I created an elderly man and wanted an adult woman as his wife, with 3 adults children in the house.

Well you can't do it in the game. It won't allow you. I tryed SimPE to change that, but I am getting different problems. Like The wife refusing flirtation from her husband (they don't act like a couple). or the adult son flirting with their mother. Even in SimPE eventhough they are listed as spouse, the wife doesn't show up in the tree. in the family ties she is all by herself.

Just create two elders and then age one of them down afterwards. You don't have to use SimPE at all.

ok how you do that?

Sim blender, or any number of other mods.

You don't need a mod.
agesimscheat [on/off]
Enables "Set Age" when clicking on a sim, which will let you easily change their age group (and allow you to de-age them as well) The "Set Age" interaction will also appear on all objects until you turn off the cheat.

I recommend that you create the parent sims as adults, then age one up, and age the children from teens to adults. Aging down from elder to adult tends to mess with the hair genetics, and if the wife is the adult it will still be possible for them to have children. Be aware that aging teens to adults will create adults who have never had a First Kiss, if this matters to you, and if you want them to have that memory that is SimPE work.

You can add memories like that in game with the memory manipulator, if you want that.

ok applyed to cheat and age her down and it works, but now I want to change her hair. It stayed white and a different style. I want her to have red hair. I guess i'll try SimPE for that.

Sim blender link?

I warned you. Aging up works better every time.
SimBlender is an old Simbology mod and the only place I've found it archived is here: https://gamingspell.com/sims-2-mods/ . You'll have to scroll down quite a way. It's number 21. A lot of people swear by it but I've never felt a need for it.

ok did the opposite now I need to change the hair of all my teens that are adult now and everyone I aged need the clothes I have chosen for them initially. I did chose clothes that was available for age teen to elder, so my clothes shouldn't have changed but it did. Not sure why the hair changed too. the mesh for the hair works for all ages too, so it shouldn't have changed either

@Peni Griffin and NRJ- there is an official Simbology archive here:
https://simfileshare.net/folder/92516/
Simblender is under TwoJeffs/ mods.

If they ages aren't linked on the hairs, the game randomizes hair. But at least it doesn't mess up the genetics when you age up rather than down.

There can be an issue with CAS-bestowed clothes not appearing in the sims's wardrobe choices once they've changed out of them once; but that has nothing to do with aging. It hasn't bothered me enough to look for a fix for it, but there might be one, and if doesn't always happen, either. If you can't find the clothes in the wardrobe and don't want to take the sims shopping just to replace the clothes you already gave them, a number of mods exist allowing you to get new clothes at home, but there's so many, of so many various ages and capabilities - from just buying free clothes to changing every single thing about the appearance of any sim on the lot, including townies - that I hesitate to recommend any given one. I believe both the Blender and the cheat boolprop testingcheatsenabled on/off will let you get new clothes, though. (Don't be afraid of the testingcheats! They're very useful and are only dangerous in the same sense a hammer or a knife is dangerous. Just don't attempt a function you don't understand.)