I can’t seem to move on from the trauma and anxiety that my ex-boyfriend inflicted on me. At 5am, I still can’t sleep and figured maybe if I talked about it here I might get some solace. This is really the only public form I feel comfortable confiding in, after all it has been here for more through my various other struggles.

I can’t seem to move on to do anything in my city without fearing running into him or one of his friends. I’m scared I’m gonna meet up with a guy on Grindr and it’s just going to be my ex catfishing me again, threatening me if I go public about him raping me he’ll destroy my life and trying to gaslight me into believing it was my fault. I’m afraid I’m going to have another panic attack on the path next to my house because I saw a guy who looks like him, or at work.

I just can’t seem to escape. Even just writing this makes my heart pound with anxiety.

Rape is a serious crime. I hope you were able to report it.

Fear is a monster. The boyfriend may be gone (I pray), but the fear will hold you captive every bit as effectively as he ever did.

You need to seek help. If you can't leave your house, there are therapists who will assist you online. If you can leave your house, you can report him to the police (you don't have to tell about the rape if you are unable to do so, but you apply for a no-contact order to help give you a little comfort.

If you have a truly supportive friend, you might see if he or she would be willing to couch surf with you for a few days until you get some things in order.

Please seek help ASAP. Let us know how you are doing. We care.

I have been managing a job, a limited social life, and have kept some hobbies down. But every time I leave the house, I fear I’m going to run into him and I specifically avoid going places where there’s even a marginal chance I’ll run into him.

He’s long gone and hasn’t played an active role in my life since I broke up with him in March. Thank fuck. I thought I got over my fear a month ago when he finally convinced me to meet with him at a local dinner, where he tried flexing his cash again (ironically he didn’t even pay for my food) and made another attempt to guilt me back into seeing him. I told him fuck no every way I could and he ended up trying to use crocodile tears before leaving. That was the last time. I felt powerful confronting him, then. Like I was reclaiming a part of my confidence he stole from me. I don’t know why I felt strong then and not at all now. Maybe it’s because I finally blocked him on every social media platform and sold the shit he gave me.

There is no chance I’m going back to him. My mom’s 10 year long relationship with an alcoholic abusive boyfriend has taught me that some people are just terrible and frankly don’t deserve to live, and only pretend to be decent to lure unsuspecting and naive people in to torment and abuse.

I was in a similar situation about 10 years ago. I moved away 6 years ago and it really helped me, but I go right back to feeling that way whenever I visit my hometown. I don't really think it helped, just made me panic less, but with social media I constantly worry, I don't add anyone I don't know, and even though he never adds me anymore, I constantly have to block his fb accounts because he is constantly making new ones and I keep seeing him appear on my newsfeed (we shared a friendship group in high school so he appears in comment sections all the time).

I can't really offer you any solutions because I don't think there really is one. Just surround yourself with people who care about you, and be careful of who you interact with online when using your real name or usernames he might be familiar with.

I've been considering therapy recently.

I wholeheartedly recommend therapy. It's carthartic and lifts those emotional weights of exhaustion off you (or at least from my experience it does.)

I struggle with a number of PTSD triggering events from my past.

I don't hesitate when I feel like the stressors of my life are getting to me to see my therapist.

I'm impressed by your resolve and awareness and wish you all the best with healing and safety. You've been given great advice by others in this thread. I can only second it - that and the message that we do care what happens.

This sounds very similar to what happened to a friend of mine when she broke up. She got through it, deleting/blocking him on social media was a finishing line to her.
If you need to talk or just vent, you know we're here.

I apologize for being absent so long. I’ve just been investing most of my time in work and my writing. Things have gotten a bit better, but I ended up having to delete Grindr due to him once again trying to catfish me. This time I wizened up and reverse-searched the pics before it could go on too long.

So smart of you! I wish others were as savvy.