Cy looked up from her book in astonishment when the telephone rang. She reached out and picked it up, then peered at the caller ID. Noticing that it was Ophelia calling, she smiled and flipped the phone open.

“Hey, Lia,” she said warmly. “What’s up?”

“Cy, I’m going to need your expert fashion help. I’m going prom dress shopping, and I need your help picking out a good dress,” Ophelia responded.

“Prom dress shopping? I didn’t think that was your think.”

“I’m running for Prom Queen. Thought it was time someone besides the usual gang of idiots ran, you know?”

“When were you planning to go shopping?”

“Thursday afternoon, maybe.”

Cy smiled a little and responded, “How about if you stop over here first and see if maybe there’s something I can dig up from my closet that you’ll like?”

“Sure.”

“Great,” Cy replied.

“Oh, by the way,” Ophelia added, “I was thinking… maybe you’d like to go with me?”

“Sure, but won’t you be embarrassed to be seen with me? Do you want me to dress like a guy for this?”

“Why would I be embarrassed to be seen with you? I love you! And you can dress however you want. If you want to dress like you normally do, go for it. I don’t care what anyone says or thinks.”

Cy grinned and said, “Thanks, Lia. Just remember to stop over here Thursday. I might be able to find something you’ll like better than most of the junk in those stores.”


“Hey, Mom,” Tiffani said, flopping onto the couch. “I have a question.”

“Sit up straight. Don’t slouch,” her mother said firmly. “Now, what’s your question?”

“Well,” Tiffani replied, adjusting her position, “I was hoping maybe you could give me some advice on how to win Prom Queen. I mean, since you did win and all.”

“Oh, you’re running? I’m so proud of you, darling. Maybe you won’t be such an embarrassment to me after all!”

“Right. So, uh, can you give me any tips?”

“Sure. First of all, dig up any dirt you can find about your opponents. Eating disorders, cutting, drugs… stuff like that is always good. So are affairs, especially with teachers. Then, make sure people find out, but also make sure that you can’t be tracked down as the source.”

“Wait, aren’t there any more… you know… fair ways to win?” Tiffani asked.

“All’s fair in love and war, dear, and this is a battlefield. Unless, of course, you want to lose.”

“No, I want to win. Fine, tell me more.”


“Mom, can you give me some advice?” Emily asked.

“Sure,” her mother replied, turning off the television and setting the remote control aside. “What’s on your mind?”

“I’m running for Prom Queen,” Emily said slowly, “and I was thinking maybe you could give me advice about how I could maybe gain an advantage over the others.”

“Be nice,” her mother replied immediately. “A lot of these so-called popular girls are pretty darn mean. If you’re nice to people, it’ll stand out, and people are more likely to remember you and vote for you.”

Emily considered this for a few seconds, and then said, “Did you ever win as Prom Queen?”

“Of course not. I’d never participate in such popularity contests. It’s ridiculous.”

Emily rolled her eyes and responded, “Thanks, Mom.”

“But seriously, try being nice. It’ll help! Where’s your brother?”

“He’s hiding from me and the telephone and the computer because he doesn’t want to take anyone’s side. Again.”

“What in the world…?”

Emily shook her head and replied, “Don’t ask. It’s a long story.”


“Hey, Mom,” Angela chirped, watching her mother prepare dinner. “Can you give me some advice?”

Her mother immediately set down the utensils and turned to her daughter. “Yes?” Edna replied. “What do you want to know?”

“I’m running for Prom Queen. Do you have any idea of how I could win?”

Edna sighed and replied, “Darling, you know how I feel about those sexist popularity contests.”

“Yeah, I know you don’t approve of them and all, but I thought maybe you could tell me how whoever won at your prom did it.”

“I don’t even remember,” Edna replied. “I think maybe it was this snobby blonde girl named Elizabeth who was mean to everyone. I didn’t like her very much; very few people did. I don’t even think her best friend liked her. Trust me, sweetie, you don’t want to take part in this kind of thing. It’s degrading to women.”

“Mom, I’m old enough to make my own decisions,” Angela argued.

“You’ve been making some awfully bad ones lately,” Edna countered.


Jill walked into the kitchen and sat at the table. “What’s up?” she asked.

“Mom won’t help me be Prom Queen,” Angela whined.

Jill shrugged and replied, “Well, I was Prom Queen back when I was a senior, so I could help you.”

“Oh, Jill, don’t encourage her,” Edna sighed.

“It’s not going to hurt her, honey. It’ll be a good experience for her,” Jill replied. To Angela, she said, “Okay, first thing is to make sure you look good. If you look good, people are going to remember you and want to vote for you. Second, give stuff out. Candy, t-shirts, whatever. It’s technically bribery, but it’s allowed. And third…” Here, Jill leaned in close and whispered to Angela, “Properly placed padding or a Wonderbra never hurt.”

“Jill, you’re getting to be a bad influence,” Edna scolded.

“That’s the same way I got a second and third date with you,” Jill countered, grinning.

Edna sighed and replied, “This is one of those ‘Do as I say, and not as I do’ type things, Angela.”

“You know, with such great role models, it’s a miracle I’m not totally screwed up in the head,” Angela mused.