.
Rogue Redeemer
retired moderator
#19 Old 14th Sep 2009 at 11:34 AM
Quote: Originally posted by crocobaura
I think the funniest spam message I ever came across was one that promissed to make male organs as big as the Eiffel Tower. I wonder how much Viagra would be needed for that and whether they make discounts...


...Eiffel Tower




Scholar
#20 Old 14th Sep 2009 at 6:30 PM Last edited by 1ove : 15th Sep 2009 at 2:17 AM. Reason: XD!
Quote: Originally posted by Arisuka
...Eiffel Tower






That hurts!
Field Researcher
#21 Old 15th Sep 2009 at 7:38 AM
Hah! If I had genetailia as big as the Eiffel Tower, I wouldn't be able to enter my house!

Three equals four.
Lab Assistant
#22 Old 15th Sep 2009 at 12:11 PM
Quote: Originally posted by CrazyVivian
Hah! If I had genetailia as big as the Eiffel Tower, I wouldn't be able to enter my house!


Nor anything else. The makers of that ad should've of thought of that.
Scholar
#23 Old 15th Sep 2009 at 5:38 PM
Quote: Originally posted by MoonWarrior Autumn
Nor anything else. The makers of that ad should've of thought of that.


Childbirth would be so easy!

I checked my mailbox today and now I've got... book and tutoring deals? Really? If I wanted one of those, I'd get up and go to the store, newspaper, or high school.
Field Researcher
#24 Old 16th Sep 2009 at 7:11 AM
Sometimes I get random emails from people I've never even heard of. The other day I got an email from some random guy. And my email's not that common either, so I wonder how he obtained it?

Three equals four.
Alchemist
Original Poster
#25 Old 16th Sep 2009 at 8:06 AM
Quote: Originally posted by jhd1189
It was like Jane Austen had been playing Mad Libs or something.


i dont suppose you wouldve saved that? *amused and interested* xD

"The more you know, the sadder you get."~ Stephen Colbert
"I'm not going to censor myself to comfort your ignorance." ~ Jon Stewart
Versigtig, ek's nog steeds fokken giftig
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