Chapter Two

Chapter two: Regret.



Stilly, Mei-Lin sat on the sofa. Her almond-shaped eyes were open, but the rest of her body —even her breath— was so calm that she could have been asleep. Without moving a hair, she gazed at the television, and the flickering pictures it produced. Yet, she did not really see them – what happened in the documentary she was watching, was a mystery to her. Her mind was working overtime.

She had made too many mistakes in this life. ‘I have done many wrong things. First, I did them for Motoko.’

A shudder broke her statue-like posture. Shakingly, she ran her fingers through her hair, hair that had once been as black as tar. She had dyed it red, to perhaps forget the Mei-Lin of the past... the bad memories...

‘Then, I hurt others by making the same mistakes... thinking I could finally make decisions for me, for myself... it was wrong...’



She remembered marrying Rush, one sultry eve in May. They had been all alone; except for two brown moths, that playfully darted around the only source of light – caramelised, golden strings coming from a miniscule candle. Her wedding dress had been softer than silk, and Rush’s eyes were her safe beacon. Every time her own mirthful stare strayed, immediately, she was drawn back to those pools of vivid violet.

Before, she had thought that happiness was not for her. Always, she had felt fear, trickling through her body and climbing up her throat with a bitter taste. But Rush was the one who could sincerely make her smile, and momentarily forget that painful past...



“Do you promise, Mei-Lin? Will you stay close to me forevermore, married like dust to a broom? Will you keep holding on to my heart, instead of one belonging to a random pig?”

His words had made her giggle. They made her blush, and they made her melt. She thought of the day, that Motoko had told her to fetch a heart. ‘I do not have a heart, I am without. Please get me one my little Mei, please!’ And she had obeyed, like the little lovesick puppy she was. However, she could not murder as ruthlessly as the doll... so, she had asked for a pig’s heart at the local butcher’s. It was there that she had met Rush.



What a song those words were to her, now. “Will you keep holding on to my heart?” He had spoken them desperately, like a dying bird. Already she had imagined his heart, throbbing on her palm.

But she had promised him: “Yes, I will.”

It had been a lie.

Why had she thrown away her happiness so easily – she could pretend it was just like the saying, ‘You don't know what you’ve got till it's gone’ and that she was not to blame for it. That it was not her fault... although, deep down inside she knew it was, and the perpetual gnawing of guilt ate up her insides.



Mei-Lin puckered her lips, still not registering anything that played before her on the telly. She remembered Nathaniel’s birth and growing up, raised by two loving parents whose hearts were connected by that one promise.



She also remembered the day she picked up Ali for the first time... her sweet, darling Ali. A rather helpless girl, the daughter she had desired so badly.



By that time, things had already began going awfully wrong...



Mei-Lin had started ripping her promise apart. Her frankness had started pouring out, leaving it like paint flaking off the wood.



Even though Rush was the one to gently press his hand against her tummy when once again, she could not sleep at night. Because nightmares spun wildly through her cranium, or because she saw Motoko crouched in every nook and cranny.



Even though he held her when she shook with pure fright, and helped gathering old sheets when she covered all the mirrors (to prevent her from seeing the doll’s reflection there).



“Motoko is gone, she returned to her dead mates... all is well honey.”



Only Rush was the one she believed... and only Rush was the one who believed her.



... and she, had ruined it all.

Chapter three

Thank you so much, Bethan and Mearii <3

Here is chapter 3... hope the writing is decent, I feel just as woozy as Mei-Lin does in this chapter. xD

More flashbacks. ^^

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Chapter three: Estranged.



She alone sat peacefully in the evening grey, her clammy hands resting on her kneecaps. A black bottle of wine stood near her feet, plus a crystalline glass still filled with bitter red. Even though it was full and seemingly untouched, Mei-Lin had already had her share of alcohol tonight – quite a few glasses had been downed by her, and her head was feeling rather woozy.

‘I shouldn’t have drunk so much, liquor is bad bad bad!’

But the temptation had been irresistible and made her succumb with its claws, like a bird capturing its prey.



From the corner of her half-closed eyes, she glared at Rush, who was playing the piano as if nothing was amiss. The lovely tunes he produced chimed loudly in her drunken mind, causing her to feel more aggravated with the second.



“I hate how you act like nothing is wrong,” she grumbled, fiercely biting her lower lip. Blood welled up and flowed onto her spiteful tongue.

Her husband always remained calm, so easily composing his irritations and anger. The two of them could scarcely go a day without quarrelling now, and even though arguments supposedly are good for relationships, they were close to bloodshed. Their marriage currently resembled a glass cage about to break into millions of shards.

Mei-Lin harrumphed, creasing a handful of her top’s hem in her palm.



In the room beside this one, Keiko was slowly dancing with her new boyfriend, a guy named Grayson. Distracted, Mei-Lin watched their feet shuffling about the old wooden floorboards, and the overhead lights playing with their slender bodies. She felt slightly envious of her friend.



‘Ugh, why aren’t I happy? Keiko finally found someone again, after I stole Rush from her.’



Dully, she studied Keiko’s copper eyes, glittering with happiness. How long had it been since she first met that girl, in her disgustingly-decorated apartment? It must have been fifteen years. She had felt so awkward, surrounded by the most atrocious dolls and trinkets that served no use whatsoever. Especially because she had hoped to spend some time alone with Rush, the boy she liked so much. She snorted.

‘I am never happy with anything, am I? No wonder Motoko started to loathe me.’



At that moment, a sudden feeling of awareness chilled her slouched frame. She was being watched, and when she turned her opaque eyes sideways, they met Grayson’s.

“Be right back, babe,” she heard him say to Keiko, after snuggling his nose in her warm neck.

“Alright, pumpkin,” Keiko purred. She tiptoed to the piano, and complimented Rush on his excellent musical skills.





Keeping her pallid face expressionless, Mei-Lin waited until Grayson had waltzed his way towards her, and then stood up.



“How I love Asian chicks,” he chuckled quietly. His sultry, burgundy irises travelled from her bosom to her thighs, before moving back to her face. She felt her skin tingle. “... and my, aren’t you a hottie.”

Mei-Lin pouted slyly, and teasingly rubbed a piece of fabric of his shirt between her fingers. “Why thank you, you aren’t that bad either.” She loved playing this deceptive parade, her heart thudding in her chest of the fact that her husband was actually very near. Grayson’s deep voice was like an unsung serenade that made the world spin around her. She had really missed this... love and attention.



Before she knew it, the handsome man before her had scooped her into his embrace, pressing his lips unto hers. She could do nothing but give in, and did not know whether it was all the alcohol that made her act so carelessly. Nevertheless, she wanted it all the same.



It took not long for them to stumble outside, and collapse on a bench in the courtyard. The kiss had left her trembling, and it had been almost impossible for her to stand on her legs – they kept wobbling and buckling away from her.

‘This must be a dream,’ she thought, but there was not much time to think. Grayson had dragged her down, helped her break all those bindings and promises she made to Rush. Finally, she was free – free from his hands, his stern words, his loveless body. She could not remember when Rush had last cuddled her, or made love to her the way Grayson now did. He was cold, uncaring.



However... who was really to blame for that?