Replies: 18 (Who?), Viewed: 2906 times.
Original Poster
#1 Old 19th Mar 2015 at 4:20 PM Last edited by Florentzina : 19th Mar 2015 at 5:53 PM. Reason: Deleted the example. Not needed.
Default Dating/Marriage - When having too many options, which main factors do you consider the most important?
Right now, I have kind of a dating game in my hood because most of the kids have grow up old enough to find themself a partner where I look at which sims are the most suitable for future marriage. Playing a hood with a social group system (but not very important), realistic aging and somewhat strict martial rules where Im flagging second cousins and cousin once removed as family (using Sim Blender), Im still trying to reduce the options for each sim to two options. I use spreedsheets to tick off which sims are suitable and then have my sims (casually) date them, but can't decide which one they would marry later on. (its a premodern and slight old-fashioned hood, so I like to get them married off early.)

but when it comes to personality, lifestyle, aspirations and chemistry etc, what (or which factor do you consider the most important?

I know most many players play by wants, but this thread, I would prefer if you take simbology into consideration.(because If I were take by wants only, some sims would want to get to married to over 4 sims and that probably would defeat the purpose of this thread, wouldn't it? )
Née whiterider
retired moderator
#2 Old 19th Mar 2015 at 4:31 PM
I absolutely love Pescado's no instant love mod for this. In my tiny 'hood I quickly ended up with everybody being in love with everybody, because they were all best friends and it's so easy to slip into love in the vanilla game and I figured it'd be EVEN WORSE in an uberhood. So I got Pescado's mod, which uses some arcane combination of aspiration, personality, chemistry and stuff to decide whether or not sims will fall in love, and if so, how long it'll take them. So the result, much like in real life, is that it's somewhat random which sims will click together, you can get unrequited love more easily, and it's just a lot more complex and fun.

What I lack in decorum, I make up for with an absence of tact.
Original Poster
#3 Old 19th Mar 2015 at 4:38 PM
I had that mod installed in my game before, but they keep falling in love.
(and I have ACR and Inteen, so when I dont micromanaging everything, they want woo their brother-in-law daughter or something!)

But I was more thinking of those time when your sim went on dates with different sims and end up falling in love with all them, and depending on their aspirations - want to get engaged to all of them (Existing relationships made by the player so I dont no-instant love with help with that one. ). Thats the scenario I have now because I want my sims to try out different sims before getting married especially non-family sims.
Mad Poster
#4 Old 19th Mar 2015 at 4:45 PM
I always use scoop room for when I am looking for a mate for my sims and go with the one they have the hots for regardless of how many bolts.

I have my sim call over/invite as many as I can with normally 4 or more and use the scoop room and mark down the one they have the hots for.
Then I have the sim who the playable had the hots for do it in reverse he/she would call over at least 4 and do the scoop room and if they have the hots for each other then thats who I go with.

If no hots for is given back then I use the bolts, 3 will normally get done but I have had sims that would never get over 2 bolts.

All my Beginning Hoods here at MTS.
All my Beginning Hoods as Shopping Districts plus Old Town.
MooVille, a tribute to Mootilda and her fabulous lots
#5 Old 19th Mar 2015 at 5:02 PM
If it's not obvious from the characters involved, the one I think will lead to the most interesting stories... ...unless my game is too exciting in which case I'll go with the calmest.
#6 Old 19th Mar 2015 at 6:19 PM
I use the highest chemistry parameter to decide. No three bolts? No real interest. That severely limits sims to choose from.

Sometimes there's history between sims. So they kind of make sense together. In that case I might have them work at getting three bolts.

One other method I use is to adhere to what sims want, but not by wants (I too am disappointed in romantic wants very often). For example, if some sim starts calling another sim, I often consider that a show of romantic interest. If a sim talks about love or kissing to another sim during chatting, I might interprete that as an interest.

