I think you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. It's true that sometimes your experimentation can lead to routing problems. But that's fixed by testing in live mode. I really think you're a great builder. I couldn't do what you do, and if I could even come close, it would take me weeks or months! I think we all have our own talents. And maybe in the contest, people adapted more to one vision, who knows, but don't be so demanding of yourself. There are also unspoken factors that influence these kinds of contests, like popularity or how well-liked a user is. It's normal. Ultimately, it's about having a good time and all the new things that come with it.

Regarding life and death, and how these sudden news stories leave us in such a state of bewilderment. The truth is, it's painful, and the best thing is to let your feelings out however they come and process them. If you need to cry, or be with yourself, or whatever it is you need, do it. These years have been very cathartic on a spiritual level for most of us; many cycles have ended, and many of us have suffered significant losses and moments that feel like they've pushed us to our limits. I understand what you're going through.

Joy had not happened for me during that contest. Maybe will happen next time. Once I'll have more chance, I'll try myself again.

Well, I promised to share something in a week and I failed it. But I will do it evetually anyways.