The Scumthorpe Files

Chapter 2 "Time Trap".

The morning following the storm, the sun rises over a rain-washed St Fred's. In her office, Dr Evadne Scumthorpe has important 'family matters' to discuss.

'Last night Polybius, I had almost persuaded myself that I was dealing with a little girl, and not a boy, as I had first thought. Until you told me your name. That set my thinking back a bit! Perhaps we ought to clear the matter up before we proceed to your story'.

'Oh, of course - my name! I didn't think about that, no wonder you were confused. Well, I am a girl alright. It was my Uncle Claudius who gave me that name, and my other one too: Augustina. He's a bit odd is my Uncle, although he's a decent enough fellow. And anyway, my friends usually call me Polly'.

'I'm glad to hear it. Not that I have anything against boys, mind you, but it does ... simplify matters. And I think I approve of Polybius and Augustine too: they seem to suit you very well. I am aware that the less educated branches of our family have a penchant for giving children unfortunate and inappropriate names, but I sense that those names were given with some thought and care. Well, anyway, to your story, I am all ears, as they say'.

'Okay. But I don't think you're going to believe it'.

'Well, why don't you try me. I'm a Scumthorpe remember, I've probably heard stories just as strange, or even stranger. But I shall sit silent and listen without interruption: that is always the best approach, I find'.

'Well here goes then. I was born in a place called Oasis Landing'.

'I don't expect you will have heard of it. In fact from your point of view - mine too, now - it doesn't even exist: won't exist for a few hundred years I should say. I'm not even sure how far I have come ... back.

'My parents ... well, they didn't have much time for me. Like I said, they never even bothered to give me a name! But I was much happier living with Uncle Claudius: he can be a bit of an old grump sometimes, especially when he's busy and doesn't want to be disturbed. But he's got a kind heart and he makes me laugh. He's a scientist, by the way, a brilliant one I think. Though as I say he is rather - odd'.

'Anyway he said I could be his lab assistant and learn all about science and stuff. I liked that! And we had a lot of fun together: we would go off on long jaunts into the strangest places, looking for specimens and materials that he used in his experiments. He said I had a rare knack for finding stuff. One day we found something very odd. Big too - Uncle had to hire a contractor to get it back to the lab, and we had to remove part of a wall to get it inside. I didn't have a clue what it could be, it was just a big metal box with a door in it. But Uncle said it was a primitive time machine. It looked as if it had had several not too careful owners, but it still worked as far as he could tell'.

'Uncle Claudius has a friend called Emit Relevart. I'm not sure what his exact job is, he's not a Professor or a Doctor, like most of his other friends, but he does know a lot about time travel. Well, everybody in Oasis landing knows about time travel. I told Mr Relevart that I wanted to be a time traveler, and he said I might if I work hard at my lessons. And I'd have to wait a few years too, because children can't use the time Portals. Nobody seems to know why.

'Anyway, Mr Relevart came over to our lab to examine our machine. He told us it was a very old one, and was a technology which is banned by the Temporal Control Authority: it was flawed in some way. He said it should be decommissioned so it could go in the Science Museum'.

'Well, I suppose Uncle would have gotten around to it eventually. But he is always so busy, what with one project or another. And he is so absent minded at times'.

And I didn't see any harm in having a look at it. I did find the thing after all, so why shouldn't I take a peek inside?'

'After what Mr Relevart said about the Portals not working for children, I didn't think this thing would either. Well I was wrong, it did work! But I'd say it wasn't working the way it should do, because when I stepped inside I felt like I was being pulled apart, stretched out in all directions. I thought that if I didn't die, I would come out looking like some horrible freak'.

'Fortunately I seemed to be the right shape, and all in one piece when I did emerge. But I couldn't imagine where I'd got to. At first I thought I was in some sort of laboratory, but nothing like Uncle's: it seemed to be outdoors for one thing. And I couldn't figure out what half that equipment was supposed to be for'.