One issue with simbology is that it forces sims who're similar to each other have highest chemistry. I don't like that,it doesn't work like that in real life, most people like their opposites. Yet the game deducts chemistry points for dissimilarities in personality traits.
Forum Resident
#7 Old 19th Mar 2015 at 6:43 PM
This might not be too much help to you as I do not delve deep into the way so in so ends up with whats his name, but usually I let the sims decide, not from wants exactly but their actions. If there are two or three love interests for a particular sim, I watch that sim with each of the suitors and see how they react. Say Amy has three interests, Ben, Craig, and Daniel. I will have Amy spend time with each of them alone and see which man she seems to be happier with. If that doesn't work, I will see which man seems to be most devoted to her. However, I also have to make sure that the man isn't overly attached to Amy and doesn't allow her time to take care of herself.

Say Amy seems equally happy with all three men. When Ben comes over, he just wants to watch tv, or play pool or whatever and doesn't spend much time with Amy. When Craig comes over, he follows Amy round like a lost puppy, staring at her in the bathroom if he even lets her go to the bathroom between all the flirting and kissing and hugging and the like. When Daniel comes over, He pays attention to Amy but allows her privacy is she needs to use the restroom and gives her her space when needed, but also flirts, kisses, hugs, and plays with her when she isn't taking care of her personal needs. Daniel would be the one that she would end up with.

Another way I go since I have inteen and acr is whoever Amy gets pregnant by first as it is bound to happen eventually. Either way, if the pairing I set up doesn't work out, one or the other partner breaks it off or has an affair so everyone is at least somewhat happy. lol

The moon so bright shows me the way
Deep in the graveyard beside her I lay
Knowing she'll keep me safe from all harms
Though six feet apart, I lay in her arms...
Mad Poster
#8 Old 19th Mar 2015 at 7:20 PM
I think it's hard for people to focus on simbology in this area because Western culture places a high value on spontaneity in romantic relationships, and studying and comparing the building blocks of compatibility is the opposite of spontaneous. Also, there's the factor that couples that look good mechanically are often not the most interesting, or the most appealing, couples; and sometimes they simply will not get with the program if you play with free will on.

I always let my sims pick their matches (which sometimes looks like digging their own graves), so the best I can do is post mortem couples that work. The biggest thing that emerges is that they must have something in common, even when opposites are attracting (which they do in fact do in the game; Virgo/Libra is one of my standard starsign pairs, and Virgos are uberneatniks while Libras are slobs). Each aspiration's highest chemistry match is with itself, people who share a hobby will always have something to talk about, and sometimes shared experience is enough.

The least likely match in Drama Acres was probably Red and Livva Ann Onions - a workaholic Knowledge doctor and his Pleasure stay-at-home wife. They're Aries/Taurus, and I made sure their turn-ons were compatible when I made them, so the base chemistry was pretty good, but their aspirations repel each other. However, they did a lot of things together when Red was at home, chess and fishing and dancing, not to mention raising their son, grandchildren, and dogs and keeping a garden. Livva Ann never had a moment's anxiety about the fact that Red triple-bolted their next-door neighbor. Livva Ann once accepted a flirt from a Romance sim, but she never rolled one want about the fellow or encouraged him in any way. Shared experience game them common interests and familiarity with each other, and that was enough for them.

