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Lab Assistant
Original Poster
#1 Old 14th Nov 2007 at 2:41 AM
Default A poem intitled Crush.
CRUSH

Why do I feel this way when I hear your name?
Why can't I wait 'till I see you?
Why do I shake when I say a simple hi?
Why do I get excited from that hi?
Why do my friends not understand?
My friend says it love, but is it?
There are so many questions I ask about this.
But, I have to resist.
I want to say my feelings.
But, you may laugh.
I don't even know you that well.
Why do I go through this hell?
Everyday I wait and see if you will talk to me.
But, you seem like you barely even notice me.
I see you and it makes me smile, sometimes.
But, it seems like just a crush to me.
My friend says its love.
Could it be just that?
My stomach does flips when you walk past.
Maybe it is puppy love,
And I just don't relize it.
Maybe my friend can see it better than me.
But, sometimes your all I think about.
I should wrap this poem up,
before I say to much,
about my crush.
Just one last thing...
My crush is on you.
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#2 Old 20th Nov 2007 at 11:56 PM
Comments on your poem:

Sometimes its a good idea to repeat what was just said: Like a line in your verse could make more impact if it was said twice, in a row...
Cause with poems you have this problem: Too much words, is too much information.
Lack of word is lack of skill.
Try to balance the two, and you're Love-poem should strike me as breah-taking.
Lab Assistant
Original Poster
#3 Old 21st Nov 2007 at 8:29 AM
Thank you so much!
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