'I had a good look around, and I soon realized that it was all fake. That science stuff was just bits of metal and plastic cobbled together. Even the buildings were fakes: just plywood, plaster and paint. There didn't seem to much point in any of it at first, but then I realized it must be some kind of old fashioned movie set. I'd seen something like it before, in the Arts Museum. Actually I found it all rather fascinating: I thought it might be fun to make movies that way'.

'I suppose that even if I had been paying attention to what was going on, I couldn't have done much about what happened next.

'From what I've learned about time travel, from Uncle Claudius and Mr Relevart, I'm pretty sure that time machine shouldn't have been doing what it was doing'.

'And where it had gone? Into the past or into the future? Or into another dimension altogether? I'll probably never know.

'Uncle always says a good scientist should always keep a level head: think things out logically. But logic didn't seem to be of much use in the circumstances. Logic only told me I was stuck here with no possible means of getting back. And even if Uncle Claudius or Mr Relevart could come after me, and figure out a way to allow me to use the Portals, where would they look? I could be any place; in any time. It would be like looking for a needle in a haystack. A lot worse, in fact'.

'I try not to be a cry baby, Dr Scumthorpe. I try to be brave. But I don't mind admitting that I was more than a little upset.

'Well I think I must have gone a little crazy after that. I remember some angry man coming out and telling me to clear off: something about the 'tour' not starting for another two hours. I seem to remember wandering about aimlessly, worrying about how desperate Uncle Claudius must be. And the poor old dear would probably blame himself for not fixing that machine. But it was my own stupid fault, not his!'

'Anyway eventually I found myself it some kind of park. It was very nice there: and I ran into a bit of luck too. There were lots of people about cooking food. It was something called a Grillathon, they said. And they were just handing the stuff out to anybody who was there! Well, I didn't say no: I was pretty hungry by that stage.

'I think it was the food that brought me back to my senses, set me thinking straight. It knew it was a long shot, but I wondered if there might not be a time Portal in this place. I didn't think it likely that it would work even if there was, but it was something to try. I asked two men if they had ever seen anything like that. They were friendly enough, but not too bright. One of them said he thought he remembered seeing something like I was describing, "away over yonder," as he said. They weren't particularly good at giving directions, those two. Eventually tho', after crossing a lot of muddy fields and and clambering over a lot of hedges, I found the place they meant. And it was a Portal too, but I was right not to get my hopes up too high, because it didn't work'.

'Well, you know the rest. It was dark by that time, and it had come on to rain pretty heavily. I looked about for some place to get in out of it, and found my way here. And that's the truth Dr Scumthorpe, every word of it, believe me'
.

'I do believe you Polybius. I've been a teacher long enough to know when a child is lying to me. And why would you lie about all that, when you could just as easily have made up some more plausible story? And besides, there is a certain ... look about you Polybius: I don't quite know how to describe it, but I feel that you would never lie to me.

'No I wouldn't. Uncle says lying is cowardly and a betrayal of the human intellect'.

'Well, he's right. The more I hear of this Claudius Scumthorpe, the more I like him. And don't despair Polybius, he won't give up on you: I imagine he loves you very much. Providence brought you to my door, and the same providence may bring him here too. Although I never thought the day would come when I should welcome the appearance of another Scumthorpe!.

'But for now, we must consider what's best to be done. The answer is obvious, of course: there is no other place for you to go, so you must remain here at St Fred's. I am quite sure that you will like it here. But you must change your name I'm afraid. Another Scumthorpe at St Fred's is bound to attract attention. You say your friends call you Polly, well I'm sure you have plenty of friends here.

'Now if you go through that door you will find my private bathroom. I want you to bathe, brush your teeth, brush your hair and make yourself presentable. I have left clothing laid out for you in there, which I trust will be to your liking. To tell the truth, it was all we had available.

And so, dear reader, we must bid farewell to Polybius Scumthorpe, at least for a while.

And we must welcome Polly Grimshaw.

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