Much the same thing happened with their daughter Sage Ann and her eventual husband Ernest Munny. He's Fortune, the sexiest sign, but she's Knowledge, which is Neutral (no aspiration is repelled by Fortune). They're both Virgos, with matching social and neat points; he's a little more playful, she's a little more nice. I dumped them into a dorm with four other teens from the core families, almost directly out of CAS, and they demanded very little attention from me, especially in comparison with their dormmates - Romance, Family, Pleasure, and Popularity were always wanting something I had to make an effort to get. Ernest and Sage Ann just wanted to get skillpoints, go to class, and write term papers. So I'd look up from whatever I'd been involved in taking care of for the others for an hour or so and look around for them, to find them playing chess, or catch, or doing group research, or dancing, or whatever, together autonomously. Mechanically, it was easy to see how this happened. They're both shy, but they started with relationships because they were moved into the dorm at the same time and I made an effort to make all six of that group be friends (they were supposed to have grown up together), so when the other sims were busy they gravitated toward each other, rather than toward dormies. They also had a lot of classes at the same time, so they'd be meeting at the portal, probably with their fun a bit low from all those term papers and spontaneous study sessions, and one of them (probably Ernest, with his extra playful points) would suggest a game to get their fun up, which the other (probably Sage Ann, with her extra nice points) would always accept. And they both needed a lot of logic points for their classes (they both wanted to be summas), so often the natural thing to do was to tell them to play chess together and forget about them while putting out the Romance sim's brush fire. But Ernest had conditional turn-ons (cologne and jewelry) and their chemistry was low, so when I decided it was high time to start them dating I tried to find higher-bolt matches at them. Sage Ann would accommodate me, without much enthusiasm; but Ernest was having none of it. I spent an entire rotation trying to set him up with a triple-bolt Jane Stacks and he wouldn't give her the time of day. Wouldn't even have a phone conversation with her. At one point I sent her on a campus walk (going from one community lot to another by clicking on the next one in line of sight) and I swear, he was on every lot when she walked on, and as soon as he spotted her he made a beeline for a portal! By the end of that rotation I was shipping Ernest and Sage Ann so hard I had to allow it, which involved a huge infusion of backstory and some melodrama. (Especially since, with those turn-ons, he couldn't roll higher-level erotic wants to save his life, till I put some jewelry on her.) Shared experience + shyness + the tendency of Fortune sims to be loyal = true and epic love, in that case.

I could go on and on with examples, but I think the main point here is that simbology only sets the stage. In-game experience is what makes or breaks a couple, and that includes a lot of factors - random events and actions, the training mechanism, chemistry, propinquity, the playstyle - so that which factor is most important will vary from case to case.

Not what you're after, I know. But IRL and sufficiently good simulations, simple answers are inadequate answers. Only flexibility and attention to particular cases will serve the purpose.

Ugly is in the heart of the beholder.
(My simblr isSim Media Res . Widespot,Widespot RFD: The Subhood, and Land Grant University are all available here. In case you care.)
Field Researcher
#9 Old 19th Mar 2015 at 7:29 PM
How I decide depends on the situation, and how much I'm micromanaging in that particular 'hood.

Sometimes I invite all the potentials over, and either let the controllable sim scope the room, or set them free to see who they will choose to interact with. I may also invite over other potential matches for the suitors, to see if one of them prefers someone else.

Sometimes I draw up lists, and try to find the series of matches that works best for the whole 'hood. If Sim A marries Sim B, is there still a good match available for Sim C? If Sim D and Sim E are both heirs to their family's house, they can't marry each other, so they might get to pick first. Sims F and G are siblings, so I make sure they're not the last ones standing when everyone else in the age bracket is paired off. And so on....

I like good chemistry, but it's not all-important to me. I'll frequently prefer two bolts with different aspirations over three bolts with the same aspiration and similar personalities. A household can get boring if the sims in it are too similar. For example, a pairing of knowledge with popularity or family with pleasure is often more interesting to me than two family sims or two fortune sims.

Also, in the interest of genetic variety, I prefer not to have one set of siblings marry another set of siblings, if there are alternatives. Half-siblings marrying cousins is fine, but - assuming different families have different looks - if A and B are brothers, and the options for them are C and D, who are sisters, and E, who is unrelated, I'll try to hook up one of the brothers with E rather than have them both marry the sisters. I like to see how the genetics play out!
Needs Coffee
retired moderator
#10 Old 19th Mar 2015 at 11:13 PM
Well in the unromantic style that I play, if a sim had a few love interests and they all seemed compatible I'd go with whoever face I think would blend the best and would give interesting offspring. I'd do the normal first; look for bolts, see if they can enjoy talking together, but if all of that was equal I'd move onto looks and recessive genes.

