This is poem based loosely on the scene in 'The Hunchback of Notre Dame'
when Esmerelda is dancing for coins. I never write poetry, so this is my first shot, so don't expect a master-peice. C and C appriciated.

I am Emily, eyes blank and deep
Dancing for coins
Deprived of sleep

My feet bleed, my body sore
The gravel burns
I can take no more

Collapsing on Paris street
I let tears fall
And hold my feet

Father shouts, red with rage
I whimper softly
Like creature caged

I feel the belt, come down on back
I scream in pain
As leather cracks

I lay there in the dust and dirt
Crowds laugh and jeer
They don't feel the hurt

I walk way, from the people there
They grab and tug
At my jet black hair

But I am gone now, alive and free
Never dance
Just be me

Wow, I love how you're able to say so much with less words. It makes every stanza that much stronger and more meaningful.

thats great! well written

It's good, very descriptive, but after the third line of each stanza, the rhythm for me expects another rhyming line there, just to finish off the stanza. But very good for a first attempt!

Simply Beautiful.
I cannot believe that this is your first time!
Also, i love the fact that you used a story to back up your expression.

That's a beautiful piece of poetry, especially for your first time.

The rythym of the syllables is a little off towards the end, but that doesn't really matter. Its good!