"I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives." - Unknown
~Call me Jo~
#11 Old 20th Mar 2015 at 1:45 AM
I generally let my sims pick, one way or another. I had a female sim (Sarah Jane) who autonomously flirted with a childhood friend (Tim) when they hit teen. I let them go out in their teen years, but figured they'd find other people in college. When they hit college, Tim went over to a pretty girl and started talking to her. Sarah Jane watched with her hands on her hips, and as soon as the conversation was over, she marched over to Tim and gave him a very firm smooch. That is the clearest example of marking one's territory I've every seen, and Sarah Jane and Tim had a long and happy marriage. On the other hand, if during a date my sims don't roll wants for each other but rather for homework (or playing with the cat, or calling Mom), then I figure they're not that into the sim they're dating, and I won't have them end up together.

I do have some arranged marriages in my hood, for reasons of Plot. Sometimes those marriages are arranged (by me) before the participants are even born. In that case, I will do my best to make sure that they are happy marriages. For instance, in an upcoming Plot, Sim A needs to be married to Sim B. At one point, Sim A was born, but Sim B was not born yet, so I didn't know if Sim B was going to be a boy or a girl. Had Sim B turned out to be the same sex as Sim A, I would have made sure that they were both gay, so that nobody would be miserable. Had Sim B turned out to be the opposite sex from Sim A, I would have made sure that they were both straight, for the same reason. The SimBlender comes in very handy for making sure of things like that. (And no, I'm not telling, because that would spoil the Plot... assuming I ever get around to finishing it. ) I also make sure that turn-ons and turn-offs are compatible as much as possible. For the family with arranged marriages, I have to roll for TO/TOs, but I'll make the arranged spouse fit as much as possible. (So if Sim A likes fat sims, Sim B will eat a lot of cake. If Sim A likes fit sims, Sim B will spend a lot of time on the treadmill.) I'll also deliberately choose Sim B's TO/TOs to describe Sim A as much as I can.

For the hybrid situation that Florentzina describes, I think I would watch the interactions between the sim to get married and the acceptable spouses, and pick the one with the most interactions that line up with what you want story-wise. Let's say the pool is: Fred, who always sticks his fingers in his ears and argues and there are lots of person-person minus-minus signs; Tom, who always smiles and cheers and there are lots of person-person plus-plus signs; and Charlie, who never has any extreme reaction and there are sometimes person-person minus signs and sometimes person-person plus signs. If I want my sim to be unhappy for story purposes, I'd pick Fred. If I want her happy-ever-after, I'd pick Tom. And if I want her to be neutral (a marriage of convenience, maybe, or one that's low-key or coasting), then I'd pick Charlie.

esmeiolanthe's Live Journal and Tumblr
Most recent story update: Fuchs That! on 2/21/15
Field Researcher
#12 Old 20th Mar 2015 at 9:36 PM
When neither my sims nor I can make my mind... I flip a coin.
Happened most recently with Ophelia!confused!Nigmos, who wanted to get engaged to Johnny Smith and to Ripp Grunt. I watched her to see which one she seemed to spend the most time on... but as soon as she'd finished snogging Johnny, she would leap into Ripp's arms and vice-versa.
So to trusty I went, and rolled the dice. Range: 1 to 100. Below 50 (included) would be Johnny, above that would be Ripp,

She rolled... 49.

Even randomly she couldn't make up her mind. So she proposed to Johnny... while thinking of Ripp. But fine, I thought. She'll get over it.

Then she met Patrick.
#13 Old 21st Mar 2015 at 5:43 AM
Another way I use to decide is my own feeling. But I don't think everyone can use that. At least not all the time.

When I play a sim I like, I kind of emphasize with her (usually it's her, I can't emphasize with a male sim to that degree) so much that eventually what I feel becomes their feelings. So picking a partner is done via my personal toy crush. And sometimes when the toy crush is over, my sim has to move on, because our feelings are the same thing. I don't know how to explain. I'm not even sure this is normal, haha. It's like a sim I play becomes me and like I really live in the game, and then I switch to another sim I like and I live in the game again, under different name, looks and circumstances. But this only happens when I'm really enjoying the game, rather than playing out of desire to manage fantasized people's lives.
Mad Poster
#14 Old 21st Mar 2015 at 5:53 AM
That's called "identification" and is normal in fiction. You do it in other media, too, and that's one place fanfiction comes from.

(Psst...I believe you meant "empathize" rather than "emphasize." A natural mistake in a secondary language.)

Ugly is in the heart of the beholder.
(My simblr isSim Media Res . Widespot,Widespot RFD: The Subhood, and Land Grant University are all available here. In case you care.)
Mad Poster
#15 Old 21st Mar 2015 at 6:45 AM
If I'm not using the sims' wants, the first thing to consider is family context. If the sim looking for a spouse, is, say, a Capp, and she's not rebelling against her family in looking for a spouse, then she will be looking at families of the same social class who are friendly towards her family (Brokes and Montys need not apply). So she might look at DeBateau, Goth, Muenda (Specter), Landgraab or Worthington sims. Then someone who can share her goals in life: if she wants a big family she wants a spouse who also wants a big family.

I've found that it's pretty easy to tweak turn-ons and turn-offs to get a couple bolts for most couples, so I don't worry as much about that as I used to.

Then there are those sims who get swept up in story. After Cassandra Goth's failed relationship with Don Lothario, she might find herself naturally drawn to Armand DeBateau as he's experienced the same sort of betrayal and he is, after all, someone she socializes with. I've discovered recently that Brandi Broke and Andrew Martin, who happens to have a LTW for the criminal career, make a great deal of story sense. Clearly Andrew knew Skip and is kind of keeping an eye on young Dustin, and can very easily get involved with Brandi, and they work well as a couple.

But I am a wants player, after all, and most of my couples are based on what they want.

Pics from my game: Sunbee's Simblr Sunbee's Livejournal
"English is a marvelous edged weapon if you know how to wield it." C.J. Cherryh
#16 Old 23rd Mar 2015 at 12:29 AM
For me, it's all about chemistry. If I intend a CAS to be with a premade, I make sure their personality, aspiration and most of all, their turns-ons would led them to that person
#17 Old 23rd Mar 2015 at 10:10 AM
Some of my sims have married the person I've arranged they should marry - I decided Nervous Subject and Ajay Loner would marry, so I did some tweaking so that they found each other attractive, similarly with Jill Smith and Francis Worthington III (which has fallen apart horribly just at the moment... but the plot can cope with that!)

Other sims have wanted to fall in love/ kiss someone/ date someone, I've found the nearest person they might like, sent them on a date and watched what happened. If they enjoyed themselves together, had plenty of chemistry (at least two bolts), and wanted to do stuff together, usually that leads to marriage (e.g. Lola Curious and townie Lily Dowling).

Finally, sometimes the sims themselves want a relationship with someone specific, and usually I let them. Brian Grunt (aka Buck) went on a date with townie Kiyoshi but spent all his time wanting to flirt with Vincent, despite the fact that Vincent wasn't even on the lot. Brian is therefore going on a date with Vincent next time I play their house. Francis Worthington III wants to go on a date with Marielle, so he can do that (even though I know this particular relationship is doomed from the start - she's a romance sim and a member of Ripp Grunt's harem, and he wants a loyal (and wealthy) wife).
Mad Poster
#18 Old 23rd Mar 2015 at 10:16 AM
Who brings the most fun to the relationship? (And I don't mean it like in pleasure aspiration). That is when all else is equal, of course - not when the other one is not really interested in marriage. (Based on the fact that I simply believe that having fun is very important in marriage )
23rd Mar 2015 at 10:29 PM
This message has been deleted by Babahara. Reason: wrong thread
Mad Poster
#19 Old 24th Mar 2015 at 11:36 AM
Wants and free will. And yes, sometimes some compatability as well which is secondary like Sunbee says. I keep track of ideal numbers of kids and I use it to help me decide and steer but often they override me

I let them get together with terrible matches, it's more interesting that way.


Co sleeper for babies/toddlers, and teen career overhaul (also custom schools) Plus! TS2:UNI careers enabled for teens: Here at simbology
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